Expensive hen do - what to do?!

[TeddyIsaHe]

My best friend of 27 years is getting married in January.

Her sister is organising her hen do and it is absolutely bonkers how much it’s going to cost. Weekend away in a manor house, booking an entire restaurant for dinner one night, cocktails in London, and then brunch at v pricey place on the Sunday.

I’ve calculated and it’s going to cost nearly a GRAND per person. That’s insane right? I cannot afford it (single parent, not a huge amount of spare cash due to covid). Even getting the train and going for the dinner will be £250+.

How do I get out of this without hurting my friend.

I have been railroaded in to these expensive hen trips away before and am much more assertive about declining now. I can well believe the £1k cost too.

Be firm and polite and it should be fine.

My super rich friend did this...

I know a WAG who did this... but she paid for the whole thing so all her friends could be there.

Otherwise, it’s just really inconsiderate.

How are the plans being communicated to you? If email, hit Reply All and say - All sounds lovely, but unfortunately beyond my budget. I could do just the cocktails, or I'm happy to meet the bride for a pre-wedding supper. Have a great time!

You might find other people are massively relieved too.

It’s via a WhatsApp group. I only know 3 of the women going. So I think I’m just going to stick it on there that it sounds lovely, but out of my price range. Who knows, it might spark a few more to agree!

The bride and her family are well off (wedding is costing £50k ) but not all of her friends are minted!

I will suggest a smaller dinner in London if there’s a few who agree about price.

Say your bit and then say nothing else. Be completely charming. Maybe make a separate WhatsApp group later for others who are in the same boat as you. Do not upset the bride's sister! I'm sure you wouldn't mean to, but she probably thinks her plans are completely reasonable

@Miner49er she definitely does! I think she may be slightly in a dream world tbh.

Good luck op. Let us know how it pans out.

and its not just the hen night. .50k sounds like a posh wedding. ..wedding present, new frock, cabs/night in hotel etc all adds up.

Yeh don’t suggest a separate hen on the group msg, you will look bad. Just say cunt you out/beyond budget...honestly others will follow. Plans will change

People are so stupid when planning hens, it’s always better to have more people, which means lower costs.

Count you out* bloody autocorrect!!!

Always best to be honest, no one can be cross if you can't afford something. As others have said I'm sure you won't be the only one!

I think politely declining in the Whats app group and explaining to your friend is the way to go.

Tell her you’d love to take her out for dinner and drinks because you can’t make the hen party.

And DON’T feel pressured into spending more than you can afford!

Wow a grand for a hen party? They are insane.

I really dislike the fact that hen dos have gotten so expensive and outlandish. I did an activity, meal and night out in my home city. I have a comfortable life but appreciate that some of my friends and family don’t. There’s no way I’d pay £1000 for a hen do!

So I think I’m just going to stick it on there that it sounds lovely, but out of my price range.

Yes, that is a good idea. Then remove yourself from the WhatsApp group. I suspect others will drop out as well.

[quote TeddyIsaHe]@Miner49er she definitely does! I think she may be slightly in a dream world tbh.[/quote]
Did you post in the group OP?

How times change. Mine was a drinks at home, limo, Chinese buffet, dodgy 80s club, and chips on the way home. Fab night and not hugely expensive.

That's crazy. Some people are on a different planet. Did you send the message OP?