Asked not to be a bridesmaid due to IVF treatment.

[LemonCakeYum]

Hi all,

I would like some thoughts on my current situation. My friend has just asked me to not be a bridesmaid anymore for her wedding this October. Her reasons are that since myself and my husband are currently having IVF, I can't attend her hen do during July as I'm socially isolating (apart from going to work). She said due to not being able to go for dress shopping/ not knowing if the dress will fit it makes it awkward for her and doesn't think it's what she wants. ( I offered that she could post me the dress and I that I would pay for any amendments) My other friends are furious on my behalf. Im close to ditching this friend, as I know she wants a baby also so I feel this may be a jelous move. For myself and my husband this is our first try and so excited, and I feel like I'm being punished for in her words "making choices that don't fit in with her special day".

Thanks,
Louise B

I'd be thankful not to. She sounds very self absorbed. People should choose bridesmaids that mean something to them, not just because they would look good in a dress. You're not a photo prop.

Oh and good luck woth the ivf. I've had teo treatments and I know it can be such a consuming worrying time. I hope you get your wish granted.

I also agree that you've had a lucky escape. You can get on with your life, enjoy the wedding for one day, and not get sucked into the obsessive attention seeking and drama that is going to proceed it.

Shread!

If that was my friend she'd be shredded. She's not worth your time or effort.

Concentrate on you and I really hope your IVF is successful.

Probably had a lucky escape here I think. It’s only going to get worse.

I would bin her as a friend as PPs have said. Get on with your life and good luck!

What an absolute bitch. She should be supporting you.

The practical issues can be sorted as you say - you’ve offered to get the dress amended. I have no idea what her problem is but you deserve better.

Good luck with your IVF

Wow who needs enemies me with mates like that

Get rid of her, OP. She's not a friend. Unless you think she's worth one shot at a very frank conversation to give her a final chance to see the error of her ways. But don't feel obligated.

If they were going through a big thing in their personal life, I wouldn't have minded if my bridesmaids had turned up in sackcloth and ashes. She thinks her friends are fashion accessories. She is not treating you like a human being, let alone a friend.

She’s not your friend. Bow out and use the time to focus on yourself; sounds like she will be a Bridezilla anyway! All the best with IVF 💐

Lucky escape. You dont need her inevitable drama hanging over your head while you are undergoing IVF.

I think she's shown her true colours

Look at the positive, it’s sounds like a potential bridezilla has given you a perfect escape with no fault on your side. I’d grab it with both hands. IVF can be stressful so having one less thing to deal with (ie bridezilla) is good for you.

Don’t be surprised if in the next few months Bridezilla phones you up to slag off her remaining bridesmaids and expects sympathy. Just make appropriate noises and smile to yourself that you had a near miss.

I have been through IVF and I think she has a point. You won’t feel like helping her, as IVF has a tendancy to focus your mind- everything else seems unimportant especially if your first transfer /cycle fails. Ovulation inductions are painful and can take days to recover from. Hormones (plus other meds) make you bloated and exhausted. Only you know your friend but I think she might be doing you a favour

I think you’ve had a lucky escape. I’d ditch the friend too and not go to the wedding, anyone who puts clothes above a friend’s life priorities, nah, not a true friend.

Good luck with finding better friends and the IVF.

Thanks everyone, nice to hear it's not me being over top sensitive. Your right she's not worth it, going to back right off. I'm not going to wedding as a guest anymore as there's no point carrying it on any longer.

Thank you for nice wishes about the IVF

Just think of it this way, she will probably turn into a terrible Bridezilla. You're better off without her

Oh how horrible. You are definitely better off without her. Hope your ivf goes well.

Weddings bring out the worst in people. One of my closest (I thought) friends and I stopped being friends as a result of her wedding. Admittedly, as DH has reminded me repeatedly, there had been multiple signs that she wasn't as good a friend as i thought she was previously, but her behaviour around her wedding was just so batshit and insensitive that it caused an irrevocable rift. Hilariously... I apologised for the one thing i'd done that hurt her feelings and basically she told me that she couldn't get over it etc etc and that nothing she'd done was even slightly wrong. That was it.

Weirdly, I haven't missed her... (although i do think about her).

What an awful person.
And hey, I wouldn’t be sure an October wedding can happen this year anyway.

Silly cow. You've had a lucky escape!

I’d thank her for letting me know and decline the wedding invitation too, UNLESS perhaps it’s local/convenient, you live near each other with lots of mutual friends who meet up as a group so will be likely to see her as part of a group, in the future.

Wouldn’t discuss the situation with mutual friends.

Crikey! I’d consider binning a bridesmaid tantamount to (a) ending a friendship (b) in the most deliberately hurtful matter possible.
Giving you an out if it’s too much commitment would be ok but she’s just telling you to get to fuck.

She sounds a delight. Hopefully you won’t get invited to any other weddings she has.

I agree, weddings bring out the worst, people forget it's about them as a couple, not putting pressure on friends and family. It's a wedding day not a wedding year