Help dealing with family members please!

[Bridetobe920]

Our wedding is in 6 months time, we’ve only just started planning so didn’t bother sending save the dates, we’ll send out invites in a few weeks.
So far I’ve text 3 relatives the date to put on their calendars. One didn’t respond at all (to 2 texts), one said they might go on holiday (not yet booked) so are unsure and the last one said it’s their daughters birthday the following week so they might have plans on the day of our wedding.
I was upset at these reasons as I would make the effort to attend theirs. I have a feeling the first 2 aren’t attending because we can’t invite their partners to the whole day, but have said they can come to the reception. I didn’t think that was unusual, me and DP have been to full day weddings separately and the other has attended the reception. We have a tight budget and don’t even know their partners.
I’m tempted to just revoke the invitations rather than wait to see if they can be bothered to come before I can figure out my numbers for food etc. But I’m also worried we’ll end up with no guests. These are relatives I didn’t even think would not attend, let alone with the excuses they’ve given.

What would you do?

Hmm, tricky! Are others putting pressure on you to invite them? My feeling is that if you see so little of those relatives that you haven't met their partners, just invite them all to the evening. Save your day invitations for people you know want to share your special day!

FWIW I don't think I'd go to a wedding to which my partner hadn't been invited - I'd much rather we were both just invited to the party at night.

Are they having to travel to get to the wedding location? It's not so bad if it's local and you can just get on with normal stuff until the evening but different if you've got to entertain yourself some where different.

If they are young or much older they may feel uncomfortable attending part of the event without their partner.

You are much better off working out how many couples you can invite for the day and how many additional ones for the evening and invite on that basis. You've not sent the invites yet so they're not technically invited to anything yet.

I wouldn't invite anyone to attend on their own unless you know they will have people to talk to. Nothing worse than not knowing anyone other than the B&G or being the only one of a group who's not got a partner with them.

I wouldn't book anything for 6 months time right now!

To answer a few questions, those invited minus partners are sisters and their mother and grandparents are invited too. So they won’t be alone. The one who might be busy with her DD’s birthday is invited with her 2 DC.
The wedding is about an hour away from where they live so they won’t need to book hotels or anything.
The dilemma is more about whether I should just not bother inviting them because they don’t seem bothered about attending... I’d like them to come it obviously can’t force them.
My DP not being invited to the whole day wouldn’t and hasn’t stopped me from attending people’s weddings. Suppose everyone’s different though.
I have kept in mind those who don’t know others, they will be getting plus ones.

@Hercwasonaroll it’s all already booked, deposits paid etc. Will look into insurance.

Are they married to their partners, or with the children's father?

Depends on how you define ‘ partner ‘ really. I wouldn’t go to a wedding if my partner wasn’t invited, but we’ve been together for five years. I suppose if it was more casual it might be different. Doesn’t really sit well.

@AntMansVan one has children with her partner. Still... don’t really want to use our budget paying for meals for people we don’t know.

@Runmybathforme you wouldn’t go to a family members for the full day if your partner could join you for the reception? I have done this for a family member. My DP was a groomsman for his best friend last year and I was only invited to the reception. It seems quite common to me.

I could possibly invite the partners with the relative who says she might be busy with her DD’s birthday saying she might not come. That would mean just crossing her and her children off our list but I was reluctant because I feel like it’s no worse than the one using the excuse she might go on holiday.... now I’m unsure if I should have invited the partners in the first place.

it’s all already booked, deposits paid etc. Will look into insurance.

If you didn't already have wedding insurance, I'm guessing it's too late to take it out now....

Are you supposed to get it before you book? I didn’t know. Only started booking a week ago.

I doubt you will get wedding insurance now.

I have always had save the dates around 12-18 months before the wedding.

People are not committing to anything because of the uncertainty with corona.

People do not want to attend wedding without long term partners.

It's a whole host of reasons, and yours seems to tick every box.

I've just read my post back. Didn't intend it to sound so blunt ! My apologies !

You don't know the person your sibling has children with?

@AntMansVan they’re not my siblings, they’re each other’s siblings.

Oh I see!

@whiskeylullaby2 it’s not about Corona, they don’t want to attend without their partners. That’s up to them. I also have valid feelings to be upset by that, given that I would attend a ceremony and meal without mine for them.

I’m wondering why people have only commented on the relatives who have partners not invited. Any advice on what to do with the one that might be busy with their daughters birthday?

You can't make people want to come to your wedding. To be honest, everyone has other more pressing things on their mind at the moment.

Are you close to them generally? Do you see each other regularly?

If they're cousins that you don't see often it could be that they just prioritise their child's birthday, they could be preemptively thinking about coronavirus, or they might be declining because their siblings are. Are they all close to each other?

The daughters birthday - is it a big birthday? Or 18/21 ? Seems a really odd reason tbh.

Does it fall on her actual birthday ?

I really wouldn't worry about it. Wait until they respond to the official invitation. If they don't want to come, that's on them. Don't try and accommodate them all. It's your wedding. 😊

The cousin who’s daughters birthday it is, isn’t related to the others who’s partners aren’t invited. Those have their whole family invited so not sure why they’d decline based on what one sibling is doing.
I’ve been close to them all individually at various times in our lives but obviously we’ve grown apart at times too, with moves, having children etc.
@whiskeylullaby2 no it’s not on her daughters actual birthday, it’s the weekend before a midweek day birthday so no reason they can’t celebrate another day. It’s a 16th birthday. I would understand if it was the day of an important birthday. Her children pretty much rule her, she’s made a rod for her own back with them but this is another level imo.
@willowpatterns I’m fully aware I can’t make people to want to come, hence my post asking if others would just take that hint and not invite. Also, this is the ‘weddings’ topic. Maybe take yourself off to the health boards to give advice.

I wouldn't say 16 was an important birthday. Unless you are in the states I guess!

@whiskeylullaby2 me neither!