Gift list wording- what's polite for 'no tat'

[StrongInside]

Hi,

Venue booked, biiiiig sigh of relief! I had a thread going a while back about how not to get 15 photo frames from our guests. The general consensus was to have a gift list with a store (John Lewis or elsewhere) and instead of putting a link to it on the invites, which seemed rude to me, we would give the link to those guests that ask.

I really don't want to be selecting a shopping list full of gifts- our home isn't big and we don't need anything new at the moment, certainly not enough to make a list long enough for all the guests to pick from.

So, can someone please help me to elegantly tweak/re-word, WITHOUT poetry, the following:

'As you all know, we have lived together for a long time and have all the plates, glasses, photo frames and vases that we have space for. You don't have to get us anything at all, but if you wish to give us something, a card or eating out vouchers would be gratefully received.'

I know for a fact that some family members will absolutely waste money on a pair of champagne flutes or glasses (we rarely drink and wouldn't use sentimental glasses anyway in case they break) or random ornaments/ candles to collect dust etc., but I'd like to minimise the amount of such tat. I just don't want to end up with a pile of eating out vouchers that expire within two months

Your constant referral to gifts as "tat" makes you sound snobby, OP. Like people wouldn't get you stuff you like or want.

You've got options:

No gifts - donate to charity instead.

Ask for cash for your honeymoon/gift card for 1 shop, don't dick about naming 3 p r4, just stick to one.

No gifts but graciously accepted anything you're given.

I think that the wording in your OP is polite and reasonable, @StrongInside. If I were you, I'd ask for John Lewis or Amazon vouchers.

If I was invited to a wedding, I'd rather get the bride and groom something they want and will find useful. I'm not a fan of asking for money, but JL/Amazon vouchers seem fine to me - illogical, I know.

Loads of good suggestions here. I just really think by specifying what you don't want, it's like saying "I know what kind of thing you will choose and it will be shit and I don't want it", whereas by suggesting something (cash, spending money, gift list, charity, whatever), it's just guiding people in the right direction and making it easy.

How about 'starting married life with everything we need (and have room for!)...'

That's better @Noeuf

Thanks Noeuf, that does sum up what I wanted to say.

@RebeccaCloud9 I see your point and I got the same feeling when reading what I wrote. It was as if I was listing things people were going to get and I was slapping it away. What's wrong though with saying what we have (not directly saying what we don't want) followed by what we want, i.e. vouchers?

I think asking for money is grabby, but like @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius , vouchers seem ok.

I know Mumsnet hates gift lists. But I'd rather receive one with your invite and get something you that you actually want instead of waste my money and your space on something you don't want or won't really appreciate

I get that you've live together already. But there must be stuff that you want or need. Maybe see it as opportunity to upgrade or get new of what you do use/ have regularly. Or the stuff which you want but can't really justify buying yourself

OP you will definitely get gifts whatever you write, dh and i got married alone and in secret with witnesses we didn't know and we still got wedding gifts even though we had ni party ect

You will never avoid tat. People who buy it don't think it's tat! So go safe and say presents aren't needed. You'll get cash and vouchers that way

@stronginside I think @noeuf 's idea with something along the lines of we have all we need, rather than specifying, is a neat and succinct way of putting it, gets the same point across.

Isn't it funny though, the amount of time and mental energy we all put into this wording, I wonder how many guests give it more than a second's thought?!

GoGoLego, that's the thing, we wouldn't mind gift cards so that we can go buy what we need and when we need it. I only really started this thread to get help with the wording. Yes, something we have will probably break or wear and tear by the time the wedding comes along, but we can't anticipate what that will be or wait for ages to get it replaced. I don't know how people compile their lists far in advance. If it's something small, like worn towels, we will just nip into Tesco or Asda instead of living with stained or torn towels until our wedding day, do you know what I mean. And if it's a new kitchen, well, we can't expect our guests to get us cabinets. I don't want to be compiling a list for the sake of it, so all I can think of is mentioning gift cards so that people don't get us random unwanted gifts.

@RebeccaCloud9 I know, right! All this time and energy to get the wording perfect, and we are probably still getting photo frames and 'live, laugh, love' signs. I guess growing up I was taught it's rude to ask for presents, and no one prepared me for the wedding gifts minefield!

And don’t get me started on requesting charity donations. Also rude as fuck
How on earth is that rude?

I can't remember the wording now but we said something about looking forward to seeing everyone and that we really didn't need anything but if anyone wanted to get anything a donation to our two nominated charities or John Lewis vouchers would be much appreciated.

@DappledThings I think because people would feel obliged to donate to a charity not to seem heartless, whereas they might not have brought a gift otherwise. Or they might want the couple to have something from them to feel part of their new life chapter.

I love receiving a wedding invitation. I hate receiving yet another John Lewis gift list.

Your wording seems just right to me, and I'd breathe a sigh of relief to not be faced with yet another online wedding present shopping farrago, where everything you'd like to buy in your price range has already gone and everything that's left is either horrid or ££££.

I think because people would feel obliged to donate to a charity not to seem heartless, whereas they might not have brought a gift otherwise

Really? We only put out the charity option because people insisted that guests always want to buy something so you have to give them a steer. I can't imagine anyone really felt guilted into spending more than they planned. They're daft if they did.

Do you have a garden OP, and do you have plans to landscape it any time in the near future? Vouchers for your local garden centre might be a nice idea.

So you just say NO GIFTS, PLEASE. You don't need anything, so say no gifts.

Thanks everyone. I've gone with @Noeuf
wording mixed in with mine. I'm remaining hopeful most of our guests will respect our wishes.

Oh you will have a wonderful day if you are putting this much effort into other people's feelings. I wish you a kettle free wedding x

Thanks Noeuf! Now, kettle, we could do with a new kettle😂

You'll have to come back after the wedding and update us with what you got @StrongInside

That will be so funny to discuss, if you are all still here!

If you want gift vouchers and things of that sort then make a registry (I believe Zola.com allows you to do this) and put them on their. That way people still have the structure of the registry without you accumulating stuff you don't need.
We used our registry as a way to "update" things that we had bought cheap or second hand when we moved in together as a way to get some a little nicer (coffee machine and bed sheets were what we were most excited for)