Gift list wording- what's polite for 'no tat'

[StrongInside]

Hi,

Venue booked, biiiiig sigh of relief! I had a thread going a while back about how not to get 15 photo frames from our guests. The general consensus was to have a gift list with a store (John Lewis or elsewhere) and instead of putting a link to it on the invites, which seemed rude to me, we would give the link to those guests that ask.

I really don't want to be selecting a shopping list full of gifts- our home isn't big and we don't need anything new at the moment, certainly not enough to make a list long enough for all the guests to pick from.

So, can someone please help me to elegantly tweak/re-word, WITHOUT poetry, the following:

'As you all know, we have lived together for a long time and have all the plates, glasses, photo frames and vases that we have space for. You don't have to get us anything at all, but if you wish to give us something, a card or eating out vouchers would be gratefully received.'

I know for a fact that some family members will absolutely waste money on a pair of champagne flutes or glasses (we rarely drink and wouldn't use sentimental glasses anyway in case they break) or random ornaments/ candles to collect dust etc., but I'd like to minimise the amount of such tat. I just don't want to end up with a pile of eating out vouchers that expire within two months

If you don't put a gift list (or request for cash / honeymoon fund or whatever), you will inevitably get lots of lovely gifts that people have chosen themselves... most likely photo frames, just married mugs, champagne flutes etc....
a gift list is easier for everyone and it is not rude to attach one to a wedding invite, it's expected. I far prefer just giving cash as I find it more convenient & appreciated.

I just don't want to end up with a pile of eating out vouchers that expire within two months but that’s what you’re asking for

Anyway I think you need to share the John Lewis list. I’ve been to quite a lot of weddings and I’ve never, ever asked for a gift list if it wasn’t supplied. It wouldn’t cross my mind that the couple had a list somewhere if they didn’t bother to include it in invitations.

If you want money that’s fine but you need to phrase it that it’s a contribution for something eg the honeymoon or for a new sofa or something.

Ask for a donation to a charity of your choice instead?

We both had a (small!) house each before we were married and didn't want any more "stuff". We requested a donation to Shelter or Oxfam if people really wanted to give. We also asked for a postcard or greeting card with a picture that was meaningful to the giver for us as a keepsake. Years later we have an album of lovely cards with pictures and messages that really mean something to us. That has lasted longer than household goods we didn't really need.

There is no way of ensuring this.

You accept the gifts graciously, write as enthusiastic a thank you note as you can muster, then take them to a charity shop. The wisest piece of advice I was given was "it is possible to love the giver dearly without loving the gift."

Honestly, the gift list is far easier for all concerned. You can put vouchers on your list for John Lewis if that’s what you want but just do the list.

As you all know, we have lived together for a long time and have all the plates, glasses, photo frames and vases that we have space for. You don't have to get us anything at all, but if you wish to give us something, a card or eating out vouchers would be gratefully received.

This is perfect, but I would take out the bit about the restaurant vouchers. You might end up with loads of £20/30 vouchers for different restaurants, and it will cost you a fortune to cover the rest of the bill, parking, babysitting etc.

So much better to keep it simple with vouchers for 1 or 2 stores that you can combine together.

There’s no polite way to say no tat please but I know exactly the sort of crap you mean The only polite thing is to request what you would like.

If you don’t need anything, why not just state no gifts please? Stick with the first part of your message about having everything you need and say you just want your guests there to celebrate the day with you. I think I’m in the minority on MN but I find wedding presents a bit grabby anyway.

@FraggleRocking I am with you in the minority.

sewingbea's idea is lovely!

Urgh hate wedding lists they always seem so grabby and it costs £££ to attend a wedding.

Charity donations are the perfect solution.

If you do say no gifts, I recommend asking for a charity donation. We asked for no gifts and didn’t ask for charity donations (as most of our guests had to travel across uk to be there) but almost everyone gave us money or a gift- everyone wanted to be generous so in retrospect we wish we’d directed that directly to a meaningful charity. (We are keeping the John Lewis vouchers we got though, very useful)

Gift list. Pick items at a range of prices so there is something for everyone.

If you really really really don't want them, return everything - or at collection just change it so something else that you actually want, for example consolidating all the small gifts into one big item. Or donate it all to charity - John Lewis gift list lets you do this.

Just remember to write down what the original gifts were so you can send thank-you cards mentioning them.

We didn't have a gift list, nor did we mention anything about gifts on the invites. People who asked, we just said we didn't want anything and to please not worry - just come and enjoy the wedding. We received cash and a couple of bottles of wine on the day. Perfect for us!

It's not rude to attach a link to a gift list irl. It's only on Mumsnet that people get worked up about this. Most guests will be 100% grateful that all they have to do is click on a link and pick something, job done.

It would be impossible to ensure no tat, because one person's tat is another person's treasure!

We said we didn't want any gifts, having previously lived together for several years. We said that if anyone did want to give us something then we'd love something towards the cost of a honeymoon, (as we couldn't afford one,) but were very clear that this was not expected. We just wanted people to come & have fun at our wedding, which was pretty small & informal.
We did still get given several gifts, including some tat though. And a couple of lovely ones.

Oh I love a gift list! Love nosing at all the things they've picked and then choosing my favourite while knowing that they'll like whatever it is and be happy. My DH wouldn't agree to have one as we already lived together and had everything we needed (I know, he was right!) but I'm still sad about not getting to wander round JL like a kid in a sweet shop!

We didn’t put anything in the invitations. The mothers and a few key people were primed to say cash when asked.

We got very few actual gifts, mostly cash and some Mexican and US currency.

Friends had a charity wedding list. We bought a goat for a village. Goat will be dead by now but I remember that goat more than any other wedding gift I gave.

@CountFosco but it's descendants might still be around! I like the idea of giving a goat, it probably lasts longer than most marriages.

I like the idea of saying that you really don't need anything and would love more than anything cards to keep as momento per @Sewingbea - inspired !

However it's true some folks will still want to give - one idea is to go to local shelter (women's/family/etc) and ask what they need in terms of clothes etc (socks shampoo T-shirt's underwear toys backpacks with essentials for those who are homeless /fled abuse etc) - you can then say if anyone truly wants to buy a gift you would love people to purchase something of x list and at end of night your (bridesmaid/aunt/bestman/dear friend etc etc - whoever you designate) will scoop up everything in table and donate to shelter

Everything on gift table that is

MN is weird about wedding gifts. Everyone I know sticks a card with the John Lewis list details or whatever in with the invitation. We included wording similar to what has been suggested on here saying no gifts necessary but if people want to get something here are some suggestions. We made sure there were lots of low priced items on there. Everyone bought a gift or gave money apart from one couple. Most people don't like turning up empty handed and a list makes life easy for the guests.

It's not rude to attach a link to a gift list irl. It's only on Mumsnet that people get worked up about this. Most guests will be 100% grateful that all they have to do is click on a link and pick something, job done.

^This

Nice problem to have. If you have lived together a long time then you could probably do with replacements of some things. things wear out, get broken or could be upgraded eg new bedlinen, sheets, china, glassware, pots and pans...