Gift list wording- what's polite for 'no tat'

[StrongInside]

Hi,

Venue booked, biiiiig sigh of relief! I had a thread going a while back about how not to get 15 photo frames from our guests. The general consensus was to have a gift list with a store (John Lewis or elsewhere) and instead of putting a link to it on the invites, which seemed rude to me, we would give the link to those guests that ask.

I really don't want to be selecting a shopping list full of gifts- our home isn't big and we don't need anything new at the moment, certainly not enough to make a list long enough for all the guests to pick from.

So, can someone please help me to elegantly tweak/re-word, WITHOUT poetry, the following:

'As you all know, we have lived together for a long time and have all the plates, glasses, photo frames and vases that we have space for. You don't have to get us anything at all, but if you wish to give us something, a card or eating out vouchers would be gratefully received.'

I know for a fact that some family members will absolutely waste money on a pair of champagne flutes or glasses (we rarely drink and wouldn't use sentimental glasses anyway in case they break) or random ornaments/ candles to collect dust etc., but I'd like to minimise the amount of such tat. I just don't want to end up with a pile of eating out vouchers that expire within two months

Thanks for your replies. To those suggesting a gift list, it's not just that I think they are hypocritical ('We don't want any presents, please just come along, but oh, we happen to have a shopping list for you '), and not just that I want guests to be able to hide their spend if they wanted to (buy something on sale rather than give us a specificly priced gift), but more importantly, we genuinely don't have a large home, have plenty of mugs, matching crockery, bedding, towels etc.

If something breaks or gets worn out between now and the wedding, we aren't going to wait for the wedding to get replacements. So I would genuinely struggle with compiling a list of enough things that will be reasonably priced (i.e. not a new kitchen) for all the guests to choose from.
And personally, I think it's plain rude to ask for honeymoon contributions. People will feel bad about giving a small amount, knowing that £20 isn't going to get us far on holiday, and with a small guest list (some work part-time, or have own weddings and holidays to save for), we wouldn't get enough for a hotel stay anyway.

Just to clarify, eating out vouchers were my first thought, then I came on here for other suggestions because I realised I could end up with too many expiring vouchers.

Floraloctopus, thanks, but I really don't feel that our wedding is a fundraiser. Never understood that idea, but to each their own.

Sewingbea, cards sound nice for the guestbook, I might steal that idea.

BarbaraStrozzi, brilliant advice, thanks!:)

Could I please get wording help for my original posted question, because this thread is already growing arms, legs and a tail, as it usually happens here on the boards. I'm not asking for pros and cons of gift lists, I've made up my mind. I will come up with my own shops to insert, like Amazon etc. I just need help with the wording.

We had a gift list that was all honeymoon experiences, days out, drinks etc.

We didn't put the gift list on the evening invitations, mainly due to mumsnet advice.

All of the evening guests got us typical wedding gifts that were almost all useless (either nice but unnecessary, or just tat) - I get the point of it being rude or tacky to suggest a present to evening guests, but no eve guest got us nothing, they all probably spent more time and effort finding a gift rather than just picking off the list, and almost all of those gifts are now just in boxes upstairs.
I just wish (and probably tr most of the eve guests wished!) that I'd just put the gift list on their invites.

Thank you BitchyArriver for answering my actual question, as always That's a good point re:vouchers. I remember receiving a hotel and breakfast voucher once, very excitedly. Until I realised the hotel was in a place quite far away, not my cup of tea and more importantly, was only bookable within two months on a weekday!

FraggleRocking, would love to say no gifts and leave it at that. But fact of life is, people won't turn up to a wedding empty-handed and WILL bring tat that will have no place in our home😕

Cyberworrier, can't remember if you mentioned this previously, but did you get a lot of the much-feared tat? I just hate the thought of people wasting money on something we don't need. But our wedding isn't a fundraiser and we give anyway what we can when we can to different ones, so if people are going to buy something, I'd like to like it😁

I do think the only way to get absolutely no tat is to say either 'absolutely no gifts' or 'absolutely no gifts but a charity donation to x'

Otherwise all your guests will be convinced that you don't mean it and they'll be the only rude ones turning up with no gift.

About 90% of our guests either have cash, vouchers or gifts. It was only a small wedding so wasn’t overwhelming but was more than we anticipated! And we definitely didn’t judge the people who actually ‘obeyed’/listened to our request, I really respected those people for listening! We had a couple of mugs etc/tat, but even the vouchers etc we found uncomfortable as our wedding involved travel/expense across UK for guests and we know they don’t have much disposable income, so we felt had people were out of pocket, when really we can afford what we want to buy for house etc! So when a relative did no gifts but charity donations and everyone made a donation, i thought what a good idea and wished we had done it! Everyone a winner.

*gave,not have

Amazon wish list, you can add things from everywhere not just amazon so just add gift cards from all the places you like

I do think the only way to get absolutely no tat is to say either 'absolutely no gifts' or 'absolutely no gifts but a charity donation to x

Sorry but with respect this is bullshit.

You will still get given tat with a ‘no gifts’ rule. In fact you will probably get MORE tat as guests will still try to bring something but will have no idea what to bring.

I would never attend a wedding empty handed, and I think many people are the same.

And it is the height of rudeness to specify ‘No Gifts’. Gifts are from the giver, you don’t preemptively refuse them. And don’t get me started on requesting charity donations. Also rude as fuck. Sorry.

Jeez @BitchyArriver so what ISN'T rude in your book? 😂

I agree with Bitchy, no way will people come empty-handed.

Does my line in the OP about having 'photo frames, vases etc. that we have space for' make it clear we are low on space for tat? Oooh, I should list mugs there too

I’d not say “...than we have room for” as it makes you sound feckless. Say you have “all you need” instead.

I agree, no gifts or ask for something small like a favourite plant for the garden or a favourite bottle of wine.

Have an insert headed 'gifts' and put

we are very fortunate to be starting married life with all the toasters, vases, pots and pans we need. Please don't let politeness add to our stash! We would be very grateful for a small voucher towards which we will use for something amazing to enjoy.

TakeANote, out of curiosity, why is 'all we need' better? I really want people to understand that we have no space for extra vases, mugs and photoframes, rather than saying we have all we need, because there is always someone that thinks, 'I bet they could do with one more/ a new one'. That's how I've ended up with 4 bathrobes from birthdays and Christmasses. Who needs that many!! We don't drink so alcohol isn't wanted, and I can't think of anything similar (we aren't readers, we have plenty of plants that we like to pick ourselves etc.). I like that idea though.

Noeuf, I'm trying to re-read it from a guest's point of view to see if the bit about politeness sounds clear enough.
Does anyone think it isn't?

And also, does the bit about politeness adding to the stash not make us sound like we are picky and rude gift receivers?

Op do you have any biggish items that need replaced?
Carpets, curtains, sofas, Tv's?

You could word it as we'd like to replace our xyz and would love some cash towards it.

If you have plans for a bigger house again you could say your currently hoping to move in the not to distant future and did like money to sort our new pad!

Alteraitively go with a small list from JL and hopefully you'll get some JL vouchers. Truthfully I was expecting within a year of the wedding and bought baby's first car seat with our vouchers.

I don't know. I'd be trying to acknowledge they are generous but keep it light hearted and honest.

we are very fortunate to be starting married life with all the toasters, vases, pots and pans we need. However we know that guests often like to bring a gift to celebrate Happy occasions. We don't have a gift list but we would be very grateful for a small voucher towards which we will use for something amazing to enjoy.

Random capital.

Has anyone put down a list of stores that they wouldn't mind gift cards from if guests wanted to give something and actually get gift cards or did people go and buy random stuff from those stores? Or as a guest, have you ever got an invite with suggested shop gift cards?

Invites are going out this week, just because I can't wait! I have re-worded the gift list section, does it read too long-winded now? The OP sentences started to look unfinished to me.

Should I list mugs as something we already have too or will they get the hint from 'plates, vases' etc.? It kind of reads like 'we don't need your tat' now! But I really reeeeeaally don't want anyone to waste their money on mugs etc. And we can't exactly give a personalised 'just married' mug or photo frame to charity.

'As you all know, we have lived together for a long time and have all the plates, mugs, glasses, photo frames and vases that we have space for. Your presence will make us really happy, so we have not created a gift list.
If you wish to give us something, a gift card for would be put to good use.'

Or is Noeuf's suggestion of 'we are very fortunate to be starting married life with...' a better starting sentence maybe? I really want to convey the message that we have no space for tat rather than just saying we have all we need. People will think of gifts like 'a big photo frame that you might not need but will really like' etc.

Hmm, I think listing tat items comes across as a bit insulting honestly. I think keeping it simple is really the best way.

But everyone has different views on this, I don't think you'll please everyone!

We didnt get any tat items from anyone who was given the gift list (honeymoon experiences) - just stating what you do want makes it clear what you don't want. Every single wedding I've been to in the last few years has stated cash please (with a few gift lists), and it has been simple and easy, with o one feeling they need to get something, anything, so bringing tat.

Ask for spending money for your honeymoon.

Put it in a polite way on your invitation(google it there'll be loads of suggestions)

If you don’t need anything, why not just state no gifts please? Stick with the first part of your message about having everything you need and say you just want your guests there to celebrate the day with you.

This doesn't work. I said no gifts for my 40th birthday, mainly because I finally got my hoarding tendencies under control now and threw out 75% of my stuff (maybe more). Every single person attending gave me a gift. Thankfully mostly shower gels, food and vouchers so no "stuff" but next time I'm going to ask for a donation to the medical charity of their own choice.