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Original poster

Toddler at wedding...

49 replies

Molly564 · 06/10/2019 18:16

Would it be rude if we left the wedding as the evening guests arrive to take DC (18 months old) back home to bed. We can’t afford to stay at the hotel where the wedding is and it’s a half an hour drive home.

OP posts:

WreathsAndRopes · 07/10/2019 10:03

Do you know anyone who is sta ying in the hotel? Could you put baby to sleep in their room and then collect when you want to leave and before they go to bed? With a baby monitor and frequent checks and only if the room is close to where you are, or with you and dh swapping throughout the evening watching.

user1471449295 · 07/10/2019 10:04

I would say it ms fine...until you added that you were a bridesmaid. I would be sad and disappointed if one of my bridesmaids left before the evening.

Teddybear45 · 07/10/2019 10:05

You are the bridesmaid so yes it is shitty. You either let your DP take the child home with you or keep him at the event and find a way to encourage them to sleep there. But then I come from a British Indian background where it’s often considered ridiculous for bridal party kids not to be part of the whole day - just put them in a pushchair with your parents and a mountain of colouring if they don’t sleep.

chuckeeee · 07/10/2019 10:06

You don't both need to leave. You're the bridesmaid so you stay

TokenGinger · 07/10/2019 10:08

You're a bridesmaid, you cannot leave the wedding and not stay for the evening reception.

Either ask your parents in they'd forfeit the evening and take DC home so you and DH can stay, or DH will have to leave early and you travel home with your parents.

Or save up some money to stay overnight. Presumably it's not a last-minute wedding so you may be able to budget/save for it, or book a Travelodge nearby and again let DH take DC back and you get a cab.

Mopmum35 · 07/10/2019 10:08

OP cant afford to stay at hotel, she's 30 mins away from home, doesn't sound much but a 30 min ride in a taxi will cost a fair bit so staying might not be an option. Obviously friends and family are there so from what I'm thinking they wont be able to take her home... she will have done her bit as bridesmaid, I don't see a problem with OP leaving.

holidays987 · 07/10/2019 10:12

Agree with previous posters. Taking toddler home before the evening do would be absolutely fine... except you're a bridesmaid. Since you accepted the invitation to be a part of the wedding I think you should stay near enough until the end of the party. And ask your partner to take baby home. If it's half an hour from your home, getting a taxi back later doesn't seem unreasonable.

AmIThough · 07/10/2019 10:16

Can you find a travelodge near the wedding venue?
It'd be fine if you weren't a bridesmaid.

AliasGrape · 07/10/2019 10:17

If your parents are at the evening do, can your husband not go home with the toddler and you get a lift/share a taxi home with parents?

yetanothernane · 07/10/2019 10:20

Personally I'd maybe stay for the first dance (assuming it's not late) and then go. My toddler wouldn't sleep In a corner and I'd be concerned people bumping into the pram when drunk or spilling wine on him.

Their is no set obligation for you to stay till 1 am or whatever time it winds down.

Just make the bride aware beforhannd and if your the only bridesmaid try to find someone on the evening to cover your bridesmaid duties... If such a thing exists!

As a bride I'd be much happier without a screaming miserable toddler throughout the evening do. Other parents will probably be doing the same!

fancytiles · 07/10/2019 10:29

Fine to do that if you're not a bridesmaid.

But you are, you will need to stay until the end. I would ask your DP to take toddler home then get a cab back at the end of the night.

AmIThough · 07/10/2019 10:32

I don't think you need to stay til the end
Just long enough for all the evening guests to see the full wedding party

PotteringAlong · 07/10/2019 10:34

You stay, DH takes toddler home definitely.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/10/2019 10:36

I'd be disappointed if I'm honest op, if my Bridesmaid had missed all of the evening do - first dance, cake cut, possibly evening speeches, a chance to finally unwind and have a dance withy best friends etc.

Does DH not drive? Can your parents not drop you off home later?

RachelEllenR · 07/10/2019 11:01

I'd be really disappointed if my bridesmaid had left so early. I'd take a buggy and try to get them to sleep and only leave if your child is upset.

Mummyshark2018 · 07/10/2019 11:28

Your dh should take toddler home or just stay home with the dc if him travelling back alone in the evening isn't possible.

BackforGood · 07/10/2019 16:42

plus a toddler round a load of drunk people...I wouldn't like that.

Nor me particularly, but by what leap of imagination have you decided that there will be a lot of drunk people there ?

GrapefruitGin · 07/10/2019 16:44

No it’s not rude however you are bridesmaid so maybe you could stay and your dp takes little one home.

Looneytune253 · 07/10/2019 19:42

Tbh I wouldn't leave that early, esp if you're bridesmaid. We went to a wedding in Scotland with our (then toddler) not someone we were close to and we left about 830/9pm for the 2 hour drive home. Toddler obv fell asleep on the journey home!!

misspiggy19 · 07/10/2019 19:47

You're a bridesmaid, you cannot leave the wedding and not stay for the evening reception.

^Ridiculous. She can leave whenever she wants.

Jellybum2019 · 22/10/2019 16:07

I went to a wedding last year with my 6 week old baby where I was bridesmaid, luckily my parents were also invited so they cared for her most of the day and evening, but I had an honest discussion with the bride to explain that if the baby was settled and could sleep through the music then I would stay as long as possible (we left just before midnight) but if the baby was clearly distressed and unsettled then I would be leaving earlier and she appreciated the compromise I offered and was happy with that arrangement. Slightly different with a toddler but it might be worth having an honest discussion with the bride to see how she would honestly feel if you left early - it might be that she completely understands or she might be frustrated that you can’t make alternative arrangements to ensure you are there til the end

StrongInside · 22/10/2019 19:05

Would be good to get some clarification from the OP re: why not get a lift back from parents/someone else while husband takes the toddler home, or taxi share (surely a 30 min ride won't cost OP much more than £10 if shared with other guests); why not find a Travelodge or Premier Inn advanced booking deal or a B&B; or have parents take the toddler home.

glg2108 · 22/10/2019 19:08

Why not just see how it goes? Your kid might surprise you with when they can stay up till...

A walk around after dinner in the buggy for a nap might give them a second wind?

wallacepalace1 · 09/01/2020 20:56

Well, if you can’t leave your child with anyone, the solution is obvious - you need to go

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