Which wedding would you choose?

[Usernamesarenotmyforte]

I was half tempted to post on AIBU but I’m too chicken.

We recently got engaged and were originally fairly set on getting married in 2021 (so our baby daughter will be a bit more aware of everything) with a medium ish sized wedding (about 60 guests), nice and relaxed with a lot of money saving DIY stuff.

However, we have also considered the possibility of getting married sooner (in the next year or so) with just close family and friends (15 including us) at a nice registry office with a lovely meal after.

I am completely torn. Originally I was so sure I wanted the first choice. Part of me thinks I still am and may just be freaking out about organising it. Money isn’t particularly the issue, beyond my lovely mother’s financially frugal nature having instilled in me a distrust of spending several thousand on one day...

I don’t want to ramble on so I guess I’m just interested to know what people would do/ might have done in similar circumstances and any words of wisdom.

Definitely the second one. Low stress on you and guests, no less lovely memories.

Second option for me too but I don't like being the centre of attention and I don't like crowds . Maybe you do ?

No matter how ‘money saving’ you think you can be. With 60 guests it won’t be- trust me- I literally just did this wedding.

The wedding industry are smart - I felt like I was trapped inside a cartoon maze and every ‘money saving’ turn was met with a dead end!

Find a wonderful reasonable venue- they have ‘approved providers’ you HAVE to use whose prices are astronomical (because they pay the venue commission which is why they can afford to keep their prices low in the first place 😂)

Find a fancy venue that’s PERFECT .... and realise that you can’t afford it but everything else will now look SHIT in comparison 😂🙈

Find an actually reasonable venue - with reasonable packages that you can afford - it’s shabby and on has availability on random Wednesdays two years from now!

🤔😒

We said our budget would be £12k - we spent £25!

£25k

We had the second option: 15 guests, registry office followed by lunch in a brilliant upmarket restaurant. Afternoon relaxing in a garden, evening had pizzas and beers. It was lovely and relaxing, no stresses and a brilliant day. Also had a young child like you. I loved it. We didn’t do it for budget reasons but we wanted a low-key day (with amazing food) and not the big party. No regrets.

Couldn’t you have the second one and still organise a party for your friends? Either this year or next?
We had a small-ish party a few months after our wedding for DH relatives who all live in a different part of the country.

Spiceupyourlife £25 would be the dream wouldn’t it? Haha. We have actually found a venue that is reasonable, no corkage, no list of approved suppliers and doesn’t look like a hovel! Early days though and I get what you’re warning about.

Soozikinzi, I really don’t. Usually I avoid it like the plague which is also making me wonder if that’s why I’m now second guessing so much. I feel like I always back down on stuff or don’t want a fuss made and I can’t help feeling maybe this is once when I should make a bloody fuss?

I also vote for the second one. Personally, I'd rather spend the money on more important things than a party, and hate being the centre of attention anyway. Option 1 would be way too much stress, and I'd rather marry sooner rather than later.

AdriannaP that sounds lovely! Unfortunately, if we have too much of a party on the actual day I know there would be people offended to not be invited which immediately ups numbers again.

Two parties... shudder. One is quite enough.

I got married earlier this year. My family is so bloody massive (lots of cousins, aunts, uncles etc, we are close) that we had family plus very small number of friends and had 85 guests. It was so lovely to have them all there. That mattered to us most so it meant we had to have a bigger wedding than we might have chosen otherwise. There are lots of different reasons for why you choose the type of wedding you have. If you figure out what matters most to you then you'll pick the right one

I did the first option cost about £10k all I With drinks package wedding breakfast and buffet in evening ... and all the other bits

Loved it ... we had 60 guests 42 of which were family ( 12 being family members kids ) and then a small selection of close friends ... it was as small as I could make it to make it the wedding I wanted ... I had 20 months to plan it ... and because I had stacks of time ... I really enjoyed it.

We did most of the work in a 12 month period as we were saving to buy a house too so knew moving in would take up a lot of the time and settling ( thank god to as was pregnant 4 months before wedding and felt dreadful all the time )

But if option b is one you love then go for it.

It’s your day no one else’s ( apart from future hubby) x

Number 1 is similar to that we did. 40 guests at the wedding ceremony (that was the limit at our registry office), a meal at a castle, and some more guests joined us for the evening. You only get married once (hopefully) and it's nice to have a party.

If I was doing something t again, I'd go for the small option (nuclear family, couple of absolute best friends only) with lavish meal.

And then a fabulous party at another time (5 or 10 year anniversary? When DC can enjoy it, when you don't have to have full wedding trappings but can still have toasts and a cake, and when you won't get 'wedding industry' mark ups

Newmumma83 he is being frustratingly reasonable and saying he will go with whichever I would rather do as he would be happy with either! He did get very excited over looking at catering and bands though which makes me suspect he secretly wants the first option.

Thanks for the input everyone. There are some lovely ideas as well. Still hopelessly confused but I guess you can’t actually make the official decision for me!

I'd do the first option - I loved having a bigger (was around 120 people) wedding and we still reminisce happily about it! We had a village hall and we took all our own booze. We had caterers who did a great hit buffet and a brilliant live band.

I would have been sad to just have my immediate family there as have extended family and friends who mean a lot to us and wanted them there!

I would go with the second option. My wedding was only 50 guests and our toddler (and a handful of young kids) and honestly as nice as it was, I can’t help thinking that I would have enjoyed a smaller party more. It’s still a lot of organising, and the day is a bit of a blur when I think back to it, I wish I’d just had a smaller gathering like you’re talking about.

We're having the first one - 100 people, village hall, loaded fries van, local dairy ice cream cart, Spotify disco and asking for wedding photos in lieu of gifts (lived together for years, I hate formal pictures - seemed like a nice thing that people could genuinely give us). Two speeches (DP and my dad). No seating plan, no set meal time (food carts there for two hours). Garden games and lots of help yourself to cheese, biscuits, fruit, cake etc in the evening.

We're both looking forward to it and there are people we would love to be there that wouldn't fit in the smaller version - it was something we considered but thought we'd regret not inviting some people.

It's coming in under £6k excluding wedding rings but including everything else.

First marriage I had the first one, second marriage (next Feb) will be doing your option 2. Having a much smaller wedding isn't making it any less exciting, I just can't wait to be married to my lovely dp! Depends on which one you'd be most comfortable with?

If you go for the larger do, but using a dry hire venue, check very carefully what sort of front of house support they provide. Good front of house is essential IMO and if it isn't provided by the venue it would be worth employing someone calm and capable to make sure the day progresses smoothly. I've been to too many dry hire ceremonies which are disorganised and stressful.

We're going small.

We've rented a converted barn in the Cotswolds (halfway between both families) and are having 23 people including us for a weekend away with the wedding on the Saturday.

We had originally booked a large venue and had a guest list of 75 but we decided it was just too much and would rather just have the people close to us.

It's still costing the same amount as we're paying for everything and having a caterer for the whole weekend, and of course lots of booze! Really looking forward to it.

@PerspicaciaTick agree - we had a front of house person from the catering company but if I were to do it again I'd hire an independent on the day wedding planner to manage them too!

I’d go with the second option, personal and meaningful, with lovely personal touches for all the guests. For 15 people you could have a beautiful 5 course menus with wine at a top restaurant and still save thousands.
You could have a party for your first anniversary. I’ve been to lots of weddings including my own DC, eaten catered foo, fleeting met some people, danced and lovely ( expensive ) as they were, the next day is just the next day.

• food, fleetingly!

I had the big wedding. It was amazing but I hated planning. Every second. My MIL also invited a lot of her friends and it did bother me that I didn't know some people at my own wedding and was introducing myself. Felt wrong! So if I had my time again I'd have a low key