I'm a wedding planner- AMA!

[SparkleSurprise]

People tend to have a lot of questions about my job/ want advice so I thought I'd post here and see if MNers had any burning questions!

I've been a private wedding planner for over ten years, couples come to me with a budget and a vision and I make it happen! I've planned weddings all over the world for all kinds of budgets and couples and cultures :)

@ThatsWotSheSaid doing everything 'DIY' style used to be the way to save some serious cash but the industry has grown so much, particularly in the last 5 years that I'm starting to find that more often than not, taking advantage of venue packages is the cheapest way to do it.

Find somewhere with good package rates and try and negotiate, or get a planner to do your negotiation ;) Could you consider a midweek wedding perhaps? Or if they staff the venue for you to set up for a certain amount of time- could you take less time to set up and pack away so that they have fewer staffing costs?

Catering is always a big stinger in the budget, a lot of people are now starting weddings later in the day so that they only have to cater for guests once rather than fork out for two huge meals.

And of course, just think outside the box! Don't just book things because it's what you're 'supposed to do' at a wedding. Nothing is an essential other than the legal bit, everything else is up to you! Look at venues that aren't normally used for weddings. Do you really need a Bentley to drive you for five minutes? How many people will actually see your shoes? Do you really need to invite your aunt carol's best mate?

Thanks @bippity

We have booked a venue that it ‘dry hire’ and are organising caterers, drinks, entertainment, decorations, etc ourselves - would you get a day organiser for this?

And, how much time should we allow for the ceremony chairs to be moved and the table set up for the dinner?

And, how many drinks per person should we allow for?

Thank-you!

This is great, thank you for all these tips. My dilema is we could only get a midday slot at the registry office rather than the ideal 2pm. I am really stressing about people getting bored and the day guests having too much down time between the wedding breakfast and the evening do. What is your ideal route to midnight for a Summer wedding with a 12pm ceremony (will arrive at the reception venue at around 1.15pm)?

I have a question, because I'm being simultaneously rubbish and great at organising my wedding...

How do you decide on a colour scheme? HOW? I'm being badgered...

rubiksqueen I chose our colour based on confetti 😂 looked at the Shropshire wedding confetti company and decided what I liked there

@MittensForKittens123
We have booked a venue that it ‘dry hire’ and are organising caterers, drinks, entertainment, decorations, etc ourselves - would you get a day organiser for this?

And, how much time should we allow for the ceremony chairs to be moved and the table set up for the dinner?

And, how many drinks per person should we allow for?

Good question! It completely depends what kind of people you are. If your set up is relatively simple and you're pretty organised, the day should run itself. If you're anxious about it at all or have a lot of different suppliers to manage, an on the day coordinator is an absolute must, they are worth their weight in gold.

Re chairs, how many are we talking? Can you double up on chairs to have them ready and waiting?

Definitely over cater on drinks, there's few things worse than a bar drying up when people are having fun.
For dinner, allow for at least 2 glasses of wine each, plus one welcome drink and one for toasting.
For the evening... how long is a piece of string? It depends on the demographic of your guests. An 'average' wedding with a mix of ages, friends and family etc, I would start off with the equivalent of 6 beers per person and then make sure there is plenty extra for those who enjoy a boozy wedding.

Thank-you! That’s really useful!

We’re having 150 people, and kid free, so I think people will be letting their hair down - we’ll make sure we get enough booze in!!

I will think seriously about the day coordinator, and maybe have a look at costs - do you know how much they could be (we are in London)?

And one more question- are pre-ceremony drinks a good idea? We couldn’t book the registrars until 4pm, so we weren’t sure whether to have pre ceremony welcome drinks. In your experience does this work well?

Thanks again!

@WTAFIGO don't worry about your ceremony time! 12pm is perfectly reasonable, I got married at 12:30 myself just last year!

My 'template' for a day with that sort of timing goes something like this, obviously this is very changeable depending on your entertainment etc based on a medium sized wedding (around 100-150 guests)

1.15-1.45- allow time for people to arrive, fanny around having cigarettes, having a wee, finding their seats etc. If you're having welcome drinks and you have over 50 guests, this takes longer than you'd think.

1:45-3:00 Food! This can vary wildly depending on what type of food service you're having

3:00-3:45 Speeches, allows for 4 speeches of a decent length

3:45-4:15 Serve up your dessert or cheeseboard type thing, great way to elongate the proceedings a bit

4:15-5:30 Open your bar, have some kind of soft entertainment, light music, board games, lawn games whatever you fancy. Use this time to let your guests mingle with each other while you get some photos. You'd be surprised how much people are happy just to chill, if you've created a nice atmosphere and there's something a bit unusual for them to look at/do.

5:30 evening guests begin to arrive

6:30 Evening entertainment, live music or DJ starts

7/7:30 Evening food served

8:15/8:30ish Cake cutting, first dance or both

8:30 onwards, more entertainment and dancing!

It aaaaaaaaaalways feels like you have a lot of time to kill but the whole day goes by so fast if you've looked after the details and your guests are making good conversation. You also may think everyone will stay until midnight but so many people will flake out earlier that really, you don't want to plan much for late on.

@MittensForKittens123 definitely triple up on the booze in that case!

For a decent wedding coordinator for a wedding that size you will be looking at anything upwards of £800. Definitely worth it if you're using a lot of suppliers though.
Pre-ceremony drinks aren't done that often but personally, I'm a fan! Especially for a later on wedding, just make sure you have a non alcoholic option so nobody feels put out if they don't fancy a drink that early.

@RubiksQueen Funnily enough, I'm not sure I've ever been asked that question! Most couples tend to have a million colour schemes they somehow all want fitting in to one day!

There are so so many ways to choose, it's such a personal thing but some practical ways to choose it might be,

Are you having bridesmaids? Are they going to be in a matching colour? What colour would suit them all? Choose the dress colour (one that's not too specific you struggle to find dresses) and build your scheme from there.

Is there any colour you particularly like your partner in? Maybe if it was incorporated into their outfit, you could build a colour scheme from there.

Does your venue have any stand out colours that either particularly complement one colour or wild maybe hugely clash?

Pinterest is your friend. If you like the idea of Navy for example, search for 'navy colour scheme' and it will throw up all kinds of lovely combinations.

Also let the time of year guide you! Warms in the winter, brights and pastels in the summer.

Did you find organising your own wedding easier or harder than for a client?

RubiksQueen
I knew what colour theme I wanted for mine but my florist gave a great way to decide colour theme... look at would flowers are in season when you are getting married. If the flower is in season it makes it much cheaper. Admittedly there might be a big range depending. But it could be a good starting point. Good luck!

Thanks folks- my problem is I don't have a huge amount of 'I definitely want this' about anything by my partner will be in his RAF uniform so it's all got to go with that. I think going by the flowers is a good idea! Bridesmaids are both blonde and I'm really pale so no yellow or orange. It's looking like blue or purple or grey/lilac are front runners...

@Iaintdonenothing 100% my own was the hardest and most stressful thing I've ever done! So much pressure, everyone expected so much.
We also fell prey to a bloody terrible venue, despite me knowing better!

Thanks so much bubblegumbottles!

@RubiksQueen I've had my colours done and I remember the woman saying that purple is the only colour that suits everyone. Personally though I think navy and dark green do too.

I initially picked light green, just because I like it, with pink flowers (for contrast). But then changed my mind to dark green as we got married in December and light green is very summery. With dark red, pink and cream flowers (almost Christmas colours), and gold.

Ideally you need a "main" colour (bridesmaids), maybe a contrast colour (for flowers and decorations), then a "metal" (for jewellery). Don't have too many colours or it looks messy.

Ooh I like the idea of 'main, contrast and metal'. That might work quite nicely actually. I think we need to look at the available flowers and maybe they will make the final decision but I'm feeling much less meh about it!

Why do people say planning a wedding is stressful? I can understand outsourcing the organisation to you - I’m a big fan of delegation. But what I won’t understand is why it needs to be/is stressful. It’s a party, basically, with guests. Most people don’t cater (ie cook) for their guests, or perform at the evening do, so there is very little to actually.....do?

I’ve never planned a wedding and never will, so your AMA is a chance to actually attempt to understand why I have stressed out mates about an event happening sometime in 2020

It isn't 'just a party' though. Also you are hoping it's something you'd just want to do once. You don't get a second shot at it. Plus if you actually like your family then what they think is important... and it's considering two families' wants.

I know everyone on here says 'your day your way hun' and all that but really most people don't want to needlessly upset their family and friends intentionally or otherwise.

Also, I think there's a lot of choice nowadays that there never used to be. It's quite overwhelming when you start. I can see how people end up spending weeks deciding on things or trying on 50 dresses!

@ChanklyBore

(Apologies I've namechanged a couple of times, I get bored easily)

Not everyone finds the process stressful but the majority do.

The number one cause of wedding stress is undoubtedly other people, most couples worry so much about accommodating friends and family members or they have family members with very strong opinions on what a wedding should/shouldn't entail (usually the mothers). The majority of couples will start off the planning process relatively stress free, until others start getting involved.

Also, the money. The average cost of a wedding is getting higher and higher and I think it's only understandable that people get stressed about making sure their money is well spent. Your average couple will be making sacrifices elsewhere in life to afford things for the wedding and that can put a strain on even the strongest of couples.

Logistically, most weddings are an admin feast. A small/medium sized wedding with all the 'traditional' things included will involve at the very minimum six or seven different suppliers.
Each of those suppliers will be carefully selected which takes time (cake tasting, looking at flower samples etc etc). Each of those suppliers requires paying different amounts at different times. Each of those will require various meetings/phone calls to get your exact requirements just right. Closer to the time, their service requirements will start to clash and not everybody is helpful.
For example, your venue may want to know from you, what time your florist will be arriving at the venue to set up, how many arrangements they will be placing and where. Your florist is a busy person, they may be away for a few days, so you don't get the information back to the venue for a week or two. In the mean time, the florist isn't sure they can source some of the flowers you want at that time of year, so that changes your quote price.
Also in the mean time, the band want to know what time they can get into the venue to set up but the venue can't tell them that until they know how long the florist will need in the venue.

You can see how quickly a 'party' becomes an admin nightmare. If one or two people drop the ball, you're buggered. If you're not used to admin, invoicing etc, it's a lot of extra work.
And that's before you even start to think about the emotional side of things...

That's why it's stressful, and I guess why I have a job and can pay my mortgage every month.

Thank you for the insight. I suppose I’ll never understand the mindset of paying so much for things that are totally unnecessary in order to please other people whilst stressing yourself out and putting a strain on the relationship you are attempting to celebrate. It does seem a bit cutting off your nose to spite your face,

Last time I arranged a party, I began three weeks prior by booking a venue, sent out invitations, then arranged entertainment. I ordered decor for the venue with a week to go. Then I baked a cake with two days to go. The night before I shopped for and cooked a buffet for the 60ish people I’d invited, and arranged the drinks trolley. Then on the day I got myself and my DCs ready, drove to the venue and decorated it, arranged the buffet under covers and a drinks trolley. Then had the party. Tidied up after it. Packed all the stuff into our car and got a taxi home. Collected the car from their car park the next day.

That’s my perspective on the party comment. I mean no disrespect. I just think if you renamed it a party most people wouldn’t be half so stressed out. And surely that’s a good thing.

@ChanklyBore
A lot of people are going more down that route and if that's what they want then go wild.
Weddings just come with a whole lot more emotion attached than 'just a party'. People want every detail perfect so they can remember it for the rest of their lives fondly and look back on the photos without hating everything. Of course a lot of it is in reality completely unnecessary but people want to mark it as the first day of the rest of their lives together and they want to do so with a bang. They also might not have the requisite skills or abilities (or desire) to do things themselves. Not sure I could have quite managed or wanted to be catering two hot meals for 200 guests on my own wedding day, even if I had just called it a 'party'.

I also don't think 'stress' is necessarily a bad thing. A lot of couples can be a bit stressed out about the day but it doesn't put a strain on the relationship, it brings them closer together and the amount of time and effort put into every little detail is worth it in the end.

Chankley You are kind of right. There are tons of Facegroup groups now for people that want to do weddings their way. There’s a beautiful one I remember , set in flat countryside in the absolute middle of nowhere. About six people are gathered watching the couple marry under two large branches pushed together in an arch. Looks stunning, meaningful and romantic.

Personally I found most of the problems with wedding planning was just the basic stuff . Choosing a date, finding a suitable venue ( really really hard - no suitable buildings were meaningful and marquees are sooo expensive) and deciding numbers. I think those things have a knock on effect on the rest of it.

Normally when you do a party the date is already the reason ie birthday, anniversary etc or negotiated with guests, venues don’t need to be memorable or photogenic and there is no expectations on guests to do anything but turn up.

@BippityBoppityBogOff was the Spanish castle wedding for a certain trouble prone footballer who now resides in Washington?!