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Original poster

Invitations and family politics

41 replies

LOTR · 18/01/2019 19:36

So I may be being unreasonable.

Did all of you check a wedding date with your family before you booked?

We needed a venue in august 2020 and ideally a saturday...the venue only had one date left so we booked it. After provisionally booking (no deposits involved) we checked with family. My dad (effectively absentee) has just kicked off at not asking him for possible dates beforehand...xx

So what did you do?

OP posts:

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 18/01/2019 19:38

Your day . Your date.
Imo.
Oh and my absentee df wasn't invited to my wedding.

MrsJayy · 18/01/2019 19:39

We picked a date and invited people your dad is being an arse he doesn't need to be involved in dates.

Bayleyf · 18/01/2019 19:40

We checked with the people we really wanted to be there.

If your dad's not in that category, there's no need to ask!

QueenofallIsee · 18/01/2019 19:43

We went for what we wanted and told our most important guests to make sure there was no obvious issue. Our date to choose.

That said I wouldn’t kick off if someone couldn’t come due to a prior commitment

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 18/01/2019 19:44

And when mil tried to take over she was uninvited also!!
Boundaries are a wedding planning necessity.

Original poster

LOTR · 18/01/2019 19:46

During the convo he said the family might not be able to come...I replied that 'we'd understand if anyone needed more notice and couldn't come'

He said 'it was nice to know where he was in the pecking order' and then hung up.

OP posts:

GhostSauce · 18/01/2019 19:47

He's being a dick.

HadAnOeuf · 18/01/2019 19:50

We booked ours 15 months before the date. I didn't check with anyone, except a friend who was getting married around the same time so that we didn't clash.

I knew we'd done the right thing when PILs started up with "Norman and Joyce" (random friends of theirs) usually go away that week" and "it's the day after Bob's birthday so he might not want to do that date".

You can't cater to everyone's needs so better to just choose the venue you like and a date that suits you.

Unless your DF has already booked a holiday, I don't think he should be making a fuss.

HadAnOeuf · 18/01/2019 19:52

Just realised yours is more than a year away too. Surely no one has holiday plans that far in advance? (I'm assuming that's his issue - with it being August?)

FogCutter · 18/01/2019 19:57

Your wedding, your choice of date!

And it's summer 2020 so that's more than adequate notice for everyone attending.

MrsJayy · 18/01/2019 20:03

It is over ayear away what on earth is he going on about I think you need to forget it keep him in the loop but don't listen to anymore ofhis huffy nonsense.

CantWaitToRetire · 18/01/2019 20:04

We knew birthday and anniversary dates for parents and siblings and made sure we didn't clash with those. You can't cater for absolutely everyone otherwise you'd never find a suitable date.

Has your DF said what the issue is and why the whole family might not be able to attend, or is he just being an arse?

Happygolucky009 · 18/01/2019 20:06

We booked our wedding with 12 months notice and sent out save the date cards, despite this some people forgot and booked holidays!

MrsJayy · 18/01/2019 20:06

Oh god we had that from MiL well i think John and Mary take the scouts away that weekend do you want me to check for you? Urmm no you are fine ty

willyloman · 18/01/2019 20:09

Tell him the big table will feel empty without him. He's clearly simply in need of ego massage (aren't we all?) Tell him if he doesn't come life will be desolate. If this is not the case then shrug shoulders and get on with making all those weird thingamabobs that go with holding a wedding...

MrsJayy · 18/01/2019 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJayy · 18/01/2019 20:10

Ill get that deleted as you were 😁

NotOPsFiance · 18/01/2019 20:30

Omg, this guy seems like such an entitled dickhead. He was rude and self centred and and made your wedding all about himself. He ignores you for years and then expects you to consult him on anything you do.

If your fiancé wants that nice church because it's a nice church and not for religious reasons then that his decision and you shouldn't change the venue just because he's throwing his ego around.

Disfordarkchocolate · 18/01/2019 20:35

That's a massive amount of notice, plenty of time for all the guests. We didn't consult anyone, we just wanted to crack on and get married. Some people don't know/care that suitable venues can have very limited availability.

Sexnotgender · 18/01/2019 20:38

He’s being a dick.

user1493413286 · 18/01/2019 20:42

We did check with both sets of parents and siblings but it sounds like your dad is only kicking off for the sake of it

Mummyme87 · 18/01/2019 20:59

No I didn’t. I knew we. Ended school holiday time or bank holiday as my mam works in a school 300miles from us. But otherwise, my wedding

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 19/01/2019 00:51

He’s a twat. Over a year in advance and you can pick any date you want unless you know it clashes with major events.

I picked a school holiday because I and my friends have kids and my parents are retired but no other considerations. Why should anyone else decide a date?

MaitlandGirl · 19/01/2019 00:55

When we were originally having a traditional wedding (we ended up eloping) we checked with my sister when she’d be available as I’ve emigrated to Australia and I knew she was planning a holiday here this year.

The one thing I learnt about wedding planning was you can’t please everyone, so just please yourselves and stuff the rest of them.

Original poster

LOTR · 19/01/2019 07:00

I'm just gutted that he's decided to stamp all over the idea for something really unnecessary. The nasty comment that followed is even worse.

I had actually not even considered him walking me down the aisle. He doesn't know that yet.

I think it makes it worse that he said if the date hadn't been available we could have picked somewhere else (it was where my stepdad's funeral was held so no)

I think it is coming from an 'I'm father of the bride, I'm most important because I'm walking you etc....'

I don't want to cause drama with my decision - I thought he would have realised that we aren't close (we see each other once every five/six months and only phone about arrangements just beforehand). I have no idea what to do about the whole thing :( I don't want the drama at all.

OP posts:

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