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Original poster

H2B doesn’t want to do a speech

28 replies

Pickle0 · 03/11/2018 22:57

1 year to go so lots of time still to sort this out. Best man and FOTB to do a speech but husband to be is quite shy, doesn’t do PDA... and says that he will spend the whole day worrying about having to do the speech (speaking in front of everyone) that he won’t be able to enjoy himself. I don’t know if I am just being selfish but I really want him to do it not just because of tradition but because it would be a nice thing, but on the other hand I know I wouldn’t want to do it either so I can see where he’s coming from.

Suggestions?

OP posts:

Fevertree · 03/11/2018 22:58

Don't make him do one!

RiddleMeThis2018 · 03/11/2018 23:00

Do it together.

Greensleeves · 03/11/2018 23:00

Why on earth do you want to put him through something that will make him anxious and cause him unnecessary stress?

JungDisciple · 03/11/2018 23:00

Id start writing one then! just make a quick joke of it at the beginning saying, no jokes about who wheres the trousers, he's gonna do his fair share of putting up shelves and I might put on an apron and cook a home cooked meal but for this we thought we'd let the one who's gonna ENJOY the attention make the speech! although he promised to wrestle the microphone off me after 90 minutes... ramble ramble.

So acknowledge it's a bit unusual. And then make our speech.

newmumwithquestions · 03/11/2018 23:02

I struggle with how sexist the usual line up of speakers is at weddings. Why all men? It’s outdated.

And if he doesn’t want to do a speech he shouldn’t have to- it’s his wedding too!

MyKingdomForBrie · 03/11/2018 23:03

Why would you want to ruin the day for him?

I don't want to sound mean but that's just selfish and cruel.

Are you sure you should be marrying him? Sounds like you want him to be something he's not. You should love him for who he is not who you think he should be. You want him to be confident enough to do a speech without it ruining his day but he's not, so his day would be ruined. That's not who he is.

Greensleeves · 03/11/2018 23:03

JungDisciple.....you're joking, right?

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 03/11/2018 23:05

No way, his wedding his choice, we didn’t have any what does it matter?

HeddaGarbled · 03/11/2018 23:05

Would he be OK to just do a thank you all for coming and thanks to the parents, best man and bridesmaids? Or you both stand up together and do that together?

If not, I agree, don’t let this ruin his wedding day and just don’t do it. Wedding speeches can be excruciating. Maybe, don’t have any at all, just get someone to say thanks everyone and lead a toast.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/11/2018 23:06

If you're not prepared to do one then I think it's U to expect him to

CoachBombay · 03/11/2018 23:06

My DH didn't want to, so I said no problem. I did one, it was more of a thank you for coming we appreciate it toast more than a speech.

I did start by saying "As the new CEO of (enter sunrame) household I would like to speak on our behalf" it got a giggle. But everyone at our wedding knew DH and just know he's not the type of person to want to do public speaking.

PrincessWire · 03/11/2018 23:07

Why on earth would you want to try to force him to make a speech if he's so anxious about it? That would be a terrible start to a marriage imo.

JungDisciple · 03/11/2018 23:09

@greensleeves of course im not joking. 🤔
Why not making a joke about the gender expectations.
Seems to me like it just diffuses what people are thinking, challenges it a little and then moves on.

But if that is not how you'd play it fair enough.

Nesssie · 03/11/2018 23:10

Don’t make him do it. Speeches are usually the worst part of the wedding anyway. So much pressure to be funny. Most people present at the wedding will know how the bride and groom met etc and the inside stories are only interesting to those involved, not the guests.

willothewisp17 · 03/11/2018 23:11

my husband stood up and tried his best, but he just couldn't, I could see it was a struggle for him and I knew he hadn't been looking forward to it! so I took the mic and he sat down!

HeddaGarbled · 03/11/2018 23:13

Totally agree about how outdated the men only speech giving thing is. Unfortunately, most people who try to address this do so by adding extra speeches from women. So now we get the bride and the groom and the best man and the chief bridesmaid and the father of the bride and the mother of the bride and it goes on for bloody ever.

Crunched · 03/11/2018 23:16

I think it would s perfectly acceptable for you to do the speech.
I attended one wedding where neither the bride nor groom fancied standing up, so they had put together a little video of thanks to the relevant people and the guests.It went down really well.

PanamaPattie · 03/11/2018 23:18

Don't bother. Few people enjoy or want to hear the speeches in my experience. Crack on with the food and dancing.

NonaGrey · 03/11/2018 23:18

Traditionally the groom’s speech is really just a thank you to the bridesmaids, the parents and to the guests.

I’ve been to more than one wedding where the groom stood up and briefly thanked everyone and then sat down again. No one batted an eyelid.

However if he’s really, really shy you could stand up together but you could do the speaking.

It’s important to thank everyone but it doesn’t matter who does it or how. Generally people prefer shorter speeches anyway.

sossages · 03/11/2018 23:21

I've been to exactly one wedding where the "traditional" series of men stood up to speak as though the bride, the bride and groom's mothers and the bridesmaids were just ornamental. In fact the whole thing was stiflingly traditional and the reason was the bride and groom were very young and had allowed their parents and grandparents to dictate what a wedding ought to look like rather than standing up for themselves and doing what made them comfortable.

So, do you want A Wedding, or your wedding?

JosellaPlayton · 03/11/2018 23:23

Then he shouldn’t have to do a speech. It’s his day too.

And no one likes long speeches at weddings, no one will miss them if you don’t do them at all but if it’s important to you then stand up yourself and thank everyone for coming along with whatever else you want to say.

Doobigetta · 04/11/2018 10:22

Stand up together, thank everyone for coming and say you hope they have a lovely time. That’s all that’s needed if you aren’t comfortable. Neither of you should have to make a speech if you hate the idea, but it should be a joint responsibility. You’re an adult, don’t hide behind someone else.

Gazelda · 04/11/2018 10:39

Don't pressure him into doing it. And don't be disappointed in him for not following tradition.

Mine didn't want to do one either. Which was fine. We didn't have a best man, my dad did an off-the-cuff one. Then I did one. It didn't spoil the wedding. I still felt special to him. Those that needed to be were still thanked. Everyone had a lovely time.

B00kworm86 · 04/11/2018 10:40

Myself and my EXH did one together, he read most of it, and I stood next to him and laughed in the appropriate places! He did write an awesome speech to be fair. I was really proud of him on the day.

Meagainstheothers · 04/11/2018 10:54

I think if you're expecting him to give a speech, you should also be prepared to give one yourself. I did one at my wedding and it went down well. It's not the bloody 1950s anymore.

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