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Original poster

Evening guests, rude or not?

54 replies

Raven113 · 12/09/2018 15:56

Hi,

I am not a fan of having two tiers of guests at my wedding. Fiance loves the idea of evening guests. Would love to get everyone's thoughts?

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 12/09/2018 15:58

If you can afford everyone all day , great. If you can’t , then instead of only inviting a proportion of people you’d like there, do evening guests.

MrsJayy · 12/09/2018 16:02

Where I am evening invites is totally normal and accepted only on Mumsnet have I seen it taken as a slight on a person the offence people take is ridiculous.

Bluntness100 · 12/09/2018 16:04

Evening invites totally normal in my world too.

In fact I'd prefer them. I've a wedding coming up and the whole logistics of the wedding venue v the reception v the hotel is a logistical nightmare.

ArialAnna · 12/09/2018 16:06

I think it's fine if you are inviting evening only guests who live reasonably locally to the venue, but expecting people to travel a long way and fork out for a night's accommodation, when they are only invited to the evening do is a bit off imo Hmm

LivininaBox · 12/09/2018 16:08

Evening invites is a good solution where you have friends living close to the wedding venue.

Inviting people to travel hundreds of miles for an evening do is a bit off. And separating friends and family into two tiers is bound to hurt feelings, so personally I would only do evening invites for a distinct group, eg your friends from work or neighbours.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 12/09/2018 16:08

Well that's great for you if you have the money but unfortunately not everyone is this privileged. Hmm

I agree with your fiancée personally. The concept of evening guests is not to split your guests into first and second tiers but to include those who you care about but who are not your nearest and dearest. I would include work colleagues, close neighbours, cousins plus friends from clubs and social events in this category.

By all means invite everyone to the whole day but it will either be super expensive or you will have to exclude people altogether.

PinkAvocado · 12/09/2018 16:09

Inviting local evening guests is normal where I am. I much prefer being invited to just the evening!

Bluntness100 · 12/09/2018 16:09

I think it's fine if you are inviting evening only guests who live reasonably locally to the venue, but expecting people to travel a long way and fork out for a night's accommodation, when they are only invited to the evening do is a bit off imo

It's an invite not a Summons. No one is expected to do anything.

Jent13c · 12/09/2018 16:11

I felt the same but in the end it was a numbers game and we had to. To make it better make sure you say to the venue organiser that it’s really important to get evening guests in on time. There’s nothing people hate more than getting all dressed up for a reception for 8pm and not getting in until 10pm. I know of someone’s wedding where people actually left because they had waited for hours

Iwantplaits · 12/09/2018 16:13

I think evening invites are totally acceptable unless sending them to guests who live a few hours drive away.

though I am the only person in the world who finds most weddings quite a boring and happy to rock up for a good band nd a boogie

ArialAnna · 12/09/2018 16:24

It's an invite not a Summons. No one is expected to do anything.

Yes, you would think that wouldn't you? But the last time I declined an evening only invite to a wedding that was three hours away (using lack of babysitting options as an excuse) I then got a barrage of questions asking why my DH couldn't babysit, etc. So some people clearly do think you have an obligation to attend when they invite you.

mishfish · 12/09/2018 17:19

I invited quite a few evening guests (local) and barely any of them turned up.

ConsiderHerWaysAndOthers · 12/09/2018 17:25

I’m not a fan and would personally scrimp in other areas rather than have two tiers of guests. But I wouldn’t be offended by receiving an evening only invite although I’d almost certain decline it. A friend of mine once received an evening only invite for a wedding in a different country; now that’s rude!

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 12/09/2018 17:26

I think it's OK if they are reasonably local and there are a decent number of them. I personally wouldn't bother going to an evening do unless it was easy to get to, and I think it's rude to have, say 100 day guests and an additional 10 for the evening.

YearOfYouRemember · 12/09/2018 17:28

Sometimes feels like some people forget hat the marriage ceremony is the important bit. I'd be disappointed to get an invitation to an evening do only, not because I'd feel second twir as I wouldn't but because the wedding is the bit I want to see.

coldrain2018 · 12/09/2018 17:28

Its never occured to me to feel in the tiniest bit slighted at being an evening guest.

I've always just thought "how lovely, they want me to be part of their day, even though they can't afford to have me there for the whole thing"

Bluntness100 · 12/09/2018 17:29

Meh

I'd happily go to an evening only invite as said. I'd prefer it. And I'd travel a distance too. Love a party, would make a day of it, check in to hotel etc, go for lunch, couple of drinks, get ready, go to evening do, long lie in, hotel brekkie.

Just because a few grouches on here wouldn't, don't let that stop you inviting folks. I don't know if anyone who would take the hump at it. If they are able to go and wanted to, many would love it.

Don't stress.

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 12/09/2018 17:30

I've always just thought "how lovely, they want me to be part of their day, even though they can't afford to have me there for the whole thing"

See, this argument works if they are having their wedding reception in the local church hall and getting in fish and chips or putting on a homemade buffet and doing everything on a shoestring. Less so if they've got a posh hotel venue.

coldrain2018 · 12/09/2018 17:31

the wedding is the bit I want to see

well, as far as I know, weddings are public, and no one can stop you watching, I'm sure if you just explain you want to see it even if you are not going to the reception, you'll be given the details.

Then watch the wedding, entertain your self for a few hours after, and then attend the evening

JupiterDrops · 12/09/2018 17:32

Evening guests are normal and I've rarely been to a wedding without them but we decided against.

Our logic was if you're not close enough to somebody to invite them to the wedding, what's the point in inviting them to the evening. It's also awkward if evening guests turn up and the meal etc has overrun and they have to stand around while everyone is still sat down.

Bluntness100 · 12/09/2018 17:34

I find the wedding bit very dull. Then all the hanging about when pics are being taken. It's a long day.

Give me the band, the booze and the sausage rolls, I'll be all over it 🤣

JupiterDrops · 12/09/2018 17:34

I also no longer go to weddings where we are invited to the evening only. So much faff. I'd rather use my free time and money for a full day wedding of someone I'm close to than trek an hour and find childcare for the wedding of an acquaintance.

JupiterDrops · 12/09/2018 17:36

@coldrain2018 in a church they might be, not anywhere else!

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 12/09/2018 17:37

Give me the band, the booze and the sausage rolls, I'll be all over it

How much booze do you expect to be offered as an evening guest? Most weddings these days seem to move to a cash bar after dinner.

mrs2468 · 12/09/2018 17:43

Fine here in my world but I think it depends how far the venue is. If it's semi local or putting a bus on then go for it but if it's quite far away then expect some people might not come for evening only.