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Original poster

Evening guests, rude or not?

54 replies

Raven113 · 12/09/2018 15:56

Hi,

I am not a fan of having two tiers of guests at my wedding. Fiance loves the idea of evening guests. Would love to get everyone's thoughts?

OP posts:
PurpleMac · 12/09/2018 17:44

Completely normal in my world and not at all offensive to have evening invites!

Haireverywhere · 12/09/2018 17:52

We could only afford 30 to the day but we were both post grads at the time and our whole classes would have loved to attend so we had a big evening do for about 120 friends and extended family. It also meant that our teacher friends could come (we got married on a Friday so they weren't allowed time off).

Cliveybaby · 12/09/2018 17:54

fins, as long as they are:

  1. Local
  2. A particular group (eg all work colleagues)
  3. Not expecting to be invited to the whole thing (not close friends/family)

A couple from my choir got married last year, and the whole choir sang at the wedding. Then all but 3 (15-20 people) were invited for the whole do, and 3 were just invited to the evening! My friend (one of the 3) was very hurt actually. 3 for everything and 20 for evening would have been fine imo...

Cliveybaby · 12/09/2018 17:55

*fine, not fins

RandomMess · 12/09/2018 17:58

I prefer an afternoon wedding with just one meal that can carry on for the night!

Pangur2 · 12/09/2018 17:59

I never understand the hoo-haa made on here about evening guests. It's perfectly normal in Ireland to just be invited to the "Afters".

Bluntness100 · 12/09/2018 18:00

I never understand the hoo ha on here either, perfectly normal in the U.K. also.

Lindy2 · 12/09/2018 18:06

I'd never be offended at being invited to the evening do. I really can't see why some people on here make an issue of it.
It's perfectly normal to have daytime guests for the ceremony and meal and then invite more people for the party.

MrsJayy · 12/09/2018 18:21

I had 40 at our day and 100ish at night if there is a whiff of a sausage roll buffet folk will come Grin

Enidblyton1 · 12/09/2018 18:29

Evening invitations are totally fine, though I’d only do them for:

  • Local people who you like, but don’t know so well - they will be chuffed to be part of your day.
  • a distinct group of people such as colleagues - who will again not necessarily ‘expect’ and invitation (and may also have to travel a bit further to get there), but will enjoy an evening out together.
  • people who have been part of your life for a long time as a good acquaintance eg. The parents of a very good friend. Again, they would maybe not expect an invitation.

The only problem with evening only invitations is if you make friends feel second class. As long as you check your guest list and ensure that nobody will feel like this, I don’t see an issue with it.

BeachyUmbrella · 12/09/2018 18:32

It's all about the ratio, 50 for day, additional 50 for party is OK...... 75 for day, 25 additional is not OK..... especially when they get the curly sandwich and cash bar option!!!

Aragog · 12/09/2018 18:34

If doing a two tier guest thing actually look after them a little. For example:

  • Greet them - if you've given them a time, be near the door (or have someone 'official' there) to say hello to your guests, show them where to go in and sit, etc.

  • Food - do make sure you feed your evening guests. Food is expected at a party. Whilst your day guests may not yet be hungry mid evening, your evening guests will be - don't just serve something at midnight or later. And no - a cake of cheese and a pile of pork pies is not really feeding your evening guests.

  • Timing - get the timings right. Don't have evening guests turning up whilst the meal or speeches are still going on, leaving them stood hanging about outside waiting, and waiting!

  • Seating - have somewhere for evening guests to sit when they arrive. It you just have the same set up in the evening as the day, then its really awkward for evening guests. Its horrible when they are just left to stand around, with nowhere to sit, put drinks down, etc.

  • Accept some won't/can't take it - especially if it is on a work day, or they aren't local. Weddings costs a lot of money to attend quite often - not everyone thinks your wedding is their social event of the year, so may choose to use up their baby sitting offers ,or budgeted socialising money, for a different event.

  • Make it clear in advance that there's will be an evening only invitation. Don't sent out a 'save the day' card to evening only guests without making this clear, for example. Same with hen dos/stag dos - make sure people know what the'll be invited too before hand.

  • Plus ones - if someone you're inviting to the evening won't know anyone else there, or will be travelling some distance, offer them a plus one - it will make them more likely to want to attend and spend money on attending.

user1493413286 · 12/09/2018 18:35

It’s onky on mumsnet I’ve ever heard resentment about it; I’ve never minded being an evening guest although I’ve also always assumed that a bride and groom haven’t minded if I’ve declined an evening invitation if it involves an over night stay

MirandaWest · 12/09/2018 18:39

I don’t really like the thing of evening guests. Have got married twice and had people all day both times. Have been invited to wedding ceremony and then had to twiddle my thumbs for a few hours and then go the evening part where I feel a bit like everyone else has started without you. But I think I may well be a grumpy old woman Grin

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 12/09/2018 18:40

We did evening guests as we wanted to celebrate with everyone but our dream venue could only accommodate 30 for the actual ceremony. (We could invite and additional 70 in the evening)

mouthkisses · 12/09/2018 19:13

I think evening guests are fine if you feed them and give them a drink. The ones I've been to have been crap and badly executed.

mouthkisses · 12/09/2018 19:14

@Aragog has it spot on

mouthkisses · 12/09/2018 19:16

Although having been to two evening dos with not even a slice of cake, I'd consider a pork pie to be wonderful.

NataliaOsipova · 12/09/2018 19:20

*fins, as long as they are:

  1. Local
  2. A particular group (eg all work colleagues)
  3. Not expecting to be invited to the whole thing (not close friends/family)*

Totally agree. Plus - you do need to lay on food and drink for them. I found that, because many venues insist you have a per head evening buffet, for all guests (including those who’ve eaten a massive lunch at the main reception and therefore probably don’t want it), it probably works out not much more expensive just to ask everyone and provide one meal at, say 5 or 6pm.

yikesanotherbooboo · 12/09/2018 19:46

Absolutely fine to invite evening guests and personally I don't understand why anyone would be offended.
It is only appropriate for people who live reasonably locally; I don't think you could expect evening guests to have to stay in hotels. They to be offered some sort of food and definitely be told to arrive at the correct time ie not to be hanging about like spare parts while the speeches over run.
Personally I prefer everyone to be present all day ; it just seems like more of a shared and personal occasion . It also means that the day is potentially not quite as drawn out as some weddings can be very long and exhausting particularly if you don't live nearby and have to set off early.

moredoll · 14/09/2018 14:30

Evening only is fine in the real world.

thecatsthecats · 17/09/2018 19:27

On mumsnet - a level of slight associated with major diplomatic incidents.

In real life? Fine! Never been to a wedding that wasn't split, and never had anyone give a crap about day or evening invitations.

Redglitter · 17/09/2018 19:32

Ive never been to a wedding that's not had evening guests. It's absolutely the norm here. All day is family & close friends. Evening is for things like colleagues etc

Other than on MN I've never ever known anyone be offended at only getting an evening invite

thecatsthecats · 18/09/2018 08:34

I also second those who say that an evening invite can be preferable.

It takes less time to get ready for the evening (you can show up in more fun clothes too), and you don't have to start at 10, work around an awkward lunch, and try keep your eyeliner nice all day.

One of my friends is only invited to the evening do in a lovely area and I'm a wee bit jealous - she's going for a long walk in the morning and a spa in the afternoon. Unfortunately I'm the bride...

Ameliarose16 · 18/09/2018 09:41

I had a lot of my friends parents as evening guests and neighbours etc

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