AIBU to wear this to a wedding

[Louise841417]

Basically world war 3 has broke out between my mum and aunty this morning! It’s my cousins wedding tomorrow. All the girl members of the family and bridal party went to a spa day yesterday and we were talking about our outfits and I showed them a picture of me in mine. My cousin said it was gorgeous but my aunty had a face like a smacked arse! I didn’t think much to it, shes very over opinionated about everyone, we’ve been to weddings with her before where the bride has looked like a supermodel and all she’s said is things like “oh she looked a bugger, did you see the back fat” “she hasn’t got the complexion for white she should of worn ivory”! So I just assumed in my paranoia she was looking at the picture as if “she’s not got the figure for that!”
Well this morning I woke up to a really nasty text from my aunty saying it’s a disgrace I’m wearing white, I’m selfish and trying to make the whole day about me, she knew I would be like this as soon as I said I didnt want to be a bridesmaid and under no circumstances am I to come to the wedding in “that” dress!
Theres a bit of a back story to me saying no to being bridesmaid, the wedding has only been planned for a few months, when my cousin first asked me to be bridesmaid I was really excited and said yes but I was six months pregnant and already the size of a house! A few days later I met her for lunch and said I didn’t think I could be a bridesmaid I was pregnant with ds2 and I didn’t think I could commit to bridesmaid “duties”, on the day of the wedding I will have a 2 year old and a 3 month old (ds2 is 13 weeks now) and my dh would need my help with the kids on the wedding day, plus I didn’t feel I would be body confident enough to be a bridesmaid. (all the other girls are like size 6 beauty queens and I’ve got a post baby bod!) She was really understanding about it and we’ve had a running joke I’m the “unofficial bridesmaid”. But my aunty has made it clear she’s annoyed about it, there has been many a barbed comment!
We went back to my cousins for a take out after the spa day and I had a bit of a hangover and I’ve got my two little ones here so I just couldn’t deal with her this morning so I’ve not replied. I called my mum and well shes gone berserk about her contacting me! Turns out they had a row last night and this morning about it, and she had told my aunty under no circumstances to contact me about it. The row turned really nasty by the sounds of it, mum was trying not to rise to it till my aunty called her and started getting really personal and bringing stuff up from years ago, well mum just lost it and let her have it!!!
Mums been at my house for hours today ranting and raving that shes told her a few “home truths”! She told my aunty she’s sick with jealousy and she and my cousin have always been jealous of me because “you’re the pretty one” (ffs mum!!!) and that my aunty has been jealous and spiteful since they were kids and she has always been the same with my mum! My aunty has been snapping and being nasty to everyone for weeks with the stress of the wedding and mum has been getting really upset with her but there’s a time and place to say things you been “holding in for 50 years!!!” facepalm
So now I don’t know what to do??? Should I wear the dress? My mums 100% adamant I should, my husband says it’s lovely and said “all you woman turn into crazy bitches around weddings she won’t have meant it”. I’m tempted to ask my cousin because I know she’ll be like “just ignore my mum” because whenever we were alone together yesterday she was complaining about how much her mum is driving her mad! But I can hardly ring her the night before her wedding asking about my outfit and telling her about a family argument!!! Also I haven’t replied to my aunty so I don’t know if she’s calmed down or if there is going to be a massive atmosphere tomorrow! Help needed!!!!

Turn up in jeans and t-shirt and see what auntie thinks to that. Seriously, the dress looks fine to me but maybe add a bright shawl/scarf/jacket etc to keep the piece.

Wear the dress! it’s not white it’s a patterned dress not remotely bridal, your aunt is a bully and your mum has stood up to her for the first time, I think you should wear it to show support to your mum. It’s a lovely dress by the way, perfect wedding attire.

Coloured accessories that aren't the bridesmaids colours with a floaty scarf??

Thank you! I feel like saying to her take it up Asos it was listed under “wedding guest” on the bloody site

The dress is lovely and totally acceptable for a wedding guest.

BUT you wearing it will cause a lot of tension and possibly a scene with your bonkers aunt.

I would be absolutely livid if I were you and would be seething the whole wedding day.

The most important person right now is your cousin as it's her special day, the wedding day is not the time for oneupmanship.

You should wear something else. Yes your aunt will likely gloat by the sounds of it but you can make some passive aggressive digs to her on the day Do not reply to her text to make her sweat and then respond the morning after telling her exactly what you think and that you didn't do it for her but for her cousin to ensure she wouldn't make scene.

I know people get crazy at weddings but that is no excuse. She sounds vile.

That's a lovely dress and it's clearly not anything like a bridal gown. It's not white, it's not lacy and it's not floor length. You should wear it with pride.
Could aunty be worried that your new baby will steal the show and she's using the dress as an excuse for a rant? Either way, it's her problem.

If the bride was happy with it, then your aunty can go frig herself can't she. The bride has the final say and you said she liked it.

I would put the dress on in the morning, get your mum to take a fab pick then 'accidentally' spill something on it

But just to keep the peace.
Nothing wrong with the dress for a wedding

Or if you really do want to wear it, do you have a pink or green cardigan/jacket?

my husband says it’s lovely and said “all you woman turn into crazy bitches around weddings
Nice humour...

All this over a wedding guest dress? Really? The lot of them sound like drama llamas. Nobody is going to pay attention to/remember what you wear, I think the dress is fine BUT on the strength of your aunty’s temperament I would wear something else.

It looks fine? It's nothing like a wedding dress or upstaging of the bride?!

Wear it

Your aunt will probably be a dick whether you wear it or not

Pink accessories are good. Even if they are pastel. White/metallics might have been trickier (if we give this nonsense brain space).

Is it a big wedding? 50+ guests and no one is gonna notice and you can avoid aunt.

If your lovely mum has finally stood up for her self, and the bride is happy, please wear it! Your auntie would see anything else as a victory. Your dm deserves backup!

I’d just wear something else if the mother of the bride is going to kick up a big fuss. Your cousin doesn’t deserve to have her day ruined just because her mum is bonkers. But when the bride asks about your outfit I’d be honest about what her mum has said.

That is definitley not a "you wore white to a wedding" type dress, it has a coloured pattern on it and isn't full length!! Your auntie is being a dick and you shouldn't give in to her. Although if it's going to ruin your cousins day by her mum kicking off about it or cause you stress maybe it's easier just to wear something else?

The dress is absolutely fine. Although if you do wear it I think you should now wear a coloured jacket/cardigan.

Buttttt I don't know, you probably shouldn't wear it, you don't want to cause drama for the bride, and you'll look like the bigger person that way. Frustrating though, because there's nothing wrong with the dress and you probably want to wear it to spite the mum anyway! But be the bigger person.

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!!!! For the first time in the history of our family my aunty has actually apologised!
Being my aunty she had typically decided to tell my cousin all about it this evening and my cousins gone mad at her! My aunty sent me a very apologetic text this evening and I replied after about 30mins and she rang me back after my text in about 30 seconds 🤣 she was really upset but she seems to have gone to the Charlie sheen school of explanations because she’s blaming it on the cocktails and her medication! She said she hasn’t drank spirits in years and she’s on blood pressure tablets and she’s had a really big row with her partner Wednesday evening before the spa day and she’s been feeling very anxious and stressed and the combination of everything has had an adverse effect and made her act out of character (this isn’t bloody out of character for her, but I’ll let that slide since she was apologising! Ha ha!)
I think she’s really embarassed now especially that my cousin was so cross with her, I can’t believe she reeled it all off to her the night before her wedding thinking she was going to feel the same and validate her.
She’s told a couple of fibs like saying she didn’t have her glasses on when she saw the picture and said she thought it was completely white and a maxi dress (she did have her glasses on because I remember she looked at the picture pulled a face and said “let me get my glasses on” and had another look and looked even more pissed off!) but said she’s looked at the picture again and realised her mistake. She doesn’t have the picture and I haven’t sent it to anyone else so how the bloody hell is she suppose to have looked at it again??? She also said my cousins been very demanding and she wanted to avoid her getting any more stressed on the wedding day (my cousin has been so chilled and the only one who’s been demanding is her!)
After I got off the phone from her my cousin called me and we’ve had a really good laugh about! (She said I’m in charge of locking her in the broom cupboard if she starts tomorrow! Ha ha). My mums still absolutely fuming and has said she isn’t genuinely sorry she’s just said it because her daughters told her to and she knows I’ll just forget it and drop it. But at least the airs been cleared before tomorrow!

Phew - you must be very relieved that you'll be able to celebrate with your cousin (who sounds lovely) without worrying about her mum.

To be honest I think we’re all secretly glad it’s happened before the wedding. She always does something to cause trouble or upset someone. She’ll be on her best behaviour from now on, fingers crossed, now she’s been given a dressing down by everyone!

Great result. Have a great day.