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Original poster

Go with heart or head

33 replies

Hopskipjumping · 21/05/2018 21:13

With regards to venue.

First choice is the cheapest, in a hotel 20 mins away from where all guests live. Perfectly fine but now wow. Ok gardens but again nothing special and not the best condition.

Second choice is a wedding venue not hotel only slightly more expensive but has two separate function rooms so two brides on same day. Slightly better grounds and gardens. We would put on buses for guests.

Third choice is stunning. Very very top budget. SlightlY over but we could make it work and the venue is so nice that we wouldn't need any extras. Stunning views and grounds. Hotel and 1 hour away. We would put on buses for guests.

Head says option 1 or 2. OH was ready to sign the contract on option 3 as we both thought wow but after coming away as reconsidered as thinks its a waste of money spending money on one day so he thinks option 1 but is also undecided.

For context we have our "forever" home (mortgaged), car and two (and only) children.

Any advice.

OP posts:
Boredboredboredboredbored · 21/05/2018 21:22

What's the price difference? I think I'd go for option 3 if I could afford it, it may only be one day but you'll remember it forever.

Original poster
Hopskipjumping · 21/05/2018 21:25

Option 1 £7500
Option 2 £8000
Option 3 £10500

OP posts:
Bagadverts · 21/05/2018 21:27

Based on your finances how large is the saving between the different options? (Eg if option three is £2000 more than option one is that one month pay, three months pay.) what could you do with that extra budget. Do any of the options have extra hidden costs?

Why did you set the budget you did? Is it worth more time at work to go over and less time with friends/family/hobbies?

Will it be more expensive for guests/mean staying overnight and getting childcare? Can they all afford it, would any drop out, even if they didn't give that as the reason?

If your guests will be fine If you think it's worth it go for it. Once the decision is made put that part of the money out of your mind.

TroubledLichen · 21/05/2018 21:30

As a selfish guest I’d say option 1 and spend the money on the food/booze/throwing a great party. I see how you’d want to go all out and for option 3 though. Option 2 seems like a lose/lose as it’s neither the cheapest option or has the wow factor of option 3 so I’d automatically discount that. Just don’t base it all on grounds and gardens if you’re in the UK though; you might not be blessed with the weather.

MarcellaBackland · 21/05/2018 21:43

So for Option 3, guests would have to ride a bus for an hour to get to the hotel? I would not enjoy that one bit.

Original poster
Hopskipjumping · 21/05/2018 21:43

Thanks. All food for thought.

Option 1 comes with cake and piper too. Option 2 with cars and dj. Option 3 none of the above. So it would ultimately cost even more.

We have two years to save however and option 3 would be tight and we wouldn't get a holiday next year but I can live with that, I think.

Option 3 its not just the grounds its also the view and the decor. The ceremony room is exactly our style and looks over a loch as you walk down the aisle. Its honestly breathtaking.

But head is still saying that the money could go to other things or kids or anything other than our wedding when we live like a married couple and have done for years.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hopskipjumping · 21/05/2018 21:45

Yes thats the other thing putting me off option 3 is the distance although everyone assures me (in real life) that this is not an issue.

OP posts:
FreeMantle · 21/05/2018 21:45

Are those prices including the buses?

Are you getting married there or is it just for after the ceremony?

If you are actually being married there maybe 3 would be worth doing.
Otherwise I'd go for 1. but only if I had tried the food. I have worked in hotels and it can be grim behind the scenes.

8pinksnails · 21/05/2018 21:47

It's worth considering that in 2 years the decor may change. Ours was quite different by the time we married

Original poster
Hopskipjumping · 21/05/2018 21:47

No not including buses. Yes we would be getting married and having our reception all in the one venue.

I might enquire about buses tomorrow to get an accurate price.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 21/05/2018 21:52

Trouble is if you bus everyone in, then everyone has to arrive and leave at the same time, which doesn't usually happen at weddings.

Original poster
Hopskipjumping · 21/05/2018 21:59

Thanks, hadn't really considered that. Not sure how much of an issue that will be for people. A friend went to a wedding there and said she drove her and a group of friends as there were no buses.

Another friend went to the full day and there were only buses for, evening guests and she said she got a taxi which cost £40.

Both said with buses running it wouldn't be an issue and really recommend the venue. Need to have a good think as its important to me that people feel able to come and Its outputting if people would feel put out or unable to come.

OP posts:
DobbyisFREE · 22/05/2018 15:48

If you already have your forever home then you're obviously sensible with money so I'd say go with your heart and pick option 4.

If you do decide to follow your head then keep looking for another venue, the other 2 are still far too much money to spend on a venue you don't love.

DobbyisFREE · 22/05/2018 15:48

*option 3

Popsicle434544 · 22/05/2018 20:59

Honestly, first two options are a huge amount of money for somthing u don't love.
I'd keep looking x

MaggieFS · 23/05/2018 18:29

The venue has to work for you, and your guests, but also you have to love it and you have to look forward to it.

Based on everything you've said an hour is not unreasonable for guests nor is £40 for a taxi if they don't then need a hotel overnight. So as long as you're not over stretching yourselves financially or going to come to resent it, I'd go with option 3. It sounds stunning and it sounds like a day you'll treasure rather than one you might look back on and regret how you've done it.

Wedding are a stupid expense, but if you're already well into those types of sums, as long as you're sensible in terms of affording it and not losing your head, then definitely go with your heart!

RandomMess · 23/05/2018 18:34

I'd keep looking too tbh!

Original poster
Hopskipjumping · 25/05/2018 08:17

I went to see venue 3 again yesterday with my mum and sister to talk over options.

They were able to play about with my menu and evening buffet to bring it down to nearer £10,000.

I called a bus company and they quoted £980 for two buses. One for day guests and one for evening then both buses returning.

It seems a lot but we both absolutely love the venue. Its perfect.

They do a discount for winter weddings and it reduces the price a lot. November 2019 the price is £7300 and October 2020 is £6300.

Part of me thinks we should do the winter time as its cheaper but next November is very close to Christmas for everyone plus I always imagined getting married in summer time (although I know the weather isnt always guaranteed in summer).

I really love this venue and think it is the "one" but will we regret spending so much money on one day? We are getting about £5000 from my dad but still predict we will need about £15-16k more if we go for the summer wedding in venue 3 and I just dont know if thats a ridiculous amount to spend.

Anyone spent that amount and regretted it? I just think of all the stuff we could do with that but at the same time know I would love to have a wedding there.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 25/05/2018 10:52

I know several people who regretted spending large sums of money. Go for an autumn wedding, why not?

JellySlice · 25/05/2018 11:00

Personally, I'd go for Option 1, and spend extra on making it an awesome party. But if you have your heart set on Option 3 (and why not? Smile) then October can be lovely. Still warm and sunny, with plenty of colour outside. You could perhaps book for the half term, if that helps people attend. Aren't weekday weddings cheaper than weekends? Though then, of course, your guests would need to take holiday leave. You'd obviously need contingency plans in case of rain, but an awesome venue should be able to accommodate that.

Original poster
Hopskipjumping · 25/05/2018 11:32

Thanks, the reason I dont want october 2020 is because it seems like such a long time away and id really like it to happen sooner rather than later. But the more I think about it the more Im swaying towards it. Cheaper & gives us more time to save.

Seen another venue which has similar decor but much cheaper not the views but seems nice. Going to see that venue on Monday and then decide hopefully.

OP posts:
Teenytinyvoice · 25/05/2018 12:03

I had a similar choice and went with option 1, BUT I had travelling guests who had to stay over, and the marriage ceremony was in my home church which was beautiful. The reception venue was a little scruffy in places, but by the time it was full of friends and family dressed to the nines it would not occur to you at all. In the end, even local guests stayed over, people loved being able to roll up to bed when they wanted and everyone had a lovely breakfast the next day as we took over the dining room!

Just a few upsides of option 1 you may not have thought of.

meel · 25/05/2018 12:15

I might not be the best person to respond (we have planned our wedding 6 weeks in advance and spending as little as possible) but when I go to weddings, I don’t spend that much time looking at the building or surroundings. You are so busy looking at bride/groom/guests etc that it seems crazy to spend over £10k on nice decor. I also really dislike weddings further afield when it makes it hard to leave when you want, unless you pay a lot of money for a hotel.

We went to a wedding last October in a beautiful setting, 3 hours away from home, but it poured with rain and was dark early, so we basically only saw the inside of the marquee and none of the beautiful gardens and house. That marquee could have been in their back garden for all we knew!

BusterTheBulldog · 25/05/2018 12:22

We bussed people for our wedding, just said ‘be at x location if you want to get the busses’ everyone got it! We were allowed drinks on ours too, so put on tinned prosecco (who knew!), little H&M type mixer tins, craft beers and soft drinks. Went down really well!

I think option 3, it sounds lovely! We also got married at Christmas, had no problems with people attending.

Loopytiles · 25/05/2018 12:28

I don’t think it’s wise to spend so much on a wedding when you already have a mortgage and DC. The money could be better used on other things IMO.

Unless you already have an all singing and dancing legal cohabitation agreement the primary thing is the financial and legal commitment anyway.

Venue 3 sounds pretty costly and inconvenient for guests. Would booze prices be higher there too? Snow or other bad weather could ruin plans for venue 3 if you go for the winter option.

In any time of year it may rain and no one would use grounds.