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Original poster

One child invited...another not...

48 replies

Melody321 · 28/04/2018 09:22

We are going to a wedding which was no children. However, the bride who is godparent to our 4 year old has asked him to be page boy but asked us to not bring our 18 month old.
I have found loads of threads on children vs no children and was happy to not take either child but now feel torn.
What are people's thoughts?
Wedding is 2 hours away and will require an overnight stay. It will be the second time I leave 18 month old - the first time will be with my dh when I go to hen do.

OP posts:

LexieLulu · 28/04/2018 09:24

Has the bride actually said to you that the baby isn't invited? Wow that's shocking to me, I could never imagine saying "DC1 but not the baby"

I don't know what to suggest other than I don't think it's right

JenBarber · 28/04/2018 09:24

Sounds like a lot of faff.

Just say you can't make it.

rosamore · 28/04/2018 09:26

I think there's a difference between having a toddler and a 4-year-old child at a wedding. It'd be different if your little one was older and would be jealous... but I actually think it's reasonable to only invite the eldest in this circumstance.

If it's going to be hassle for you OR you don't want to - then stay home! Or leave both Dc at home (presumably what you were expecting to do?).

achoocashew · 28/04/2018 09:26

Why does it require an overnight stay if it's only two hours away? Get a babysitter for the younger one, leave the reception at 10/11pm and go home. What's so complicated?

Teateaandmoretea · 28/04/2018 09:27

Well I doubt the 18 month old will be offended re: their lack of wedding invite. I'd just go assuming you have someone to look after her who she will be OK with. Tbh 18m is the very worst age for a wedding guest to be if the bride doesn't want it interrupted by dc.

Flutist · 28/04/2018 09:31

She wants to use the older child because it benefits HER to have a cute little page boy. But she doesn't want the other child. How nasty and selfish! Normally I'd say the bride and groom can choose who they want to attend but this is just mean. I'd tell her DC1 can't be page boy because you won't be attending due to staying at home with DC2.

Mannix · 28/04/2018 09:32

This would be awful if the younger child was old enough to understand / remember the lack of invite, but as they're not I think this is fair enough. It's a no-child wedding but they've made one exception (for a godchild). I do agree with pp that 18months is the very worst age for a child at a wedding! - old enough to run around and not old enough to understand about being quiet etc.

That doesn't mean you have to go. You can decline the invite if it's all too much hassle. But I don't think her request is totally unreasonable.

ClaudiaWankleman · 28/04/2018 09:34

Sounds very off to me. I wouldn’t being going in the circumstances.

snewname · 28/04/2018 09:35

I don't think there is anything wrong with her asking, but tbh I'd just say that I'm going to leave them both at home.

Original poster

Melody321 · 28/04/2018 09:35

Really.....I'd say 4vis was way worse! Lol! So many opportunities for a tantrum where as 18 month old easy to remove quickly.

Thanks achoo....genuinely hadn't thought of that. That might make me feel better.

Rosamore - yes we had planned to leave both and is our current thinking but just wondered if there was another way round it.

At the moment I think I'm still just a bit upset as feel a friend I trust to be a godparent shouldn't be asking me to split chn up. But at the end of the day I do get it's her wedding.

OP posts:

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 28/04/2018 09:38

You go with your oldest, your DH stays home with your youngest. No reason why you can't travel back in the evening.

I know I several 18month old children I wouldn't want at a wedding......

Joinourclub · 28/04/2018 09:40

My worry is that she just wants the 4 year old as a cute accessory/prop and will have unrealistic expectations of that child. My 4 year old is well behaved, but there is still a chance he would refuse to walk down the aisle in front of everyone, or that he would refuse to smile for photos etc

Butterymuffin · 28/04/2018 09:42

I would be saying 'thanks for the offer of being page boy but we'll leave both at home under the circumstances, it works better for us if they're both here or both not'. You can say no to these things.

She wants to use the older child because it benefits HER to have a cute little page boy

That was my thinking too. It's still down to you. It's not a summons and she can hardly tell you not to come unless you supply a page boy.

Teateaandmoretea · 28/04/2018 09:47

Really.....I'd say 4vis was way worse! Lol! So many opportunities for a tantrum where as 18 month old easy to remove quickly.

Haha hahaha well to some extent it will depend on the dc. Either way, it's easier to only have 1 to control not 2 would be my view. When dd1 was 4 and dd2 18 months I would have voluntarily not taken dd2 to a an adults-only wedding where dd1 was a flower girl. I do think not inviting your lo is a bit bridezilla/ off but equally I can see the practical side for everyone. But it depends how happy she is to be left with grandparents etc on her own.

Teateaandmoretea · 28/04/2018 09:48

She wants to use the older child because it benefits HER to have a cute little page boy

Yep, it's a bit selfish/ bridezilla no doubt.

RebeccaWrongDaily · 28/04/2018 09:49

i assume they are close enough to warrant being god parents- and you picked them not because they are shallow idiots who want an accessory?
My sis when she married had only her god children as bridesmaids/ page boys, with their siblings not playing any part of the wedding.

For me god parent is a special role, as is bridesmaid/ page boy. Just leave the 18month old at home - they wont know or care. Unless you fancy a night off. Would it be possible for your 4 year old to be collected after the ceremony so you could let your hair down at an adult party afterwards?

Witchend · 28/04/2018 09:52

She presumably has asked the 4yo because she's Godparent to him. That sounds reasonable.

One of the things about Godparents is that can make a special relationship with one child in the family. All of mine have that and the others understand that the Godparent will send just that child a present or take them out for the day.

The 18 month old will be far happier at grandparents than being confined to being quiet at a wedding.

PleaseAndThanks · 28/04/2018 09:52

I think it’s mean on her part.

merrymouse · 28/04/2018 09:53

She can decide who to invite, you can decide whether to go.

I would probably take the 4 year old to the ceremony and meal and leave before the evening do.

If that doesn’t work for you just explain that you can’t leave your 18 month old and don’t go.

It’s only a wedding.

mostdays · 28/04/2018 09:54

I'd say no.

Lowdoorinthewal1 · 28/04/2018 10:00

Yep I call bridezilla.

She doesn't want either of your children at the wedding but she does want you to provide and stage manage a cute addition to her wedding photos.

Rachie1973 · 28/04/2018 10:00

I totally get 'no kids' weddings and that's fine. I loved attending them for the break from my own lol, however asking someone to bring one and not the other is a little strange I think.
You could mention that to her, and see if she'll consider having both.

LuluJakey1 · 28/04/2018 10:03

My 3 year old DS would be fine at a wedding but I wouldn't take DD(12m)- she would be a nightmare. She is now walking and I hoped it would improve things but she is worse! I would do what someone suggested, leave at 10pm and drive home, or leave both children at home (if with DGPs or someone they know and love) and enjoy a night in a hotel.

Mookatron · 28/04/2018 10:03

I don't mind child free weddings but child free weddings with one cute page boy/ flower girl drive me mad. He is a person not a pretty accessory.

I'd be saying no to bringing both children personally. He also needs to see his sister being included as part of his family.

NapQueen · 28/04/2018 10:04

She wants the 4yo there as a prop.

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