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Did anyone get upset at 'can't come' RSVPs?

55 replies

RockinInAFreeWorld · 03/03/2018 12:06

I know I shouldn't moan but thought other brides and grooms to be on this thread might have gone through/are going through similar.

Our wedding is this September, booked it 17 months ago and sent out save the dates a week after we booked the day; posted invites out last month.

Told our friends about it as soon as we booked it, turns out another girl who went to my school (a couple of years above) is getting married on the same day; this girl is very social and has never left the area/had numerous bar or pub jobs/plays adult netball (basically knows loads of people and so do her family and her H2B's family).

In a nutshell, around 10 of our friends and their partners are going to this wedding and not ours. I understand they've already committed - unbeknown to me hers was booked over 2.5 years in advance so people had that date in their diary before we even got engaged! But guess I just thought some of them would have considered our friendship stronger (which it definitely is, for some of them the only interaction they have with this woman is if she serves them in the local - I don't think they even have her phone number!) and as a result thought ours would take precedence. If we told them our wedding date with 6 months notice or so i'd understand if they'd already made plans to get to hers but...I don't know, I've just felt a bit deflated since I told them all the date and half have said "ah, can't. Already said i'd go to X's wedding".

I know we should just be happy with the day we have, but the room we've booked looks nicely full with 10 tables of 10 (100 guests) but with the way the RSVPs are going we're going to have around 60 guests. Around 15 other guests have sent apologies for various other reasons, which is fine. Worried it's going to look empty.

I guess out of 120 invited I thought we'd only get around 20 'no's', but with this cohort of friends, their partners and others who can't make it for various reasons it's coming in at around 65 guests.

So not to drip feed - the girl whose wedding was booked 2.5 years ago is further away and requires a 2 night stay, ours is 'local' to where everyone is and people could stay or even get an uber home. Maybe they all just want to make a weekend of it away somewhere, maybe me and DP just don't seem as fun...

We're in regular contact with friends too, it's not as if I moved far away and have to accept new friendships form and grow stronger.

I'm 27...I need to get a grip don't I.

OP posts:
Afternoon · 08/03/2018 08:20

I think "Save The Date" is not an invitation TBH.

NataliaOsipova · 08/03/2018 08:37

I'm a bit confused now. So the other couple haven't actually sent out invitations yet, just save the date cards? And you've sent out in invitations, which some people have declined because they've verbally said they'll go to the other wedding?

ArcheryAnnie · 08/03/2018 10:43

So the other couple haven't actually sent out invitations yet, just save the date cards

A save the date card is an invitation, albeit one without much detail in it.

If you don't consider it an invitation, imagine it done like that with birthday parties: "oh, hey, Janet - it's my birthday on the 4th April. I'm having a big party, but haven't yet decided if I can afford to invite you. Why don't you keep yourself free on that date, just in case you make my A-list?"

NataliaOsipova · 08/03/2018 11:08

A save the date card is an invitation, albeit one without much detail in it.

It's not so much that I wouldn't consider it an invitation, it's more that I wouldn't reply to it. I'd see it as a "you're going to be invited - look out for your invitation" thing.

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 08/03/2018 11:13

I have to say, I went to a wedding last year that was a large barn, at the dinner it felt full, but in the evening it felt so empty. I felt sorry for the bride, she kept trying to get people to come up and dance.

If it was me, and it was 20 Close Friends not able to make it, I’d consider moving the date, or inviting a lot of extra people for the evening.

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