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Original poster

No free bar

101 replies

DollyLlama · 09/02/2018 12:05

I’m planning my wedding reception for June and have found a lovely venue in a football ground. Really nice, plenty of room and it’s 1 month after the wedding as were eloping to Gretna Green.

Here lies the problem. They won’t let us provide any alcohol for the tables and I’m really reluctant to have a free bar (or put money behind it) because we’re trying to keep costs really low (plus I work for their drinks supplier so I know their eye watering mark up on the drinks).

Would it be frowned upon to have a pay bar? I’ve only ever been to one wedding that had a free bar and people just went mad getting drink after drink and barely finishing it before they got the next and we just can’t afford that.

OP posts:
NoqontroI · 09/02/2018 12:24

I just provided fizz for the toast. But then I had a buffet not a sit down meal so there wouldn't have been wine at the table. Couldn't afford a free bar for everyone. I've never been to a wedding with a free bar.

NoqontroI · 09/02/2018 12:25

We didn't have wedding gifts though which may have helped.

Original poster
DollyLlama · 09/02/2018 12:39

Oh it’s a buffet by the way, not a sit down meal.

I think vouchers are the way forward then, good way of controlling the costs. To be honest that didn’t really cross my mind so cheers Mumsnet 👍

OP posts:
thecatsthecats · 09/02/2018 14:27

Honestly, it surprises me that for some people a free bar is the norm! I have been to 3 weddings a year for the past five years and only one free bar (and that was at a wedding abroad as a thank you for the travel).

It's completely normal in my circles at least to have a paid bar, but it's also been the absolute minimum to have a welcome drink and a toast drink too.

(Having said that, we're going with a free bar!)

OakIsBetterTho · 09/02/2018 14:34

I have never once been to a wedding with a free bar, and I have never once thought badly of anyone for that fact. However, generally limited drinks are on the table so in your case OP i would provide two free drinks per person and that's that, the rest would be pay bar.

mommytoboo86 · 09/02/2018 14:43

I didn't have a free bar at my reception but I did purchase some bottles of champagne (from the venue) and it wasn't frowned upon however many of my guests had worked in that business and were very aware of what goes on with these 'free bars' and it's nothing to do with how much each drink is marked up.
Perhaps put the word out why u have chosen not to have a free bar
x

Pittcuecothecookbook · 09/02/2018 14:43

It's not the norm, but should be. Most weddings I go to the bride has on a £5k dress and expensive shoes, make up, cars, Maldives honeymoon, etc etc but the bar is a pay one and I always judge. I know i shouldn't, and I'm not suggesting the OP has spent £20k, but those that do, I think they could use their budget better

My wedding cost £3k 6 years ago, and we made sure we choose a venue that allowed us to bring our own booze. We went to France and spent £500 on booze for all 120 guests for the day and night and my bridesmaids had (lovely) £14 dresses in the sale 😂 not sure they were impressed but I was happy that people who had booked hotels and travel etc didn't have to buy booze too

Vouchers sounds good as a balance. You could give them on the day though to avoid people forgetting to bring them or not coming and then you can share out the amount between everyone there x

SandAndSea · 09/02/2018 14:44

Of all the weddings I've been to, only one had a free bar and that was because it was in their garden. All the others have had normal bars where guests pay, though some drinks were available on the table or wherever. I went to one where the couple put quite a bit of money behind the bar and it lasted well into the night - I think quite a few of us were buying our own to help out.

In other words, do whatever works for you.

Ariela · 09/02/2018 14:45

We had quite a few older family guests, and found they preferred tea and coffee (we borrowed the village church tea urns). So do bear that in mind.

BusterTheBulldog · 09/02/2018 14:48

Is it just an evening reception / party? If so I would be expecting a paid bar? Just thinking I’ve been to a wedding abroad with party back here and all was paid bar, and a a late wedding with no sit down meal and I think we paid for all drinks there too. Don’t see the issue myself.

borlottibeans · 09/02/2018 14:50

I've never been to a wedding with a free bar and I don't know anyone in real life who has had one. I've heard it's normal in the US and I suspect some people in the UK are reading lists of wedding etiquette online and getting carried away.

FWIW at my own wedding, which is imminent, we will be greeting everyone with a glass of fizz as they arrive at the reception and after that they're on their own. I can't afford to fund a piss up for 50 people!

coffeeforone · 09/02/2018 14:56

I think you need to provide at least wine for the table and fizz for toast - will the venue not do this for a price.

I don't think I've been to a wedding without at least table wine and i would judge if there was nothing.

We thought it was important to provide a free bar. Our wedding was on a budget (total cost including absolutely everything was £9.5k). The biggest cost was the bar bill at £2,800 (there was also table wine and fizz on top of this), for 60 day guests and an additional 30 evening guests.

starfishmummy · 09/02/2018 14:56

I've been to wedding's where there were no drinks provided whatsoever.
Not been to.
a wedding where people were given drink vouchers but the in laws did this at their golden wedding anniversary party, but for the adults, nothing at all for their four (almost adult) grandkids!

starfishmummy · 09/02/2018 14:57

Oops punctuation fails!!

BlueberryMarshmallow · 09/02/2018 15:04

I have never been to a wedding with a free bar and I wouldn’t expect there to be one either, I’m getting fed for free and surely expecting free drinks too is a bit much. I would expect a glass of something for the toast but other than that I would be expecting to buy my own. Weddings are so expensive already!

Doobigetta · 09/02/2018 15:48

I don't think it's reasonable to expect a free bar all night at a wedding, especially given how much some people drink. There's a huge gulf between providing a few drinks- a couple of glasses of fizzy stuff and half a bottle of wine per person- so that everyone is refreshed and comfortable, and paying for people to drink as much as they can until they puke or pass out.

MyKingdomForBrie · 09/02/2018 15:54

I would add wine to your tokens, not just a beer or a spirit.

We had a free bar but we weren’t at a venue so we could do this at a much cheaper price, we just paid for bar staff and bought in alcohol in bulk. Every other wedding I’ve been to at a venue (and that’s a lot!) has had a paid bar.

OutyMcOutface · 09/02/2018 15:55

That's really poor form. If you can't afford to host properly then don't host. You don't have to have a reception.

Aria2015 · 09/02/2018 15:56

Could you have a limited bar? In the past I've paid for house wine (red,rose and white) only and if people wanted anything else they had to pay for it. Some people choose to pay for cocktails, spirits etc... but they could have had free booze if they wanted so it was their choice!

Isadora2007 · 09/02/2018 16:00

I’d do a free drink for the toast on arrival- so each person gets one drink (ask the bar to only supply prosecco and not champagne!) and you pay that bill.
Then pay as you go!

N2986 · 09/02/2018 16:03

We just paid for the welcome bucks fizz, a couple of bottles of table wine and some fizz for the toast. I've been to a few free bars and people have always really taken the piss, getting completely wasted.

Redglitter · 09/02/2018 16:10

I've never ever been to a wedding with a free bar. Definitely not tight to have a pay bar. Any wedding I've been to has had free wine with dinner but after that you're on your own

HumbleCrumble · 09/02/2018 16:20

Of the 10 weddings I've been to in the last couple of years, only 3 have had any kind of open bar in the evening and they were all limited in some way:

One was a small wedding and it was only certain drinks that were free - 1 gin, 1 beer and 3 wines of the couple's choosing, and all soft drinks. Everything else was paid.

The other 2 were an announcement by the band that the bride's father had put some money behind the bar, and drinks would be free until that ran out.

I've never been offended at having to pay for drinks at a wedding. When free drinks have been offered it's a nice touch, but I certainly wouldn't expect it.

I think a couple of drinks vouchers per guest would be a perfectly acceptable alternative to the usual wedding "drinks package" - ie a drink after the ceremony, a drink for the toasts and a drink with dinner. I would add wine as an option though. And maybe ask the venue if they'd be willing to put on some special offers?

VioletCharlotte · 09/02/2018 16:30

I've only ever been to one wedding with a free bar. At the last one I went to, there was pimms on arrival, but I think your idea of a drinks token is better as people can choose what they want to drink.

GetsPostByOwl · 09/02/2018 16:34

I've never been to a wedding with a free bar. A few free drinks for the guests but always had to pay for our own when those were gone. Never bothered me one little bit.

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