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Original poster

Guests wearing white/cream/ivory

107 replies

emmeline7725 · 26/04/2017 18:16

Just wanted to know how others feel about guests wearing similar colours to the bride. And does being the mother of the groom make any difference. I am wondering if I should talk to my mother in law to be about her outfit choice!

OP posts:
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5
LaundryQueenHatesBunfights · 28/04/2017 21:57

Piglet, the OP clearly stated

'when she asked me what she should wear (I don't know why she asked me!) my reply was "anything but ivory"'

The MIL didn't have to ask what to wear and the OP clearly gave a simple answer.

Whether you are the sort who cares about someone else wearing white to your wedding is irrelevant. She asked and was specifically told 'don't do this' and she went and did it anyway. You really don't think she is setting out to upset the op? Why do you think she chose to wear ivory after being asked not to?

Obsidian77 · 28/04/2017 22:06

Your dress is beautiful op just focus on enjoying your celebration and let her make a fool of herself if she is dead set on doing so.

Original poster
emmeline7725 · 28/04/2017 22:13

Thank you very much for all responses. I really value the range of opinions.

One thing that does worry me is those saying "let her go ahead and make a fool of herself". I don't want her to be a laughing stock. I do like her.

OP posts:
notangelinajolie · 28/04/2017 22:31

Firstly, your dress is very, very lovely.

But, I have to say I like MIL's dress too. I think it complements yours and there is no way she would mistaken for the bride. It doesn't look very bridal when compared to yours. She has a nice dress and it isn't going to upstage yours so why even mention it? I'd leave it be.

scrabbbling · 28/04/2017 22:51

YANBU it's very rude for anyone other than the bride to wear white/ cream/ ivory to a wedding. If the outfit has a bit of white on it fine, but it shouldn't be the main colour. My aunt wore a long white coat to my wedding and whilst I didn't really care I found it a bit Hmm I wouldn't want my MIL wearing it.

SparklesandBangs · 28/04/2017 23:01

I wore a cream suit to my sisters wedding, however this was with her blessing
My MIL had a very pastel almost cream but she called it oyster suit for our wedding it actually looked OK and didn't bother me, however it was very nice, well cut and suited her. My DM wore a bright colour that toned with the bridesmaids.

Astro55 · 28/04/2017 23:21

It's just really bad manners ...
I'm always surprised at people who just don't know this stuff

user1466690252 · 28/04/2017 23:31

What Astro said

Beelzebop · 28/04/2017 23:31

Your dress is really lovely. Hers looks like an outfit an older bride might wear, or even an older bridesmaid. I would have another word, fairly firmly. Good luck xxx

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 28/04/2017 23:35

I have that suit in red and navy. It comes in lots of different colours too - would she not swap it? Debenhams have it in stock for £44 at the mo.

PerfectPeachy · 29/04/2017 00:20

I understand why etiquette and tradition is useful sometimes but there has to be an actual relevant reason for it. No one will get confused who the bride is, there is no way the MIL is going to upstage the bride and the fact the MIL will be wearing cream won't detract from the bride. There is simply no good reason for it to matter. Can you imagine a bridegroom giving a toss whether someone else is wearing a vaguely similar coloured outfit.

OP, I can guarantee that if you are wearing the dress you posted earlier that all eyes will be on you.

I'd pity anyone small minded enough to be laughing at the MIL behind her back. I admit I wouldn't wear a white dress myself but I wouldn't have known it was a thing until I joined Mumsnet.

Sukitakeitoff · 29/04/2017 07:33

Personally i wouldn't care at all.

I think if anyone's bothered / embarrassed it should be the guest.

I wore white trousers to a wedding once, nearly with a matching strapless white top, but wore a different top in the end. I had no idea the etiquette was not to wear white and would have been mortified if anyone had told me.

notarehearsal · 29/04/2017 07:38

I had no idea having only been to my own wedding and wore an ivory lacey dress ( Noa Noa so very weddingy ) Bet I was popular! Partner wore ivory linen suit. Does it actually really matter?

Wreckingball25 · 29/04/2017 07:46

Could you broach it from a photos point of view? Maybe that there's to be a photo with just her and you two but it would look odd?

SomewhereNow · 29/04/2017 07:47

If you don't want people to take the piss then someone needs to mention it to her. I'm quite relaxed about stuff like this but not everyone is and people will be muttering behind her back if she looks a bit bridal, I've seen it happen.

Is there anyone else who could broach it with her to save it being awkward for you?

ImYourMama · 29/04/2017 07:50

My MIL wore white and all the photos don't centre as there's white (me) navy (DH) and fucking White again (MIL) still boils my piss now and I am not bothered about these things usually

eurochick · 29/04/2017 08:11

My Fil's partner wore cream to my wedding. She asked me first and I wasn't bothered. There were a few raised eyebrows on the day though, so based on my experience if she does this it will just reflect badly on her.

RustyBear · 29/04/2017 10:57

Had an email from M&S this morning, with 'Mother of the bride outfit ideas' , with a big picture of a MOB in an ivory outfit. Further down it insisted that 'it's no longer a fashion faux pas' to wear black or white, or both.

sheepashwap · 29/04/2017 11:58

I specifically asked for no white or ivory on my invites. My best friend (no bridesmaids) asked if she could wear an ivory dress. Would I mind. Yup.

And the person who wore bright white trousers. Yup. They REALLY stood out in the photos (not only me noticed). But I actually didn't care that much.

So YANBU to my mind.

And it doesn't matter what M&S marketing department says. MIL asked you and you told her. Then she went and bought exactly what you'd asked her, at her invitation, not to.

But instead of talking to her yourself, is there a SIL who you could have a word with?

PerfectPeachy · 29/04/2017 12:33

But instead of talking to her yourself, is there a SIL who you could have a word with?

Why would you think of a SIL and not the OPs husband to be. Confused. It's his Mum after all. Is it because this is the type of crap that only women care about? 🤷🏻‍♀️

grannytomine · 29/04/2017 16:54

I know some people don't care but the point is she asked and bride said no ivory and now she has ivory. Whatever the etiquette of wearing white/cream/ivory why ask if you are going to do exactly what you were asked not to do?

Original poster
emmeline7725 · 29/04/2017 16:57

Again, thank you for your opinions. I think it's clear that there's no general consensus on this issue!

I did speak to mil this afternoon. I should probably preface this by saying that she does have form for getting the wrong end of the stick and I thought this might be one of those occasions.

I told her I wanted to speak to her about her dress choice. She told me she had returned the dress. I said "oh perhaps that's for the best. I don't think cream is the right choice." She said she had tried both the blue and pink versions but apparently the jacket is a slightly different style and she doesn't like it.

She then showed me a dress she has bought from Topshop. Very pretty, floaty, cream background but lots of pattern. She declared it too informal for the wedding. She possibly had a fair point.

So after some more discussion she said that she had a cream lace dress in her wardrobe. She would probably end up wearing that!!! (I suspected this would happen - either she doesn't listen to me, doesn't understand what I am saying or deliberately ignores me!!!)

I reiterated that cream was what I had an issue with. I suggested that my feeling was it should be reserved for the bride. She seemed surprised. She clearly does not think it's a problem. I found it a bit awkward having to explain what I consider to be good manners to a woman 30 years older than me! So I did it in an "I'm so daft, I have this silly belief that cream/ivory is only for the bride. And some of my friends even think it's bad form to wear cream. And we wouldn't want anyone to talk would we?"

I think she got the point in the end! Hopefully...

Anyway, other than the minefield that is the mil's dress choice I am totally happy about the wedding and getting married and will surely have a lovely day.

OP posts:
babyinarms · 29/04/2017 17:02

You're stealing her ds from her, she's in competition with you id say! (Only joking , kinda Grin )
I was at a wedding recently , the bride had a beautiful, simple full length dress. A guest had a simple, white maxi dress, if you didn't know the bride you'd be hard pressed to know who was who ! I thought that was very rude !

Original poster
emmeline7725 · 29/04/2017 17:04

The Topshop dress, in case anybody cares. I like this one! Might get one for myself and make sure I wear it at the same time mil wears hers! (Joke!)

Guests wearing white/cream/ivory
OP posts:
Code42 · 29/04/2017 17:08

To be fair to your nearly MIL, OP, my (extremely formal and proper) mother had never heard of the no cream/white/ivory rule until I told her in passing last year, and reading PP experiences on here also makes me wonder if this is a relatively recent invention of etiquette. Still, now you've contextualised it for her, if she presses ahead even so, she definitely did mean to be so rude Grin

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