The dress...should I do as I'm told...

[Weelea1]

So I'm getting married in 2018 I'm struggling big time tbh my mum isn't being very helpful and my mother in law is being so nice and helping me make some decisions which indeed I'm terrible at but every bit of input is very much needed! So the dress is love to wear is white which I knew can be a touchy subject I have a 6 year old little girl who is my world and I wouldn't change her for the world! But my mum along with being very unsupportive is being quite horrible I've tried to involve her in helping me make decisions about the colours and so on but she just shrugs it off as if she's not bothered she has only asked me not to wear white I did say to her that that would be my decision to make but now any wedding talk falls on death ears when I ask her things she just says I don't know...my mum has a lot of health issues one of which is agoraphobia (she doesn't go out) which makes it twice as hard because she said she doesn't know if she will even come to the wedding...it's totally breaking my heart I have no idea what to do I'm I being selfish wanting to wear a white dress it's my first wedding I've never been married nor do I want to again but just because I had a child out of wedlock shouldn't mean I can't wear the colour I want? I'm so confused any advice is truly welcomed xx

[WanderingNotLost]

I'm wearing a white dress and I ain't no virgin the runner-up dress was a beautiful blush gown.

Wear whatever the hell you want OP. It's your day.

[MrsTyler2be]

My Mum also suffers with mental illness and has shown no interest in my wedding planning.I understand how hard it be can.
Im getting married on an African safari but having a party when i come home whoch will be rustic theme, so chose to get a champagne colour dress. I showed my mum and she told me she didnt like it.
I think my dad always dreamed of seeing me in a princess white or ivory dress.
It made it so confusing knowing what to get.
i ended up choosing what felt right for my location and what my husband to be would like. I felt a dress in the colour would look good against the scenery we will be in.
I loved so many dresses, and fell in love with a classy ivory satin gown with sparkly buttons down the back. But i know my husband to be likes things a bit different and at the end of the day we choose to do something different and i am happy with the dress i've gone for.
Try not to let too many opinions come in to play. Sit down and think about what you think will work for you on your day. :-) Your the one who will look back at the photos the most.

[mrsBeverleygoldberg]

I wore a dress my abusive mother told me to get. I still don't like it and regret wearing it. Get the one you want. I spent my wedding day worrying about how my mum would behave, not enjoying it. She might do you a favour if she doesn't come.
Get the dress you want. Hardly anyone who wears white is a virgin!

[Nonibaloni]

I want a colourful evening gown type thing and my mum is making a big hoo haa about not a "real" wedding dress.

You can't win. She's got an idea in her head but it's not her wedding. Ask for opinions, not permission.

[Graphista]

Very few brides have EVER been virgins, even Victorians. The pretence was virtuous until wedding night the reality if you look at wedding dates in line with date of birth of first child is that many brides were already pregnant if not mothers upon marriage (and of course there will have been brides pregnant on wedding day who sadly mc or had still births that weren't recorded so even more than we know about) pre Victorian times it wasn't actually considered that big a deal. Lots of couples also lived together and claimed to be married but weren't and single mothers called themselves 'Mrs' and invented dead husbands.

Brides marry in tons of colours now, 3 friends of mine married last year one in black and red - a very gothic wedding all round the cake was a skull with a rose in its mouth, one in bright pink 40's style outfit (during war years when cloth was rationed many brides like my grans just married in their 'Sunday' suit), one was a single mum of two it was her first wedding she's almost 50 and she had the full traditional church white dress job! Her mum said she was too old! But not at all.

They all looked gorgeous and very happy.

Wear what you want to.

[Graphista]

Nonibaloni as myself and pps have said white dresses were a fad copying Victoria that's stuck! Ditto the ball gown styling.

Prior to Victoria it was just a 'best' dress in brides favourite colour although there were superstitions around colours too

www.hitched.co.uk/planning/myths.aspx

[Graphista]

www.bbc.co.uk/culture/story/20140503-how-wedding-dresses-evolved

Possibly nothing to do with being virtuous but being wealthy!

[UnbornMortificado]

I wore white and I have 4 DC. I doubt very few brides in our culture are virgin's in this day and age.

[Heirhelp]

Wear what you want. The am guessing the majority of women who get married are not virgins but the majority wear white/cream/ivory.

[BeBeatrix]

What a shame your mother is being unsupportive. It's certainly possible that some older relatives might also at you wearing a white dress.

But it won't even occur to the vast majority of people there. Wear what you like.

And if your mother was being supportive generally, and simply raising a concern out of good motives, I'd sympathise with her wanting to express her concern. But that's clearly not the case. Don't listen to her.

[measles64]

If your Mum is agorophobic believe me it consumes her, she will not be thinking rationally just panicking about the whole thing. Luckily you have a great MIL to be so lean on her. The more you discuss it with your own Mum the more agitated she will become. Just push on with your wedding your way. If your Mum chooses not to seek professional help tis not your fault.

[KanyeWesticle]

This thread is from November last year...

[loaferloveforyou]

Just as a note (incase people are searching threads regardless of when they are from)

When I went dress shopping in my head I had planned to get a white dress. So I tried on a what I thought was white dress.

My dress is Ivory. I didn't even realise til the order form was being filled out.

White, Ivory and other white shades are so similar. (Or maybe I'm just ignorant)

Pick a dress you like. Don't even think of the colour.