The dress...should I do as I'm told...

[Weelea1]

So I'm getting married in 2018 I'm struggling big time tbh my mum isn't being very helpful and my mother in law is being so nice and helping me make some decisions which indeed I'm terrible at but every bit of input is very much needed! So the dress is love to wear is white which I knew can be a touchy subject I have a 6 year old little girl who is my world and I wouldn't change her for the world! But my mum along with being very unsupportive is being quite horrible I've tried to involve her in helping me make decisions about the colours and so on but she just shrugs it off as if she's not bothered she has only asked me not to wear white I did say to her that that would be my decision to make but now any wedding talk falls on death ears when I ask her things she just says I don't know...my mum has a lot of health issues one of which is agoraphobia (she doesn't go out) which makes it twice as hard because she said she doesn't know if she will even come to the wedding...it's totally breaking my heart I have no idea what to do I'm I being selfish wanting to wear a white dress it's my first wedding I've never been married nor do I want to again but just because I had a child out of wedlock shouldn't mean I can't wear the colour I want? I'm so confused any advice is truly welcomed xx

[loaferloveforyou]

Just as a note (incase people are searching threads regardless of when they are from)

When I went dress shopping in my head I had planned to get a white dress. So I tried on a what I thought was white dress.

My dress is Ivory. I didn't even realise til the order form was being filled out.

White, Ivory and other white shades are so similar. (Or maybe I'm just ignorant)

Pick a dress you like. Don't even think of the colour.

[KanyeWesticle]

This thread is from November last year...

[measles64]

If your Mum is agorophobic believe me it consumes her, she will not be thinking rationally just panicking about the whole thing. Luckily you have a great MIL to be so lean on her. The more you discuss it with your own Mum the more agitated she will become. Just push on with your wedding your way. If your Mum chooses not to seek professional help tis not your fault.

[BeBeatrix]

What a shame your mother is being unsupportive. It's certainly possible that some older relatives might also at you wearing a white dress.

But it won't even occur to the vast majority of people there. Wear what you like.

And if your mother was being supportive generally, and simply raising a concern out of good motives, I'd sympathise with her wanting to express her concern. But that's clearly not the case. Don't listen to her.

[Heirhelp]

Wear what you want. The am guessing the majority of women who get married are not virgins but the majority wear white/cream/ivory.

[UnbornMortificado]

I wore white and I have 4 DC. I doubt very few brides in our culture are virgin's in this day and age.

[Graphista]

www.bbc.co.uk/culture/story/20140503-how-wedding-dresses-evolved

Possibly nothing to do with being virtuous but being wealthy!

[Graphista]

Nonibaloni as myself and pps have said white dresses were a fad copying Victoria that's stuck! Ditto the ball gown styling.

Prior to Victoria it was just a 'best' dress in brides favourite colour although there were superstitions around colours too

www.hitched.co.uk/planning/myths.aspx

[Graphista]

Very few brides have EVER been virgins, even Victorians. The pretence was virtuous until wedding night the reality if you look at wedding dates in line with date of birth of first child is that many brides were already pregnant if not mothers upon marriage (and of course there will have been brides pregnant on wedding day who sadly mc or had still births that weren't recorded so even more than we know about) pre Victorian times it wasn't actually considered that big a deal. Lots of couples also lived together and claimed to be married but weren't and single mothers called themselves 'Mrs' and invented dead husbands.

Brides marry in tons of colours now, 3 friends of mine married last year one in black and red - a very gothic wedding all round the cake was a skull with a rose in its mouth, one in bright pink 40's style outfit (during war years when cloth was rationed many brides like my grans just married in their 'Sunday' suit), one was a single mum of two it was her first wedding she's almost 50 and she had the full traditional church white dress job! Her mum said she was too old! But not at all.

They all looked gorgeous and very happy.

Wear what you want to.

[Nonibaloni]

I want a colourful evening gown type thing and my mum is making a big hoo haa about not a "real" wedding dress.

You can't win. She's got an idea in her head but it's not her wedding. Ask for opinions, not permission.

[mrsBeverleygoldberg]

I wore a dress my abusive mother told me to get. I still don't like it and regret wearing it. Get the one you want. I spent my wedding day worrying about how my mum would behave, not enjoying it. She might do you a favour if she doesn't come.
Get the dress you want. Hardly anyone who wears white is a virgin!

[MrsTyler2be]

My Mum also suffers with mental illness and has shown no interest in my wedding planning.I understand how hard it be can.
Im getting married on an African safari but having a party when i come home whoch will be rustic theme, so chose to get a champagne colour dress. I showed my mum and she told me she didnt like it.
I think my dad always dreamed of seeing me in a princess white or ivory dress.
It made it so confusing knowing what to get.
i ended up choosing what felt right for my location and what my husband to be would like. I felt a dress in the colour would look good against the scenery we will be in.
I loved so many dresses, and fell in love with a classy ivory satin gown with sparkly buttons down the back. But i know my husband to be likes things a bit different and at the end of the day we choose to do something different and i am happy with the dress i've gone for.
Try not to let too many opinions come in to play. Sit down and think about what you think will work for you on your day. :-) Your the one who will look back at the photos the most.

[WanderingNotLost]

I'm wearing a white dress and I ain't no virgin the runner-up dress was a beautiful blush gown.

Wear whatever the hell you want OP. It's your day.

[sweetkitty]

Wear what you want, it's only a colour and the notion that white = virgin bride is ridiculous in this day and age.

I wore white and I have four children!

[rollonthesummer]

Does your mum seriously think that every other bride who gets married is a virgin?!

[Rubies12345]

Do you mean she wants you to wear ivory rather than white? Or a completely different colour like green?

[Kel1234]

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but you should wear whatever you want on your own wedding day. Your mum has no right to ask you not to wear white. If you want to wear white, wear it. It doesn't matter if you have no children or 10 children, or if it's your 1st wedding or 5th wedding. The bottom line is it really doesn't matter at all. Having a child does by no means at all mean you shouldn't wear white.
I was 4 months pregnant when I got married. We'd discussed marriage and both agreed we wanted it, and we were also trying for a baby. Er found out we were expecting just before Christmas. In the new year my now dh proposed - many people assumed it was only because of the baby, which wasn't true at all. We decided between us that we wanted to be married before the baby came (just what we wanted for ourselves, not saying it's right). So we were engaged for 3 months, and I was 4 months pregnant on my wedding day.
I wanted the traditional wedding, and that's what I had - big white ballgown dress, long veil over my face to walk down the aisle.
The idea that you shouldn't wear white if you have a child or are pregnant or its your 2nd wedding is so outdated.
Wear any colour you wish, and enjoy your special day. And I hope your mum comes round to the idea.

[Lireal]

Some mothers seem to find the negative in everything. You will never please her and this is the one event that should be totally about you and you h2b. My mother wanted me to have a 'traditional' wedding traditional to her looked very like a 70's wedding. Someone suggested I give her atask to keep her occupied. So I asked her to make the cake. She made an awful fruit cake which I hate and stuck plastic flowers on it. I could have easily paid for a tasty chocolate cake.
(wanders off muttering bitterly)

[UpLighter]

Our wedding was the last time we stopped trying to please our parents and friends.
We did everything to please and it still wasn't good enough to please some.
Choose what you want and it will make your day what you want!
Positive you will have a awesome day

[Weelea1]

Hi girls thank you so much for your feedback is think your right I should wear what I want but I still would like my mums approval it's something I've always wanted yet never got but I think I know I'm not going to get it anyway so y should I beat myself up about it? I live in Scotland im not pastey white like most my mums half Cypriot so i have a good colour im not religious my mum is Catholic but doesn't follow it anymore...that's possibly why I thought it was a touchy subject I'm not one of these brides that are a monster I'm to laid back to be anything close to it we will see what I choose I'm going in January! Xx

[madgingermunchkin]

Haha slightly!

I know that someone (I want to say a Royal House, or is it in Indian culture?) considers white as the colour of mourning.

Maybe all brides wear white in mourning for the loss of their freedom and life as they know it?

[PerspicaciaTick]

Most couples who get married live at the same address. I assume that this is a pretty fair indication that neither of them are virgins.

Wear what you would like to wear.

[midcenturymodern]

I had no idea that wearing white was a touchy subject. I wore white. Wear whatever you like.

[timelytess]

Wear what you like.
I suspect that a great many women who marry in white are not virgins - in fact, I only know one person who was a virgin bride(groom) and his mrs wasn't a virgin.
I'm not saying people shouldn't be, if they want to. I just think the 'white is only for virgins' ship sailed some time ago.

[slightlypeevedwombat]

Wow mad I never knew that!!
Although in ancient Japan, white was also the color of purity and innocence, so maybe I'm ancient and Japanese eh??? Where's the bloody tongue out smiley

(Desperately trying hide ignorance!! )