Who is in the wrong?!

[user1478546853]

Hey ladies,

I'm getting married next year and have been planning for around a year and a half. Everything was as far as I was concerned good to go until...

The other day I was discussing the wedding with some family friends and they asked about bridesmaids shoes. I was about to answer flat sandals (we are getting married in a hot and hilly place abroad) my sister cut in that she would be wearing wedges. I corrected her and said no I would like everyone in flats and she argued with me. The next morning I sent a polite message saying how I felt and that it had always been that way, I don't want to argue but I won't budge on that. She then came back to me saying she would need to go on an extreme diet as she would feel awful in flats (she's a size 8-10) I explained my reasons which are that I'm very short and if the bridesmaids wore heels they would tower over me even more and that if I then wore heels id be taller than my fiancé. I also explained the practical reasons regarding the location. This then led to her saying 'the dress you've chosen would make anyone look porky' (I have 4 other bridesmaids who love the dress which is a Grecian style) she then added that she didn't want to wear her hair up and put laughing faces mocking my ideas for it. So by this point she has suddenly said she hates the shoes, dress and hair. I have to point out that this has all been previously discussed (about 9 months ago) and then she says that if that's how I'm going to be she won't bother going at all?! So I told her not to bother.

I have bad problems with guilt so even though everyone I've so far asked have said I am not being unreasonable I'm still upset as its my sister.

So am I being unfair? All my other bridesmaids have been happy to do whatever. Right at the beginning of planning I said I've always wanted coral for my bridesmaids and she said that it wouldn't suit her so I changed that.

I also have to mention that other than my dad she is the only other family member of mine attending and I feel it is kind of emotional blackmail?

I've had a hell of a lot on my mind lately and now I'm fretting whether I'm right to put my foot down or being silly?!

xxx

IME sisters can be such pains as BMs! They know they can just say what they like and don't have to be as tactful as friends.

My sis wanted to wear ugly "comfortable shoes" (they were literally like fucking clogs) I just told her she didn't have to be a bridesmaid and she managed to find some shoes she liked (and my mother was on my side as she thought they were awful too!) Sometimes you need to be strict with dsibs.

That makes me sound like a massive zilla (!!) but my sister can be too demanding sometimes. Re heel height I left it open to them, some wore big heels some pretty flat, I also let them decide between themselves white vs silver colouring, my only stipulation was that they had to be nice evening shoes.

If I were your sis I would wear the flats (your legs can't be seen and if you have good posture you can still look really elegant) and lift my heels up a tiny bit/rock onto my toes to do the bevel thing for the formal pics to get a good angle.

Hairstyle looks gorgeous btw and your wedding sounds fab!

OP, people on this thread are being daft man. They're shoes for fucks sake!
If she is prepared to miss your wedding over a pair of shoes then you don't want her there anyways.
To those saying let her wear what she wants, would you be happy for the groomsmen to wear sandals with their suits? I mean they're only shoes right?
No. A bride has an outfit in mind, a bridesmaid wears that outfit. It's not their day. You design the outfit like you design your centrepieces. I'm sorry that sounds harsh. I personally want all mine to look different but if you are having them all dress the same then they all need to wear the same shoes and have the same hair. If she can't do that for you for one day then to hell with her

No one will notice what shoes your sister is wearing.