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Original poster

Bridesmaid hates everything

55 replies

Mamabear14 · 14/07/2016 14:56

So our wedding isn't for a while but I have got a venue and a fairly vintage/garden thing going on. I have 2 bridesmaids, one adult one child. The adult hates everything I've shown her, and I'm talking 50 odd dresses in every style going. Not even a reason, just a 'no'. I am paying for everything, do I really need to keep on and on looking, I'm getting a bit stressed out. I'm trying to be nice and have done, full length, tea Length, high neck, v neck, sweetheart, straps, strapless etc. I don't know where I'm going wrong! I haven't said anything but it's really taking the shine off the planning, as I want it to fit in with the rest, and I've literally tried every style, so I am stuck!

OP posts:
2nds · 14/07/2016 15:24

Chinese dresses are shit, the amount of people I know who have moaned that it was ripped or not the right material or the right colour is crazy.

Original poster
Mamabear14 · 14/07/2016 15:24

I haven't got pics of her choices to hand, and don't want to out myself considering she's only sent 2. But we have been through the entire dessy collection for example. And the Kelsey rose and alexia designs one. She liked one from romantica but it's years old and they don't do it anymore so I've been trying to find similar online but she's said no to those too

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamabear14 · 14/07/2016 15:25

I don't want to buy from China, I want to see it first, or go over my £200 budget in a bridal shop really, I would if I had to though.

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PatronIcingBardStarred · 14/07/2016 15:25

Oh, this sounds so familiar.

I was bridesmaid for a friend and wore what she put me in without complaint. Then I got married and she was a nightmare, she whined about everything but would refuse to give an opinion if asked. She had such a sour face on all day and left without saying goodbye.

I would consider asking her to just be a guest. It's the only thing about my wedding I look back at with regret. I don't know if our friendship would have held up to asking her to stand down, but it's never really been the same since anyway.

I still don't understand it. She was pretty much a bridezilla for her own wedding but I didn't realise she'd be such a pain in the butt at mine.

ImperialBlether · 14/07/2016 15:26

I would have gone off her by now. Do you think she actually wants to be a bridesmaid? When is the wedding?

Finola1step · 14/07/2016 15:30

I would simply say "I know you've been reluctant to try my ideas. I still want you to be my bm but it is ok if you have changed your mind. But I need to know and if you want to carry on, we need to choose a dress".

Pixilicious · 14/07/2016 15:32

One of my sisters was the same. In the end I said either you choose one of these dresses or you're no longer a bridesmaid. This was after we had ordered dresses from China that were shit quality and ill fitting but her choice!

SittingAround1 · 14/07/2016 15:34

Another approach could be to just stop looking for her. Concentrate on the rest of the wedding and wait until she comes up with something you like. Or could you pick a day to go out together to buy her dress and if she doesn't find one on that day then just quietly drop her as bridesmaid! You could tell her you don't have anymore time than that.

OurBlanche · 14/07/2016 15:36

Don't get dresses from China. good friend earns a spectacular living altering the bloody things, they do indeed come up small and are made very badly, it is very hard to alter them!

If I were you I'd thank her for her time and tell her she is excused jury bridesmaid service. Then let the child pick her dress and find A N Other adult or child who will wear what you want her to.

Life is way too short to spend pfaffing with people who don't understand when the time is right to shut up and go with the flow... your wedding : your choice

SolidGoldBrass · 14/07/2016 15:41

Are you sure you are friends and not just lifetime rivals? I get the impression you are trying to cover her up and make her look frumpy and she's determined to look sexier than you on the day...

handslikecowstits · 14/07/2016 15:44

OP, I don't think she wants to be your bridesmaid but can't tell you. She seems to be being deliberately difficult from what you've said.

paddypants13 · 14/07/2016 15:44

My SIL had this nonsense with one of her adult bridesmaids. In the end sil just asked her friend if she would rather just attend as a guest and her friend agreed. It has soured the friendship a bit and the friend's relationship with the other two bridesmaids but my sil just reached breaking point.

The friend was worried she wouldn't look as nice as sil, the bride. As I pointed out, no one is really looking at the bridesmaids, it' all about the bride and groom.

Original poster
Mamabear14 · 14/07/2016 15:46

I am not trying to cover her up at all! Bloody hell! I want her in the spotlight or she wouldn't be my only bridesmaid. It's a spring next year, sorry for vagueness but I am wary of her reading this, I really don't want to upset her at all. Truly I don't.

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Original poster
Mamabear14 · 14/07/2016 15:47

And as for the sexier than me thing, I am in a high neck, so anything showing collarbone would be 'sexier'. I am marrying my partner and he is the only one I care about thinking I look nice

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GabsAlot · 14/07/2016 15:50

shes bu-when i was bridesmaid my sis picked it out colour and everything and i wore it-it wasnt my day after all

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/07/2016 15:52

She sounds like immensely hard work - is she jealous of you or something?

I would definitely NOT get the dresses from China - I've been caught out like this before (not on a wedding/bridesmaid style), luckily it was only around £10 I paid but even in an XXL it is still only about a size 10-12, and the shape is all wrong because clothes from China are often made to suit the Chinese frame, which is often slimmer in the hips and bottom area - and mine aren't huge! But I've bought clothes in Hong Kong before, and there is very little allowance made for hips/buttocks, IME.

I would ask her what she wants you to do - because at this rate, she's going to be in her underwear unless she compromises! YOU are paying for it, she doesn't ever have to wear it again, she's being quite unbelievably difficult - so I'd ask her if she actually wants to be your bridesmaid, because it certainly doesn't seem like it.

HanYOLO · 14/07/2016 15:53

TBH I would tell her a colour and a budget and let her pick her own dress
And lighten up about it all a bit

mrsclooneytoyou · 14/07/2016 16:00

Op select 5 dresses you like, ask her to choose one and that's it. If she won't then she does not want to be your bridesmaid

PersianCatLady · 14/07/2016 16:01

I think you need to find someone else to be your bridesmaid.

This made me think that she is being a bit difficult "won't order next size up as it makes her 'fat'". Who cares what the actual label says, is she honestly not prepared to try the next size up just because it is supposedly a larger size?

GloriaGaynor · 14/07/2016 16:02

I think a low cut buxom bridesmaid dress from China is a definite no.

Can you ask her tactfully if she's having second thoughts about agreeing to be bridesmaid, and whether she'd rather not?

Original poster
Mamabear14 · 14/07/2016 16:04

i am trying to lighten up, I haven't uttered a word to her about it and keep showing her more dresses in the hope she will like one. I want her to be happy but I want to be happy myself! I have already compromised here, my first 2 styles were vetoed. I am paying for everything for her, including accommodation so I am really trying. I will have to ask her what she wants to do I think, which I was dreading. I have known her decades, and knew she was a bit highly strung but never expected this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamabear14 · 14/07/2016 16:07

Yes she is being awkward about the fat thing. I know that my wedding dress will be a bigger size. That's how it is! But she says she don't know 'what size she will be' which is great but if she finds one from a bridal shop it takes a while to make etc.

OP posts:
HanYOLO · 14/07/2016 16:13

I suppose I mean just let her get on with it and sort out what she wants. It doesn't really matter what she wears. I would say stop pandering and worrying and trying to make it all alright for her. There's a budget and a colour and the rest is up to her. She just needs to turn up in something appropriate. At least there's just the one of her!

ProfYaffle · 14/07/2016 16:15

I wonder if Han's idea to give her a colour and a budget and leave her to it might work? Maybe she feels self conscious about revealing her size or doing that 'trying it on in front of everyone' thing.

lidlisposhaldi · 14/07/2016 16:19

She sounds awful. Is she this controlling in other aspects of your friendship too?
She doesn't sound like much of a friend at all.
Do you have other friends? I would concentrate on building my relationships with them and cooling it with this one tbh. You sound like she has got you nervously tip toeing around her brattish behaviour.
surely it is obvious that bridesmaids wear what the bride wants.