what would you do? deciding wedding location

[youlittlecharmer]

Back story - DP and I are from Lancashire. Most of family, friends etc there with a few others spread around the country. We moved to Cornwall 2.5 years ago and are very happy here (have some family) and have made friends, but aren't planning on staying forever-ever due to careers etc.

We got engaged in December and are planning the wedding for next May. In Cornwall. We want to basically show off where we live and invite everyone down for a big party near/on the beach and have a great time. Obviously, this will involve 90% of our guests travelling 350+ miles and staying at least one night (realistically more like 2 or 3), in peak season, in a prime tourist spot.

We've had a few comments about why we aren't doing it up north, and the simple answer is 'we don't want to'. However, I am very much of the opinion that big weddings are more about family and friends than just the couple - if that's all we wanted then we would just do it in the local church and not have such an event.

I'm just struggling a bit with the guilt of expecting everyone to travel so far and have to spend so much for us, especially when there will be at least two babies around by then. Would you just suck it up and carry on, or change plans to get married up north??

It depends on whether you want to prioritise location or guests. If you do choose Cornwall, then be prepared for some people not to travel. I live in Yorkshire and didn't go to my brother's wedding in Cornwall because I was 38 weeks pregnant and couldn't face the journey.

FWIW, 16 years on, I feel that weddings are about who is there, not where it is. And places don't give you are hard time if you don't choose them.

I'd get married up north.

It would make me happier to have everyone I wanted there than to have it in a specific spot.

Each to their own though, work out what will make you happiest and go for it. Congratulations on your engagement!

Could you do it off peak? Cornwall in peak season is very expensive and can be very crowded. It's also hard to get any accommodation on less than a weeks let. So making it more expensive and difficult for your guests.
I would stick with Cornwall but off peak and ensure you have accommodation options that are available for just a couple of nights. I was on the beach at lusty glaze once when there was a wedding on and to be honest the beach was rammed with holiday makers and it was not a nice setting at all.

I'd go for up north, because it would be so much easier for everyone else. Maybe invite your closest friends for a hen do in Cornwall, if you want them to see where you live now? That could be fun.

Pootles idea is excellent.

Maui?

If we could make a decent mini-break of it, it's a place I wouldn't mind visiting. I assume that by 'peak season' you mean the school hols? I don't think we could go other than outside termtime, so do check the dates of the places where your guests live (as they may not match yours)

I wouldn't go to Cornwall in the peak season for anyone's wedding, including close relatives. Expensive accommodation, and a strong chance of the A30 being a linear carpark for at least one part of the journey. Depending on where in Cornwall it is, Lancashire to there in a day is a serious drive: Google has about six and a half hours driving from Preston to Newquay, and not everyone is down with spending the day in a car, twice, for a long weekend.

haha hawkmoth that sounds ideal!

thanks all, you've confirmed my gut feeling. This weekend will be full of discussions!

I would love to go to Cornwall for a wedding! But I do love a stay over type location wedding.

Myself and husband are from different sides of country, and live somewhere completely different. We got married where we live and everyone came with no issues.

Can you research accommodation for guests? If there is a guaranteed place to stay at decent rate then makes it much easier.

and yes, end of May on a Sunday, going into bank holiday Monday/half term. Makes it easier re time off but more expensive.

If you sort out the accommodation then no problem.

If you expect guests to do it then probably a lot won't go.

and yes, end of May on a Sunday, going into bank holiday Monday/half term.

That's possibly the worst imaginable weekend to travel to Cornwall using the M6, M5 and A30.

Most places will on.y do a week let at half term so you would need to sort accommodation, places for a couple of nights are rare in Cornwall.

Thinking a little out of the box, could you book a large house for your guests? The YHA do exclusive use - might be worth looking into before you discount Cornwall all together.

The YHA do exclusive use

Yeah, because nothing says "elegant wedding" like six to a room in bunk beds.

Most YHA places have separate and family rooms. I was thinking about places for guests to stay, rather than a venue, making it more doable given the scarcity of accommodation in Cornwall at peak season.

Have said that there are some very lovely period properties - including castles although I'm guessing not in Cornwall - you could dress up, possibly having a marquee in the grounds.

Whatevs.

So, realistically you are asking families to sign up to two days of sheer hell in the car and several hundred pounds of expenses? That's fine, but be realistic about how many will want to do that for you.

I hate the idea that you want to 'show off' Cornwall to them. Weddings shouldn't be about showing off... That is exactly what has gone so wrong with so many.

Word of warning check out local accommodation as many will only do 3 night bookings for a bank holiday weekend so Friday to Monday. And the drive from Lancashire to Cornwall will be hideous.

Most YHA places have separate and family rooms

I know, I've stayed in plenty of them, everywhere from the centre of cities to abandoned missile ranges. "Family room" means four or six bunk beds, but you don't have other people snoring in the room with you.

Just to put into context it took me three hours to drive from South Dorset to North Devon on Friday

So, realistically you are asking families to sign up to two days of sheer hell in the car and several hundred pounds of expenses

No, she's thinking of inviting them to her wedding! So many on MN seem to respond to a wedding invitation like this OP, it really isn't a good place to gather opinions.

YHA only do exclusive use at some properties at some times of year

Get married wherever makes
YOU happy

YHA was just a thought! There are other ways of hiring entire properties.

It occurred to me last night that friends of mine attended a wedding in Cornwall not long ago where almost the entire family hired a coach to travel down from Liverpool, and were happy to do so from what I can gather.

Op will have lived in Cornwall for three years by the time of the wedding. It's their home, even if they later move elsewhere. I'm not at all surprised that's where she'd like to get married, and she is not being remotely unreasonable.

If the wedding has to be up North then so be it, I just think it's sad and defeatist to not at least consider workarounds. FWIW I've enjoyed every long distance wedding I've ever been to - if I've not been able to attend then I'm disappointed but hey, they weren't my weddings. MN is like a parallel universe sometimes.