When did people become so offended by evening invitations?

[AllTheDwarves]

Just interested to know when people started getting so bloody offended by evening invitations to weddings? I have a big family but am having a relatively small daytime (60 ish) as that is all we can afford. That 60 is close friends and family ONLY - 30 on each side. I have now had 6 evening invitation declines and later heard of comments to other family members along the lines of "not worth a day invite so not going to bother." Has anybody else had this? I can't get my head around it. I love an evening do

[MeMySonAndl]

Honestly, it would be much better for the B&G to have a small proper wedding party and leave us all second class citizens alone and free from the social necessity to spend £100s getting cards, gifts, clothes and babysitters to attend a second class event that confirm to us that we are not even proper friends.

[Muskateersmummy]

I have no issue at all with evening invites. Never feel like B list. I only ever feel I would be invited to the ceremony etc if I was family or a close friend. Evening says to me you are a friend and we would like you to celebrate with us. Oh and I still always buy a gift. But then I remember the stress we had working out our guest list, who to invite, who might be offended, it's a minefield. So I am always appreciative of an invite and pleased that someone wants us to be a part of their day.

[AllTheDwarves]

We don't have a gift list, even for the day guests. It was more important that everybody could celebrate with us which is why we've spent more on the evening do than the rest of the day. I've gone about this all wrong and wasted our time, money and effort. But the wedding is in September so I don't have time to change anything now.

[A1Sharon]

In ROI it is totally normal to have an evening invite.
It is not considered rude. No one cares how far away the venue is. They wouldn't dream of not bringing a gift/money.
No one gets the hump if they are invited alone or with a plus one.
No one minds of you turn down the invite. No one minds if children come or if it's child free.
You either go or you don't go.
Weddings are brilliant fun here. I love all the English wedding angst. So many rules, so many people not to upset. It's a minefield!

[Muskateersmummy]

You have done your day the way you wanted, most people will know that and will enjoy being with you, those that don't oh well never mind. You haven't wasted anything. Enjoy your day and don't let a few mean comments ruin anything for you

[WhereInTheWorldToNext]

It's such a clear message that the invitee was not sufficiently important that it's difficult to imagine not feeling a little offended.

[AllTheDwarves]

Funny you should say that A1 because we have a 12-strong gang of Dubliners coming over just for the evening. Leaving the kids at home AND staying in a hotel. Gasp! Maybe it is the Irish in me that misunderstood the wedding etiquette.

[WordGetsAround]

Depends who they are for. I think evening invites should be for v local people only (under 30 mins travel), but they still feel like a bit of a bulking out exercise to me.

[Lemonsole]

I've only ever been an evening guest as a colleague - which has been absolutely fine. I wouldn't expect a workmate to prioritise me over family and older friends, but am delighted to have the opportunity to share some of their joy with them. After all, we've lived with the preparations every day.

We'd usually been given instructions to zoom in and throw some shapes to reinject some vavavoom back into the proceedings.

Did the same at our wedding. Bunch of colleagues (all teachers), none having to travel more than three miles.

[PerspicaciaTick]

I like an evening invitation. Much less faffing about, you get all the fun bits without any of the hanging around plus the daytime guests are usually half-cut by evening and can be very entertaining.

[HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom]

I blame the internet. It never dawned on anyone to be offended before forums like this put it into people's heads.

[A1Sharon]

I'm so pleased to see their proving my point AllTheDwarves!
The Irish love a wedding, they enjoy them. Weddings seem to be a hideous chore English folk have to endure.
It's a bit sad really.

[A1Sharon]

Tsk, they're.

[Randomposter]

I love evening invitations as I find weddings a bit 💤 if I'm honest. Just skip to the good bit.🍷🍸🍷🍸

[ClashCityRocker]

We did similar op; small day do then bigger night do. (40 for the day, 160 at night)

All evening guests were local though - in fact it was walking distance for a fair few!

I don't mind an evening invite, although I would make less effort to get to one than I would for a full day. It never even crossed my mind that it was rude, tbh, and it seems to be the done thing at all bar one of the weddings I've attended.

Op, it's fine, don't stress about it. Better to have a really good knees up on a nighttime than 149 starving guests because you have to do the whole day on the cheap.

[Muskateersmummy]

I honestly don't understand the finding it insulting. If everyone invited everyone they liked weddings would be huge! I honestly think that a wedding is the bride and grooms day and it should be how they want it. If they want a low key affair with everyone coming to the entire thing, great. If they want a elaborate wedding with family and close friends in the day and then other friends and work colleagues in the evening, equally great. I'm not sure why everyone things they should be everyone's closest friend. Sometimes you are just friends.

[HandWash]

What's offensive about being invited to a party to celebrate someone's marriage

Only on MN, where apparently everyone gets married in their Granny's shed to make sure that all their cousins/ old next door neighbour can attend the whole day.

[Bertieboo1]

It's your big day - you should feel able to invite who you want to as much of the wedding as you want and you will have a fabulous day!

[BitchPeas]

It's a bit precious to be offended by an evening invite. It's a party, go or don't go. People have massive families and/or number restrictions for the day. Should only be for local guests though, more than an hour travel is a ball ache for the guests. It's not all about the inviters feelings for the invitee

[NataliaOsipova]

I hate to say it, but I always think an evening invitation smacks of "B list" (and (maybe I should be ashamed to say!) I've often turned them down on the basis you describe). That said, I think it's absolutely fine if you are inviting a whole cohesive group of people in the evening (eg work colleagues, friends from cricket club, mummy friends or whatever). That way it's clear to everyone that they are invited as they are part of "that" group, they all know a lot of people arriving at the same point and they all understand the basis of the invitation.

I hope you have a lovely day, though, OP. If you're worried/upset about it, could you ask some other family to explain the circumstances (gently) to the people who have declined? They may reconsider if they understand your thinking and rationale.

[pettyprudence]

We had evening only invitations for our wedding. The ceremony & wedding breakfast itself was immediate family only because that's all we wanted for the ceremony (plus we have a large family and it felt like a private moment), then friends & extended family in the evening at a different venue. It was a very informal wedding and so it suited the occasion that way. I was not remotely offended if people chose not to come - it was a long way for many. I had no gift list full stop (and no naff poem requesting cash). I booked proper food for the evening & had a buffet at lunch time so evening guests actually ate better than the day guests :D Equally I am not offended if I receive an evening only invitation but I'm unlikely to travel far.

[AnotherUsernameBitesTheDust]

I wouldn't be offended to be invited to an evening only part of a wedding.

We got married (18 years ago) in the local registry office so could only fit about 30 people in. That was closest family and friends. Then we went to a nearby pub for lunch with those people.

In the evening we had a big party for everyone else - more distant relatives, other friends (basically only mine and DHs best friends had gone to the actual wedding) and work mates etc.

I don't think we had anyone turn down their evening invite - most people knew the registry office was small.

I haven't actually been to wedding since so I wouldn't know what was the done thing. Not something I'd get too worked up about tbh.

[MadisonAvenue]

We actually had a save the date card from a couple we know, but when the actual invitation came it turned out that we were just invited to the evening reception.

That didn't stop them putting a crap begging poem in with it though.

[BuggertheTabloids]

We didn't have an evening do at all on our wedding day. However there were lots of people we would have invited if we had wanted an evening do so we had a huge party at our house when we got back from our honeymoon and invited all of them (and no-one from the wedding day itself). It was ace! Some people came from different countries let alone other parts of the U.K. and made a weekend of it. I think I enjoyed it more than the day itself in some ways, I was definitely more relaxed for a start!

[Twowrongsdontmakearight]

Have only had bad experiences as an evening guest. Regardless of cost, gift etc we walked in to a party that was in reality already in decline. Guests were just over the drunk barrier and starting to get jaded. They were sitting in 'their' places chatting and there was nowhere for us to sit. The 'food', nibbles really didn't turn up for a couple of hours. Main guests too tired to dance and we were too sober! They were friends of DH but even he was ready to leave before the bride and groom did, which I think is bad etiquette but my feet were killing me from
all the standing.

Same at my sisters' weddings but at these I was an A list guest and observed the same issues for their evening guests.

Like PPs, having been to hundreds of weddings before my turn we opted for a single guest list wedding with LOTS of food and drinks being served while we were having photos (so no bored hungry guests), lunch for all and no evening do at all!

I think if I WAS having an evening do is get the venue to remove dinner tables or at least rearrange them so that evening guests don't feel like such spare parts.