my DD (5) doesn't want to be my bridesmaid [sadface]

[whattodoo]

We are finally getting married, after 7 years together.

I don't think DD really understands that we aren't already married. She knows that my surname is different, but she hears the teachers at school call me MrsDP'ssurname (I can't be bothered to correct them).

We've set the date (next April, so plenty of time) and its going to be a relatively relaxed and informal 'do'.

But the couple of times I've mentioned it to her, she has screwed up her face and said she doesn't want to be bridesmaid.

I honestly don't think she understands what it entails, and I don't want to start bribing her with a pretty dress (which would seal the deal in a flash).

I'm going to drop the subject for now, although now that word is getting out that we've set the date various grannies and aunties keep asking DD if she's excited about being bridesmaid.

Can anyone recommend a book that might explain it to her?

I obviously won't force her, but I do think that once the day arrives, she'll be sad when she understands what it involves and what she's missing out on by not being bridesmaid.

Of course, the obvious solution would be just to buy her a fancy frock and something to carry and not call her 'bridesmaid'.

but I really want her to understand why the day is a special occasion for her, me and daddy.

the only experience she has of bridesmaid's is 'Princess Kate's' and I wonder whether she thinks she's going to have to feature on BBC24hr news or something? There are no other weddings that we are expecting to attend where she might see what a bridesmaid/flower girl looks like/does.

Wow, sorry for such a long post for such a simple question!

Oh God, I've developed a touch of bridezilla already, haven't I .

You're all right - it's too early to get my knickers in a twist about it; she's not going to 'get' the significance of it to me and DP; a nice frock is all that she'll be interested in; so long as she's there, that's all that I really care about.

I'll get one or two of the books/sticker bits recommended. And keep it firmly in perspective .

Start by finding out why she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid. That should be your starting point.

you may find out she doesn't want everyone looking at her, or you may find out she thinks you're marrying HER off

Once you fully understand what she's thinking and what she's concerned about, you'll have a better idea how best to proceed.

I also think you are worrying too much too far in advance. As has been suggested, focus on the dress closer to time and talk to her about getting a fabulous pretty dress for mummy and daddy's wedding. I don't even see why you have to tal about being a bridesmaid to her - since it only actually involves wearing a nice dress and following you down the aisle, you can just tell her that's what she'll be doing. (Of course in later life you can look back at the photos with her and say 'there you are being our bridesmaid' )

One other small point - you mentioned that you would also have to let her know that you'd been married before. Why? I really don't think this is something you have to tell a 5 year old. I don't think she needs to know. When she's older, yes, but at the moment it's a detail of your history that isn't necessary for her and which can only confuse the issue of your commitment to your DP in her eyes. I would leave it alone.

I was a bridesmaid at the age of 5 i was not at all happy about the idea until the bride my aunty took me to BHS to get a dress. She had some in mind they were bridal and formal and as i said at the time 'yuck'. So she let me choose my dress and said the others would match my dress to the other bridesmaids (there was 6 more). So i choose a navy and white boater dress she nearly cried im sure but it work out well in the end as she change her colours to blue shades and had 7 happy bridesmaids on the day.
My role on the day was wear my dress, take pictures with my new camara, walk infront up the aisle and stay clean. I took lots of head less photos, i ran up the aisle and i got grass stains over my dress and the grooms trousers before the wedding playing hopla.
My advice dont force it on her. I was a very girly girl but turns out im 'allergic' to the idea of white weddings, aisle and wearing bridal like dresses. I get married this year and im just wearing a normal dress and running off with 4 guest plus groom. I love helping other peoples weddings plans but some people are just not ment to be bridesmaids.
Every one keeps askingif our son is going to be a page boy. i just keep saying no he is being himself, dressing as batman i guess and has asked to help by doing jellies for our after party.
Have you asked her what she wants to do? She might want to wear a dress and hold your hand, she might want to bake you a wedding cake and sit with nanny?

As for telling her about your first marriage. My DP was married before its no secret it just some thing that happened. All we have ever said to our son so & so is daddys ex wife, they used to be married and now they are not. If he asks why later we will just say they didnt want to live together anymore. We dont need to say anymore to DS but for us we needed it not to a secret as we are still friends DP ex wife. There is need to make it a big thing its all part of our history.

Sorry if this is long post but i hope it helps you.