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Original poster

Is it normal for a groom to have a special dance with his mother?

107 replies

AKissIsNotAContract · 27/04/2013 21:36

I'm just wondering if this is something my MIL to be has come up with or if it's normal for a son and his mum to have a special dance that's just for the two of them at a wedding.

It sounds like a shit idea to me but perhaps I'm biased!

OP posts:
OneFingerSjupesUpTheYoni · 28/04/2013 12:52

It seems like one womans way of stealing the limelight on another womans special day and making her ds uncomfortable in the process.

Just like turning up wearing a white dress/flamenco outfit/gymnast outfit you get the point would detract attention.

I donzt think daddy/daughter dances are right either tho.

FannyMcNally · 28/04/2013 13:04

One dance? Stealing the limelight? Confused

piratedinosaursgogogo · 28/04/2013 13:16

This thread makes me think of an evening wedding reception we went to. By the time the evening guests arrived, the bride had changed into her 'dancing wedding dress'. The bride clearly had dreams of being a dancer and led her new husband through a choreographed first dance, which we all politely clapped to even though the groom looked extremely uncomfortable.

After that, new husband was banished to the sidelines and bride and her father stood in the middle of the dance floor. The anticipation was overwhelming.

The bride and father then performed a 'special routine' to "Daddy Cool". Not just a quick 30 seconds as a bit of fun, or where everyone else could join in, but the whole song. The icing on the cake was the bride's mother, who stood at the opposite end of the dancefloor, doing 'the moves' so that the father of the bride would remember what to do.

It was awful but also strangely wonderful.

Bride and groom are now divorced.

nkf · 28/04/2013 13:22

I think everything to do with formal weddings is weird. This idea is weird but it's really for your fiance (weird word) to sort it out.

SorryMyLollipop · 28/04/2013 13:22

What's creepy is that this MIL is clearly struggling with not being the centre of attention. She wants to dance with her DS - fine! She wants a special exclusive dance, just the two of them on the dance floor - weird! Fair enough if the whole wedding party was dancing at the same time, swapping around etc but this is just the two of them.

This MIL has asked her DH to buy a new car so they don't get upstaged by the bridal car! As if anyone takes any notice of what car people arrive in anyway!! This is not just about a dance, this is about power and control.

nothruroad · 28/04/2013 13:31

I was at a wedding recently where the couple cut the cake and then the new MIL came rushing up with a awful amateurish looked like it was made by a child cake that she had made for the groom to cut. She announced to everyone that it was becasue it was unfair that the whole of the rest of the day was about the bride! nobody knew how to react, was awful!

nkf · 28/04/2013 13:36

What can be going through these women's minds?

seeker · 28/04/2013 13:59

"What can be going through these women's minds?"

I don't know. I wonder if it's insecurity? Maybe they think that if their husbands give any love or consideration to their mothers,that's love and consideration not being given to them, and they want all of it?

nkf · 28/04/2013 14:00

I meant the minds of the mothers.

SantanaLopez · 28/04/2013 14:06

Maybe- I love my son. I'm really glad he's getting married. I'd like to dance with him at his wedding. I like this song. Maybe we could dance to it together.

It's mind-blowing, I know.

Roseformeplease · 28/04/2013 14:10

My husband danced with his Mum at our wedding (Ceilidh) but he also danced with loads of other people and it was not a "solo." She was just someone he made a point of dancing with once. She taught him to dance, properly, (he is amazing!) so I thought nothing of it.

Miggsie · 28/04/2013 14:27

Taken along with her other behaviours this request for a dance is certainly to do with trying to still be the centre of attention or detract attention from you.
Your DH doesn't want to do it so he can just say no.

I also suspect that you will be in for a lifetime of her trying to ease you out of every social occasion. I would also suspect when you have children she will refer to them as hers.

Trying to upstage a bride on a wedding day is a sign of a deeply insecure and possibly spiteful nature. She does think she is in competition with you - who buys a new car so they will look good compared to a wedding hired car? Someone seriously warped, that's who.

SantanaLopez · 28/04/2013 14:35

Only someone seriously warped could come up with that particular prophecy, Miggsie Hmm

AnneElliott · 28/04/2013 19:20

I agree it's a bit weird. Sounds like something my DM would do as she hates someone else being the centre of attention.

At my wedding my DM wanted to walk down the aisle with me and my dad and when he vetoed that she wanted to walk down the aisle in front of me with my DB. I vetoed that.

I would suggest your DP telling her that he'll dance with her to that sing but not on their own.

drjohnsonscat · 29/04/2013 10:06

seeker, loving your work on this thread.

Funny how women are wonderful and never wrong and mothers are wonderful and never wrong until they are mothers of grown up sons and then they are dreadful and creepy.

jellybeans · 29/04/2013 10:15

We didn't do any sort of family dancing. It's just not for us.

Floralnomad · 29/04/2013 12:57

drjohnson ,there speaks a person who doesn't have a crazy mother or MIL.

drjohnsonscat · 29/04/2013 14:24

No I don't, No MIL and my mum is great Smile.

But I will be a MIL one day, I hope. And I will be just as I am now. There's no father in our family to do the first dance with DD should she want it but I would be honoured if I could walk her down the aisle, make a speech about her, even dance with her if she wants to recreate that tradition in our own odd way, generally show my love for her at her wedding. Ditto my son.

I think mumsnet of all places should be able to celebrate and honour mothers and sons. OK this particular woman might be weird and only the OP knows that but I don't get why the whole idea is weird. Or any more weird than the whole wedding ceremony construct of "virgin" brides being given by the old owner to a new owner and identified as his with a new name and a ring demonstrating ownership.

seeker · 29/04/2013 16:21

It's also interesting that one woman's lovely mother is somebody else's MIL from hell.........

Floralnomad · 29/04/2013 16:31

Having not spoken to me for 15 years I think even my husband would admit that his mother ,who he loves very much ,is a pretty crap MIL ! My mum on the other hand is a great MIL .

Hullygully · 29/04/2013 16:41

While obviously there is nothing wrong with mothers loving sons and hopefully reciprocity too, what IS odd the demand for a "special" dance when there wouldn't normally be one. Taken with the car thing, it is odd.

Wouldn't she just assume that at some point in the evening son would wander over and say, "come on you old bag (whatever), let's have a dance" and they'd just have one without any fuss?

My ds (16) learns ballroom dancing and tried to arrange lessons for me and him together for mother's day as he knows I want to do it too. At his wedding we will basically be giving a whole spangled show.

LunaticFringe · 29/04/2013 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

K8Middleton · 29/04/2013 18:24

Hully and Hully Boy doing a lovely wedding dance

Hullygully · 29/04/2013 19:34

HOW DID YOU KNOW Katie?

cornyderpy · 29/04/2013 19:40

I went to a wedding once where the bride's father actually walked down the aisle with his daughter whilst the organist played them their own special song.

I couldn't believe it when he actually stood up during the speeches and made a speech - how attention seeking. He'd clearly rehearsed it - he kept looking at cue cards.

The icing on the cake was when he danced with his daughter.
So creepy and attention seeking.

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