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Weddings

Is it normal for a groom to have a special dance with his mother?

107 replies

AKissIsNotAContract · 27/04/2013 21:36

I'm just wondering if this is something my MIL to be has come up with or if it's normal for a son and his mum to have a special dance that's just for the two of them at a wedding.

It sounds like a shit idea to me but perhaps I'm biased!

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FruOla · 28/04/2013 10:50

Cheerful the scenario you've described doesn't sound unusual at all.

But the OP's MILTB is proposing a special dance for just her and her son, while the OP sits on the sidelines twiddling her thumbs because her father won't be at the wedding.

doublecakeplease · 28/04/2013 10:59

Twiddling her thumbs, really?? She could watch, talk to her guests, nip to the loo ... Its 3 minutes!!

seeker · 28/04/2013 10:59

I was just about to ask if she's American- I've been to weddings in the States where this happens.

Is it a traditional wedding? If so, who's standing in for your father? Why not let his mom have her dance with her son while you dance with whoever that is?

BerthaTheBogCleaner · 28/04/2013 11:23

Could DP try this?

Mum, its occurred to me that if you and I do a solo dance at the wedding, everyone will think you're one of those weird clingy can't-let-go Mums who are secretly jealous of all the attention that the bride is getting, and we know that's totally not true, so we won't do that dance, we don't want people to get the wrong idea do we?

FruOla · 28/04/2013 11:32

double, I was repeating an expression used by someone upthread!
I wasn't really suggesting that she wouldn't find anything to do for a few minutes

TobyLerone · 28/04/2013 11:38

Is it any weirder than the father-daughter (bride) dance which is becoming increasingly popular? Both equally vomity, IMO.

At our wedding, DH's mum came over to dance with him a little way into the song after our first dance. I handed him over and danced with 13yo DS :)

Theironfistofarkus · 28/04/2013 11:46

Can you put her off by saying that it is not the norm and other people will think it odd but that your DH wants to honour her at the wedding and intends to say a few words about her in the speech?

drjohnsonscat · 28/04/2013 11:50

why is it ok for the bride to dance with father but not groom to dance with mum? It is because men are not allowed to show affection to their mothers?

I can see that it seems weird because it's unusual but isn't that just because we are not good at allowing men to have emotional closeness with people? The father's dance with daughter is part of some strange "passing a woman from one man to another" ritual so although it has come to be just a statement of love, doesn't exactly have a neutral heritage either.

ReluctantlyBeingYoniMassaged · 28/04/2013 11:52

It's weird and cringeworthy.

seeker · 28/04/2013 11:54

No. It's because a woman has to completely detach herself from her son when he marries. She is not allowed to be interested in him, love him or want to have any contact with him at all. She must hand him over, body and soul to his wife, and go home and wait to be summoned if required. Which she won't be, because she will, by her lack of contact, have shown that she hates her new Dil. The ultimate Catch 22.

Gay40 · 28/04/2013 12:03

I find it creepy, but then I find a lot of things about tradition creepy. I don't like the father/daughter dance either.
Just No.

doublecakeplease · 28/04/2013 12:04

Couldn't agree more seeker - lots of typical answers here. Is 1 song going to spoil the wedding? Why can't the mil be indulged for a few minutes? (disclaimer - mine is lovely and if she wanted to come and dance with DH in my front room then i'd turn up the music. I'll be a mil some day and whilst i wouldn't like the limelight of a special song i would love to dance with my son on his wedding day without anyone thinking the apron strings need severing

Trill · 28/04/2013 12:09

I don't see why it is any more shit than the bride having a special dance with her father.

At least there's no "here, take ownership of my virgin daughter" implications.

(HT to LRD for the "here have my virgin daughter", which I now use in so many wedding threads!)

FannyMcNally · 28/04/2013 12:10

A father giving his adult independent daughter away to another man, now THAT's weird, cringeworthy, not normal etc but seems to happen in church weddings up and down the country. A special dance between mother and groom is no different from all the other peculiar things that happen on wedding days IMO.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 28/04/2013 12:13

If the groom is happy with it then I don't see the problem, as he isn't happy with it I would just tell her you aren't doing the whole parent/child dance thing, it yours and your dps wedding, she shouldn't be requesting anything.

worsestershiresauce · 28/04/2013 12:14

Normal? No!
Creepy? Yes!

SantanaLopez · 28/04/2013 12:15

God, I wouldn't have minded this one bit. I think it's quite nice.

DreamsTurnToGoldDust · 28/04/2013 12:18

I can't see the problem tbh, just let it happen and enjoy your day, why cause youself unnecessary stress.

BalloonSlayer · 28/04/2013 12:21

I do think it sounds a bit creepy but then when I read My preferred option: don't tell the DJ to play her song. Have a great time dancing and enjoying the music we have chosen so she forgets about her dance. and Option 2: DP tells her straight that he doesn't want to do the dance. I felt a bit tearful.

And when you said she wanted "What a wonderful world" I got even more tearful.

I don't think I'd want to dance with either of my DSes on their wedding day, but if I did I'd be gutted if they wouldn't dance with the Old Girl just to humour me.

(as your Dad isn't coming she perhaps feels odd that your Mum is getting a bigger role to play than Mums usually do at weddings, and wants to up her visibility too)

Graceparkhill · 28/04/2013 12:23

I genuinely don't see why this is a problem. One dance out of an entire wedding. If it would give your future MIL some pleasure then why not?

Growlithe · 28/04/2013 12:27

Couldn't you just have the DJ play the song and maybe mention it's for MIL, without mentioning it's MIL and Groom's big dance? Then he could dance with her without a massive deal being made of it, and everyone would be happy.

Branleuse · 28/04/2013 12:29

Ive seen it in french weddings I think, but then they always seem to have massive OTT weddings.

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Branleuse · 28/04/2013 12:30

if my mil wanted to have a dance with dp then i would be happy for them.

She'd be lucky though. Ive never seen him get up and dance for anyone

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 28/04/2013 12:35

I don't see this as a problem at all although I wouldn't want to do it if I was the 'Mother'.

Sidge · 28/04/2013 12:39

Well I guess it depends on the nature of the relationship between a man and his mum and how his mum views his wife-to-be.

If she wants a dance because she loves her son, likes to dance and wants a special moment with him on his wedding day then I don't see the problem.

If she wants to upstage her new DIL and demonstrate possessiveness then that's a different kettle of fish.

HOWEVER I think it's really sad that people think it's creepy. What's creepy about loving your son?

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