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Original poster

Who paid for bridesmaid dresses, you or them?

74 replies

JazzAnnNonMouse · 05/06/2012 20:15

Thinking if they're dresses they could wear again, who paid for them?
Bridesmaids?
You?
Someone else?

OP posts:

Want2bSupermum · 06/06/2012 15:32

I paid for dress, hair, asked them to do their own make up (I did my own make up too), asked them to use shoes they already have and we paid for all of our guests accomodation. I was worried they would be cold so I also got them cashmere cardigans which doubled up as a gift.

madwomanintheattic · 06/06/2012 15:40

I paid for dresses, shoes, hair, makeup and accom for the bridesmaids. And accom for a few of the other guests who were invited too, as I knew they were skint but wanted them to be there. The dresses were made, though, not off the rack. Um, the one that was overseas and couldn't get to fittings, I sent the fabric and the pattern. I think her mum made it for her, so technically I didn't pay for the actual stitchery...

It took me about ten years to clear the loan, mind.

I was a bridesmaid for dsis the first time round, and she paid. We were actually still wonder webbing the dresses together at about 3am on the day of the wedding. One of them didn't fit, so we all ended up swapping them around so we could all get the zips done up. It was, um, interesting. We all looked v glam, but I may have showed the inside of my skirt to one of the guests (a v old family friend second mum) who was horrified. We couldn't have worn them again even if we'd wanted to... Something of an omen for the marriage...

strawberrypenguin · 06/06/2012 15:44

I paid for the dresses, they provided their shoes. Don't think bridesmaids should be expected to buy their dress ( and I have them pretty much free rein over what they wanted)

Jenstar21 · 08/06/2012 16:26

I've been a bridesmaid twice. The first time I was a student, and it was for my Aunt, and I know my parents paid for my shoes and hair. I was bridesmaid again last year for my best friend, and she paid for our dresses, hair and makeup, and we paid for shoes and jewellery. She was pretty un-bridezilla-y, as we had them made, and we were involved in the choices all the way through. We've kept the dresses, and I've already worn mine again.

fanoftheinvisibleman · 08/06/2012 16:32

I paid for the bridesmaid dress and shoes at my wedding and had mine bought when I was a bridesmaid.

The only times I've known when bridesmaids have been asked to buy dresses have been at weddings where there have been lots of bridesmaids. Personally, I think if you can't afford to dress your bridesmaids then you have to cut the numbers.

tomatoface · 12/06/2012 10:06

I have been bridesmaid once, the bride paid for the dress (£20) but I had to pay for it to be taken it (£16!). I bought the shoes and paid to have my hair done.
My DD was also b/m & the bride forgot to give me the money back for the dress & shoes (genuine mistake)

When I got married, I didn't want bridesmaids but 2 of my mates really wanted to be one! So I said they could be unofficial bridesmaids. They chose what they wore (and paid for it), and I paid for them to have a bouquet each.

DDs are being bridesmaids next month at my sister's wedding. I have said I'll pay for their dresses because I know money's tight and I would have bought them a new dress anyway. Am buying cheap shoes though

tomatoface · 12/06/2012 10:08

having said all that I think the bride should normally pay. If you force ask someone to be your bridesmaid, wear a dress of your choosing, you should pay for it.

WkdSM · 12/06/2012 10:14

Depends on a lot of different circumstances -
I'm being a bridesmaid for a friend on a really tight budget - but she made it clear when she asked me that I would have to buy my own dress etc - I don't have an issue with that as I could have said 'no' and gone to the wedding anyway. So - totally up front about it all and that is fine.

Friends little girl being a bridesmaid at her aunts wedding - aunt paying for dress, shoes etc but Mum and Dad buying her little handbag and bits and pieces (very girly little girl)

So - I think there is no hard and fast rule as long as everyone is upfront about what is expected.

Ephiny · 12/06/2012 10:18

I've never been a bridesmaid and didn't have any at my wedding...but I think normally the bride should pay, even if there's a possibility of wearing the dresses again. Unless you're leaving it completely up to them to either buy something according to their taste and budget, or wear something they already have.

mimimomma · 15/06/2012 20:38

I paid for my 3 bridesmaids, but admittedly did find bargin £70 Monsoon dresses in the sale, but buy the time I'd paid for their hair, bouquets, dress alteration and a gift it was over £200 each. I asked them to wear their own silver sandles.

My daughter and Iare being bridesmaids next year to my brother and SIL and I've offered to pay for my own dress, as it's such an important wedding to me that I want to make sure I have something lovely to wear (my SIL does have excellent taste mind you), if I wasn't being a bridesmaid I would buy a new lovely dress anyway AND pay for a blow dry that morning, also financially we're a few years ahead of them and I'm happy to help out where possible. However, when I mentioned it she refused to let me pay as it is really expected of the bride. Have been a bridesmaid 3 times as an adult and never worn any of the dresses again, however nice they are.

EmmaCate · 15/06/2012 20:45

Me - they were beautiful and could be worn again to a very posh do. Parrotting '27 Dresses' though, you could have them as a party dress if you shortened them.

They were quite a lot - about £250 I think... but my bridesmaids did all look stunning. They bought their own shoes and supplied their own shrugs/cardis for the evening.

EightiesChick · 15/06/2012 20:51

Bride pays . I did.

Showmethemhappyfeet · 23/06/2012 14:55

I am only having my Dsis as bridesmaid with my DD as flower girl. I had budgetted them in however Dsis wants to pay for hers and DD's dresses as my wedding present. Otherwise i would be paying.

sparkles281 · 23/06/2012 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

planetpotty · 23/06/2012 15:20

IMO asking them to be your BM means you pay for their dress unless they offer to pay of course.

ChunkyMonkeyMother · 23/06/2012 15:31

We paid, but we also got them back - I dry cleaned them and sold them on - ths was because they weren't cheap and 2 of my 3 bridesmaids said they were going to eBay them - this really annoyed me because we had paid for hair, make up, shoes, underwear, dresses, hotel rooms inc breakfast, plus give them a gift which cost mor than the dress - it felt as though they were being cheeky iykwim?

I didn't intend to take them back initially but when they were so blatant (and not in dire need of cash) so I ebayed them and donated the cash to a local charity

wheresthepopcorn · 24/06/2012 20:20

I paid for the dresses for my bridesmaids. Although I thought they were nice, I had no reason to assume that they would wear them again.

BandersnatchCummerbund · 25/06/2012 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Keepthechangeyoufilthyanimal · 26/07/2012 15:05

I had 2 bridesmaids - my sisters and I paid for their dresses, fur shrug things (got married in winter) necklaces, hair accessories.
They paid for their hair and makeup to be done, and both wore shoes that they already had.
I told them they could keep the dresses but they were floor length and black/ivory to match the rest of the colour scheme and realistically they wouldn't have worn them again so gave them back to me.
I wore one myself for a christmas do, then sold them (and the shrugs) on ebay and got back what I paid for them to start with!

Novia · 26/07/2012 15:08

I believe that if you choose the dress, you pay for it. I paid for my bridesmaid's dresses as I chose what I wanted them to wear (though with the agreement of the girls).

ViviPru · 26/07/2012 17:05

My bridesmaid and I have always agreed that if I ever got married, she'd finally be able to wear a nice dress that she could wear again (she's been a BM countless times and had to wear some shockers). We both saw a dream dress (not a standard bridesmaid dress) and decided it would be more of a guide to style and colour than a serious contender as its so expensive. I found a dress quite similar for only £50 and offered to buy it for her, but she said she'd got her heart set on the budget-busting one, loved it and would definitely wear it again. So much so she was happy to buy it herself, but I have offered her £50 towards it.

I think that's fair enough?

itsjustmeanon · 27/07/2012 14:46

I bought dress.

BBwolefs · 27/07/2012 14:56

My bridesmaids are my three sisters and DPs sister, my mum is paying for my sisters, MIL paying for SIL, along with paying for FIL to have matching suit to DP. If offer hadn't have been made we would have. Will be buying the three older ones a matching necklace for the day so it all ties in, and paying for their hair to be done.
MIL offer is particularly kind as she has already paid for most of the wedding. Wouldn't of expected them to in either case though.

BetterOnACamel · 27/07/2012 14:56

Wow, you lot are so nice! I was bridesmaid at a friend's wedding in the States after college and had to spring for dress (and NO WAY would THAT ever be worn again), shoes (to be dyed in that SPECIFIC shade of cat-puke green), and pay for travel/stay etc. - and got a list of acceptable gifts (that one I disregarded as I'd already bought a silver cuff for her from my home country). Had just graduated college both of us and had no jobs - it killed me but I had to do it (she kept explaining what a huge honour it was to be asked, and I did love her to bits, sigh).

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