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Original poster

Who paid for bridesmaid dresses, you or them?

74 replies

JazzAnnNonMouse · 05/06/2012 20:15

Thinking if they're dresses they could wear again, who paid for them?
Bridesmaids?
You?
Someone else?

OP posts:
HeathRobinson · 05/06/2012 21:07

I hired them, had them altered to fit.

ImpatientOne · 05/06/2012 21:13

I paid for dresses, shoes, hair thing (it was tasteful but can't describe!) and necklaces. They were all things that could very easily be worn again but I wouldn't have expected them back.

I did buy gold necklaces though and told them that they were a gift, I did present gifts at the reception but they were not extravagant!

We also paid for the men's suit hire and bought the grooms-men individual (not personalised) cufflinks as gifts which were given the night before because I didn't trust them to have any

Maamekin · 05/06/2012 21:16

I didn't pay - I gave my bridesmaid total free reign over what she wanted to wear. She decided on a dress she already owned. I then based my colour scheme round her choice.

If I had wanted to have a say about what she wore, then I think it would have been up to me to pay.

pinkyp · 05/06/2012 21:17

I paid for mine, one put loads of weight on so had to get another but did put half too

Trills · 05/06/2012 21:18

IMO if you ask someone to wear something very specific you should pay.

If you ask them to wear something with only vague guidelines (e.g. "a purple knee-length dress") then they could contribute but it'd still be polite for you to pay at least some.

Even if they can wear it again it doesn't mean that they would have chosen to spend their money on it.

bibbitybobbitybunny · 05/06/2012 21:19

Surprised you have to ask tbh.

Would they be buying the dress if you weren't getting married?

Burgermuffin · 05/06/2012 21:22

I didn't have this problem. My bridesmaid was an elephant and wore her own temple robe so was no bother at all. Grin

clabsyqueen · 05/06/2012 21:22

I've had some of mine bought for me and had to pay for others (bridesmaid 5 times!). In my opinion bride&groom should pay.

DairyNips · 05/06/2012 21:27

I bought my bridesmaids dressed, I specified shoe colour but let them provide/buy their own shoes as I wanted them to be comfortable. IMO if you decide to get married and ask them to be your bridesmaids then you should pay. They will already have to pay to travel for fittings and accommodation at the wedding and wedding presents etc. It gets expensive..

Original poster
JazzAnnNonMouse · 05/06/2012 23:27

I've been to a few where the bridesmaids have brought their own!

OP posts:
Original poster
JazzAnnNonMouse · 05/06/2012 23:28

I've just brought mine dresses (from eBay!) and two out three offered to pay Hmm

OP posts:
Beamur · 05/06/2012 23:31

I'd expect the bride to pay, but if you have nice enough friends who have offered to pay for their own (and that would be helpful for you) then you have lovely friends.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 05/06/2012 23:33

I paid for one, and the other wore a dress she already had - both chose and co-ordinated with each other, but only one of them already owned a suitable dress so it made sense I'd pay for the other one.

I think the idea of asking adult women to wear dresses not of their own choosing makes weddings a bit ridiculous, TBH. I have been to a very few weddings where adult bridesmaids looked good all wearing the same dresses chosen by the bride (though when they did look good, it was lovely). Any bride who chooses ugly dresses certainly deserves to pay for them, IMO!

ProcessYellowC · 05/06/2012 23:36

Eeek I feel terrible! Blush

My bridesmaid (SIL) bought her own, I asked if she'd wear blue and showed her a swatch from my dress, then left it to her to find something that she thought would go. It was a high-street dress, something she could have worn to the wedding if she wasn't the bridesmaid.

This was six years ago and pretty certain she won't have thought twice about it...

LRDtheFeministDragon · 05/06/2012 23:39

But that's pretty much ok isn't it process? I think the problem comes when the bride insists on something very specific and then refuses to pay, or when the bride knows the bridesmaids are on a tight budget and insists they shell out.

Buntingbunny · 05/06/2012 23:46

The bride has paid for the DDs both times.
I sorted reusable shoes and headdressess, when they were little.

I have tried to pay for DDs this time, but the bride won't let me. She's bought her posh, totally impractical shoes and arranged a hair dresser too.

My mum bought fabric for my bridesmaid, her mum provided dressmaking skills.

I think if you ask someone you have to be prepared to pay, but clearly you can negotiate if dress is multi purpose or bridesmaid wants some thing expensive.

I don't know if my flat mate contributed to the cost, but she did ensure her sister let her have a dress that was also suitable for the university ball.

ThatVikRinA22 · 05/06/2012 23:50

this was a massive massive sticking point for me when my friend got married, asked me to be bridesmaid and then told me i would be paying for my own dress which would never in a month of sundays get worn again.

it didnt.

it went into a charity bag and it sullied our relationship for quite some time i have to say.

i resented paying. massively, even more when it didnt bloody fit and i had to get my friend to take it in, again, at my cost.
Angry

PorkyandBess · 06/06/2012 00:02

In my opinion, you are asking them to do something very special for you, as an important friend or relative.

I can't imagine asking them to pay for their dress, I would be mortified!

AmberLeaf · 06/06/2012 08:53

Bride pays everytime.

I think its a maassive pisstake to expect the bridesmaid/bridesmaids parents to pay!

It always makes me think the couple are trying to put on a big show that they can't afford at someone elses expense.

LynetteScavo · 06/06/2012 08:56

I paid for the dresses, but asked grown up bridesmaid to sort out her own shoes. I really didn't care about her shoes, and wasn't about to inflict a pair on her she didn't like (finding a dress she would wear had been horrendous enough). Also, I reasoned she had a ^much6 larger disposable income than me, but I do realise that isn't the point)

sue52 · 06/06/2012 15:17

The bride pays and gets to chose the dresses. It's an honour to be asked to be bridesmaid so you have to wear the bride's choice of dress.

SuperScrimper · 06/06/2012 15:24

I think it would be really weird to ask the bridesmaid to pay Hmm do you ask someone what they would like for their birthday and then send them the present will a bill attached?

If you ask someone to be your bridesmaid the least you can do is pay for the dress, it's expensive enough going to weddings!

Longdistance · 06/06/2012 15:26

I paid for their dresses, hair, and jewellery. They had their own shoes.
I personally think, that if you ask someone to be your bridesmaid, it's an honour, you should bloody well pay for their outfit.
The dresses my bridemaids had, they wore again to different occassions, so no biggy. It was like a gift, even though they got small gifts too.

Longdistance · 06/06/2012 15:30

BTW, my bridesmaids even chose the design of their dress ( I chose the colour), which was perfect, as mine wasn't a strapless number, and their dresses complimented mine in style.

Thumbwitch · 06/06/2012 15:30

I've been a bridesmaid three times as an adult - I paid half for one dress and the other two I made myself but didn't pay for the fabric (so I suppose I paid half in my time).

The one shop-bought one though, that bride made me pay for my own hairdo for her wedding as well, which I resented a darn sight more than paying half for my dress!! At least I got to keep the dress and did manage a couple more wears out of it; the hairdo was entirely for her benefit and I really think she should have paid for that.