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Original poster

Not happy with 2 of my bridesmaids...

59 replies

DeterminedandSpecialMum · 01/05/2012 16:57

I'm getting married in August. I asked 2 of my cousins to be a bridesmaid. Since then they have hardly got involved in the wedding prep. Are not coming to my hen even tho they had 6 months notice about that I wanted to do and they both have the money to do it.

I've already brought their dresses otherwise I would of told them I can't have them as bridesmaids if they are not interested in anything.

Just feel so sad and frustrated. Especially as it is a first time of them being a bridesmaid and you would of thought they would of been a bit more excited!

Just wanted to vent tbh.

OP posts:
Antidote · 01/05/2012 17:27

Seriously? Put their dresses on eBay & move on.

HTH

Heavensmells · 01/05/2012 18:07

I think some people on here are being a bit mean! I know they are your cousin's but are they also close friends?
If my close friends were getting married then I would throw myself into their wedding plans and be really excited for her but if we were not that close and we didn't spend that much time together then I wouldn't be as bothered.
I wouldn't be as rude as your cousin's are being towards you though.

GColdtimer · 01/05/2012 18:14

Not sure why you are getting such a hard time here op, I can see why you are upset they are not coming to your hen night and generally seem disinterested. Not sure what you can realistically do about it though. What are your other two bridesmaids like?

dylsmimi · 01/05/2012 18:20

If they haven't been bridesmaids before maybe they don't realise you are expecting them to be involved until the day. Don't forget they won't have read as many bridal mags as you (if your anything like i was!) Maybe you can give them a few little tasks to do to delegate things?
Not sure about hen night but if they genuinely can't make it you nay have to just grin and bear it and you will have loads of fun with your friends that are there. I think it sounds great though! Wicked is amazing!

Sarcalogos · 01/05/2012 18:23

Yanbu, but sadly you may just have to suck it up and move on. As people unthread have demonstrated not everyone sees your wedding like you do. (but I'm on your side!)

mirpuppet · 01/05/2012 18:23

I also sympathise sounds like a family thing I suggest you put it behind you to the extent you can.

When I got married 2 of my closest friends said they couldn't go a couple of days before instead of getting mad I realised they just couldn't do weddings at the time they were in bad relationships -- etc. So there maybe reasons having nothing to do with you that explains their behaviour.

FYI I'm still friends with the non-attendees one whose attitude improved greatly after her wedding.

Mosman · 01/05/2012 18:26

Seriously try not to get too stressed, you will look back and cringe in years to come. I know i did

MilitaryWag · 01/05/2012 18:28

Crikey... correcting grammar?? Are the grammar police out tonight? HmmGive the girl a break. Petty idiots

MarysBeard · 01/05/2012 18:31

They should have been organising the hen do for you, surely?

EnjoyResponsibly · 01/05/2012 18:39

How old are they OP? Maybe if they're youngish, and haven't been bridesmaids or been to many weddings they don't know what's expected.

Here's a thought, why don't you ring them and talk to them about the shoes. If they're genuinely disinterested take that as your moment to say you've had a re-think.

startail · 01/05/2012 18:43

It will be OK!

I didn't even see my dress finished until the morning of my wedding, nor my flower girls. I guessed the hight of my shoes at where I thought my Aunt had pinned it. It was fine.

It will all be fine. So long as your brides maids don't come in wellies the guests won't care about their shoes.

Come to think of it everyone at a DFs daughters wedding did end up in wellies. It was the day of the great summer flood!

Its a pity they are being silly about the Hen do, which sounds pretty sensible and are being arses about replying to emails, but it will all work out in the end.

24joy · 01/05/2012 18:43

What mean responses!

SauvignonBlanche · 01/05/2012 18:45

Chill out! Smile

Pandygirl · 01/05/2012 18:47

Oh that's a shame, it might well be that never being bridesmaids before they don't know what was expected of them?

Fwiw I think your hen party sounds lovely (can I come).

Northernlurker · 01/05/2012 18:53

Look - you've asked them to be your bridesmaids on your wedding day . You didn't make it clear that you therefore expected them to be constantly wittering about the wedding and use up a precious weekend going round London with your and your pissed mates and hangers on. Tell them to get their own shoes and forget about it.

Original poster
DeterminedandSpecialMum · 01/05/2012 18:56

They are 24 & 26.

Thanks Ladies. All I ask is that they reply to me even saying can't do x date but can do y,z etc.

I'm not a bridezilla I'm pretty relaxed about my wedding tbh just getting frustrated they can't even have the decency to e-mail, txt or phone me in reply. The reason they gave for not attending the hen was a poor excuse give the time they have had ready to plan around. it hasn't gone down well with a few of my family. We are generally pretty close or at least I thought so!

OP posts:
Original poster
DeterminedandSpecialMum · 01/05/2012 18:58

Northern Not withering about - just need them to be a bit more responsive when it comes to them. It's also for just 1 day in London not an entire weekend!

OP posts:
pictish · 01/05/2012 18:59

YANBU!

Now I can't be doing with my-wedding-is-THE-event-of-the-year bridezillas at all....BUT I certainly don't think that is what is going on here!

It's a piece of shit that your bridesmaids can't be bothered to attend the hen night.

I would be gutted too...and I hate weddings and all the pomp they bring.

pictish · 01/05/2012 19:02

I am surprised at the responses you're getting as well!

Of course you should expect your bridesmaids to go to your hen night, having had six months notice!!

I do not understand those who think otherwise!

Original poster
DeterminedandSpecialMum · 01/05/2012 19:28

Thanks everyone who has been understanding. I'm not a bridezilla. I've been pretty relaxed tbh

OP posts:
MrsLettuce · 01/05/2012 19:32

YABU - but only because you haven't 'sacked' them yet. Do they actually want to do it Confused

Surely the dresses could be returned / exchanged / sold on? Or, just worn by someone who gives a fuck about being your bridesmaid.

Original poster
DeterminedandSpecialMum · 02/05/2012 07:05

I understand they lead busy life's, but surely it's not much to ask to be a lot more responsive when it comes to sorting bits out for them!

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 02/05/2012 07:12

I'm relieved at your shoe reason. One woman of my acquaintance nearly refused to get married because one of her bridesmaids bought a new pair of shoes that made her not exactly the same height as her 'partner'.

I think it's a shame they don't want to go to your hen night.

But you have to deal with it with good grace and not have some kind of family falling out over this. Now that would mess up your wedding.

CupOfBrownJoy · 02/05/2012 07:17

You're learning the hard way that the only person who really cares about your wedding - I mean really really cares - is you.

Leave them to it. You're being a bridezilla.

Get0rfMoiLand · 02/05/2012 07:22

I agree with pictish - normally I can't be arsed with bridal madness, but you seem reasonable and I think it is perfectly understandable that you are disappointed that 2 of your bridesmaids don't want to go to the hen night.

strange responses on here from some as well.

Hopefully all will be well on the day - think you just have to accept that these two bridesmaids are not really that interested.