Sometimes I feel like sobbing with despair that my 2yo DS won't eat enough :-( LONG!!

[Dalrymps]

This is LONG so appologies. I just feel I need to write it all down as I don't want to go over it with DH again as it upsets him just as much as me.

My ds has been difficult to feed both milk and food since he was born, I have posted about this before.

I had a period of depression which I recieved some couselling for and had antidepressants for a few months but decided against them.

It's really complicated and there are a lot of factors to consider. He is 9th centile for height which is fine, he was born 9th centile. His weight gain slowed down at 8 weeks old and went slowly off the bottom of the chart. We were referred to paediatrician and dietician (along with lots of other people who gave advice on feeding him, none of which worked).

The paediatrician believes he is perfectly healthy and there is no physical reason for his slow weight gain apart from the fact he doesn't take in enough calories generally.

The dietician's main aim is to get his weight to match his height (centile wise) so that if he were to become ill he would have some 'spare' to fall back on and wouldn't become to underweight.

The dietician prescribed him SMA high energy milk when he was under a year old and his weight picked up a bit but then slowed again. Once he was a year old she changed his milk to a higher calorie one called paediasure plus, this made him completely loose the tiny bit of interest he had in food and he would vomit on average one of his 4 bottles back up again each day, he also had very runnny poo's (all not usual for him). After 2 weeks of him hardly eating a scrap of food on this milk we decided to mix it half and half with his ols SMA and he stopped vomiting, poo's we ok again and he ate a little.

He was breast fed when younger and I had a lot of problems but he bascially ended up being mix fed till 5 months when he refused to bf anymore and went completely on to the aptamil.

He was late to sit unadied and has been quite late with getting his teeth. Hw will be 2 on 30th Oct and still only has 8 teeth (at the front) and one molar coming through.

It took ages to get him off smooth jars then ages to get him off lumpy jars. Feeding him has been the haerdest, most frustrating thing I have ever had to do. To feed him jars he required constant distractions (eg toys, books). He took ages to become interested in just eating bitd of our food and for ages would just chuck them on the floor or eat a tiny bit then leave it.

We are now at the stage where we give him fromage frais for breakfast (won't eat cereal or weetabix or readybrek), I have to distract him with a magazine or video's off my phone to get him to eat the fromage frais otherwise not one single spoon will be accepted.

Then he gets some sort of sandwich for lunch (philidelphia,tuna,cheese, egg etc) and some quavers and bits of cheese that he likes to eat. He usually takes about 2 bite of the sandwich at lunch if we're lucky then eats a bit of cheese and about half a bag of quavers. I then have to distract him (again!) to get him to eat a high cal pudding such as custard or more fomage frais or ice cream etc

Tea is bits of ours cut up which has varying success, sometimes he eats quite a bit (10 bites max) and sometimes hardly a scrap. Pudding is the same as lunchtime, high cal, spoon fed. DH usually does tea to give me a break from the feeding although I am there also as we all eat together.

He has 4 4oz bottles of milk a day as he won't take more than 4 oz a bottle ( I would love to be able to give him 2 8oz bottles or even 3 5 oz). He won't take the milk from a cup although he can drink prefectly well from a cup and he has his juice in one.

The dietician has recently also prescribed him some high calorie powder to add to his milk or food. He refused point blank to eat it in his food. I don't blame him as it was grainy and didn't dissolve very well. We therefor add it to his last two bottles of the day as to not affect his appetite during the day.

Recently we ran out of the higher energy milk temporarily (paediasure plus) and had to give him just the SMA for a week or so whilst we waited for the prescription. Ds's interest in food increased noticabily when he was on the SMA alone and he ate slightly more than when he has the paediasure mixed in. I have always believed from the begining that the paediasure didn't help matters. The dietician said to see how he is off it for a few more weeks and if still the same she will put him on a less calorie dense paediasure that is more suitable nutritionally for his age than the SMA.

I'm a little worried that changing him milk again will have some sort of affect on his eating, changing anything usually does. I'm also concerned that even though his appetite is better off the paediasure he still doesn't eat a whole lot more, just seems more willing to eat at all iyswim so he might not make up the calorie difference.

The main problem has always been the amounts he eats, he is quite good at trying a variety of foods if in the right mood but just looses interest very quickly. He just doesn't seem to get he has to eat a lot to grow, it's as if he's just not hungry.

When we saw the dietician the other day she made some 'helpful' suggestions on ways to encourage him to eat. She suggested reward charts/stickers for eating a bite of something or another page of his story for eating such and such. Thing is i'm pretty certian he is too young to understand this concept yet, we have tried over the last few days and he just doesn't seem to get what we're on about?!

I have watched many episodes of 'the house of tiny tearaways' to try and get answers on feeding problems. I have taken away from this that anxiety is the enemy. We spend each mealtime trying to be as relaxed as possible and basically just let him get on with playing with his food whilst we chat amongst ourselves and occaionally to him. We give him gentle praise when he eats something and clear his food away when he finally starts throwing it on the floor. We don't put too much on his tray and we always offer something we know he likes/somehthing familiar and something else for him to try. I don't know what more we can do?!

This is what has brought me to write this all down. I feel that everytime we see the dietician she makes suggestions on ways to get him to eat or things to feed him that are high calorie. I always come away from the appointments with renewed hope that we have new ideas to try and desperately hope that one of these ideas will work. Then wht happens is I get back to reality at home, try the suggestions and they don't work. This makes me sink even lower and makes me feel even more defeated and helpless than before . I always end up feeling so sad to the point that I just feel like going somewhere ds can't see me and sobbing my heart out.

We have tried so much, so many tactics and ideas over the months but the daily grind of having to feed him and progress being so painfully slow just gets me down. I try not to think about it most of the time and try to remain positive butif I stop to think about it then I just have massive feelings of hopelessness. I feel like i'm letting him down, I don't know why he won't eat more, I can't help him to eat more cause nothing works and nobody, not even the many professinals we have seen have any answers of ideas that can help us.

I don't want him to be on 2 types of high cal milk and high cal powder. I don't want to try to constantly feed him high calorie foods as deep down I feel it is unhealthy for him. I don't want to distract him whilst I spoon food in to him. I just want to be a relaxed mother who can let him discover food and feed himself. I can't be that mother though because the fact is, if I just leave him to it he will not gain enough weight and it'll be my fault. i'm crying writing this, I feel totally at a loss and I know my DH feels exaclty the same

I feel left alone to stuggle and wish someone could tell me why he is like this or at least give me something I can do about it that works.

[AFingerofFudge]

Hiya Dalrymps
I also wanted to add my own little bit. Apologies i haven't had time to read the whole thread, so i hope I'm not repeating lots of stuff.
My DS2 (I have 3 DS's!) will be 7 at the end of this month, and I really understand so much of what you said. To cut a very long story shorter, we had endless problems getting him to eat anything. He was a fussy at the breast, not much better on bottles, and I have to say (hope I don't depress you here) that it is only in the last year his eating has improved. He is still the only kid I know that would be more likely to say "no thanks" to a bar of chocolate than yes.
Anyway, we went down the medical route, he had tests for all sorts of problems, and yet there was nothing obvious. I bribed him, cajoled him, did the ignoring thing while he ate etc etc and now looking back at that time, I can only explain it like this: It is just part of who he is. Possibly he had some sort of intolerance that he has grown out of, I don't know. He did have enormous tonsils that had to be taken out when he was 3, not because he got ill, but because they were soooo ginormous. Not sure whether or not that helped.
I remember sitting with a piece of pasta and a packet of buttons when he was around 2, and being so desperate that I told him if he tried one piece of pasta, he could have the chocolate. Didn't work. He still doesn't eat pasta. There's loads he doesn't eat,like rice, eggy things, sweets,he doesn't drink anything other that water. There are some things he eats at school or at friends houses' only. I still don't know why. But nowdays he does enjoy pizza, potatoes, meat, and other things. Sometimes he still eats very little, sometimes he eats a reasonable amount.
What I'm trying to say (sorry, it's taken so long) is that there is a high chance his appetite will slowly develop over time without you getting any real answers to why he is as he is. I hope I don't sound patronising when I say I look back on our experience and just wish I hadn't stressed quite so much about it. I hope for you too, it will slowly come together.

I can almost laugh now at one of DS's first phrases he ever said...."Don't like food" (honest!)

[Dalrymps]

Aitch - I couldn't believe it, he's shown interest in cereal bars before but never eaten more than a nibble, he just scoffed most of it!

hormonsters - Thanks for the reassurance. It does help to know there are other children out there with very similar eating habbits who are all grown up and absolutely fine

Afingeroffudge - Lol at 'don't like food'

I do agree to a certain extent that this is just how ds is. He was also fussy with milk and this just seemed to carry on with the food too... I do believe though that myself and dh being anxious does nothing to help the problem and in a way that is the only part we have any conrtol over. We can't make him eat but we can ceratainly give ourselves a good talking to and stop pressuring him!

Even if progress is slow (which it has been) it's good to know he'll most likely be ok and it'll 'come together' eventually. He seems to have a small but quite healthy appetite tbh, he only eats more unhealthy stuff now as thats what the dietician recommended. At one point he was happy to eat fruit and homous mostly!

Thanks for your input, really helps

[AitchTwoToTangOh]

[titferbrains]

Liking the new name Aitch.

Just want to say I'm about to give my DD kraft singles on toast and ambrosia rice pudding in an effort to get her to eat more fatty food. This is coming from a totally committed foodie. I totally sympathise and my DD is only 1! I speak to a very kind dietician almost every week, who encourages me and keeps me sane when I want to cry at the tiny amounts dd eats. Sounds like things are slowly improving, but wanted to echo what others said, that 9th percentile or around there is fine (my dd is 0.4th so when she drops it's always off the chart, unfortunately) and that the healthiest thing you can do is try to stay relaxed and ensure that mealtimes are not stressful for yr DC.

[Dalrymps]

titferbrains - Sounds like your dietician is a lot more tuned in to you than mine is!

Thanks for sharing your experience with me. I'm sure for you too things will be ok, someones got to be at the bottom of the charts after all just like someone has to be at the top. Kraft singles and rice pudding sound yummy

[CookieMonster2]

Remembered another top tip that I wanted to give to people struggling to get their kids to eat. Instead of just having 2 courses with each meal, have 3 or 4. Sometimes just changing what is on the plate will start them eating again. We used to have the main course, then a pudding, then a cheese course (not joking, cheese is always a good one for weight gain and rounds off a meal quite nicely). Once you have done all this we discovered you could go back to the first course again and they will have another go at that.

Dalrymps, as someone else said, sounds like your ds is eating normal amounts of food though, doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about to me, bet you are feeling glad you decided to ditch the formula milk

[Dalrymps]

Cookie - Thanks for the tip, I suppose we kinda do that sometimes. We have main thing, then cheese, then crisps then pudding. We usually clear away some of what he has lost interest in and add something else. I have noticed that as you clear away what he wasn't eating anymore he makes a last grab at it and eats a bit more. Will give it a try offering him the 1st course again at the end and see what happens!

Thanks for the reassurance re the amounts he's eating. My greatest fear is that we'll thinnk all is going well and then we'll discover he's lost weight

[smileyboy]

Hi dalrymps, I think even if he does lose a bit of weight then it won't take him long to regain it through his incresing apitite. The worst thing you can do is worry though (as you know!) and know that it is healthier what you are doing now rather than just filling him up of calorific milk etc, that isn't teaching him how to eat healthily or listen to his body.... sure it's keeping the weight on him but it isn't sustainable for his future. I think you're doing great!

My ds shocked me yestersay by eating half a slice of cream cheese on toast followed by his milk, then at lunch he ate a small plate of ham omlette (never thought he'd eat or at the most expected him to just pick the meat out and leave the rest but he ate all I gave him). He had a full chocolate digestive after his nap and then ate a resonable amount of chicken with savoury rice at tea time followed by grapes. That's 3 pretty good meals for him.

Today I made him a soft boiled egg for breakfast, which he ate all of and well over half a slice of wholemeal toast cut into 'soldiers', he ate it at the table . He has had boiled agg before but usually just dipped a few stips of toast into it and then leaves it after about a quater of a slice and never attempts to eat the wite but thismorning he got his teaspoon and was scooping it out and wolfing it down. Seemed very odd but was wonderful to see!

DH is back at work today after 2 weeks off so I am trying to keep things the same re meals and keep the pressure off. So far so good!!!

[Dalrymps]

Yeah, I guess so re the weight. Guess i'll just feel bad cause the dietician is all for him gaining weight and if he looses it then that's the opposite. Guess i'm worried she'll say 'well your way isn't working cause he's not gaining/gaining enough and will try and make him go back on the milk. Will just have to try not to worry about what hasn't happened yet I suppose!

WOW at what your ds has been eating! What a difference, what you describe just sounds like a normal 2yo's diet to me! You're doing so well, i'm so pleased for you

What does your dh think of the difference?

[MrsBadger]

[have been following with interest and sympathy but not had anything useful to add until now]

Re courses and taking stuff away - we even do this for dd, who is 2 and generally an extremely good eater.
If she eats a forkful or two of a main course we know she likes and then pushes it away to demand yoghurt/banana, we have found it is much more productive to offer the yoghurt without fuss but to leave the main course plate and cutlery on the table within reach. Every single time she eats the yoghurt and then goes back quite happily to finish the main.
If we say 'no yoghurt till you have finished the chicken' then we get a full-on tantrum, nothing is eaten at all and everyone is furious.

[Dalrymps]

Ah I see MrsBadger! I have heard that lo's are less bothered about the order of pudding and main and don't even mind mixing the two. I have been giving his pudding at lunc along side what is on his tray and he tends to go between the two. Not really done it at teatime though... Will keep that in mind, thanks

Incidentally he refused breakfast this morning which hasn't happened so far during the experiment. I just stayed calm though and cleared it away and gave hom his milk.

Hope he eats something at lunchtime

[CookieMonster2]

Dalrymps, what you said about your ds making a last grab at food reminded me of another tip.

Sometimes you get into the situation where they aren't wanting to leave the table but they aren't really eating either, so you need to find a way of keeping the momentum going with eating. We used to say that dinner time had nearly finished and there were only 2 minutes left, and suddenly she would remember what she was meant to be doing and start eating quickly. Saying that you are going to clear away the left overs and put them in the bin can have the same effect. I have had several occassions where I have made it to the kitchen bin with a plate and she has coming running in and actually stood by the bin finishing the meal!

Re missing breakfast - don't be tempted to offer extra snacks to make up for a missing meal. If they don't eat a meal, you need to do your best to wait until the next scheduled meal/snack time before offering any more food so you aren't encouraging them to miss other meals. Even good eaters miss complete meals with no reason quite a lot though so I shouldn't worry about it.

Don't worry about the weight gain either. Getting into good eating habits now is far more important that immediate weight gain. My dd is still seeing the paeds about lack of growth but she doesn't get weighed more than once or twice a year.

[AngryFromManchester]

I have lots of sympathy. My ds2 (3rd and 2yo) is the most finicky bugger out. He will drink milk but his diet is so limited, hence why i carry on with the milk......I just wish he would grow out of it, but you are not at all alone

[Dalrymps]

cookie - Good tips, I think he does get bored sometimes and forget why he's there, hence the grabs when we take the food away.

I didn't offer any snacks between breakfast and lunch, he was asleep anyway so no chance. He did really well for lunch though, ate some of our boiled egg, toast, some of dh's noddles, lots of grated cheese, yougurt with choc balls in and also demanded chocolate as he spotted it across the kitchen so he had a bit of that too.

I'll try not to worry about the weight gain, he has always been ok height wise so at least thats one less thing to worry about (well he is really tall or anything but follows the 9th centile he was born on).

If i'm honest I think i'd be less bothered about the weight if the dietician stoped going on about it so much, i'm much more concerned with him eating like a normal 2yo!

angryfrommanchester - Thankyou for your sympathies. Each time one more person posts that they have similar problems and they understand it makes me feel a little bit more relaxed and less alone . Fingers crossed your ds2 grows out of it sooner rather than later.

[Dalrymps]

Hi, just wondered if anyone could offer advice on this...

When ds was on the high cal milk he had done a 'difficult' poo that was quite hard and had a tiny bit of blood streaked through it. I thought it was just the milk and powder...

Anyway, since we've stopped the high cal milk and powder he di another difficult one a few days ago (was previously pooing about once a week). Somrry for the TMI but it took him quite a while to push it out and the start of it was hard and a little blood streaked then the rest of it was what i'd call a good poo, not as hard and good shape etc.

Since the other day i've added prune juice to his water (he usually has a bit of fresh orange in it anyway so not much of a change) in the hope of helping him become a bit more regular and hoping the poo's would be softer.

I don't know if it will have taken affect yet but he did another difficult one tonight, it was medium sized, hard and blood streaked again. He cried as he passed it . I think it's just constipation but i'm not sure what to do to fix this quickly, I hate to see him uncomfortable and don't want to make him worse with his 'new diet'.

I will offer him more fruit and carry on the prune juice, anything else I can do?

[WhatFreshHellIsThis]

Hi been following your thread and thought I'd drop in. DS1 had real problems with constipation recently and we found kiwi worked wonders. Don't know if your DS likes it/will eat it?

Otherwise you can buy some stuff called lactulose from the chemist - it's not a drug, it's a natural sugar and it just draws more water into the bowel to soften the poo. Works very well, make sure he drinks lots too. It's very sweet though so have to be vigilant with tooth brushing!

[tiktok]

Dalrymps - sounds like an anal fissure. Painful, and needs treatment otherwise he will learn to hang on to poos which obviously makes things worse. Doc can prescribe, or you can get OTC stuff, but doc should examine him, anyway, IMO.

Avoiding constipation stops it recurring.

[Dalrymps]

Thanks for the advice. I've had an anal fissure myself on and off, VERY painful, that's why I feel so bad for him .

If next poo is same I will take him to docs.

[smileyboy]

Aww your poor ds, sounds like it must be really causing him pain. I hope it's something that doesn't trouble him for long.

Everything OK here. Had some good days and some not so good days re food but we are still perservering with the 'experiment'!

Hope your ds is better soon.

[Dalrymps]

Thanks, yeah some days are better than others here too but still good overall.

I've been giving him lots of fruit and prune juice so hooing the next poo is better.

[smileyboy]

Hiya how's things going? Is ds's poos any better?

My ds has been eating very little this past few days. Can't seem to work out why but he seems really whiney as well so wondering if he's maybe just coming down with something. He often gets like this when he's really tired too, tho not sure why he'd be so tired when he appears to be sleeping well.

How's the food going at your end?

[Dalrymps]

Hi smiley

Well he hasn't done another poo till today (used to average once a week and now more like twice a week). It was not much better, he was still upset when he did it and there was still a little streak of blood . He was fine straight after.

Am going to make a docs app for him tomorrow and get him checked and see if she can prescribe something like lactulose.

He's been having fruit at every meal and prune juice every day but I think it's taking a while to kick in due to how often he poos. His poos need to be softer so his poor little bum can heal.

Food wise he's been getting on ok, some meals better than others but more open to having snacks in between meals too

Today was the first day where he didn't have much for breakfast and lunch, well he had something just not as much as he has been doing. It turned out though that it was just because he was getting ready for the poo. He's always been like that, if he's due a poo he goes off his food a bit till he's done it.

I haven't weighed him yet (can usually get a rough idea from bathroom scales) but he seems about the same to lift and is full of energy and very happy

Your ds not eating much the past few days will no doubt resolve itself. Like with all these things you usually don't know why until after the event. He might be just a bit off colour, hard to tell when they can't really tell you. The tiredness thing seems to point to him maybe feeling off, I often feel really tired just before a cold/virus...

Sounds like you're doing really well though, don't forget the success you've already had, it's easy to lose sight after a few off days.

I know how you feel, I felt the anxiety when my dh told me he refused breakfast this morning, well he ate 5 mini jaffa cakes that he stole off the table . By lunchtime I was thinking he would eat well as he'd not had much breakfast but he didn't and I could feel the panick setitng in. It's hard to control that sometimes, I start thinking 'well this is just one meal but what if it carries on to the next and the next, what am I gonna do??'. I really have to stop thinking this and just take each meal/day as it comes.

[smileyboy]

I know what you mean about the panic setting in after one bad meal. I felt like that yesterday but I know it really doesn't help at all. All he ate all day was a quater of a slice of toast with soft cheese on, half a cereal bar and a few strips of chicken at tea time with a few grapes as a snack.

Today though, he woke up and ate a FULL slice of wholemeal toast!!!!!!! He has NEVER done that before. It took him about half an hour but I just left him to it and he finished the lot and even asked for some raisins which he ate too.

Lunch time has been OK really, he ate half a homemade sausage roll (pretty big) and a few spoons full of dh's vege soup.

Hope your ds' poor little bum gets better soon, sounds like it must be miserable for him and you don't want him to dread pooing the poor lad.

xxxxxx

[Dalrymps]

Hey smiley, So sorry for my absence... Had a busy time of late.

How is your ds doing at the mo?

Ds is doing ok, it's up and down really but his interest in food in general is definately better than it was. Sometimes he has off meals or an off day (like today) but it can be when he needs a poo or is teething etc. It's still frustrating though cause he can be doing so well one minute then the next not so well and you're not sure why till you work it out later...

I don't think he's gained any weight yet whilst on the experiment , weighed him twice and he was the same as he was at his dietician app last time. I haven't weighed him for over a week now and still don't think he feels heavier, hope he hasn't lost any.

It's his check up with his paediatrician tomorrow morning at 10am. Dh and I are understandably anxious about it. He will be weighed and we'll be asked how he's getting on. I was really worried about it the other day when I realised the app was looming and I got a bit upset (the pg hormomes don't help). Dh said we'll just explain what we're doing and ask the paed's oppinion, that we'll explain hi appetite is a lot better this way but the weight issue is still a concern if he's not going to gain any but that we're also reluctant to put him back on the high cal milk as we don't feel he's progresing with his eating on that or that it suits him... We'll see what he says, i'm just scared he'll think we're irresponsible and ignorant for changing his diet but I haven't done it on a whim, it's been well thought out.

His poo's are better, the last couple he's done have been a lot easier for him and didn't contain blood so the lactulose and fruit is helping. His bum isn't quite healed yet however as dh could see a tiny 'nick' at the bottom of his bumhole after he did his last poo. He wasn't in pain when he did it but it's just taking a while to get back to normal, we're keeping an eye on it.

We're going to see how the app goes tomorrow and depending on what the paed says we might try changing his milk to jersey milk as it's a little higher in cals but still cows milk, we'lll see.

[ThePinkOne]

Good luck tomorrow. Stick to your guns