Sometimes I feel like sobbing with despair that my 2yo DS won't eat enough :-( LONG!!

[Dalrymps]

This is LONG so appologies. I just feel I need to write it all down as I don't want to go over it with DH again as it upsets him just as much as me.

My ds has been difficult to feed both milk and food since he was born, I have posted about this before.

I had a period of depression which I recieved some couselling for and had antidepressants for a few months but decided against them.

It's really complicated and there are a lot of factors to consider. He is 9th centile for height which is fine, he was born 9th centile. His weight gain slowed down at 8 weeks old and went slowly off the bottom of the chart. We were referred to paediatrician and dietician (along with lots of other people who gave advice on feeding him, none of which worked).

The paediatrician believes he is perfectly healthy and there is no physical reason for his slow weight gain apart from the fact he doesn't take in enough calories generally.

The dietician's main aim is to get his weight to match his height (centile wise) so that if he were to become ill he would have some 'spare' to fall back on and wouldn't become to underweight.

The dietician prescribed him SMA high energy milk when he was under a year old and his weight picked up a bit but then slowed again. Once he was a year old she changed his milk to a higher calorie one called paediasure plus, this made him completely loose the tiny bit of interest he had in food and he would vomit on average one of his 4 bottles back up again each day, he also had very runnny poo's (all not usual for him). After 2 weeks of him hardly eating a scrap of food on this milk we decided to mix it half and half with his ols SMA and he stopped vomiting, poo's we ok again and he ate a little.

He was breast fed when younger and I had a lot of problems but he bascially ended up being mix fed till 5 months when he refused to bf anymore and went completely on to the aptamil.

He was late to sit unadied and has been quite late with getting his teeth. Hw will be 2 on 30th Oct and still only has 8 teeth (at the front) and one molar coming through.

It took ages to get him off smooth jars then ages to get him off lumpy jars. Feeding him has been the haerdest, most frustrating thing I have ever had to do. To feed him jars he required constant distractions (eg toys, books). He took ages to become interested in just eating bitd of our food and for ages would just chuck them on the floor or eat a tiny bit then leave it.

We are now at the stage where we give him fromage frais for breakfast (won't eat cereal or weetabix or readybrek), I have to distract him with a magazine or video's off my phone to get him to eat the fromage frais otherwise not one single spoon will be accepted.

Then he gets some sort of sandwich for lunch (philidelphia,tuna,cheese, egg etc) and some quavers and bits of cheese that he likes to eat. He usually takes about 2 bite of the sandwich at lunch if we're lucky then eats a bit of cheese and about half a bag of quavers. I then have to distract him (again!) to get him to eat a high cal pudding such as custard or more fomage frais or ice cream etc

Tea is bits of ours cut up which has varying success, sometimes he eats quite a bit (10 bites max) and sometimes hardly a scrap. Pudding is the same as lunchtime, high cal, spoon fed. DH usually does tea to give me a break from the feeding although I am there also as we all eat together.

He has 4 4oz bottles of milk a day as he won't take more than 4 oz a bottle ( I would love to be able to give him 2 8oz bottles or even 3 5 oz). He won't take the milk from a cup although he can drink prefectly well from a cup and he has his juice in one.

The dietician has recently also prescribed him some high calorie powder to add to his milk or food. He refused point blank to eat it in his food. I don't blame him as it was grainy and didn't dissolve very well. We therefor add it to his last two bottles of the day as to not affect his appetite during the day.

Recently we ran out of the higher energy milk temporarily (paediasure plus) and had to give him just the SMA for a week or so whilst we waited for the prescription. Ds's interest in food increased noticabily when he was on the SMA alone and he ate slightly more than when he has the paediasure mixed in. I have always believed from the begining that the paediasure didn't help matters. The dietician said to see how he is off it for a few more weeks and if still the same she will put him on a less calorie dense paediasure that is more suitable nutritionally for his age than the SMA.

I'm a little worried that changing him milk again will have some sort of affect on his eating, changing anything usually does. I'm also concerned that even though his appetite is better off the paediasure he still doesn't eat a whole lot more, just seems more willing to eat at all iyswim so he might not make up the calorie difference.

The main problem has always been the amounts he eats, he is quite good at trying a variety of foods if in the right mood but just looses interest very quickly. He just doesn't seem to get he has to eat a lot to grow, it's as if he's just not hungry.

When we saw the dietician the other day she made some 'helpful' suggestions on ways to encourage him to eat. She suggested reward charts/stickers for eating a bite of something or another page of his story for eating such and such. Thing is i'm pretty certian he is too young to understand this concept yet, we have tried over the last few days and he just doesn't seem to get what we're on about?!

I have watched many episodes of 'the house of tiny tearaways' to try and get answers on feeding problems. I have taken away from this that anxiety is the enemy. We spend each mealtime trying to be as relaxed as possible and basically just let him get on with playing with his food whilst we chat amongst ourselves and occaionally to him. We give him gentle praise when he eats something and clear his food away when he finally starts throwing it on the floor. We don't put too much on his tray and we always offer something we know he likes/somehthing familiar and something else for him to try. I don't know what more we can do?!

This is what has brought me to write this all down. I feel that everytime we see the dietician she makes suggestions on ways to get him to eat or things to feed him that are high calorie. I always come away from the appointments with renewed hope that we have new ideas to try and desperately hope that one of these ideas will work. Then wht happens is I get back to reality at home, try the suggestions and they don't work. This makes me sink even lower and makes me feel even more defeated and helpless than before . I always end up feeling so sad to the point that I just feel like going somewhere ds can't see me and sobbing my heart out.

We have tried so much, so many tactics and ideas over the months but the daily grind of having to feed him and progress being so painfully slow just gets me down. I try not to think about it most of the time and try to remain positive butif I stop to think about it then I just have massive feelings of hopelessness. I feel like i'm letting him down, I don't know why he won't eat more, I can't help him to eat more cause nothing works and nobody, not even the many professinals we have seen have any answers of ideas that can help us.

I don't want him to be on 2 types of high cal milk and high cal powder. I don't want to try to constantly feed him high calorie foods as deep down I feel it is unhealthy for him. I don't want to distract him whilst I spoon food in to him. I just want to be a relaxed mother who can let him discover food and feed himself. I can't be that mother though because the fact is, if I just leave him to it he will not gain enough weight and it'll be my fault. i'm crying writing this, I feel totally at a loss and I know my DH feels exaclty the same

I feel left alone to stuggle and wish someone could tell me why he is like this or at least give me something I can do about it that works.

[Dalrymps]

smiley - It does sound like your ds just prefers milk at the moment. If there's no weight issue I guess you might be able to try different things along the way without worrying too much about that part.

I would say nutritionally he's probably doing a lot better than you imagine. Did you ever see that program that was on ages ago abuot fussy eaters? One girl lived off chocolate and wotsits and was about 12yrs old or there abouts, she was under the care of a feeding specialist/psycholoigist and had been tested etc. They said she was perfectly healthy on that diet , of course that was a really extreme case but i'm sure he's getting more nutrients than she was.

I know all the focus is on variation these days but if you think about it we have a lot more variation available to us than we ever did years ago what with food being imported so mucg etc. I'm sure the diet he's eating is just fine so try not to worry too much (easier said than done I know!)

Remind me again, how old is your ds exaclty and how much milk is he having?

Breakfast report - He ate almost a quarter of a slice of toast with his favourite lemon curd on so not too bad.

I'm constantly worrying he's gonna loose weight now. I know his eating has picked up slightly but i'm worried it's not enough to maintain him. Trying to keep calm thuogh.

[AitchTwoToTangOh]

i don't know about the fancy claims but my two both like eating these vits. again, something to make me feel good...

[smileyboy]

My ds is 2yrs and 2 months old. He has 8 ounces of milk with breakfast and 8 ounces at bedtime (in a bottle... only way he'll drink it...dispite all the horror stories my HV tells me about the use of bottles over 18 months, he won't touch it in a cup although he drinks water from a normal open cup fine so I think it must be a comfort thing).

I did see that programme about the 12 year old girl. Me being such a fan of chocolate and wotsits it did make me just want to live off them seeing how healthy she was! She looked great and had no internal health problems as a result of it. My ds does have variety it's just not a lot and his meal sizes are just so tiny it's ridicullous, litterally a fork full and he's done usually. Sometimes I can get him to eat more if it's something like chicken escelopes and chips that he can use his fingers for but even then only a few more mouth fulls. I think he is just so busy and active that he would rather just snack on bits of chicken and crisps but tiny amounts which is not good when he is so active. He seems to be full after about a quater of a slice of toast but then would possible eat some more an hour later, maybe he just gets bored eating the same thing for more than a few mouthfulls, I really don't know.

He won't eat any veges at all which makes planning any healthy meals really hard. Fruit is not too bad as he will drink fruit smoothies and eat grapes and have a few bites of an apple or strawberry.

I am resorting to just giving him sandwiches and toast lately with fruity nutritious snacks because anything remotely healthy for a meal is refused completely.

I do appreciate you taking the time to answer my posts by the way. I know you are worried yourself and this was your thread but it is really nice to know someone else knows how I feel!

I feel the same about my ds losing weight, although obviously it's not as big a worry if he does but with him being quite tall, I don't want him to lose weight and look skinny or malnourished. It really can't be a healthy diet he's having, not just the limitations on the variety but purely the amount he will eat is honestly less than he ate at 8 months old (with a lot of distraction!) There is no point in distracting him now as it just doesn't work and it really isn't a long term solution anyway. I just want him to eat more through choice which doesn't seem to be happening!

I may try him with lemon curd actually, he seems to like tangy things. Does anyone know how much toast a 2 year old should be able to eat by the way??? I worry when my ds is bored after 1/8 of a slice but I have no point of reference to know how much he should be eating roughly.

DS awake, better go!

[Dalrymps]

Aitch - Ds would probably eat those, he likes 'sweeties'.

Smiley - Ah so he's only 3 months older than my ds! Ds also will only take his milk from a bottle but will frink anything else from a cup with a spout and an open cup.

So your ds has exactly the same amount of milk as my ds too... Are you sure you haven't kidnapped/cloned my ds?

He really aounds very similar with regards to portins sizes and food preferances too. I have been getting excited about ds having a quarter of a slice of toast for breakfast as usually it would be a few bites!

Ds doesn't have a whole lot of veg, he likes to play with anything little so peas, sweetcorn, beans but only eats a few now and again. Does your ds like this kind of veg?

Tbh a lot of what we give ds at the moment is bread or crisp based in some way with extras on the side as you will see from what i've been writing down. If I were you i'd carry on as you are and just very slowly and gradually introduce other things in, even if he only picks them up and throws them then eats what he's used to it's all exposure.

During 'the experiment' I have found that the more I ignore ds at mealtimes the more he just gets on with it and nibbles away. I have to try really hard not to keep watching him and only let myself look at him once in a while to check all is ok, even then I try to glance really quickly so he doesn't notice. If he talks to me or calls me I talk back for a second and smile then get on with eating my food again. I feel it's helping but it may be all in my head?!

No need to thank me for answering your posts, this isn't 'my' thread, i'm happy if it is able to help other people as well as myself. After all it's just soooo stressful and you have to go through it to know that so i'm glad to be here to share with you

I would try him with the lemon curd, he might like it. I know what it's like though, you almost get sick of trying them with new foods cause you get all hopefull then they just reject it and you feel like not bothering, well I do anyway!

The way I see it you have 2 seperate issues, one is that you want him to eat more choice and one is you want him to eat bigger amounts. I think the choice thing will be gradual over time, I think all you can do is keep 'showing' and exposing him to new foods and remain relaxed about it and offer them along side what he likes so he doesn't get freaked out.

One thing I try to do with ds is if he asks to try something i'm eating outside of mealtimes I always let him even if I think he won't like it or isn't very healthy, just to get him enjoying different tastes. For eg: I had a craving for a slightly spicy sweet and sour pot noodle this evening before tea and he kept asking for some, I thought he might find it spicy and it was not really ideal but I gave him a bit and he came back for about 8 more tastes of it just whilst he was playing in the lounge. The same thing happened the other day with a wispa bar and also a pack of ham and mustard mcoys. This is also how we discovered he likes dolly mixtures (surprise suprise) as he kept asking for them at grannies house.

The amount thing I think might be to do with his milk? I don't know if you've thought about giving him a bit less over a week maybe and just seeing what happens? You can always go back of no change and a week is not likely to have much affect on his weight..

Do you have a partner? If so, what do they think of all this?

Btw, I have no idea how much toast a 2 year old can eat but I try not to think about it as it'd probably just worry me. Instead I just concentrate on whether ds has had more than he normally does...

Interestingly re the milk, I started a thread asking how much peoples 2yr olds drank a day and there was a lot of variation! Some had none at all, a lot had 1-2 cups a day and a few had similar amounts to our ds, interesing to know.

[AitchTwoToTangOh]

my three year old is 'a good eater' but definitely ate less when she was two than at any other time. i think that's really common, from what i understand. fortunately because food isn't on my list of 'things to worry about' (iykwim, we've never had any medical involvement about any food issues) i didn't pay much attention. i can't imagine how little fun it would have been if i'd have a dietitian breathing down my neck.

[Dalrymps]

Aitch - I think 2yo's are known to be fussy eaters in general anyway that would fit with what you say.

You're right though, it's no fun at all with a dietician (or any other hcp for that matter) breathing down your neck!

I think there comes a point where you have to block the hcp's voices out of your head and just go with it. That's what i'm deserately trying to do anyway!

[Ripeberry]

You need to get away from the dinner table. Totally different enviroment. Picnic in a park.
No child will starve themselves whatever the dieticians say. When my two were fussy eaters and trying to control what I fed them, we just went for a long walk in the hills (all day) and at the end of the day had a picnic and they were so hungry they ate everything even the things they did not like.
Dieticians cause more problems

[Dalrymps]

Good advice Ripeberry, we have done picnics/holidays etc. I don't always feed him at home, sometimes at grannies.

I agree re dieticians.

[Dalrymps]

Ds did really well with breakfast today, ate half a piece of toast (so half a slice of bread), he's never eaten that much before

Dinner was ok, nibbled at cheese on toast, quavers and had 4 spoons of chocolate balls in yogurt again.

We visited granny this aft and he sat eating some crunchie pretzel snacks for about 15 mins, he usually likes them but he ate quite a lot more than usual.

Tea was ok too considering he had a big snack just before. He had a couple of small bites of fishcakes and waffles then ate quite a bit of grated cheese and tasted some pepper out of our fajitas. He also ate nearly half a mini choc roll.

We've come to realise he really prefers whole milk to the stuff he was on, he keeps getting upset when he finishes the bottle, even when he can't possibly be hungry, he just wants more!

I'm happy that after a week it seems to be going well, i've never seen such a noticable change. I'm just hoping so much that what he eats will maintain his weight so we can carry on this way as i'm so much happier feeding him this way.

[Horton]

That sounds so brilliant, Dalrymps. If he wants more whole milk, I wouldn't worry too much about giving it to him, esp if it is after a meal - it sounds like he really wants it so maybe needs the calcium for growing bones etc (you said he also ate plenty of cheese so that would make sense). I do think that letting him dictate what he feels like he wants to eat might be very helpful in making him more confident about food and drink and controlling his own intake.

It really sounds like he is going great guns. Well done to you for sticking with it and letting him learn how to eat. It also sounds like both of you are much happier, which can only be good.

[Dalrymps]

Thanks... Tbh i'm having trouble working out whether it's just that he likes the flavour of the milk or is actually hungry for more. I don't think he can be hungry cause as you say he always has it after a meal...

Another thing is he seems to be getting a little annoyed when he's drinking it like he's frustrated it's not coming out of the bottle quick enough. Again, never had this before either but we consdered trying him with it in a spouted cup agian to see what he does (always refused more than an oz in a cut with the old stuff). I'm a bit wary of making too many changes at once though, I feel he likes his bottle as a sort of comfort, we'll see...

[smileyboy]

Fantastic Dal! What a wonderful turnaround in just a week. I agree with your comment about not making too many changes at once, ds is the same with his milk in a botle and I am reluctant to change it as he just sips at milk in a cup and bottle does calm him down before bed and give us nice snuggley time together!

My ds seems to be making very steady progress too. He ate about 3/4 of a slice of toast this morning and actualy yesterday ate something from all 3 meals plus a lot of grapes as a snack. He hasn't done that for a long time.

Thanks for all the advice and tips, I too have found that the more I back off and ignore him, the more he just gets on with it.

I will write more later but just wanted to update you and congratulate you on your success!

[Dalrymps]

Smileyboy - Wow 3/4 of a slice is loads, ds has never eaten that much! Something from all 3 meals is great too, a lot of 2yo's refuse one meal a day anyway so he's doing really well

Yeah gonna wait and see with the bottle thing...

[smileyboy]

Hi again, yeah I was really pleased with 3/4 of a slice, he has never ever eaten that much before.

Lunch time was OK but not great. He had 5 bites of a chicken sandwich and 3 teaspoon fulls of my chocolate dessert. At least he ate something though not a massive amount.

Last night I made a mild chicken curry with rice and he actually sat in his booster chair and ate a fair bit (mainly the chicken but did have a few spoon fulls of rice). I was really surprised and it was a really nice family meal which we just haven't been able to have for the last 2 years so that was a big milestone for us although I am not forcing the table issue, as long as he eats somewhere!

We shall see what tea time today brings. To be honest I am becoming more concerned with him eating something, even if he eats very little. I am trying to relax about it and see the improvements he has made with regards to touching/ playing/ enjoying food.... all things which he just wasn't interested in before, which is not surprising with me and his dad constantly breathing down his neck and stressing over "just one more mouthful" poor bugger. It's just so easy to do everything wrong and make things worse cos it all becomes so stressful and emotional for me. I am learning though!

[AitchTwoToTangOh]

bear in mind, both of you, that the amounts of food that you're describing in these last few posts are just pretty normal for easily-distracted two-year-olds. not 'omg did you see what that child just ATE?!', just pretty bog-standard, unremarkable eating for a light-eating child. for example, neither of mine really like bread so five bites of a chicken sandwich would be unusually good in this house.

and that's the next step, i think, getting to see what they actually like to eat and replacing the empty cals with nutritious ones. althoug agree nothing too quick.

as it happens i don't serve up a lot of sandwiches for lunch cos mine don't like them much, instead they eat more protein and cold veg at lunch i notice, and then carb out at dinner. very sensible really, in fact i wish i could stop eating so much bread...

[Dalrymps]

Smiley - That's right, at least he ate something at lunch which is great! Thats the bit to keep focusing on

Wow at him eating chicken curry, as i said Ds doesn't really bother with meat at all so that's very impressive! Great he ate at the table to for a change, maybe he senses there's not at much pressure so is more willing to sit there now he knows he can do what he likes?

It is VERY stressful and VERY emotiona; and it is hard not to get overwhelmed by the emotions. You are doing so well though, if you're relaxed he will be too

Dh and I have decided not to discuss ds's feeding in front of him as to not make him feel it's an 'issue'. If we need to say something we talk in code for instance i'll say 'leave so and so for now as it seems to be going well' wink wink LOL. The things we do...

Aitch - Thanks for thr reassurance re amounts of food.

Just wondering about the empty cals, can you give me some examples of what you mean and what you would swap things for?

He did well yeasterday, nibbled away for quite a while at each meal and had a good afternoon snack

He surprised us this morning by eating a whole half slice of toast with nutella on and then about 20 mins later stealing a cereal bar out of the cupboard (a cranberry one with yogurt coating) and demanding I open it, he then ate 2/3 of that too! He's only ever nibbled them before. I was pleased with that as it was quite a healthy snack.

He still had his milk too.

Pils have noticed an increase in his appetite too. Feeling good about the experiment at the moment but daren't get too excited in case the sucess doesn't continue...

[AitchTwoToTangOh]

i could, but i won't. let him absolutely eat what he likes at the moment, think about nutrition etc a long time from now. imho.

[Dalrymps]

Probably best you don't or as you know i'd be thinking about the next step too soon! I think he's not doing too bad nurtitionally, obviously could be better but he's ok for now.

[AitchTwoToTangOh]

that's certainly what they recommended on that itv show last year, just to get them accustomed to eating ANYTHING. have you read 'my child won't eat' by carlos gonzales, by the way? (it might be gonzalez).

[ThePinkOne]

I read this last week and really felt for you but not having fussy eaters didn't really feel I could comment but I was saying in my head 'stop giving him the powder stuff!! Just let him have normal food!'

So I just wanted to say hoorah!!! And I'm glad it's going so well!

[Dalrymps]

Aitch - I haven't read that but apparently it's £120 second hand on amazon . Will see if local library has it. Although (fingers crossed) I wouldn't say ds won't eat at the moment, I can't believe the progress

Thepinkone - Of course you can comment! Thanks, i'm glad too.

[Dalrymps]

Oh ignore me, just looked on amazon and there's a 2nd handone for £15. I'm sure someone said earlier in the thread they were going for £120?!

[AitchTwoToTangOh]

they have weird prices on amazon sometimes. i thought you could get it from the nct, but i certainly bought it new off amazone for a fiver or so a couple of years ago. lent it to a pal, though, and have never managed to get it back.

[hormonstersnomore]

Dalrymps, you've been offered lots of advice & support on this thread & hope you won't mind me adding a little bit about my DD1. She was difficult to bf, I changed to ff at a few weeks of age & found she just didn't seem to like it. When I started giving her solids the only food she seemed to enjoy was chocolate pudding. She was a very small skinny child but had lots of energy.

I know just how anxious you must feel, mealtimes were such a stressful time for us too. However, things changed considerably when DD started going to nursery at 3years of age. I was astounded when I was told on the first day that she had "eaten up all her dinner" & this momentous event was repeated every day - but only at nursery!

The only meals I found she enjoyed at home were ones where she could choose what to put on her own plate and preferably cold food. Her appetite did increase a bit when she was about 9 but she was still very choosy about food (preferring healthy options ironically, she'd rather sit down to a salad than have the usual 'kid's choice' of burgers or chicken nugget-type things). She's now an adult and still doesn't have a large appetite but the upside is I don't think she'll ever be overweight.

Sending you a hug from someone who knows just how difficult this problem is.

[AitchTwoToTangOh]

i just saw that HE was the one to demand a cereal bar. oh gosh that must have felt great.