Sometimes I feel like sobbing with despair that my 2yo DS won't eat enough :-( LONG!!

[Dalrymps]

This is LONG so appologies. I just feel I need to write it all down as I don't want to go over it with DH again as it upsets him just as much as me.

My ds has been difficult to feed both milk and food since he was born, I have posted about this before.

I had a period of depression which I recieved some couselling for and had antidepressants for a few months but decided against them.

It's really complicated and there are a lot of factors to consider. He is 9th centile for height which is fine, he was born 9th centile. His weight gain slowed down at 8 weeks old and went slowly off the bottom of the chart. We were referred to paediatrician and dietician (along with lots of other people who gave advice on feeding him, none of which worked).

The paediatrician believes he is perfectly healthy and there is no physical reason for his slow weight gain apart from the fact he doesn't take in enough calories generally.

The dietician's main aim is to get his weight to match his height (centile wise) so that if he were to become ill he would have some 'spare' to fall back on and wouldn't become to underweight.

The dietician prescribed him SMA high energy milk when he was under a year old and his weight picked up a bit but then slowed again. Once he was a year old she changed his milk to a higher calorie one called paediasure plus, this made him completely loose the tiny bit of interest he had in food and he would vomit on average one of his 4 bottles back up again each day, he also had very runnny poo's (all not usual for him). After 2 weeks of him hardly eating a scrap of food on this milk we decided to mix it half and half with his ols SMA and he stopped vomiting, poo's we ok again and he ate a little.

He was breast fed when younger and I had a lot of problems but he bascially ended up being mix fed till 5 months when he refused to bf anymore and went completely on to the aptamil.

He was late to sit unadied and has been quite late with getting his teeth. Hw will be 2 on 30th Oct and still only has 8 teeth (at the front) and one molar coming through.

It took ages to get him off smooth jars then ages to get him off lumpy jars. Feeding him has been the haerdest, most frustrating thing I have ever had to do. To feed him jars he required constant distractions (eg toys, books). He took ages to become interested in just eating bitd of our food and for ages would just chuck them on the floor or eat a tiny bit then leave it.

We are now at the stage where we give him fromage frais for breakfast (won't eat cereal or weetabix or readybrek), I have to distract him with a magazine or video's off my phone to get him to eat the fromage frais otherwise not one single spoon will be accepted.

Then he gets some sort of sandwich for lunch (philidelphia,tuna,cheese, egg etc) and some quavers and bits of cheese that he likes to eat. He usually takes about 2 bite of the sandwich at lunch if we're lucky then eats a bit of cheese and about half a bag of quavers. I then have to distract him (again!) to get him to eat a high cal pudding such as custard or more fomage frais or ice cream etc

Tea is bits of ours cut up which has varying success, sometimes he eats quite a bit (10 bites max) and sometimes hardly a scrap. Pudding is the same as lunchtime, high cal, spoon fed. DH usually does tea to give me a break from the feeding although I am there also as we all eat together.

He has 4 4oz bottles of milk a day as he won't take more than 4 oz a bottle ( I would love to be able to give him 2 8oz bottles or even 3 5 oz). He won't take the milk from a cup although he can drink prefectly well from a cup and he has his juice in one.

The dietician has recently also prescribed him some high calorie powder to add to his milk or food. He refused point blank to eat it in his food. I don't blame him as it was grainy and didn't dissolve very well. We therefor add it to his last two bottles of the day as to not affect his appetite during the day.

Recently we ran out of the higher energy milk temporarily (paediasure plus) and had to give him just the SMA for a week or so whilst we waited for the prescription. Ds's interest in food increased noticabily when he was on the SMA alone and he ate slightly more than when he has the paediasure mixed in. I have always believed from the begining that the paediasure didn't help matters. The dietician said to see how he is off it for a few more weeks and if still the same she will put him on a less calorie dense paediasure that is more suitable nutritionally for his age than the SMA.

I'm a little worried that changing him milk again will have some sort of affect on his eating, changing anything usually does. I'm also concerned that even though his appetite is better off the paediasure he still doesn't eat a whole lot more, just seems more willing to eat at all iyswim so he might not make up the calorie difference.

The main problem has always been the amounts he eats, he is quite good at trying a variety of foods if in the right mood but just looses interest very quickly. He just doesn't seem to get he has to eat a lot to grow, it's as if he's just not hungry.

When we saw the dietician the other day she made some 'helpful' suggestions on ways to encourage him to eat. She suggested reward charts/stickers for eating a bite of something or another page of his story for eating such and such. Thing is i'm pretty certian he is too young to understand this concept yet, we have tried over the last few days and he just doesn't seem to get what we're on about?!

I have watched many episodes of 'the house of tiny tearaways' to try and get answers on feeding problems. I have taken away from this that anxiety is the enemy. We spend each mealtime trying to be as relaxed as possible and basically just let him get on with playing with his food whilst we chat amongst ourselves and occaionally to him. We give him gentle praise when he eats something and clear his food away when he finally starts throwing it on the floor. We don't put too much on his tray and we always offer something we know he likes/somehthing familiar and something else for him to try. I don't know what more we can do?!

This is what has brought me to write this all down. I feel that everytime we see the dietician she makes suggestions on ways to get him to eat or things to feed him that are high calorie. I always come away from the appointments with renewed hope that we have new ideas to try and desperately hope that one of these ideas will work. Then wht happens is I get back to reality at home, try the suggestions and they don't work. This makes me sink even lower and makes me feel even more defeated and helpless than before . I always end up feeling so sad to the point that I just feel like going somewhere ds can't see me and sobbing my heart out.

We have tried so much, so many tactics and ideas over the months but the daily grind of having to feed him and progress being so painfully slow just gets me down. I try not to think about it most of the time and try to remain positive butif I stop to think about it then I just have massive feelings of hopelessness. I feel like i'm letting him down, I don't know why he won't eat more, I can't help him to eat more cause nothing works and nobody, not even the many professinals we have seen have any answers of ideas that can help us.

I don't want him to be on 2 types of high cal milk and high cal powder. I don't want to try to constantly feed him high calorie foods as deep down I feel it is unhealthy for him. I don't want to distract him whilst I spoon food in to him. I just want to be a relaxed mother who can let him discover food and feed himself. I can't be that mother though because the fact is, if I just leave him to it he will not gain enough weight and it'll be my fault. i'm crying writing this, I feel totally at a loss and I know my DH feels exaclty the same

I feel left alone to stuggle and wish someone could tell me why he is like this or at least give me something I can do about it that works.

[tiktok]

Aha - so the psychs have seen him, have assessed him as fine with no behavioral problems, and see no need to see him again?

There you go, then!

You have tried everything and he doesn't have a health problem (you know this), he doesn't have a behavioural problem...so there is nothing wrong so nothing to fix No wonder nothing 'works' !!

Grrrrr at the crazy medicalisation of this and the quite unnecessary stress and strain it has caused you.

[drlove8]

DALRYMPS - im quite - ed at your dietition tbh. Why is she prescibing pro-cal and peadasure and high cal milk? . thats not usual imo.... i think you may have a bit of an obssesional nut with her/him. the centile guides are just an average of what the typical child is... every child is slightly different. As long as your ds recovers from illness quickly (colds and sniffles) and is active , try not too worry too much.
its great that the psychs have assessed you ds as fine.... its looking like perhaps he just isnt hungry .
is there any way you can get him to be a bit more active and work up an appitite?...dd4s twin gets ravanous when he's been out for a long walk or playing football with my older dss. He's a fussy eater too ,what id call a "normal fussy eater" -prefers sweets to everything and has food phases. this week its chocolate hoops cerial and oranges .

[drlove8]

i suppose youve done the dreaded "food diary too" .
i had the dietition and peadiatrition ask if they could send hv or nurse to watch dd4 at dinner time.... i think they wanted to see if i was feeding her at all - .....i agreed but my HV told them where to jump at the suggestion and that as my other kids were all healthy weights and spoiled rotten happy.

[Dalrymps]

Fanjo - When he was referred I thought he was still fine in himself, just not eating a lot but still full of energy. HV stated he'd gone down more than 2 centiles and this was her 'trigger' to refer him on...

Whatfreshhell - Yes, they have knocked my confidnce, especially in the early days when I was a first time mum in a new town and just followed what they said. I don't know what I would have done without MN...

Tiktok - £102! library it is then!

Machines - Thanks for posting that, gives me hope. I too am frightened by how much he takes in sometimes. I can only hope it gets better as he gets older.

Horton - Interestingly the one time I asked my normal doctor about him she thought he was perfectly fine. I do worry about feeding him more once he's full, I think it's very important to stop when you're full, he has this skill finely tuned, wish I did!

Crafty - It's amazing the attitude of your hv makes, mine was always so pesemistic abot ds and was obsessed with weighing him. Even at his checks was very critical. good to know there are other children out there with a small appetite that are completely fine

Colditz - Paed doesn't seem overly interested in what the dietician is doing, he just kinda says 'oh right' and states that ds just seems meant to be small and always reports back in his letters that ds is doing well.

[ruddynorah]

why do you feed him his pudding?

i mean, sounds like he enjoys feeding himself his main, then the debacle starts when pudding comes out.

is it because you're mainly giving him sloppy stuff? have you tried letting him loose with a spoon or even his hands? how about thick rice pudding? or maybe things like flans, tarts, cakes he can pick up himself. sponge pudding with custard would be nice

[Dalrymps]

Tiktok - Yeah, they think he's fine. The SLT on the other hand suggested referring him to the 'portage scheme' last time she saw him because she didn't see him doing symbolic play... He does do 'symbolic play' and I have since found out that the portge scheme is for children with significant special needs I have never thought this of him and don't understand why she was focussing on him playing when she was here to get an update on his eating?!

DrLove - I know, well he would really only be on paediasure and pro cal if it was up to her but we have told her we will only give him paediasure mixed with sma as otherwise it makes him sick. I still think it's riduculous though. A while ago she suggested upping the ratio of paediasure again to see if the sickness was 'just a coincidence', erm no, it wasn't and i'm not making him sick again, I know my own son thanks!

I'm a bit worried about him burning off too much energy iyswim, as in, if he does too much excercise he'll eat more but weigh less cause it doesn't balance up... He is very energetic, hardly ever stops moving.

Yes have done the food diary and the dietician makes me list exactly what he eats in an average day eachtime I see her which I dread.

We've also had the (stupid)hv to come watch him eat. She concluded he has problems swallowing and 'goes blue' after meals and had very frequent hiccups. None of this was true, he can swallow just fine, his top lip was ever so slightly blue after he ate but thats cause he was just a bit windy and he gets hiccups from time to time. She still wrote this nonesense in her referral to the slt though. So glad i'm rid of her now.

[drlove8]

dalrymps -(hugs) Sounds like everyone is pleased with your DS apart from the dietition.... this confirms the theory that she is indead a loon! .
PEADI TRUMPS DIETITION IMO !
The peadi is happy and reports that DS is doing well. You poor girl , that muppet dietition is stressing you out .... no wonder your upset.
look at your photos ... your DS is a handsome wee chap, he does not look ill.,you are doing a fab job of being his mum.

[Dalrymps]

Shineon - I know I sound anxious, I am anxious and so would anyone else be if they were in my situation. I have to say though I couldn't be trying harder not to show it when I feed him, I honestly don't fuss round him, in fact my dh has accused me of 'not caring' in the past as I am so convincing.

Please don't get caught up in the choking issue, I meant I am concerned a normal amount about in in the way I don't leave him eating unattended and ake sure he doesn't eat things that are a choking risk for eg whole grapes, nuts. I am not an anxious wreck about him choking and this is not the main issue. The anxiety I feel is purely that he doesn't weigh enough. I would be happy if he ate naff all but his weight was deemed 'ok'.

I don't feel I have the power to sto all the appointments,I get hounded by letters and phone calls and the hv, all wanting to 'help'.

Ruddy - I feed him his puddings because that's what the dietician suggests I feed him. She says 'don't give him fruit without something like custard or ice cream' and to always give him pudding etc. I have tried him with cakes and sponges but he doesn't eat a whole lot of them. He would happily eat grapes or orange for pudding but that wouldn't fit with the dieticians recommendations.

[drlove8]

dalrymps - your boy doesnt sit still for a mo? - sound like the averege wee boy .
the dietition is questionable at best. procal should never be prescibed with peadasure ... the reason these are prescrition only suppliments is to make sure they dont stress the LO`s wee bodies too much. too much can be bad.id be sticking to one supliment and requesting another dietition . the fact your son is sick after peadisure shows its not the right thing for him.why is this loon insisting he takes it? TRUST YOURSELF ,YOU KNOW YOUR BOY BETTER THAT ANYONE!

[drlove8]

should have been better "than" anyone !

[Dalrymps]

Shineon - I don't think they are worried about my parenting of him, no. If they are they haven't said so and certainly have no reason to be. I think they're just obsessed with charts and centiles.

I know it sounds odd but that's not my fault. We live in a small town and sometimes I just think they've got nothing else better to do...

DrLove - Thanks for the reassuring comments. I know, he doesn't look ill, just small... It doesn't help when people comment on it, one lady once said to me he looked about 4 months old when he was 7 months old

[Dalrymps]

DrLove - I know, it's annoying to me she would even suggest him trying being completely on the paediasure again after the effect it had on him the first time. i distinctly got the impression she jsut thought I was being silly and didn't believe me. It was definately the milk.

[colditz]

People forget how small a smallchild is - one lady asked me if Ds1 was a premmie - at that point he was 9lb 1oz!

Is there any way you could deal solely with the paed and your gp? and somehow avoid the dietician and the Hv who seems to enjoy making things up?

[drlove8]

i know what you mean Dalrymps - dd4 is 4 , but ive seen 12 monthers bigger than her ... but hey , she is who she is .
still wish she would eat though.... today shes eaten a bowl of rice crispies and two crackers with butter and cheese ! aaargh

[tiktok]

I think you may be right about the small town...and all these different professionals are seeing that other professionals have thought there is an issue and no one is saying the emporer has no clothes

If a kid really 'goes blue' after eating they need seeing by a heart specialist..clearly your little boy did not 'go blue' but that didn't stop the HV writing something down

It strikes me you are angsting so much about this - you use a remark someone made to you 15 mths ago, which has obviously stayed with you enough for you to be angry/worried about it even now. I think it would help to see someone who can write a letter or something calling all the dogs off and saying all is well. This might be the paed?

[drlove8]

dont give him peadasure . its not doing any good if he cant tollerate it... if its making him sick id tell her to shove it where the sun dont shine bin it.

[Dalrymps]

Colditz - A 9lb preemie, not likely!

DrLove - Yeah, I see little babies who's heads are the same size as ds's all the time. Sometimes I worry he'll get picked on at school, suppose they can get picked on for anything though...

[Dalrymps]

drlove - Ah, she's eaten something then (by the way I know that's totally unhelpful but what else can I say) I feel your pain.

Tiktok - Yes I do worry and angst about it and yes all the comments stay with me, too many 'he's tiny's' to count. We see the paed again in nov, maybe we'll have a word and see what he thinks.

DrLove - Yeah he's off the paediasure for now. I'm already worrying that the 'less calorie dense' paediasure she's thinking of prescribing instead of the sma is not going to suit him, after all, it's still paediasure.

[drlove8]

having said that my DD2 was pretty small and light too ,and now she's taller and heavier than i am .... and she's only 14 ...
she didnt get picked on at school and she used to be the smallest in her class , when she was in primary.

[Dalrymps]

Ah I see, guess it's more about personality when they're at school anyway, he's got plenty of that

[NeedCoffee]

Dal-I seriously think somewhere along the line they{profs} have messed up and don't know when to leave you alone! FWIW I haven't had DD2 weighed for about a year, do you have to keep weighing him? If you weasn't worried about the next weigh in you may be able to chill more, I'd def give him fruit instead of puddings if He's likely to eat them. I so wish I was closer to be able to give you practical support tell them all to piss off.

[drlove8]

that would be the 200calorie per measure peadasure then? . i wouldnt bother with it tbh... its just the same -just not as concentrated (sort of). i had dd4 on premi- milk for a long time too . we eventually had to switch to toddler milk (normal brands , not extra cal.)she just wouldnt take it so it was pointless even trying.
ive sort of got the idea that i dont give one jot what the dietition wants us to do ... weve had three years of doing it by the book and it hasnt worked for dd.i was like you , worried and stressed ... i forgot how to be a mum to my dd4 ... i was too busy making sure she had her quota of cals (id add it up in her food diary in margin)... id end up in tears every meal time .... called time on that when i started to think about force feeding her. (i know awful wasnt i )so now i just feed her what i know she'll eat .... i still get frustrated that its so little , but at least im letting her relax a bit - the funny thing is that she has actually put on a little bit and has grown 1cm. strange eh?

[IWantAChickAndADuck]

so sorry to hear your having a tough time with this...

my advice would be to ignore the dietician (she sounds a bit calorie mad?!) and just give him normal milk as is advised for 2 yo (have I missed something that means you have to give him SMA?)offer him meals, to feed himself, and if he only takes a mouthful, don't worry! He won't starve, if he is hungry he will soon eat. You said your pediatrician thinks he is making good progress so you have nothing to worry about. And if he is very active, I'd be surpried if it took a long time for him to clear his plate!

Another point is that if you are feeding him whilst distracting him, it's not going to give him a very good attitude toward food if he is having it shoved in his mouth whilst watching a video. If he sees it as something he can CHOOSE to do, rather than HAS to do, he might have a different attitude