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Weaning

Find weaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Weaning forum. Use our child development calendar for more information.

Original poster

Just a note re "I did x and mine are fine"

332 replies

hunkermunker · 24/10/2008 23:14

If the children to whom you refer aren't 85 (at least), it's not all that bright a statement.

That's all.

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 26/10/2008 22:12

But how can you say don't waste time feeling bad after suggesting they can never relax, even if their children are now healthy adults?

I think there is enough guilt involved in being a mother without these kind of statements.
Did you ever think that these mothers who state "I did this and my kids are fine" are trying to justify what they did?
Doesn't mean they are not bright, just feeling a bit guilty maybe?
I understand that new/ expectant mothers need this information but aiming insults at the ones who have passed that stage and made different choices is not at all helpful

Original poster
hunkermunker · 26/10/2008 22:16

MrsR, perhaps you would prefer if MN just said "Do what you like and nobody will mention it"? Perhaps in big letters, instead of threads?

How am I being insulting? I am simply asking people to see that saying "I did x and mine are fine" isn't such a bright statement. I'm sure the women making it are perfectly intelligent; they just haven't thought through its implications.

BC, v interesting - I think all the things we put into infant play a part in their development - from the sorts of milk and/or solid food to vaccinations. In fact, it would be odd if it didn't play a part - if we are what we eat, etc.

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Original poster
hunkermunker · 26/10/2008 22:18

"I understand that new/ expectant mothers need this information but aiming insults at the ones who have passed that stage and made different choices is not at all helpful"

And is saying "Ooh, great, yours are fine, let's tell all new and expectant mums to ignore guidelines in case it makes someone feel guilty" the way forward then?

How is putting "I did x and mine are fine" helpful, if that's your benchmark?

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 26/10/2008 22:19

I've pondered that myself beachcomber. My DD has various allergies.

However, I have to say, whilst I think that vaccinations might contribute in some way to some childrens allergies, they couldnt have done with my DD. She demonstrated reactions before she was weaned, vaccinated etc and was exclusively b/fed. She had eczma develop within a few days of birth. At weeks old she'd develop marks on her face on and off that would last a day or so then disappear. Turns out it would be where someone had kissed her (having had something with cows milk in at some point that day).

Anyway, steering sharply back to the point. Weaning early could have done DD plenty of harm, had I been given the wrong advice. Weaning DS early probably wouldnt have made the slightest bit of difference. But who am I to tell other people when I only have my two, wildly different children as a frame of reference?

mrsruffallo · 26/10/2008 22:20

But I am responding to your thread, not MN in general.
Are you not interested in opinions that differ from your own?
My concerns are your style, not your content
Or would you prefer everyone to just post Hunker is right in big letters?

mrsruffallo · 26/10/2008 22:21

But I wasn't making that point that it was a helpful statement-did you read my post?

Original poster
hunkermunker · 26/10/2008 22:22

I'm fascinated by opinions that differ from my own.

Thank you for providing some. Much obliged.

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Beachcomber · 26/10/2008 22:22

I breastfed DD1 for two years.

She started solids the day she turned six months.

We do not have a history of food allergy in our family.

DD is allergic to most common foods. I know we are not alone in our experience as I participate in a (French) forum for highly allergic kids.

Something else is clearly going on.

Whilst I do think early weaning is not a good idea, there is obviously much more to this issue.

Original poster
hunkermunker · 26/10/2008 22:23

Yes, I read it. Would you like me to print it out and put it on the wall in my loo, perhaps?

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PoppyCock · 26/10/2008 22:24

IS there automatically guilt involved in being a mother? does everyone feel bad all the time apart from me? why am i not burdened with the sensation that i'm not good enough? [sociopath]

PoppyCock · 26/10/2008 22:26

actually i find the assumption that we're all wracked by negative feelings about our parenting potentially very damaging, wholly insidious in our culture and utterly naffola.

Original poster
hunkermunker · 26/10/2008 22:26

MrsR, this thread cannot be viewed in isolation from the rest of MN (saying you were only replying to this thread).

It was a comment on what happens on MN, frequently.

Of course I know women may be feeling guilty, but I'm saying that upsetting somebody who's done something differently in the past is not a good enough reason not to say anything about their experience not necessarily being factually substantial enough to inform future decisions.

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Original poster
hunkermunker · 26/10/2008 22:27

PC, are you feeling guilty about not feeling guilty? Come and lie on my couch...

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PoppyCock · 26/10/2008 22:27

are we supposed to feel guilty about wweaning, feeding etc Mrs R?

PoppyCock · 26/10/2008 22:27

i'm afraid i don't feel guilty enough, hunker. [worried]

VeniVidiVickiQV · 26/10/2008 22:28

Yeah, there are plenty of times I have felt guilty about something or other. I know you have too. I'd hate to think that my in-built guilt about something would stop someone talking sense though. (as long as they did it tactfully!)

mrsruffallo · 26/10/2008 22:30

You have my permission to do whatever you want with my posts in your toilet
You are obviously not interested in open debates

mrsruffallo · 26/10/2008 22:30

You have my permission to do whatever you want with my posts in your toilet
You are obviously not interested in open debates, just stating your own opinion.

Original poster
hunkermunker · 26/10/2008 22:31

I feel guilty about all sorts of parenting things.

But the thought that my inner shivers would prevent other people hearing stuff that may have even more impact on their child - nope, couldn't do it.

Why do people never feel guilty that their own "la-la-la don't make me feel bad, don't say anything, just DON'T!" might be preventing someone else from doing something that's especially valuable for their child?

Whatever happened to self-sacrificing in our society, hmm? Bit of altruism, greater good, etc? No wonder we're going to hell in a handcart!

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PoppyCock · 26/10/2008 22:31

well, i've occasionally felt bad about ignoring dd1 to post on here but i rationalise it by thinkinng 'oooh, look how much i'm learning'.

but seriously, this 'we must protect the feelings of those who might feel guilty' is bollocks, and rather supports the notion that they are guilty of something other than following the (often utterly shit) advice they have been given. few mothers operate on a dangerously cavalier basis, i reckon.

TinkerBellesMum · 26/10/2008 22:32

I think this thread is appropriate.

Original poster
hunkermunker · 26/10/2008 22:33

MrsR, another straw man. Why am I "obviously not interested in open debate"? I'm here, I'm putting forward points (and being flippant alongside them, granted, but flippant's the air I breathe) - and you're trying to stifle it by telling me I'm not interested in debating [baffled]

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TinkerBellesMum · 26/10/2008 22:35

VVVQV, I agree as I said before I hadn't even breastfed Tink when she started showing reactions to things.

PoppyCock · 26/10/2008 22:37

is tink allergicky, tinksmum? did not know that. and why oh why aren't you in bed?

mrsruffallo · 26/10/2008 22:38

You are flippant, and it rubs me up the wrong way