So bloody fed up... I can't feed this child, and just got another 'talking to' from the HV...

[designerbaby]

I know, me again...

Having had a few good days recently, the last week has been bloody awful. She won't drink her milk, refuses all solids - it's a total battle ground. I don't want to fight her, but unless I persist she has practically nothing. DH suggested I not fight her today and she's had 4oz of formula (over 3 attemptd feeds) and refused everything else.

Just went to the weighing clinic (have to go fortnightly 'cause she's dropping down so much) to find she's put on nothing again in the last 2 weeks. The fortnight before she'd been doing generally quite well and had put on 300g and I was chuffed to bits.

HV asked me what she'd had today, and I told her and she said "Well you have to feed her more than that!". She went very quiet when I asked her if she had any suggestions about HOW to feed a child who doesn't want to eat.

I've just found out her paed appt. won't be for another 8 weeks. I think I'll have gone out of my tree by then...

Just SO SO SO SO SO fed up. I've tried everything with her, cajoling, coaxing, finger food, licking stuff off my finger, fruity stuff, veggy stuff, casseroles...

She tried to throw her lunch across the kitchen today, and screamed every time I approached her mouth with a spoon or bottle.

I just don't know what to do for the best. I feel like I'm her tormentor these days rather than her mother.

db
xx

Poor you. Does the same thing happen if DH tries to feed her?

How old is she? My friend's baby was like this and it was so hard on her. I know its a nightmare. I wish I had some practical advice for you... I know this is silly but have you tried letting her pick up blueberries and eat them herself? I only suggest it because a lot of children love blueberries. Its all I can think of at the moment. Sorry!

Personally I would just back right off, offer her small milk feeds on a regular basis but not stress if she doesn't want them. I'd probably offer one small solid meal a day of some finger food and just take it right away if she gets upset. And if the HV starts at you suggest she tries to hurry up that paed appointment...

DD went through a stage of this and I know how tough it can be.

I carried on offering all bottles but if she shook her head took it straight away rather than trying to cajole her into it. Until she was back on her milk I didn't even try to offer solids and then just gave her finger foods while I was eating mine and completely ignored her-she snuck a few bits in while I wasn't looking this way.

Actually worked for us was a jaffa cake-it got her interested in food again. For a long time she was only interested in plain food so rice cakes, oatcakes, plain toast, plain pasta, sometimes banana. She wasn't eating a varied diet but I didn't care-at least she was eating something!

According to the OP's profile, her DD is 6 months old (so v early days for solids).

Wow! She sounds just like my 20 month old. She is off the bottom of the weight graph now despite being a normal weight when she was born.She has NEVER shown any interest in food and hardly eats anything at all. She weighs 18 pounds 3 now. We went to the hospital where the student doctor suggested force feeding. She was 12 months then. I passed her over and told the doctor to give it a go.....Then we saw dieticians who asked us if we had thought about giving her cheese. Apparently I could make a cheese sauce and pour it on pasta. NO REALLY!!!! In the end we opted out of all the hospital hoohaa and I just do what I can. I try to get her to eat but sometimes she just doesn't want to. She would rather be doing other things. My 4 year old is the best eater ever and will eat anything so the little one gets to see her eating well all of the time. It makes no difference at all. I really feel like there is noting else I can do. I 'provide' her with three delicious meals a day and I can't make her eat them. She is wearing 9-12 month clothes but is fit and healthy otherwise. HV are generally rubbish I have found and I NEVER ask mine anything or tell her anything. Her last instruction to me was that I should not give her ny milk at all in order to make her eat more. She was furious when I didn't do what she said. But I know my own child and I feel that turning our meal times into a fight is not going to make her eat, it just doesn't feel like the right thing to do.

ds is similar
he eats MUCH better when distracted
we get there by:
always giving him a toy to play with, as interesting as possible, and change it several times during the meal. when hes really absorbed he doesn't seem to notice us slipping food in his mouth!
finger food - toast, bits of banana etc. isn't interested in finger food veg. again slip purees in while hes eating the finger food.
is she more interested in sweet stuff - eg yogurt/fruit etc - if so alternate between savoury and sweet

will watch with interest to see if any more tips!

Oh yes and the fruit on the floor thing is a good one, dd wouldn't eat any blueberries/raspberries/strawberries etc until she was in my parents garden and picked them for herself!

oh gosh yes I should have checked the profile!

I would concentrate more on giving her milk when she will take it - leave a few little finger things around for her just lying about. Have you looked at the average amount of milk a baby her age needs per day? Then you can sort of aim towards that even if its an ounce at a time.

Ignore what I said too! Thought she must have been older by the post.

BabyDragon was an utter f-ing nightmare to wean. I can't help you or offer any great tips that worked with her because nothing did work bar time, patience and not visiting the HV. On the bright side, she is now (2.4) pretty much a fab eater and apparently scoffs everything at nursery.

i too have a reluctant eater. dd2 will only eat one types of dried food and refuses all else. i too have tried everything. even cake for gawds sake!
i'm sure you've tried it but just in case (and i offer this knowing how frustrating it is when you say your baby refuses all solids and someone says 'have you tried mashed potato/pureed apple/something else blindingly obvious - so forgive me) it's heinz farleys savoury dried food - add boiled water (tho i add milk as well to bump calories up). it's not the sort of thing i fed dd1 at all but dd2 scorns all homemade, organic or otherwise wholesome foodstuffs.
No idea why she likes this (and yes, refuses homemade version of the boxed and dried stuff) but at least it's fortified.
good luck. you are not alone!

I am surprised the HV got so upset about it considering your little one is just 6 months and so early on in the weaning stage. I am sure the old dragons just like to moan- go back next week and she'll tell you you're feeding her too much.

Anyway- we had some bumps in the path with our ds. He refused anything savoury from a spoon and the more i forced matters the more he stood his ground and the more upset I got . I now let him have pretty much anything (within reason) in finger food form and he has his yoghurt/custard etc from a spoon from me without a problem and will ram the spoon in himself when he wants. I work things I want him to eat into the things he likes to eat to make sure it's all balanced.

Some tricks I learnt were all based around distraction. Toys in the highchair, performing stupid dances for him etc worked to a certain degree but when it was sunny I would try to get out and have a picnic with him where he would nibble at things without noticing too much. Indoor picnics worked too- as did having a walker with a tray which he could whizz around in and pick as he wished. As long as he felt in control we were fine. He now eats without a problem because there's no pressure and mealtimes don't involve mummy trying her best not to look morbidly anxious in the corner! Don't get me wrong- sometimes he flat out refuses and I still go to bed worrying that he'll starve (he was just over 4lb at birth, hence my hang ups) but the more I relaxed the better he got. Now he's 10 months he also loves to feel like a big boy copying daddy eating.

Perhaps none of that is of use but all I can say is relax, persist (gently) and never, ever, ever, ever let a HV get to you. I have always found that whatever little hitch we've met over the past few months (this is speaking only as a first time mum) simply disappeared as soon as the next problem came along so this one will go soon enough!!

Oh- and another thing for when little one's much older- I found he will eat anything new if it's slapped in the middle of a toastie!! He'd eat vindaloo if it was slapped in the middle of a couple of slices of wholemeal!!

OMG I really symp[athise with you. DD was an absolutely terrible eater (and hardly drank any milk), and she drifted down the centiles (50th to under 4th). I remember that feeling of utter despair.

However, she is only 6 months old. That is such early days for weaning. I would really recommend that you try your best to take a step back, and relax (I know how hard that is in reality). I did baby led weaning with DS (2nd child), and it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. He did slow down with the weight gain, but TBH i THINK MY dcS ARE DESTINED TO BE SKINNY MINNIES (sorry caps). He's now a fairly good eater (DD still ,lives on air, which I suspect is due to the fact that food became an ishoo for her and me).

Don't have alternative suggestions aside from what others have said, and it does seem like it's been going on a long time.

But DS has been known to get worse than usual when his teeth (or gums -- he doesn't have any teeth yet) hurt (we've resorted to calpol 20m before feeding at times). He'll just about go for finger foods/crackers at those times.

BTW he didn't even show any real interest in solids until 7.5m anyway.

what baout yogurts contains x amount of daily calcium intake

have you tried giving bonjela on gums before a feed could teat be hurting he gums? has thrush of the mouth been ruled out?

just trying to think of anything that would make her not want to eat

could she not be liking taste of formula i had to put my ds on cows milk as took a dislike to formula

hope all is resolved for yopu soon it is so stressful not knowing what to do

Thanks all, I've tried tempting her with allsorts - and to be fair to her she'll give most things a go, but just won't take more than a couple of mouthfuls.

FYI I've been weaning (somewhat off and on) for about 6 weeks now, as was told to by the GP to try and get some weight on her. Wish I had waited until 6 months because it hasn't helped at all, but I can't undo what's done.

I think teething may have something to do with it - am wondering if she's just one of those babies who doesn't cope with it so well... However calgel or similar before feeds seems to put her off completely. Reluctant to go down the calpol route, but I guess it's worth a try. Have also been recommended to try Ashton & Parsons powders - apprently they're 'magic'.

She won't even eat baby fromage frais - even the ones with loads of sugar and crap in that I didn't want to give but finally thought was worth a try as friends had said their LOs love them. Again, one mouthful and then firmly shut.

The only thing I seem to have any success with is her babyrice and fruit of an evening - but she can't just live on that can she! Baby rice is dreadful stuff, really...

I know there's no magic wand solution to this, just endless patience and perseverence, but honestly, it really gets me down. I think probably because the breakfast milk (the 7am-ish one) is often the most difficult (she's really not much interested despite not having fed all night) I feel awful even before that day has really gotten going.

The only time she really drinks well is if she's asleep... I've taken to doing her bedtime milk in her sleep as well as her dream feed otherwise it's a nightmare...

Thanks for all your suggestions though - I'll try 'em all in due course, I'm sure! Keep them coming - I can use all the help i can get...

db
xx

has reflux been ruled out? or what about DYSPHAGIA (I had never heard of it before but cam across it on the babywhisperer website)

babywhisperer website re dysphagia

my dd1 has always been a bad eater and is and always has been underweight, distractions helped a lot when she was very young wrt to weaning and food.

are you breast feeding or formula? a tip i got off my hv to help her put on weight is add formula powder to everything she will eat. so babyrice for instance would be made with her milk made up as usual and then add a couple of extra teaspoons of powder.

if all she is eating is babyrice it is probably strong flavours she doesnt like so try mixing new foods with the rice, i.e. loads oif rice hardly any brocoli or what ever and then gradually change it untill she is eating brocolli alone and oonly introduce one new taste a meal.

and ill probably get jumped on for sugesting this but if your dd is anything like mine you are probably at your wits end and counting every tiny biit of milk, setting alarms to wake yourself to feed in the night ect. have you tried adding ovaltine, horlicks, hot chocolate, milkshake powder to her bottles? my dd took much more of hers with ovaltine. every calorie helps right?

Hi Seona,
GP has prescribed Gaviscon as her symptoms were a little reflux-like altough not typical and only seemed to manifest when I started bottle-feeding. Found the link to Dysphagia really interesting - she seems to tick a lot of those boxes. I will read up a bit and put it forward to the paed. (f the appt. ever comes through...) and she what they say. Very interesting - I've done a lot of reading into feeding issues (obviously) and this one had never come up. Thanks muchly for the link.

Thanks for all other suggestions - yes I am at wits end and counting every ounce - not that it helps...

Things are compounded by the fact that she's been constipated too ever since we started FF... so am reluctant to add too many 'fillers' like extra milk powder etc. in case it makes her worse...

Aaaaargh. Did her bedtime feed in her sleep again - SOOOO much easier... if only I could do ALL her feeding when she's asleep!

Really appreciate all responses though - THANK YOU...
xx