Breastfed 8.5 month old and night waking

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My baby is 8.5 months old. She breastfeeds and never took to a bottle. I’ve tried occasionally to give formula in a cup during the day but not terribly successfully.

I’d like to ideally wean her off night feeds but not sure how. She has always breastfed to sleep (my fault but I didn’t see any other way especially when trying to establish breastfeeding). Recently she has been in a lot of discomfort with teething (no teeth yet) and on/off colds.

I may have to try controlled crying but I’m not overly keen on this. Last night I attempted poorly to see if she would self settle with a sort of controlled crying but more at 2 min intervals and she got very distressed, quite shaky so I abandoned.
She seems to get wind at night eg might fall asleep deeply after a breastfeed but Wakes within an hour for burping. Last night I gave her some ibuprofen but she woke with terrible wind at around 1:40 am. In general she doesn’t wake with increased frequency unless she isn’t feeling well as she is not a baby who complains too much. Weirdly, she seemed to sleep better on days she didn’t eat so well. Not that she is a huge eater anyway. This week she had a few better nights, going from 1 to around 8 am but maybe that was more because of a growth spurt perhaps? I go back to work in 2 months’ time. I had hoped she would just do it herself... apparently there are some babies that just start sleeping through themselves!

Advice appreciated.

Thanks! That does make me feel better. With DS as well, it was/is easier just to accept that is what he does. Just annoying that we’ll meaning people assume we haven’t been firm or tried to set up a routine with him or her. I mean, does anyone honestly believe that I want this level of sleep deprivation?! It really feels like prolonged late night cluster feeding. Maybe she will gradually get some more sleep. Here’s hoping!

So I thought I’d pop back here for an update. Still not great due to a cold/teething/possible tummy bug. So eating even less, not that she was ever a big eater, runny nappies and congested nose. She’s loving the breastfeeding while sleeping next to me alright! I’m just so worried this cycle of illness will continue as I go back to work and she will end up co sleeping as a regular thing.

Sorry to hear things aren’t going too well. You can stop co-sleeping whenever you want. You just need to do whatever gets you through for now and whatever gets you the most sleep.

I don’t think there is an ideal option so you’ve sort of got to pick the least worst!

Is she feeding and going straight back to sleep or is she awake unsettled through the night? I hope she feels better soon.

With DS as well it was/is easier just to accept that’s what he does can you try and do this with your DD?

As for setting up a routine, it sounds like you do have a routine in that you put her to sleeep upstairs at a similar time each night and treat it as bedtime until the morning, so when she wakes up, you’re getting her back to sleep as quick as you can in the dark. She’s not getting up to play at 1am for s few hours then lying in till lunchtime is she?!

You’re absolutely right. It’s just a case of picking the least bad option for now. I can’t put her through controlled crying right now with her cold and teething and I can’t keep getting out of bed. She clearly has an issue with not settling without breastfeeding at night when she wakes (and to fall asleep at first ) so she doesn’t know how to self settle yet. Probably because I’ve never made her. Same for daytime naps but I’ve noticed that during the day and for her initial going to bed at night, she may be woken soon because of wind. She falls asleep before she can burp.

Maybe I should just accept things as they are. I just feel so defeated when I cosleep. And cold because I can’t pull my duvet around me properly! I’ve improvised by using a poncho type of shawl(has a split in it so it has a panel for my back and two panels for my shoulders) to keep my back warm.

She settles at night when I feed her; falls straight back to sleep and keeps sucking even as she is lying down; again, I’m working on positioning so it’s not so uncomfortable for me. I think the cold/tummy thing may also be a factor at the moment. Actually, I feel less exhausted, since, as you suggested, it involves less getting up out of bed and lifting the baby out of her cot.

The crazy party baby thing happens occasionally but she is usually not up until all hours now. But definitely not asleep by 7pm! Over Christmas there were days that I just didn’t fight her but overall she does indicate she is tired and ready for a feed/sleep.

DS is quite a handful and I really hoped it would be different this time. As a younger baby DD did sleep more in general, though has always been a frequent feeder, bottle and dummy refuser. I was adamant I wanted to breastfeed since I didn’t manage so well with DS and I blamed a lot of his sleep and teething issues on not having bf for so long. But clearly that has nothing to do with it as DD suffers too! So I must be the common factor.

It just really, really annoys me and I can’t help it, that some people just get easy babies! And I shouldn’t get annoyed. They may well have other problems. But I feel so so trapped and I’m dreading returning to work and having to deal with that as well.
I think she knows I want to stop bf and she’s doing everything to keep me feeding her at night. I do hope that she has an illness and teething free time soon though. I would like to try to work on her self settling as I suspect her short naps may be due to her realising she has been transferred to her cot. We’re also looking into a different mattress for her cot bed.

In any case, if I’m looking at the funnier side of it all.. we rarely have two nights the same. Sure, where’s the fun in predictability?!

Correction... party animal baby is wide awake and chatting to herself.

We bought an oil filled radiator to keep the bedroom warm without having to switch on the heating for the entire house overnight. You can set the temp. I also bought a king sized cellular blanket rather than use the duvet.

That’s a really good idea, stargirl. I didn’t even know you can get large cellular blankets. We used to use oil radiators overnight when we were growing up.

I had a massive cellular blanket too! If you look on ‘can I breastfeed in it’ f/b group, there are loads of ideas for pyjamas, etc that keep you warm and you can feed in. Some people buy the zip up onesies from Primark.

Some babies are just good sleepers and some aren’t, it’s nothing you are doing.
I don’t think ‘self settling’ is the magic answer either tbh. You could spend weeks getting her to self settle with no guarantee she will sleep any better, then when she’s sick, etc she’s likely to need you again and you’ll end up comforting her to sleep then having to repeat the whole process!

Purely anecdotal but my DC2 always fed to sleep and he was a fantastic sleeper, could move him anywhere and he stayed asleep. DC1 I got self settling (and all kinds of other sleep training) but she still woke up through the night. I was a bit like you sound - I thought once she no longer feeds through the night/once she can self settle/etc she will sleep better.
I spent so long stressing over it and wish I had just accepted it.
DC3 didn’t always want to feed to sleep (which was a nuciance!) the nights he fed to sleep and the nights he self settled he just woke up exactly the same.

It really sounds like once she’s come out of this phase, she’ll start doing much longer stretches for you. Fingers crossed for you anyway!

I’ll have to check out that group. I used my H+M tips throughout pregnancy and for the first six months of breastfeeding, for convenience, especially as she fed so frequently. Now I just seat a vest and top. But I’m also still wearing the crop top maternity bras and I might want to wear a proper one when I return to work!

She’s feeding less during the day and probably making up for it at night. And less inclined towards feeding to sleep. I got her to have a 2 hour nap in her rocker as in that position she doesn’t wake up to burp and can b rocked to sleep (bad, I know). It might explain why she sleeps longer at grandparents’ house as she sleeps in a rocker there and without me there to bf her to sleep. Plus if she stirs, we just rock her back to sleep. It doesn’t help me get much housework done if she’s asleep in her rocker downstairs but at least she is getting a nap.

Well, if DS is anything to go by, she’ll be a poor sleeper for a while yet; and they say you don’t have two the same! It’s driving me absolutely crazy but seems pointless fighting her. Very true about illness etc, especially with nursery, where they catch so many bugs. Funny thing is, I’d even settle for a three hour stretch now!

Thought I’d update this. No overall improvement and probably getting worse due to teething, recent bugs and colds. Plus a lot more active now so not sure if that is a factor. We had a few better days where she slept 4-6 hours but that lasted 3 days at most. I can’t even consider enforcing controlemdfrtijgnright now thanks to a cold. It’s just one thing after another and I can’t catch a break. Back to work in a little
Over 2 weeks and I get To do all this and go to work. Brilliant.

Hi OP

You’ve referred to controlled crying a few times but that’s not your only option. It seems a bit of a leap to go from cosleeping straight to CC and IMO it would be a bit much to expect your baby to be able to go straight from feeding to sleep to self settling without any help from you.

Let me share my experience in case it’s helpful. I was in a similar situation with my breastfed baby and terrible sleeper. I didn’t want to do controlled crying. I’d tried some gentle methods to reduce night feeds and improve his sleep but it wasn’t really working, he often wouldn’t settle without breastfeeding and his sleep wasn’t getting better. In the end I got advice to do the sleep training in two stages: firstly cut out night feeds completely - just go cold turkey - but use any other means to settle him (so golden rule is not to feed but you can rock to sleep, offer dummy if baby takes one, etc). The second stage is to progress from rocking to baby falling asleep independently in their cot, and you can use whatever method you want (PUPD, gradual retreat, CC). We found the first stage quite quick, just a few difficult nights and then he was falling asleep easily in our arms. The second stage was much harder and we were basically up all night holding him for a few weeks... we started off with the gentle/gradual approach but it wasn’t working and we were seriously losing it, so in the end we had to be stricter about not picking up when he was crying in protest (although we were comforting him with touch, soothing words etc) and that worked. He is now sleeping much better, touch wood!!

Anyway you have my sympathies as extreme sleep deprivation is absolutely awful and I have felt similar feelings of frustration, resentment and jealousy of parents of easier babies. Personally I don’t regret sleep training one bit as I feel my son is sleeping better so he’s better rested and, just as importantly, I am getting more sleep and can be a better parent as a result.

I suggest you have a think about the different methods and just pick one and go for it. You do need to be consistent so make sure you feel ready (not when baby is ill for example) and your DH is on board. But I would do it sooner rather than later especially as you’re going back to work. Don’t put it off too long as I did (wish I’d done it months ago!)

Thanks for your reply. Seems I was a bit annoyed when I wrote the last post!

I see what you mean about the feeds v sleeping. Fixing night feeding won’t necessarily remedy sleeping.

Unfortunately we have just had an almost endless run of painful teething, colds, tummy bugs. I don’t generally cosleep, just when I know she’s going to be up every hour, like when she’s been very full of cold or when I had the tummy bug and was too weak to get out of bed repeatedly. Although I complain about breastfeeding, it probably helped her through the stomach bug and possibly is helping her through the cough/cold.

When we had a good night or two, I didn’t do controlled crying, more that I sensed she actually wanted to settle and sleep; don’t ask me how I knew, maybe it was just a gut feeling. Anyway, I’d say I did fairly gentle controlled fussing rather than crying, sort of pick up, put down. That seemed to work. And then she was ill. Clearly we can’t avoid the illnesses, especially from nursery and I’m sure it will be better for her immune system in the long run. It is frustrating, though, especially as some babies just sleep even when ill or teething. And I can’t force her to drop feeds when she is ill. I feel like my returning to work will be unsettling for her so I’m not trying too hard to get all this fixed before then; in any case, we’ve both got a lingering cough and cold.

I know it sounds like I’m agonising over this and I should probably just chill out or just stop complaining! It’s just helpful to sound out the frustration with people who have experienced similar issues.

I totally get where you are coming from. I’m breastfeeding my 10mth old bottle/dummy refusing wee girl and around the same time as you I was just feeling so trapped, tbh it comes and goes still.

What I will say firstly to you is really well done on making it this far, you’ve done so so well and you’ve given your DD an amazing start. Remember that none of this is forever, and 2 months can make a huge difference in terms of how things will be for DD and breastfeeding, when you head back to work.

My DD was waking regularly overnight up until recently. Initially I was obsessed with baby sleep and how I could sort it. Ultimately the 8-10 month stage is shite for sleep, it’s a developmental minefield and the bubbas are all over the place. Accepting that we just had to be there for her and help her through, and just survive, was a big part of feeling better about things.

I co slept with DD whenever I had to ( at least half of most nights!) up until recently, to give her comfort and help her understand sleep. I call it ‘snoopyboobing’, because giving it a cute name makes it a bit more tolerable. She also liked to comfort suck, because she only liked one dummy-me... but I eventually worked out how to die gage her after a while, with pats and shushing, and she’d just starfish next to me.

Getting DP involved in settling her in her cot has helped hugely, and in the last week or so she has suddenly, inexplicably, started sleeping through the night, 7-6. No idea why, I just think she was ready to do it. I’m not daft enough to think this is it, but she hasn’t done this reliably since she was 3 months old. I’m hoping all the nights of co sleeping, night feeds etc has given her enough comfort and resillience to feel safe and ok with settling herself. We do let her settle herself at night, since feeding to sleep lost its power! She settles no bother after her evening boob in the lounge. Before that I was doing all the feeding in our bedroom and that was suffocating me too. Now I feed in the lounge and DP then takes her through and pops her in her cot. Even that little change has lifted the feeling of it all being on me.

I’m back to work in a month OP and for lots of babies, this (I’m told) often brings about the beginning of the end for BFing, I’m hoping to continue morning feeds, and maybe evening too for a while but who knows. During the day she’ll just drink water from her sippy cup. But honestly, I’ve no idea what will happen. This is such a short time in the grand scheme of things, and right now, you’re her world, she’s becoming very aware of things and your boobies are food, comfort, everything safe to her. go with itif you can, but if not, thats absolutely ok too, you’ve done brilliantly and it has to be right for both of you. Xxx

Lurking that’s really kind of you.
Baby is now almost 10.5 months old and we’re still struggling. I know how rotten I feel when I have a cold so I can’t really blame her. I don’t remember what teething felt like but that seems to be a major factor as well.

I think it’s difficult to break the feeding to sleep association and DP would help but sometimes he is getting DC1 to sleep. When I’ve been shattered then he will sit and bounce DD on an exercise ball and rock her to sleep that way but she usually still ends up wanting a.feed before going into her cot.

It’s not like I haven’t tried the whole routine thing. And when we had that very brief time where she seemed to just want to self settle, she just sort of did it herself, ie finished feeding and indicated she wanted to sleep. She’s not doing that now but is coughing a lot so maybe is just feeling unwell.

Love the starfish image. DD is now mostly rolling on her tummy to sleep and hilariously, this morning when I laid her next to me for a 7am feed, she was trying to feed but also roll on her tummy.