Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weaning

Find weaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Weaning forum. Use our child development calendar for more information.

Original poster

At breaking point with non eating toddler

55 replies

mscongeniality · 12/12/2016 11:50

Hi mums,

My 20 month old DS has always been tiny (9th centile) and getting food into him has never been easy. I've had to feed him everything myself as he has no interest in feeding himself. Up till now I was okay to do this as it meant he was getting nutrients into him.

However he's been sick with flu all week and his appetite has completely dissapeared. He doesn't want to eat ANYTHING and even when I manage to get something into his mouth he just stores it in his mouth for ages and then ends up throwing it up later.

I've just cleaned up another vomit mess and I can't do this anymore.

How can I get him to start eating and feed himself? I feel like I need to start from scratch. Would it be cruel to just not offer him food all day and just leave things lying around in case he gets hungry?

It's causing me so much mental stress and I need to do something to change it.

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 12/12/2016 11:54

What does he actually tolerate?

Honestly when toddlers are sick my attitude is any food is good food. That means ice cream, Cheerios galore, chips etc.

ElspethFlashman · 12/12/2016 11:55

Most toddlers will also eat chopped frankfurters too.

EmeliaHerveyHenryFitzroy · 12/12/2016 11:58

Good idea to leave foods around for him to eat on his own. The advice I was given at this stage was to ignore nutritional aspirations and just get calories / food into them.

Try "bite and disssolve" foods - these can't be pocketed and stored in the mouth as they dissolve without chewing.

No pressure to eat, no fuss if he refuses. Try any and all foods that you might think he would eat.

Good luck!

Original poster
mscongeniality · 12/12/2016 11:59

He is so fussy, he doesn't like anything sweet and especially right now he is refusing everything.

Normally for breakfast he eats one egg scrambled, followed by a mini yeo yogurt pot.

Lunch is usually toast or a small sandwich of some kind.

Snack is a mashed banana (won't eat it as it is)

Dinner is a rice/veg/salmon meal that I make him and which he loves with yogurt pot as pudding.

Plus about 16oz of formula during the day.

He doesn't even drink juice, only milk.

No chocolates/ice cream.

OP posts:
EmeliaHerveyHenryFitzroy · 12/12/2016 12:00

Here are bite and dissolve foods that he can't pocket in his mouth so might actually eat them / put more in his mouth.

www.gosh.nhs.uk/medical-information-0/procedures-and-treatments/bite-and-dissolve-foods-children

ppeatfruit · 12/12/2016 12:01

When he's not ill what does he eat ? he obviously DOES eat or he wouldn't be around to not eat IFYSWIM.

Children can exist on much less than we think they can (if you think that our stomachs are only the size of a grapefruit, then a little child's is much smaller. I wouldn't give him high salted , sugared crap because he will get to crave it. Leave some nice fruit round, cut it up to make funny faces, or whatever he likes. AND TRY TO RELAX !!!! Breathe through your nose!!!!

SheepyFun · 12/12/2016 12:02

DD (now almost 4) has always been a very picky eater, with a lot of vomiting when we started weaning - she didn't want to put food in her mouth herself, and objected violently when I tried to feed her. Even now, if she's ill, she reverts to milk (and only milk) for a few days. I got very stressed about it all in the past, but have just decided to accept that she struggles with food, and let her have quite a bit of milk. Would your DS take milk? It would be better than nothing

Original poster
mscongeniality · 12/12/2016 12:03

Thanks for the link Emelia;

How do I offer these to him? If I put food in front of him in his high chair, he just throws everything over. Every single time.

Do I just put food around the living room so he can grab it while he's playing?

OP posts:
EmeliaHerveyHenryFitzroy · 12/12/2016 12:03

Will he drink more formula right now?

Original poster
mscongeniality · 12/12/2016 12:04

ppeatfruit normally he does eat when I feed him, his diet is very limited but he does eat.

My problem right now he is refusing everything and also I'm tired of feeding him everything. Why can't he feed himself? How do I help him feed himself?

OP posts:
ppeatfruit · 12/12/2016 12:04

Also being ill takes away anyone's appetite, children are the same. Does he like smoothies? You could make him one , just a little one with a good quality vitamin supplement for children in it., and don't make big thing of it. If he has it or doesn't. Don't watch him.

Original poster
mscongeniality · 12/12/2016 12:05

Emelia he is only drinking enough formula to survive the past few days. Think maybe 10oz if that.

OP posts:
Original poster
mscongeniality · 12/12/2016 12:05

He is fine otherwise, has enough energy to run around and play. I just dont get why he's never hungry.

OP posts:
EmeliaHerveyHenryFitzroy · 12/12/2016 12:07

Yes, pots of these foods dabbed around at all times. That was GOSH advice to me.

If mealtimes are stressful and he's not eating, I'd try a different tack. It's so much worse if you are stressed. I've been there, it's so unpleasant.

I just had to let go of my ideas that I didn't want my 20 month old eating wotsits. (There is a much wider range out there now than there was when I went through it)

ElspethFlashman · 12/12/2016 12:09

I find stubborn toddlers will often pick at food whist absorbed in cbeebies. They forget they're meant to be stroppy, if you know what I mean. So we've had success waiting till they're transfixed by Paw Patrol or similar and plonking some eggy bread bits or similar in front of them and walking away.

Original poster
mscongeniality · 12/12/2016 12:10

Emelia I offered him cheetos last night (similar to wotsits) and he didn't want them. Normally he likes crisps but he has refused everything. Maybe he's got a sore throat but even his milk intake has gone way down. I'm just hoping his appetite comes back as he gets better?

But I need some long term advice on how to encourage him to feed himself.

He was a very late teether (17 months) and before that he would use his gums to bite some finger food but now he's stopped doing that as well. It's like he doesn't know what to do with his teeth.

OP posts:
ppeatfruit · 12/12/2016 12:15

Some people just aren't hungry , he's not you Xmas Grin!!! If he's running around ,Usually and drinking milk I wouldn't worry too much. He WILL get used to his teeth. I'm trying think of a chew that he could just chew on safely to strengthen his teeth , but as you say he might have a sore throat and it hurts him to swallow Leave him as I said.

EmeliaHerveyHenryFitzroy · 12/12/2016 12:18

Mine was the same when he'd get sick - it was just a constant battle to keep any weight on him at all. And when sick he'd often go a week or so without eating. And down his weight would go. He often ended up hospitalised due to dehydration as he wouldn't drink either.

But he was the same as yours when healthy - I had to feed him or he wouldn't eat and even that was a fractious event.

Try the pots of bite and dissolve foods around - the TV suggestion is a great one - distraction works a charm to get them eating. Anything to take the focus off eating.

Ask for referral for feeding help but it's very very difficult to get help. We only got it because he wouldn't drink either.

Now the same son is an enormous strong tall healthy young man who eats a varied healthy diet.

MinesAGin · 12/12/2016 12:27

I remember when my daughter was that age and had tonsillitis - the doctor said that I just needed to get calories into her, so I bought cartons of milk shake, mousse, ice-cream and lollies. I felt really awful when she enjoyed them - I'd tried giving her her normal food and of course it was hurting her throat.

Artandco · 12/12/2016 12:28

16oz of formulae is a lot at nearly 2 years TBH. The milk is filling him up and providing calories so he doesn't feel the need to eat

Once he is over being ill I would ditch all formula (it's recommended from 12 months). Just give him a little regular milk in a cup with breakfast ( about 1/2 glass, 4oz approx)

Then yes I would just give meals to him, let him eat or not eat. Eat yours at the same time so he sees everyone else eating. Repeat at next meal.

I would also ditch the highchair now if you mean all strapped in and with baby tray. Either take all off so he can climb up and down himself if it's like the stokke highchair type that becomes toddler seat, or get rid of it and buy a little booster or use cushion etc. He's likely frustrated as he's a child not tiny baby now but been babied with spoon fed etc

If he only eats banana mashed I would offer half whiel on plate, half mashed in small bowl and give him a spoon to eat it himself if he prefers mashed

Are you and husband eating all meals with him, or does he ever eat alone? He really needs to eat with you so he watches how to behave and eat

ppeatfruit · 12/12/2016 12:29

Yes I agree totally with Artandco.

EmeliaHerveyHenryFitzroy · 12/12/2016 12:31

If he's in the 9th centile and not yet feeding himself independently and a very picky eater I wouldn't remove his formula without taking advice. It may be the main source of his calories right now. And he needs as many calories as possible no matter where they are from.

Rinceoir · 12/12/2016 12:35

My DD was a nightmare to wean, wouldn't feed herself and wouldn't let me feed her. Would drink only water and breast milk (milk only from the breast, not bottle/cup). She's also very little and dropped to 3rd centile (from 75th).

The no pressure approach worked for us in the end. Put food in front of her at mealtimes, took it away uneaten without comment. Pots/plates of snack food left out while she played- toast/eggy bread/breadsticks. I made her meals as calorie dense as possible also.

She's now 2.8 and since she turned 2 has eaten very well.

Itscurtainsforyou · 12/12/2016 12:47

We have a similar problem, but ds has a cow's milk intolerance so it's really difficult to get calories into him. He's lost weight while poorly and is really skinny now.

I'm hoping that lots of sitting around eating over Christmas will help...

ppeatfruit · 12/12/2016 12:50

itscurtains I suppose you could give him almond, or oat milk. I only have that, as dairy gives me tonsillitis!