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Weaning

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Original poster

At breaking point with non eating toddler

55 replies

mscongeniality · 12/12/2016 11:50

Hi mums,

My 20 month old DS has always been tiny (9th centile) and getting food into him has never been easy. I've had to feed him everything myself as he has no interest in feeding himself. Up till now I was okay to do this as it meant he was getting nutrients into him.

However he's been sick with flu all week and his appetite has completely dissapeared. He doesn't want to eat ANYTHING and even when I manage to get something into his mouth he just stores it in his mouth for ages and then ends up throwing it up later.

I've just cleaned up another vomit mess and I can't do this anymore.

How can I get him to start eating and feed himself? I feel like I need to start from scratch. Would it be cruel to just not offer him food all day and just leave things lying around in case he gets hungry?

It's causing me so much mental stress and I need to do something to change it.

OP posts:
Rinceoir · 12/12/2016 12:54

Also have you spoken to your HV or seen a dietician? My HV helpfully told me to feed DD more (when she wouldn't actually eat I'm not sure how she expected me to make that happen, I think she thought I just wasn't giving her enough food!). I came on here and got a lot of well meaning but unhelpful advice as there is a difference between a standard picky toddler, and one who has no interest in food at all and will happily let herself lose weight rather than eat.

I saw paeds and a paediatric dietician who were very helpful, and gave useful advice on encouraging her to swallow and how to maximise the calorie density of the tiny volumes she did eat. They also did some investigations to make sure there was no medical reason for her lack of appetite and weight loss. They followed her up until recently- she finally started gaining weight and is now sitting on the 9th centile.

ppeatfruit · 12/12/2016 12:58

My dd1 was a small baby and continued being small, she ate she grew, was happy but still the HV said she was too small Hmm mil was small and so is dd1 at a healthy age 36 !!!!

Rinceoir · 12/12/2016 13:01

Curtains my DD didn't like any dairy foods so we used high calorie non-dairy alternatives mostly (milkshakes would have been ideal to get calories in but she wouldn't touch them!). Avocado is very calorie dense and nutritious. Ground almonds can be mixed in with mashed potato etc- adds lots of calories and can't really be tasted. Lots of oil in cooking, and pasta coated in oil and garlic etc. Banana is a fairly high calorie fruit. If he likes nut butters they are another great way of getting calories in. Malt loaf is sugary but DDs dietician highly recommended it.

Good luck, it's so hard isn't it. My DD has changed entirely in the last few months and I'm so thankful every day that she now asks for food when she is hungry and will eat what we eat for the most part.

EmeliaHerveyHenryFitzroy · 12/12/2016 13:03

as there is a difference between a standard picky toddler, and one who has no interest in food at all and will happily let herself lose weight rather than eat.

This is very very true and an important distinction.

Artandco · 12/12/2016 13:10

But he sounds like he eats quite well TBH just not alone or vast quantities. If formula gone OP can just increase what he does like first and gradually add new items

Breakfast : 1 scrambled egg and yogurt. That's plenty for 20 month old. Just need to encourage eating it himself

Lunch: toast or sandwich lunch . That's plenty also. OP can gradually add additional items or fillings

Dinner : rice, salmon and veg.plus yogurt. Also plenty for a 20 month old. Again encourage eating alone. Gradually change salmon to different fish or chicken. different veg over time etc.

If he's 9th for weight but also around 8th height wise he's bang on target.

GoofyTheHero · 12/12/2016 13:12

I agree with Artandco, that's a lot of formula at that age and will fill him up. DD2 is 17 months and has a small cup of milk when she gets up and at bedtime. She doesn't have a highchair anymore, just sits at the table with the rest of us with a booster seat. I found her eating improved massively when we did this.
DD1 was a crap eater and will still having quite a lot of milk at 18 months. When I dropped the milk she ate much much more and is now a really good eater at 3.

Original poster
mscongeniality · 12/12/2016 13:28

I get what you're saying about the formula but I was reluctant to move him to cows milk due to his small size. He can still fit into 9-12 month clothes from some stores. I can try lowering it but my other problem with this is that he won't drink any water (hardly a few sips here and there) so how can I make sure he's getting enough fluids? I have tried all kinds of diluted juice/ribena/you name it. He doesn't like anything sweet.

I was happy with the amount he was eating before he got sick, only annoying part is he won't feed himself. Now that he's refusing all food I thought I could use this opportunity to break us out of this cycle and encourage him to eat stuff himself too.

When he was much younger (12-14) months he would pick up finger foods and actually eat them. But ever since his teeth have come in he won't use them to bite food. Even when I give him his favourite Kiddylicious Banana wafers, he crunches them up by hand and then puts the pieces in his mouth. Similarly I have tried opening a banana and letting him take a bite but he refuses to use his teeth which is why I have to mash it and feed by spoon.

He is a bit behind developmentally in some areas (no words yet). Feeding is another area in which he struggles with. Has no interest in using a spoon, just throws it around or plays with it.

Also won't drink from a sippy cup himself, just throws it around.

I feel like I've still got a very young baby instead of a 20 month old.

I'm gonna try leaving food out today, and see what he does. I'm too tired and ill as well to chase him around.

Thanks all you've given me lots of helpful advice!

OP posts:
Artandco · 12/12/2016 13:33

Mine only drink water or milk also

You can get a fair amount of liquid from foods also so bare that in mind. Most fruits and vegetables have a fair amount of water in. Thinks like cucumber especially

Mine wouldn't drink from bottle or beaker ever, so used a regular glass from 6/7 months with our help at first then alone. One gulp from a glass or open cup gets them more than constant sips from a sippy cup. Some especially non spill are actually pretty hard to drink from ( I would struggle)

GoofyTheHero · 12/12/2016 13:34

You may find that with less milk he'll naturally drink more water. It's worth a try anyway.

ElspethFlashman · 12/12/2016 13:40

Also don't worry about the words. Boys like to freak you out. Mine had no words at all at 20 months. Then plateaued at 2 words for a couple of months whilst everyone else raced ahead. Had a word explosion by 26 months and shocked us all!

victoriaaurora · 12/12/2016 13:44

My DD was always really skinny, on 9th centile (still is) and v fussy eater. I would agree about dropping the formula when he is feeling better. I totally understand the anxiety with regard to getting the milk (calories into him) but you will see the eating improve because he'll be hungrier. And don't forget, often kids that aren't really interested in eating have even less interest when they are poorly. It's so hard but if you can find a way to lose the anxiety over the eating, he will lose it too (I say this from experience). It's really hard to take a step back when it's your child (feeding being a basic need) but people say that kids won't starve themselves and it is true. He will honestly eat when he is hungry. Try not to worry. I do sympathise, I know it's hard!!

Original poster
mscongeniality · 12/12/2016 13:50

Thank you so much for the support, you're right victoria I have been stressing about it too much and I just need to step back and let it happen naturally.

Okay so the plan is to cut down on formula and offer more water.

Offer more finger foods and leave him to it.

Elspeth I'm so glad to hear about your DS. TBH that is another major stresser in my life right now and this feeding fiasco was just adding to it. I'm trying be patient and hoping he will get there in his own time.

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 12/12/2016 13:56

Oh I remember it being all I could think about! Those months from 18-24 months were really stressful waiting endlessly for him to speak. It really got to me.

FannyFifer · 12/12/2016 14:05

Is your health visitor, doctor etc involved. I would be looking for referrals etc if he is behind on milestones & very small etc.

MrsJayy · 12/12/2016 14:12

Does he touch food or do you just feed him have you tried sensory play it is messy but it allows them to touch food with no pressure to eat iyswim. My eldest dd was the pickiest eater ever it was very stressful I ended up just letting her eat what she ate and didnt force her,

Artandco · 12/12/2016 14:18

Neither of my children spoke until over 2 years either. It's normal. By 3 years they were speaking fluently in two languages. It takes some longer to start, then often speed along

GoofyTheHero · 12/12/2016 14:29

Yeah, at 20 months DD1 had a handful of words. Talking in full sentences by 2.5 and now at 3 has an amazing vocabulary.

Original poster
mscongeniality · 12/12/2016 15:50

Its good to hear about all your positive stories, he was a bit premature (5.5 weeks) so not majorly but I feel like he's just a really slow/late developer. He was on the late end for all his milestones (crawling, walking, teething, etc) so I hope its just that he will talk later than normal.

FannyFifer Yep he has been assessed by HV and been referred to SALT by the Community Paed. Just waiting for the referral to go through. Also had his hearing tested and all is fine. I have been on top of it all as I feel better being proactive.

OP posts:
Original poster
mscongeniality · 12/12/2016 15:53

He's small but he's on the 9th centile for both height and weight. So he's proportioned. I just can't afford for him to lose weight thats all. He is very slim. I'm very petite myself (5'1 and 7 stone) and DH is 5'10 but also very slim. So him slimness could be hereditary too.

OP posts:
GoofyTheHero · 12/12/2016 20:13

Yeah, doesn't sound like he's going to be huge, naturally.
Honestly, the eating thing will come. It will.

Graceymac · 12/12/2016 21:04

My dd1 and dd2 have always been very petite. Dd1 was below the 0.4th centile for the first two years and has gradually crept up somewhere between the 2nd and 9th now she is 8 yrs old. I was always very preoccupied with what she ate, which was very little. She was a poor feeder from age 6 wks and had severe reflux. I would worry and fret to the point that looking back I think I developed an anxiety disorder. The advice from her gastroenterologist was to reduce the stress at meal times as children can develop aversions to food if the experience is distressing. I was told not to use distraction, to keep meals to 20 mins max and not to constantly offer food throughout day. If the child doesn't eat they should be offered food only at the next meal. Children don't tend to starve themselves. I was also advised that smaller children have smaller appetites. Your dd is unwell at the moment so his appetite is poor but he will pick up when he feels better. In my experience as he gets older he will become more robust and his eating should improve.

Graceymac · 12/12/2016 21:13

16oz is a lot of milk for a 20 month old so I suspect he is full up on milk which will affect his appetite. His dietary intake looks really good when he is well. As a baby my dd would only ever drink 16-18 oz max a day even before solids. I remember because I used to write it all down and then cry about how little she drank!

EmeliaHerveyHenryFitzroy · 12/12/2016 21:26

Children don't tend to starve themselves.

Sadly this isn't always true. And your gastro advice was opposite the advice GOSH feeding clinic gave me. Not to say that either is right or wrong but the spectrum of opinion is clearly very broad.

OP, being a proactive mum I'm sure you will find your way through this as you experiment with what helps him best. Good luck.

Namechangebitch · 12/12/2016 21:35

I posted before about this. My DS was on the 2nd centile and classed as 'failing to thrive'. He was lactose intolerant and wouldn't take a bottle, he was totally bf - not my choice, his!

I was given advice by an Auntie - stop getting him weighed and stop worrying.

A dietician told me don't look at what he eats at one meal look at it over a week.

It worked. He is 15 and thriving. He still has odd eating patterns, lots one day nothing for a few days. He won't eat in the middle of the day most of the time, but sometimes will.

I feel your pain. The best advice is the most annoying, just relax.

GoofyTheHero · 12/12/2016 21:40

He still has odd eating patterns, lots one day nothing for a few day

My DD1 does this too, and so did I as a child apparently! Makes it hard to gauge portion sizes.