Please help - toddler not gaining weight, picky eater, should I follow hv advice???

[lem31]

21 mo doesn't like high chair and has always struggled to gain weight so I've fed him as balanced a diet as I can within whet I know he will eat. I'm trying to get him to eat nicely in his high chair and to try new foods so followed advice of hv, always put him in high chair, give him what we are eating and if he doesn't have it then he goes hungry until snack time.
I've been really strict for more than a week. He tried a few new things, but just a nibble really. Mostly has been barely eating and mealtimes are hell with it descending into him screaming. He has stopped sleeping through - maybe he is hungry???

Now hv says weight gain isn't sufficient, back to regular weigh ins but to keep with high chair, new food etc.

Just had breakfast after night of little sleep and hubby says he can't sit there and watch lo scream so took him out and fed him a yogurt on his lap. Now sat here crying and don't know what to do?

Do I club hubby to death for undoing my work?
Is he right and I give up?
Do I follow hv advice?????

Help me - I'm too tired to be rational!!

If feeding him a yoghurt means he eats and is happy then I can't see a problem tbh?

Get him eating first then worry about eating "nicely"

My DS came out of the high chair early as he just didn't like it. Im not a fan of making mealtimes so stressful and I would suggest letting him out of the high hair onto a chair with a little booster seat or cushions underneath it if he will be ok on it and happy to sit there. I'd also feed him things you know he likes with new things added in every so often rather than ne things frequently which he might refuse. HV doesn't know everything or what will work for every child....

Why not get him a booster so he can sit at the table with you?

I agree with not persuading him to eat because, while that might get an extra mouthful down him today, it's likely to mean he eats less tomorrow and the next day.

Find a place he is comfortable to sit, put the food out that you're having, allow him to take what he wants to eat from that selection and try to have a relaxed mealtime focused on things like looking at the birds out of the window or a game of peekaboo rather than the food.

Ignore the health visitor completely. Honestly.

You know your own child. At this stage and if weight is a serious issue I would just let them eat whatever and whenever they like and try to make food enjoyable again. Yes offer whatever you have to eat (in a high chair or not) but if they won't then try a sandwich or something simple like something on toast or whatever else.

I think snacks are fine - I give my 2.8 year old things like crackers and butter, fairy cakes I've made, the occasional pack of mini cheddars or some fruit. Stuff like that is fine - fruit you have to be a bit careful with the sugars and their teeth if it's a snack but if you're offering a lot of milk and brushing well too it's generally not so awful. Dry cereal like cheerios in a bowl also make a good snack.

Both my dc (12 and 2.8) have gone through fussy eating periods as toddlers. It is far easier to just go with the flow and now aged 12 my eldest eats just about everything.

Ikea do a fab little table with 2 chair for around £15 I would be tempted to get something like that and then leave plates of "snack" foods for him to eat when he wants.

Thanks. I hate him not eating. It's so hard. I have no problem with him eating yogurt, but at lunch I know it's all he will want is yogurt on our laps again....follow the tantrums when I say no....and tomorrow I'm on my own again with it for 5 days..... I'm so tired lol!!!

Please don't listen to the health visitor!

Children this age go through stages of fussy eating. They are stubborn too! Trying to exert their authority just like you.

Can you tell me what food your son does like to eat?

I'm with your husband, if he's eating something relatively good for him let him eat wherever...for a while during my DDs terrible 2s, she ate a lot in front of telly, totally the 'wrong thing' but saved a tantrum/meal refusal because she was calm and distracted....she eats perfectly well at table now (3)

Is it only yoghurt he will eat?

Thanks guys. He isn't great with child seats/booster seats as he doesn't stay in them and as soon as I sit down he wants to sit on my lap. I coukd try again though and reason with him. Maybe a choice of high chair or booster seat may make him feel more grown up and at least get him off my lap. (His fingers go in all my food, he drops food into my drink and spills/throws everything else so lap is not a great solution!)

I'm currently sat upstairs hiding from hubby so I don't cry in front of him over this! How ridiculous. I need to sleep....

He eats bacon, yogurt, crisps, chocolate and junk food (he doesn't have much!!) and grapes and apples. Nakd bars. Cereal sometimes.
Will sometimes eat toast, cheese (not together) chips/waffle, pasta, rice.

He won't eat eggs, melted cheese, any veg that looks like veg (used to - now won't), or anything new.

I try to get him a balanced diet based on what he will eat, but he won't try new things so it's hard. He used to eat cous cous so I'd mix new food/veg in with that and it was brilliant. Now he won't go near it.

I have twins girls. At that age one loved her high chair and one hated hers... Children are very different to each other so stick with what you know to be right for your own child and not generic information from a health visitor. One of mine eats everything, the other is much more cautious and has been under weight at times. I agree with other posters, be led by your child. Eating should be enjoyable, give him what he wants till he feels confident eating again and then introduce new things he'll like. I used to work abroad and in that country children got most of their calories from breast milk till 3. Solid food was something they tried and nibbled on. Made me feel a lot better on days my little girl would eat nothing but a bit of cheese!

I have to admit I don't generally try to eat dinner with my toddler. It's too stressful. He never wants to eat what we have and mine always ends up cold ! I give him a lighter picnic type dinner at 5 ish and then we all eat later. It's not worth the stress!

We do all eat together at lunch but that's less stressful as it's generally easier to eat etc and I often save him some of what we had for dinner the night before and let him try that but more than often it ends up straight in the bin!

He likes tuna sandwiches, egg in various ways but not always (!) And sometimes pasta. He'll eat tiny bites of things and then nothing. It's very hit and miss!

I'd try to relax a bit and just go with whatever he wants to eat. Yoghurt isn't too bad. I'd just let him eat them and keep offering other stuff too. After a while he might decide to give something else a go. Breadsticks and cheese also make a nice "picnic" type munch.

I've got a picky 2yo who is slowly getting better (she actually ate sweetcorn last week and apple a few weeks before that so progress is positive but slow)

What's working for us is that she eats the same as the rest of us but I make sure that every mealtime there is something she likes on her plate - so for example I'll do fish (which she loves) with carrots (sometimes a success and sometimes not) and sweetcorn (which until the other day she wouldn't even touch). Then I ignore what she's eating, we try not to make an issue out of it (easier said than done I know). She is offered fruit or yoghurt for pudding, although if she has tried something new or eaten well she may get a treat too - I know that may be looked down on but it works for us!

What highchair do you have? Ours comes right up to the table (antilop) which helps I think. Have you tried a booster?

Oh your so lucky that he will eat all those things!

IME you're going to waste a lot of food by offering him things he doesn't want to eat. The things he doesn't want to eat at the moment, he will probably try them again in the future.

It is quite common for parents to have to prepare something different for their toddler.

Have you tried getting him his own little table and chair? You can get fr ikea or John Lewis. They're great, plastic, so washable and perfect height wise for toddlers.

I'm struggling with the fact your child is losing weight even though he likes all those foods. I'm struggling with the fact your HV knows he likes them yet she is telling you to be firm!

Can't you give him a rather large bowl of nice Rice Krispies with ff milk?

I have a similar issue and have just read the chapter on eating in toddler calm book which has some lightbulb moments for me. Rather than try and précis it all here I recommend having a read! It helps me to not get stressed about it when I understand the reasons behind the behaviour.

I am with the ignore the Health Visitors too.
It's only advice. It obviously not working for you. You should not be sat on your own crying over it.

When one of my DC was a toddler he was under the paediatric dietician for quite a while. We were commanded to come in by the health visitor for a weigh in as we had not been for a while. So I explained the hospital dealt with it all for us, including weighing and filling the red book etc.
She weighed him and gave me a lecture that he was dangerously under weight. I explained that the dietitian was marvellous not only did she help with what he needed to eat but suggested picnics on the carpet, in front of the tv, sandwiches and sausages on the bus, all sorts .
The Health Visitor threw a right strop. Told me I was damaging my child for life, this woman was not to be trusted, she was obviously doing it all wrong.
I am afraid that I stopped listening to health visitors that day.

I wouldn't force the high chair issue, my toddler alternates between little table in living room sitting on her little arm chair and a high chair. When we visit people we use a mobile one that straps onto a normal dining chair.

Also as others suggest make eating fun, picnic on floor, airplanes sat on your knee?

I don't think your DH did anything wrong and your DC ate a yoghurt.

Wow - it is so good to see other people having the same issue!! I was feeling like a terrible mother because my lo doesn't eat a perfect diet sat at the table behaving impeccably.
I will check out that book gnarlyoldoak - thanks.
I have a small table and chairs for him, but he just got up and walked away so it's currently put away!
Quitelikely - he will eat them, but very little of them. Eg he may just eat 3-4 grapes for lunch (and that is a success) or 1 finger if toast for breakfast (about 1/6 of a slice - minus the crusts) so it's quantity as much as anything. He is VERY active too so burns if off. He barely weights 20lbs and is still in 9-12 mo clothes so is just a bit tiny.

The hv suggested sending me info on what I should be feeding him, but he has been under the care of a dietician since he was 3mo so I know what he should be eating - he just won't!!

Cheese he hasn't eaten for months, just started a little again, no eggs/potato (unless chips), nothing with milk eg porridge/cereal and milk or even a cup of milk is a no.
Tbh - he was very refluxy as a baby and eating was painful for him so he rarely ate as a baby. Now he just isn't bothered by food (unless crisps).

Thanks again - I've pulled myself together and will relax a bit. Hubby will escape unscathed again this time... ;)

Hi lem oh poor you, been there, done that, and even now my 4 yr old is picky beyond belief and a tiddler too! But things i found that have helped:
Clip on high chair, this was far more comfortable for her to sit in, but check your table as not all tables support them (phil and teds do a very good one) look at ebay as they are expensive new!
Even now my Dc have a platter of different foods, and i let them just pick at what they like, normally its a few sticks of cucumber, some cheese cubes, a little bit of chicken, toast fingers or bread/ cheese biscuits, and some fruit, etc.
try not to make a big deal of your LO not eating, otherwise your anxiety will increase the tension. And if yoghurt is a favourite offer after she's had a little pick at other foods.
And yy to picnics on the carpet and maybe get your LO to help with food prep. My 4yo definitely eats better when she is 'helping' me get the food ready, by helping i mean taking food off chopping board and putting it on a plate (she normally nibbles and eats it before getting on the plate!) also maybe sit your DC on your lap and let him pick off your plate, with my DS worked a treat!
Hope this helps.

It's never worth fighting over food! I spent years feeding my son mostly what I knew he would eat, with a small spoonful of things I knew he generally wouldn't try. At the end of each meal I took away the plate without comment. It's really hard not to get uptight, but he's an adult now and eats pretty much everything. My mantra, whether it was to do with eating, night waking, obsession with dummies etc was that he wouldn't still be doing it on his wedding day!

Thankyou. Xx

Sorry should be 'he's' not 'she's' !

I cannot recommend the book 'my child won't eat' by Carlos Gonzalez highly enough. Absolutely saved my sanity x

From your last post I think you have to go with what the dietician tells you and what you know about your child. I wouldnt have thought a HV is qualified or esperienced enough to advise you.

I think you need to do whatever you need to do to take the fuss/upset out of meal times. If he has not enjoyed feeding & food from being little he may have a negative association with food (this is so hard to do because understandbly you know how important it is and of course you are his loving parents). I'd be tempted to allow snacks of good food from your list (I would avoid the processed ones of possible like cereal) to be left on side so he can graze. Forget about the whole table meat n two veg approah - time for that later. Try a more casual snacking approach aim for food groups rather than a tick list of specific foods

Would he like to make some flapjap balls/meatballs/ - easy but messy tactile cooking that he might nibble.

(my DS who is 9 eats lots but can only cope with it in smaller meals - he is easily sick and he didnt have reflux. He is centile 4 - so near being underweight he just doesnt put any weight on - thats how he is 'made')