My BLW 7mo is being spoonfed puree by IL's and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

[saoirse86]

My DD has been having food since just before 6 months. DP and I have been absolutely definite about certain things we want/don't want her to have and what order we want her to have things in.

We tried puree at first but she hated it so we just went with the BLW with veg only. She's still not been interested really but will have a suck on things.

Then this week my IL's have had her twice while I revise for exams and have given her puree. DP has actually been there and wasn't fussed about it, but he's not fussed about much TBH!

I didn't really have a problem with the puree as I have kind of thought it might kick start her eating more. But then yesterday I found out she was being spoonfed (where she normally mainly does it herself with some guidance) and had been shaking her head and pushing the spoon away but they kept giving it to her.

They kept telling me it was fine because she ate it, but I don't feel too happy about it. I want it to be a natural progression, although I do wish it'd be a bit quicker! I feel that if the's saying no to it then they should've stopped.

I wonder if force feeding her will give her a negative perception of food.

And I'm also confused what to do about what I give her. I know weight gain is supposed to slow down when babies are weaned and her weight gain really does need to slow down IMO, so I have been wishing she'd eat more. Now I'm wondering if I should give her puree to get her to eat something, or is that taking a step backwards?

I just don't know what to do for the best. I've found weaning a bit of a difficult process so far and it's only been about 7 weeks!! [cconfused]

Any help, experience or advice would be much appreciated. [csmile]

Please don't take offence, but take this in the light-heartedly honest way it is meant: you are being a bit PFB.

The way your ILs feed your dd will not compromise BLW. Fair enough to ask them only to give her certain foods (though that's not really the BLW style, either).

Have you explained BLW to them? It might be easier to simply ask that they feed her finger-foods and let her mess about with a spoon during mealtimes.

Don't worry about her gaining weigt at a different rate to the sacred Red Book. As long as she is eating an apprpriate diet, gaining, evacuating, developing, and is generally happy, then she is doing fine.

Whilst I do agree with the above poster I would definitely ask that they respect her and if she's trying to say No then don't force feed her. That's about respecting both your wishes and her as well. She will eat in her own time and her own way. I know babies who would only ever eat from their parents plates, never their own when weaning. Just let her do what she wants and it will be fine.

I know it's not technically the BLW way to only let her have certain things but there are a lot of foods we eat which are high in sugar or salt or generally just not good for her. And TBH she'll only go for those things because they're closer to her, if my plate was a different way round she'd happily go for something else.

I have explained BLW to them till I'm blue in the face and they refuse to accept it at all. This is the first time they've given her puree and we've had countless meals together where I let her have finger foods so they know what we normally do. It seems strange that it's the couple of times I'm not there that this has happened. I've also told them that she can hold a spoon but if they don't want everything to get very messy then she can finger foods, if it's the carpet they're worried about.

I haven't had her weighed in months, but I know she's very big compared others the same age and is starting to look fat rather than chubby or healthy. She doesn't drink a great deal of milk so I wonder if she has a slow metabolism or something, and don't want her to end up very overweight like my IL's. But then they were giving their LO's coke and chocolate from 6 months so I shouldn't expect them to understand it really.

They will be having meals with her a lot too so I think we all need to be on the same page. I want DD to learn when to she's had enough and to learn to just stop, but at the same time I don't want her to be really fussy and rejecting everything. That's especially why I want to get the feeding issue right sooner rather than later and have her eating healthily.

Does anyone have any experience of a kind of mix of BLW and actively feeding their LO puree? Or do I just need to be more adamant that she has to hold the spoon and that she will decide when she's done?

Almost everyone does a mix of finger foods and puree. I think if the actual food is ok then you are being a bit precious about who holds the spoon unless she is getting genuinely stressed about being 'force fed'.

I think everyone did a mixture of BLW and actively feeding a child long before the term BLW had been coined. Children survived and did not all develop food 'issues'.

I agree that you should just chill out a bit. My DS was fed at nursery and I only ever did BLW and he was absolutely fine (although he's a really fussy eater now at 4 but I don't think that's at all connected).

And, from being an absolute porker of a baby, he's now so skinny that the bum of his jeans are empty. :)

My 3rd child was combi-weaned IYSWIM. Being the 3rd, I often did not have the time to let him feed himself, because I was doing school-runs etc.

TBH, there's not much difference between my dc in how and what they'll eat. Yes, they have different tastes and appetites, but they also have different personalities, too. For nos 2 and 3 really could not say that the way they were weaned is responsible for their attitudes to food.

The only one with any food issues is no1, and I suspect he has mild Aspergers - which could well have an influence. Also, he - being my PFB - is the only one whose feeding I obsessed over. From about 12m it because obvious that he ate better if I was not around...fairly revealing, I think.

I agree that you should have the final say on what your child eats, but how is not as significant.

Remember also, that the overall diet over a week is more relevant to health than a one-meal or one-day snapshot.

"it became obvious", not "^because" bloody autocorrect

Thanks for your advice everyone.

I actually didn't think I was being that precious or PFB about it. I just want to do the right thing and as she is my first I can't be expected to know all the answers!

The actual food is ok, at the moment anyway. If they had their way they'd give her all sorts, but they have agreed, for now, to only give her certain things. Although she was given 2 easter eggs last week. DP and I sorted them out for her!

When I have tried to give her puree she flings her head back, shakes her head, closes her mouth tightly, pushes the spoon away and shouts at me. She can be a bit dramatic but I don't want her getting upset while she's having food which is why I tend to let her get on with it herself, which she's much happier about.

Oh the lovely age of independence is approaching! I find with my ds 8.5mo he is sometimes too hungry to feed himself and othertimes won't let me near him with anything unless he is allowed to do it himself! Its a nightmare but he is a bit of a piglet so am assuming that his food is getting to him somehow!

I'd want to tell them to fuck the fuck off if they can't respect my wishes, but I understand entirely about wanting to keep the peace.

If they are forcing her to eat when she doesn't want to then that's not on regardless of whether she's usually blw or not.

A big part of blw though is that they start eating the same things as you. We cut down the salt in our own food, bought unsalted butter etc. You quickly get used to it and you're developing a healthy menu for the whole family for years to come. Unless you're planning to feed her salty and sugary food soon, you'd be as well to start leaving it out now.

I wouldn't worry about the spoon feeding TBH. You sound like you're worried about her getting fat because the ILs are feeding her that way - but from reading your posts, I wonder if you would be worried about this anyway? You're comparing her to other babies and thinking she looks fat? DS at that age was very chunky - he soon lost it once he started moving around!

I started with BLW then moved onto a mix of feeding mashed foods and finger foods. DS didn't need purees at 7 months given that he was fine with finger food already. I moved from mashed food to lumps he could pick up and now he has food like us, just chopped up into manageable pieces.

Try and relax - weaning is pretty stressful but it'll all be fine in the end. Your attitude to food is more likely to have an impact on her body image than the method in which she eats it.

LadyintheRad - my DS was most definitely fat when he was a baby, waaaaay beyond chubby. But then when he was hospitalised with bronchiolitis for a week at 9 months, I was bloody glad of it. He didn't eat all week and I finally understood why a fat baby is a good thing :)

Actually I would be annoyed about this too, OP! It's the lack of control, and the lack of my respect for my wishes.

However - we can't control every aspects of our children's lives for ever. I used to hate the fact that my mum didn't put DS down for his nap at exactly the same time that I did. If she missed it by 10 minutes I was livid. But he survived!

But I agree with all the posters who have said that a bit of spoon-feeding will not compromise BLW and will not lead to eating disorders / weight issues.

Try to grit your teeth and let it go. As for your daughter's weight: it's pretty common for babies this age to be absolutely mahoosive (I look at pics of my DS at 6 months and he looks like Mr Toad ) but when they start to crawl/toddle, they lengthen and slim down. Don't equate baby chubbiness with a "weight problem." Make sure she has a healthy diet (which can include purees!) and she'll be fine.

Maybe you could suggest to your ILs that she be allowed to hold a breadstick / piece of fruit / whatever while they are feeding her, so she can choose what she puts in her mouth? Then, if she constantly prefers the finger food to the spoon, they might get the hint "by themselves"? Just a thought

While I think it's odd that they must have gone out and brought purees especially for your DD considering you've stated and they've seen she doesn't eat them I agree that's not really important (annoying still as it's hard not to see as a judgement on your weaning choices).

She could very well react differently to being fed purees by them and by you.

The issue I would take a stance with the 'force feeding'. MIL did this to DD when eating porridge. I could see she had had enough and put the bowl down. MIL decided differently (she's rather obsessed with how much she eats) and then managed to sneak some food in while she was turning her head away (she had to follow her around so she knew she didn't want it). Was a month before she let us feed her porridge again. Luckily we live in the states and it was only a visit. It's also a respect thing for the child and I do believe it can lead people into eating past being full.

I think you are right to be concerned, not least because she may get confused or used to being spoonfed. Also at over 6 months isn't it rather a backward step to give purees? Surely one huge advantage of BLW is you miss out the annoying stae of getting them off mushed up food and onto 'solids'?

Apart from all that it's very rude of them to ignore you when you have been clear you want to do BLW.

If you're not happy with them spoon feeding her, then say so. How you wean is a parenting choice, regardless of whether or not you are paying the person caring for the child.

If actually, you're not bothered as long as they're not actually force feeding her, then let it go.

TBH I don't have huge issues with her feeding from a spoon, after all she will be doing that with certain foods anyway, unless she finds a way of finger feeding yoghurts and the like! I'm sure she will!

I think it is more the issues of force feeding and them not taking notice of her wants. I have preferred doing BLW because she makes the choice of when/what/how much to eat and it's been going well, just very slowly, but I know that's just how it is.

SIL had made puree with the veg they had (I just hope she didn't use the kind of salt content she normally uses, especially if she's going to do it regularly). They do undermine me a lot. When DD was 4 months she was given rice pudding despite us not weaning until 6 months. I was seriously pissed off with that and didn't let them look after her agin until monday, and now I find she's been force fed. It didn't occur to me they'd do something else I didn't want. They also took pride in telling me what had happened and how she was shaking her head and pushing it away. It's almost like they're putting 2 fingers up at me and telling me they're going to do what they want.

I'm also annoyed with DP being there. I wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't been watching and they'd done it without him seeing properly. We have had several arguments discussions about him letting things go too easily, not telling his family what they should/shouldn't be doing with our child, and generally being too blase about everything. But that's a whole other issue!

I can definitely tell she's very heavy for her length IYSWIM because all her clothes are either really tight around the belly or really long to accomodate the belly! She's now wearing a lot of shorts or cropped trousers in a big size which come down to her ankles! I'm glad to hear there are other massive babies that have become a more normal weight.

I really don't feel I have issues with food or weight but I think it's quite natural for me to want my daughter to be a healthy size and weight and not have any negative attitudes to food. My IL's aren't just big, they're morbidly obese and I'd be a strange mum if I wanted my DD to be like that, wouldn't I? The reason I'm asking for experience and advice is so that I can do my best to get things right in terms of food and surely the sooner the better.

I forgot to say DuelingFanjo that that was my other concern, that we're taking a step backwards going to puree. I was quite please she liked the BLW as it's removing that step of messing about with purees and having to work up to finger foods. I would like her to eat more but I don't think force feeding puree is necessarily how I want to do tha!

To me it sounds like the issue isn't really the issues or even the continuing feeding when your DD pushing the spoon away - it is the total lack of respect that they are showing YOU. I can't believe the rice pudding thing at 4 months, I would have gone ape! Do you really have to leave her there without you being there while she is fed? I think if it were me I would be saying to my DP that he would not be taking her to his parents again without you being there.

Oops I meant the issue isn't really the purees

Yes I agree - you need to talk to your H. He is undermining you.

Re purees being a step back - not every meal lends itself to BLW, so I used to mash things like that with a fork so not a purée. I used to get annoyed with DH if he tried to persuade DS to feed when he didn't want to. In the end he came around to my way once I explained. I also used to deliberately make smaller portions to avoid DS being overfed. Can you try this with your ILs?

Are there ways you can control what your DD is given? Do they have to look after her at meal times? are you going back to work? What will happen then?

Also re clothes - I don't know about others but DS always has problems with the waist/length ratio! I have no idea where they get their measurements from

Puree feeding no big deal, is not "a step back" but Force/Pressured feeding is Bang out of order. I'd have mega issues with that, too.