To just feel frustrated at the disconnect

[CanISeeYourLicence]

I just feel so annoyed with people (aka my mother) who claim to be animal lovers but can't take reality.

I was having morning coffee with my mother (online. as we are in different parts of the world) she was talking about the rescue dog she is about to collect. I said as an aside that I had this morning donated to a charity that is trying to save pets caught up in war (specifically Dubai). She started shouting at me and pout her hands over her ears and shouted 'I don't want to hear that, don't tell me that/. it's too upsetting'.

Last time she came to stay we had a collared dove caught in our chimney and I got a chimney sweep out who managed to remove the bird gently and without harm. At the time my mother had to go to another room because it was so upsetting to her and she wailed and cried because she could not cope with the idea of a bird being caught (and rescued) in our chimney.

She claims she is an animal lover. Before DS1 was born 15 years ago she also told me she would report me to social services if I dared to stay a vegetarian while pregnant. She actually said to me she would report me.

It's not a her issue (although it is my mother who has annoyed me today) but I simply cannot comprehend people who have the disconnect about some animals and how we use them for our own ends and not all.

Rant over.

I’m the only vegan in my family and while they are loosely supportive they also find it weird and unnecessary!

I think it comes down to (1) ignorance of many welfare issues and (2) not wanting the inconvenience of changing their habits.

I am sure most people who love animals can understand the logic in being vegan but many think it’s unhealthy and extreme.

I'm not sure what your issue is. Is it that not all people in the world or your family feel the same as you do about all things? I'm a vegan, but not an extreme animal rights activist or even as concerned as you seem to be about pets in war zones. I'm a vegan for a variety of reasons, which tbh have altered over the last two decades as I've aged. Saving the animals isn't high on my list of reasons. So equally someone can care about saving animals but not be a vegetarian. That's reflecting the variety we find in society. Are you trying to "convert" your mother or MIL or whoever? If so, you may find yourself frustrated for a whole range of reasons.

Yy, and the RSPCA adverts. Let's all cry for the abused cats and dogs, while we shit dead animals out our arse.

I suppose my issue is the performative hand wringing while turning away from the everyday harms that are caused.

Why shriek and wail because I merely said I had donated to a charity? Why put her hands over her ears and wail? It's pathetic. Yet she calls me pathetic for my dietary choices.

Oh and yes- threatening to report met to social services because I dared to be vegetarian. I do have an issue with that.

In the end she didn't, but she sent her flying monkeys in to write to me, e-mail me, beg me and plead about how I would be harming my child and how upset it made her.

Before DS1 was born 15 years ago she also told me she would report me to social services if I dared to stay a vegetarian while pregnant. She actually said to me she would report me.

Lol

Sounds like she was genuinely concerned that your diet could be harmful.

Lol

So are you against people claiming to be animal lovers and also eating meat? If so, I think it is OK for an animal lover to eat meat and I don’t see a contradiction - or at least not necessarily. I would expect an animal lover to buy only high welfare meat and probably limit the amount they eat too for environmental reasons.

No. I am against someone claiming to be an animal lover yet castigating me and shouting at me when I talk about donating to a charity for animals and attacking me for being vegetarian.

HTH

Were you going into detail on the charity and what was happening to animals?

I am an animal lover but I eat meat, I see no issues there. I eat as high quality meat as possible and avoid waste.

I don’t like to hear graphic details about animal cruelty. I donate to animal charities, I don’t mistreat animals, but I find graphic animal cruelty descriptions or images upsetting.

I don’t wail and scream, but I might feel like doing so if someone was insisting on discussing it at length.

In summary, you might both be a bit unreasonable and extreme in your interactions over this topic and maybe you should agree to avoid it as a subject

Wailing that she doesn’t want to hear the details is fine with me, I do the same whenever adverts or news stories about animal welfare come on because it really upsets me.

Threatening to report you for being vegetarian while pregnant is a bit crazy, but if you don’t think it was out of concern why do you think she said it?

I was not going into details. I said (literally) I won £15 on a scratchcard at the weekend. I'm donating it to [name of charity] because I saw their details on a MN thread and they are working to rescue pets people have abandoned in Dubai'.

That's it.

Cue wailing.

Your mum is a bit wet and attention seeking. I don’t think there’s more to it than that. Just roll your eyes when she does this.

I think your issue is with your mother as a person, not some wider societal issue

I think anyone who is vegan or vegetarian gets really tired with the shit chucked at them for being vegan or vegetarian. You see it on here all the time and in real life . And I think our mothers have a unique ability to wind us all up and push our buttons. Again you see it on here and in real life all the time and I also think the ops mum sounds like a wet lettuce. Plus anyone who makes threats about social services like that is quite despicable in my opinion.

That does sound like she likes the drama more than anything else. The normal reaction would be to compliment your choice and move on

This.
Your mother sounds difficult. It doesn't really seem like these examples apply to people in general.

@CanISeeYourLicence I don't really understand your issue. Loads of people who donate to animal charities don't want to hear all the gorey details of animal suffering and cruelty. That's nothing new, or exclusive to your mother. The same way people who love children and donate to kids charities don't necessarily want to hear about kids being blown apart by bombs.

I sense your issue with your mother is a bit more than what you call her "performative" double-standard. If she were my mother, I'd probably just not raise an issue about diet or animal welfare at all if I could help it. Moaning about her reaction to your life choices is not going to endear her to those choices or enable you to have any kind of empathy with her.

I've read most of the thread. My view is that you can be very grateful your mother is in a different part of the world to you. I'd be having as little to do with her as possible. She sounds like a real professional victim and a pain in the arse.

She's a drama queen..... If it wasn't animals I bet it would be over something else.

That's my feeling too. I can get a bit irritated when people go on about being great animal lovers and how much they do for animal charities while eating lamb chops or whatever. 99% of the time I bite my tongue as it wont change anything,and just is likely to make them defensive and render them anti vegan/veggie.

In fairness to your mum, I struggle to cope with situations where animals are suffering and I can't do anything to help/same with stories ...

But you are right, OP, there is a big disconnect. We call one set of animals pets, the other set dinner. I never got the difference ...

Edit, just an afterthought. I did have one friend who was really hostile me becoming veggie then vegan even though I never talked about it beyond ordering meals. I did get a bit fed up and challenged her. She confessed my not eating meat/eating healthily made her look at her own choices and she felt like it highlighted her own "shortcomings'. Her words not mine. Perhaps your mum feels something similar hence her being anti veggie,,m

She sounds wildly overdramatic in general, but: threatening to report met to social services because I dared to be vegetarian. I do have an issue with that. In the end she didn't, but she sent her flying monkeys in to write to me, e-mail me, beg me and plead about how I would be harming my child and how upset it made her is horrendous. It's based on unexcusable ignorance and it's particularly weird that she was reacting this way to vegetarianism, not even veganism which is (and certainly was 15+ years ago) less normalised and less well understood. The fact that she would execute a campaign to cause you that much worry and upset, especially while pregnant, rather than doing a modicum of research or just trusting you as a competent adult would be very, very hard for me to forgive in your position. Has she ever even apologised or admitted she was wrong?

Honestky, she sound cracked! Is she this weird about other things?

wailing tgat a bird is being rescued if you've donated to a charity is utterly bizarre.