I can't believe I did this! Vegan topic

[Ruminate2much]

I've been a vegan for several years. Vegetarian many years before that.
In that time, I've had the odd lapse - but always accidental.
This evening I was having dinner with an old lady who lives nearby. I did shopping for her when she wasn't well, and she wanted to thank me. She'd gone to the effort of making a vegetable pie. Very kind. She's a meat eater. I asked her what was in it, and it turned out butter in the pastry! She obviously didn't understand. Then turns out a bit of Lee and Perrins Worcester sauce in with the veg. That's not even vegetarian, as it contains anchovies. It was out of the oven, plate in hand, I didn't know what to do other than eat some. I took a small portion, piling my plate up more with spuds etc.
I simply didn't have the heart not to. She'd gone to the trouble of making it. But I feel pretty yucky now. I'd have felt guilty if I hadn't though, so it's difficult. Obviously, we're so incredibly privileged in the western world to have choices like this. So I won't dwell on it. I never buy animal products. But, out of curiosity, what would you have done? I have a tummy ache now too, as my body can't take dairy anymore...

I'd have eaten it too, and not felt guilty. It was made, she had tried, you'd have upset an old lady of you'd have turned it down.

I’d have done exactly the same, for all the same reasons.

I think you did the right thing.

Thank you both. That's reassuring. I can sleep easy tonight then ❤️

Oh dear, bonkers me. I can't sleep after all, and I am dwelling on it! Keep thinking it's the first time since I was 15 (a LONG time ago) that I've knowingly eaten something non-vegetarian. That's the Worcester sauce. I have to say it would have been a drop, and so I know I'm being daft. It's not like it was a chunk of meat or anything.
I also think I'm being almost obscenely indulgent when there are hungry people in the world, but feels like I can't help it.
In my slight defence I've been up most of the night with crippling tummy ache and I've got a long journey tonight, so could do without that. C'est la vie...

I've got OCD, and possible ND, so find it hard to see this in the balanced way I should

Veganism is one one of the kindest things a human can do, you should sleep like a baby every night!

What a charmed life you lead if this is your biggest concern.

It's not my biggest concern by any means

Thank you. Yes, it's (both veganism and the general desire to be a goodie) is a huge part of my identity. So, I feel I blew it. I know I'm being bonkers, as it was a one-off, and doesn't overall stop me being a vegan. But, can't shake it off...

The volume of sauce you ate will not have caused additional animal suffering, it is simply far too small and the amount of anchovies in the sauce is a tiny percentage of that.

You haven't created extra demand with a couple of drops of already bought sauce.

Being a decent human being to the lady is much more significant in terms of being kind to animals as humans are animals as well.

Thank you. Yes, that was certainly my thinking at the time. To me, veganism generally is about kindness. It seemed like the lesser of two evils.
Oh I know I'm being totally daft!
My only real worry is if I'm invited to eat with her again that thinks butter etc is vegan. But, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Or just offer to cook for her instead...

I wouldn’t have eaten it. Especially being allergic to dairy and knowing I’d suffer from cramps and diarrhoea all night- no way!

The cramps (fortunately not diarrhoea) are precisely what's happening! I think partly why I'm getting upset. The insomnia. I'm travelling to Ireland overnight from this evening, so it's not great.
I do wonder if given more time I'd have been able to think of a sensitive way to decline. But, I was put on the spot, and didn't know what to say honestly. A really difficult situation.
I'm religious about checking labels in shops etc, so it was ironic.

It's happened now anyway. It was a one-off, and will be out of my system soon. I can learn from it. I might make a donation to The Vegan Society to kind of balance it out.

Always bring the poor non western countries into stuff like this. Highlights all the kindness
/s

My DH's cousin went vegan for the kindness reason.

However, if someone catered vegetarian for her by accident, she happily ate it because it would be unkind to refuse and also, she wasn't financially contributing to the animal cruelty business.

Her take was that it was more unethical to waste the food.

Hope this helps? Hope you feel better soon. And that your travel isn't too impacted. I'm coeliac and I'd absolutely HATE to be travelling on a poorly tummy from something that disagreed with me.

I'm so sorry. I'm a bit confused by this post. Do you mean that I mentioned non western countries to look like I'm being kinder? Or do you mean it's the right thing to do? Genuinely don't understand. Underslept!
I mentioned it, because I think it's true. We do have the luxury of choice here, so I know my worry is a very 1st world problem. We're in the first world though, so I guess all our problems are. This is anonymous, so no sense in my trying to make myself look better. I'm just posting what I think and feel.

Thank you. Yes, your post helps 😊

And you’re travelling! 😫 I think you’ll have to speak to your friend about the intolerance before she makes you any more goodies OP! I don’t think it’s being kind to anyone to eat something that causes you physical pain.

Safe and hopefully pain free travels, maybe take something to settle your tum, try and sleep.

I wouldn’t have eaten it, I would have politely refused. It’s done now though and I don’t think it needs dwelling on, you had good intentions and made a decision you felt comfortable with in the moment. Maybe work on some polite answers for if the situation happens again, as it’s causing you to feel upset and to feel physically ill.

I hope you’re feeling better soon.

Thank you. Yes, done now. I actually didn't feel comfortable at the time! I felt profoundly uncomfortable. I was reeling inwardly; but didn't know what to say. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I couldn't bear to, as she seemed so proud of her efforts!
But, on reflection, if the situation was reversed, I'd definitely not want a guest to eat something they didn't want to.
I can only learn from it I guess...

Hi op, I also have ocd although very well controlled after therapy. I suspect you are now ruminating and trying to 'fix' the issue which you can't. My advice as a fellow vegan is to avoid this kind of situation first - I'd have said no on the grounds it would be too difficult to cater for and suggested coffee instead - maybe think ahead to some polite refusals for next time.
For now, you need to try to practice what you may have learned if you've had therapy? Accept the anxiety and stop actively thinking it through. Let the thoughts rumble away and continue with life. There is no problem as such that needs fixing. You were in a difficult situation and did the least bad thing at the time.

Thank you. Yes - an overnight rail and sail journey from Sussex to Dublin, followed by a bus in the early hours! Arrrgh!
I'll drink loads of water today, and hopefully it'll be out of my system by this evening. The lack of sleep is a kicker though.
I'm surprised just how unwell it made me feel. That's the one good thing to come from it - I'm now pretty certain I'm allergic to dairy. So, I can tell people that if they don't accept veganism.
Yeah, bless the well-intentioned lady who poisoned me! I think if she invites me to dinner again, I'll maybe suggest just an afternoon cup of tea, and bring my own soya milk! 😁

I used to be on the most militant vegan facebook page, and even on there a good chunk of people would argue that wasting food that's already prepared is even worse than eating it. Because then the poor animal has died for nothing.