Holiday Tension Between Me and DH

[Verbena37]

So for a few years now DH has been refusing to go anywhere UKs based that isn't Center Parcs. He says he wants a holiday that will be guaranteed hot and sunny. I don't fly.....and won't be in the future. I'm plane phobic so that's a no-go.

DH says I'm selfish by not flying and limiting our family summer holidays to the Uk. We have been to France but I'm not good in the heat....really not good. I can't be in the sun and neither can DD. Anything higher than about 22 and I'm done for.

I don't see why we can't book a cottage/farmhouse/hotel in the Uk....somewhere where is lots to do. There are so many places we haven't been and lots of places we have that would be great for a holiday.

I thought Cornwall, Tenby, Cumbria, Scotland etc.....but he refuses. He says it will rain and then what will do.

As a child, we spent pretty much all of our holidays in Scotland so I'm very used to waking in the pouring rain and just get on with it. He says that's no holiday though. We are reluctant to go to France due to the increasing safety worry at the Tunnel. We were planning on going to Disney Paris in July but after last week with the gunman, we thinking not. We could go to France but don't really want to take a long ferry as DH and kids get sea sick badly.

Any ideas.....and places it's highly unlikely to rain. We live in East Anglia so somewhere not near here would be good.

Don't want to make it worse but I got motion sickness on a coach in the Channel Tunnel! A combination of the swaying and not being able to see that we were moving. Finding a teeny tiny window to peer through so that I could see the tunnel walls swooshing by helped a lot.

Are you generally an anxious person? I think you are over blowing some dangers in your mind pretty significantly.

It's a zero sum game you and your DH are playing. He likes hot sunny destinations accessible by plane (not sea). You don't. I don't see where the compromise is.

I understand phobias and motion sickness can't just be vanished away, but I wonder whether you and DH are not trading off difficulties to get your way?
I had great UK hols as a child, and have made sure my DC understand how to have a good self-sufficient low tech low price hol. Adventures camping and in cottages across the UK. But I wonder whether my parents, given a bit more cash, the opportunities now available for lower cost travel abroad, would have always chosen lettuce and salad cream sandwiches and keeping everyone warm in the wind by digging a speedboat out of sand?

So as well as continuing this tradition (with nostalgia and enjoyment) we have also taken the chance to travel, (lucky enough to be able to do so , on a budget, so making the best of it) and have seen the direct benefit.

That made me giggle Blu....the lettuce and salad cream sarnies .
Yes, I guess I do tend to see dangers more than some but to me, a UK Holiday is not a compromise. I like any time spent away doing interesting things with the family.

DH said why don't we not go away at all and instead spend the money on some nice days out, staying over a few places that are further away. He is used to my plane phobia. He was going to take he kids skiiing this half term but isn't now due to DS having difficulties but I wouldn't mind him taking them away without me if it involved flying.

I think when your anxieties start to affect and impact upon others it's time to seek help.

You will not die on a flight to Spain, I will bet my house on that.

You are being irrational. Go to the gp and get a Valium.

I don't like flying either but I refuse to be ruled by my own irrational thoughts!

Separate holidays so that your DH and DC get some sun and flying etc and then a holiday together in a lovely cottage maybe.

Agree far nicer places to go than centre parks and agree parts of Scotland are stunning.

Also you describe 'fear of dying' along with your 'fear of flying' 'fear of heights' etc. without sounding rude etc some counselling may really help you begun to overcome these things which hold you back.

Not everywhere 'abroad' is super hot there are some lovely destinations where you won't bake your fair skin.

There is going to have to be a bit of compromise somewhere I guess.

What would your children like to do?

quitelikely it's easy to say that to me but you don't have the phobia.
Anyway this was supposed to be a uk holiday post and it's turned into a psychotherapy post....hence why I posted in holidays rather than chat

DS is happy with anywhere. He loves the outdoors so Scotland, Cumbria, Cornwall he would be fine with.
DD (14) is being hissy and taking cues from DH regarding hot holidays and flying. My parents have said she can go to Greece with them perhaps next year.

I used the euro tunnel last August and it was fine. Absolutely zero sign of trouble or problems. I think you are overthinking the eurotunnel issues. The ferry situation is surely a problem you can work to get through? Take a shorter route - say no more than 4 hours, spend a lot of time out on the breezy deck with a picnic lunch (the fresh air always worked to conquer my sea sickness) and get through it - some of that same positivity that you have with regard to a walking holiday in rainy Scotland is what's needed here.

I used the euro tunnel last August and it was fine. Absolutely zero sign of trouble or problems. I think you are overthinking the eurotunnel issues. The ferry situation is surely a problem you can work to get through? Take a shorter route - say no more than 4 hours, spend a lot of time out on the breezy deck with a picnic lunch (the fresh air always worked to conquer my sea sickness) and get through it - some of that same positivity that you have with regard to a walking holiday in rainy Scotland is what's needed here.

Dozens of people tugging on door handles on the Tunnel? Sorry OP I think that's a load of Daily Mail tosh

Sorry OP but you sound like a total killjoy...won't fly...Europe too dangerous...eveywhere too hot...sea too choppy...tunnel too scary...

I realise that you may be suffering with anxiety so I agree that you might need a look at all your worries and see if there are ways to overcome them eg counselling.

'But to me a UK holiday is not a compromise'

Perhaps eventually it will be for other members of your family.

Well, you could take your ds to Scotland for walks in the torrential rain and high winds and your dh could take your dd to somewhere hot on a plane. Everyone's happy.

We always holiday in the UK and there's rarely a problem wuth the weather - yes, it might not be 24/7 blazing sunshine but it's rare to have days of rain. We're going to Northumbria this year, beaches and castles a-go-go. We've done the west country a fair bit, Pembrokeshire, Peak District. Last year was Devon, we were on the beach most days.

I personally find it a bit sad when children don't know their own country.

I would recommend CBT to deal with anxieties.

Foreign travel is an amazing experience if you are lucky enough to be able to afford it.

It is a compromise to your DH though. Can you get the Eurostar instead of the car tunnel. You can go anywhere in Europe. You can get the overnight ski train - no need to fly to go skiing.

It doesn't sound like a fun life and I don't blame your daughter for being 'hissy'!

Rare to have days of rain in the uk? Really?

Can you not just go on the Eurostar? Masses of places to go, not sure why you want to take the car.

My holidays as a child were always camping in Scotland, Forest of Dean, the Peak District.

My fondest holiday memories of all.

I didn't go abroad with my parents not that many people did in those days.

Myself and Dp work in the travel industry so we take advantage of at least one warmer destination per year with our dd who is 5.

We also go yearly to Ireland in a cottage. We normally fly the 40 min journey. West coast of Ireland is stunning although if you get sea sick I wouldn't recommend the ferry crossings and extra driving.

The Peak District is beautiful as are the Yorkshire Dales for outdoorsy stuff but obviously weather can be iffy.

I have been through the tunnel 4 times - September and Dec/January. I have never seen anything at all - you come straight on/off mororway and don't drive through Calais at all

I think you all, in the nicest possible way, need to 'get over' a few things and work on compromising.

I am actually with you on the Tunnel/Calais. I wouldn't use it right now, the risk versus rewards for me are too great, BUT we have no problems with flights/ferries so we have other options.

You can address the flying phobia. There are some highly recommended courses you can attend run by airlines. I have read on here of people taking anti-anxiety medication - no idea if a GP will prescribe that, but might be worth researching. If you can get on a plane for even a couple of hours that will literally open up the world to you.

Your DH and DC need to stop thinking seasickness is such a problem. THe great thing about seasickness is it stops as soon as you get on land. So if you can work really hard to get on a plane for a few hours, they can dose themselves up on anti-seasickness meds and live with feeling green on a ferry for a couple of hours. That will open up Europe to you.

Your DH needs to get over his dislike of holidays in the UK. It sounds really spoilt tbh, and there is no guaranntee that anywhere you go you won't have crap weather not bitter about the once in a lifetime trip to Australia when it rained almost every day, honest.

If you don't like heat and he only likes hot places, you either have to both do some serious work on compromising. Or holiday separately - which I guess might at least cover the school holidays quite effectively!

We've rarely had much more than a day completely washed out because of rain. The Highlands was the worst but since DD was born (she's 6) and rainy days are more problematic it, no, not so's I'd remember. I mean, I've not come back from a week's holiday and thought that it was ruined because of the weather.

What about the Dover to Dunkirk route? 2 hours, usually very smooth, and avoiding the Calais hot spot (not that it's as much of a problem as you're thinking)

We have similar problems to you, but have always managed to drive to the sun.

The main reason we avoided the tunnel this year is due to the increased liklihood for delays rather than the more unlikely possibility of trouble with unrest etc.

You could maybe do the tunnel on the way out - you just drive straight off onto the motorway - and ferry back?

I think your husband has a point. You are clearly anxious and that is difficult but you need to overcome this - either by taking something like Xanax before a flight or going on a fear of flying course.

Or you need to take the eurotunnel, trouble is rare.

I can say this because I went through a stage where I was petrified of flying but I tried to over come this and eventually managed. Its not easy but it really is a case of 'feel the fear and do it anyway'.