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Original poster

6yr old going to teachers house for private lessons ?

30 replies

Hellobell · 20/06/2025 10:37

hi,

so our 6yr old will be going to private 1-1 lessons just once a week, she said its done at her house, but now im feeling uncomfortable as hes only 6 and i don't really know her, she's a teacher at his school for a different grade, i would feel more comfortable if it was at my house, or shall i ask to join him for the 40 mins maybe wait outside the room idk ?

I very kindly don't need feedback on if he should have private lessons, that's something which me and his father has decided :)

OP posts:
ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 20/06/2025 10:40

I’d stay, but take a book or something and place yourself out of the way in the same room.
i used to do this with my daughter when she piano lessons at the same age.
see how you feel after a few lessons and then leave if you’re both comfortable.

Original poster
Hellobell · 20/06/2025 10:45

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 20/06/2025 10:40

I’d stay, but take a book or something and place yourself out of the way in the same room.
i used to do this with my daughter when she piano lessons at the same age.
see how you feel after a few lessons and then leave if you’re both comfortable.

Thanks would you ask her if you can stay ? i wouldn't sound to strange or intruding ? And yes, i was thinking i would sit outside the room and love the book idea for myself :)

OP posts:
utterlyfedup2 · 21/06/2025 16:49

I'm a private tutor and am always happy for parents to stay in my office for the first session or so, or sit on my patio just outside the door if it's nice weather. As long as they don't interfere I really don't mind and at least it means they can't pick up late!

Or, find a tutor who is happy to travel to you. It may well cost you more though.

I'd worry if the tutor won't let you stay for at least the first lesson. Bear in mind though, that they might prefer you don't do it forever so maybe consider if you'll ever feel comfortable leaving your child.

Original poster
Hellobell · 23/06/2025 12:23

utterlyfedup2 · 21/06/2025 16:49

I'm a private tutor and am always happy for parents to stay in my office for the first session or so, or sit on my patio just outside the door if it's nice weather. As long as they don't interfere I really don't mind and at least it means they can't pick up late!

Or, find a tutor who is happy to travel to you. It may well cost you more though.

I'd worry if the tutor won't let you stay for at least the first lesson. Bear in mind though, that they might prefer you don't do it forever so maybe consider if you'll ever feel comfortable leaving your child.

ok i just asked her and she said its better we start it on a 1-1 basis and me not being there, ahhh i feel so confused now, shes a teacher at his old school, he never had her as a teacher there but did see her around, im just worried now of being like no sorry i dont want to do them as i dont want to have wasted her time. :(

OP posts:
pjani · 23/06/2025 12:37

But it's a service you wanted (one in which you can sit in the first session) and it is a service she isn't providing.

I think it's completely fine to explain that you did want to be able to sit in for the first session, so you'll continue your search, and wish her well.

I'm not a tutor to understand her problem with this - maybe she doesn't want to work with parents who she feels are overly involved? - but to me it sounds a little insecure, like if you watch her tutoring you'll think she's not very good. Which is on her. I don't think sitting in for the first session is unreasonable.

MumChp · 23/06/2025 12:38

Dc3 has music lessons at the teacher's house.
I (or my husband) sit in a corner of the room and never interfere the lesson. It's 45 min. Can't go far.

Persephonegoddess · 23/06/2025 12:45

Not letting you stay for the first one means I would pull out, I’m afraid

IAmNeverThePerson · 23/06/2025 12:49

I tutor. If a parent wants to be there , it’s not a problem. If I find the parent a problem then I deal with it then.

Ty48 · 23/06/2025 12:57

I stayed for the first ten minutes of my DS initial session to make sure we were happy with everything (That was suggested by the tutor herself)

Ddakji · 23/06/2025 12:59

Personally I would want the tutor to come to me. That’s what we had when DD had a tutor in primary. Though I know this tutor has moved completely online now.

Original poster
Hellobell · 23/06/2025 13:06

i could offer her to come to mine (obviously i would increase the price) she lives just 5 mins away from me so its not to far.

I did originally ask this when we spoke at first, i asked if it was at her house or mine and she said at hers, she then said lets speak closer to the date and now we are back to speaking, in fact a saw her recently and we spoke face to face, she seems lovely but hes my son and i can never trust anyone 100% with him, i did tell her if i could attend just the first couple of sessions and i wouldn't interfere and would be happy to wait outside the room, but she didnt accept it.

now im in a pickle as to what to do, im not sure if i should just cut it, go ahead with it and make the lessons shorter like 30mins currently she said an hour or offer her to come to mine.

my daughter will be going to the same school as her in September, so i just don't want to be on bad terms with her :(

its partly my fault as on the initial email i should have asked if i could sit in.

OP posts:
utterlyfedup2 · 23/06/2025 13:14

Hellobell · 23/06/2025 13:06

i could offer her to come to mine (obviously i would increase the price) she lives just 5 mins away from me so its not to far.

I did originally ask this when we spoke at first, i asked if it was at her house or mine and she said at hers, she then said lets speak closer to the date and now we are back to speaking, in fact a saw her recently and we spoke face to face, she seems lovely but hes my son and i can never trust anyone 100% with him, i did tell her if i could attend just the first couple of sessions and i wouldn't interfere and would be happy to wait outside the room, but she didnt accept it.

now im in a pickle as to what to do, im not sure if i should just cut it, go ahead with it and make the lessons shorter like 30mins currently she said an hour or offer her to come to mine.

my daughter will be going to the same school as her in September, so i just don't want to be on bad terms with her :(

its partly my fault as on the initial email i should have asked if i could sit in.

Edited

Or, find a tutor who offers what you want...

Making lessons shorter isn't going to help if you don't want to leave him alone with another adult.

You've already asked if it could be at your house and she said it's at hers. Don't ask her again - it's pestering.

If she's a teacher at his school then you know she'll have all the qualifications and safety checks done for that job. She isn't a stranger. But if you're not comfortable with that, you'll have to look elsewhere. Maybe a tuition centre or a group tuition session where he's not alone with an adult that's not you.

And it's not partly your fault btw. She isn't a mind reader. This seems pretty important to you, so yes, you needed to ask it upfront.

Ddakji · 23/06/2025 14:09

Just say you’d like it at yours. I wouldn’t offer to up the price unless she mentions it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/06/2025 14:12

Persephonegoddess · 23/06/2025 12:45

Not letting you stay for the first one means I would pull out, I’m afraid

Me too. I stay for DD’s piano and the tutor is happy to facilitate that.

Beansandcheesearegood · 23/06/2025 14:16

I tutor.
Just say due to unforeseen circumstances it would have to be at your house. If she refuses i would move on. Not letting you stay with a 6 year old would raise alarms with me- sounds like shes insecure. How long has she been tutoring and teaching ?

minnienono · 23/06/2025 14:16

Tutors work in different ways but most do teach in their home and most don’t want parents in the room because parents interfere, comment etc. it’s normal to sit on a seat in the corridor outside or in your car. Mine had private music tuition but not that young (was in school until 8)

Original poster
Hellobell · 23/06/2025 14:36

thanks for all your feedback, im seeing that most of you agree with myself and think that i should be present atleast for the first couple of lessons, still trying to think how to handle it respectful way.

OP posts:
rhrni · 23/06/2025 15:40

It’s strange she won’t let you stay for the first few lessons. Even if she didn’t want you in the room, she could easily offer you a seat in a different room.

WalkingLong · 23/06/2025 15:43

I would want to stay at that age it’s very young. I still go in with my teenager as she struggles with anxiety I stay 5mins they start playing as it’s music then I leave. Surely a good tutor would want a settled child. Trust your instincts

Original poster
Hellobell · 23/06/2025 15:51

WalkingLong · 23/06/2025 15:43

I would want to stay at that age it’s very young. I still go in with my teenager as she struggles with anxiety I stay 5mins they start playing as it’s music then I leave. Surely a good tutor would want a settled child. Trust your instincts

yes i toldher he has anxiety and thats why i want to be there, i understand she probable wants her home private but i dont think i can reason with it, i feel bad telling her to leave it now as i was recommended by his current English teacher and she was so happy i was sending him throughout the summer :(

OP posts:
Ddakji · 23/06/2025 15:55

Hellobell · 23/06/2025 14:36

thanks for all your feedback, im seeing that most of you agree with myself and think that i should be present atleast for the first couple of lessons, still trying to think how to handle it respectful way.

Just tell her. You’re the client.

utterlyfedup2 · 23/06/2025 18:16

So does he actually have anxiety? Because you've not mentioned that here before. If you want to treat her respectfully, then be truthful.

Hi X,
I really would feel more comfortable if I were able to be closer for at least the first couple of lessons. He's very young for me to leave him. I understand if this won't be possible and we'll look elsewhere.
Best wishes, ...

I regularly get told children have anxiety when it clearly isn't true. It gets used as a reason for parents to stay or for why online 'won't work' for their child. I am very very wary of parents who only decide to reveal information about anxiety when it becomes clear I am not giving them everything they ask for.

You aren't wrong in asking to sit in but don't try to manipulate her. If she doesn't offer that, then that's her choice and you need to find someone who actually suits you. As a self employed tutor, she doesn't have to just do what you tell her!

AaBb1122 · 23/06/2025 19:02

I tutor and don’t let parents in the room, but have a space in the next room they can wait in. Children often behave differently (worse) if their parents are around. It is better if the child see’s it more like an extension of school than an extension of home of that makes sense.

kissmyfatass · 23/06/2025 19:27

Your 6 year old has an English teacher?

MumChp · 24/06/2025 09:03

kissmyfatass · 23/06/2025 19:27

Your 6 year old has an English teacher?

English is my second language not my mothertongue so we considered it a good choice for our (trilingual) children to have a tutor to support their English schoolwork. It's not unheard of I think. But you can't win. If you have a tutor you are doing too much. If you don't you care too little.

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