Why does early potty training seem so much harder

[Narybird]

With my older children I potty trained them all with a few days between the age of 2.5-3 years of age. Started trying at 2.5 but if it didn’t seem to be clicking within a day or 2 I just waited another couple or months to try again. Now having read lots of new ideas about how it’s better to start potty training earlier and should no longer wait for signs of readiness I’ve decided to start training our 2 year 3 month toddler. However nearly a week in and doesn’t seem to be clicking at all and constant accidents and lots of big clean up operations!! Everything I’ve read said this new method is evidence based etc and I really want it to work, just looking for some encouragement/tips before completely give up on it!!

Yeah, I don't think it works - anecdotally. I work with 2-4 year olds and if they're constantly having accidents, we wait for them to be a bit more ready eg. Using pull ups, start going to the toilet regularly and feeling comfortable using the toilet then try again. I wouldn't go back to 100% nappies but try using the toilet fairly frequently even wearing a pull up.

I think it depends on the child. I trained DD1 at 2 years 8 months and it was a nightmare. Really bloody stressful. DD2 showed signs at 20 months and was completely dry in 2 days.

For me I found the earlier the longer it takes, but I persevere as then finally out of nappies. More susceptible to bribery and less chance of refusal when smaller, too
Things that help are drinking lots of juice and offering potty often, blowing bubbles on the toilet, being bare bottomed etc

DC1 took 4 days at 2y4m, and finally dry overnight at 5y.

DC2 took 12 month until reliably dry in the day, by age 3.5y. They were already dry at night at 22m well before day time potty trained!

Both DC are the same sex.

They're all just ready when they're ready I think. Do whatever is in the best interest of your child, e.g. stop if it is too distressing for them.

Good luck and wishing you dry floors.

The reason they say to train early is it is better for those kids who struggle. The kids who get it in a few days when they are older, take longer to potty training when you do it younger.

But if you do it when older, the kids who struggle to get it when older or hold in, are way harder to potty training than if you do it younger. These are the kids starting school not potty trained even if they have parents who really have tried.

And because we cant tell which kids will struggle with potty training, the advice is to start them all younger.

The older potty training method basically relied on you having a child who got it easily,

Just to add, a major issue some parents find who leave it until the child is older, is refusal or holding it in. Although it can happen at any age, it is way more frequent at an older age. You certainly want them used to sitting on a potty at a very young age.

Potty training used to start at about 1 year, in the days when washing terry nappies was an unpleasant chore!
It worked, and children did not start school in nappies.

Depends so much on the child, environment, parents, methods etc. DC1 basically trained themself within a few days at 2yrs 2 months, I hardly had to do anything. DC3 we trained at 22 months and 6+ weeks on they still have multiple accidents each week. However I'm happy to live with that as I'd rather change a few sets of slightly wet clothes than soiled nappies every day and I'm sure they will get more reliable as they age.

I introduced both of mine to the potty when they were about 6 months old, sitting them in it wearing a nappy. Then, when a bit older, they got put on it first thing in the morning, and before their bath. If I could see them starting to have a poo, I took off their nappy and sat them on it.
Both were dry around the age of 2, the potty wasn't some strange item they weren't used to, so they weren't afraid of it.

I started when mine were two and a quarter and they got the hang of it during the day with the very odd accident by two and half. One did the night at the same time, one other was nearly four and my youngest just turned six before he was dry at night.

I think this is the problem I’m coming up against, I potty trained 5 children within a few days each with no problems between 2.5-3 years following the readiness for potty training method. The ones who seemed to try earlier then this seemed to go through months of hassle to achieve the same
end goal. However I wanted to give this new advice and ‘evidence’ a go as the arguments of ’readiness being a myth’ etc sounded very convincing. However I am starting to wonder whether it has been promoted as a method as it will achieve the most success eventually with most children despite the huge extra hassle for parents and children who would of trained much more efficiently just waiting. I’ll give it a few more days but if no progress will
try again in a few months

Thank you, yes I think if I do wait a bit longer will try swapping from pants to training pants in the mean time and continue to have the potties available/encourage use

starting early to me is between 13-18 months (mind you elimination communication is from birth),
after 2 is still "late" and the closer to 3 the more stubborn the child.

Terry nappies were so uncomfortabe that most children were glad to be out of them as soon as possible! I honestly think that a lot of the push to wait until the child is much older comes from Pampers etc, the nappy aisles seem to have products for old and older children!

They say children are ready when they’re ready (which I think is partly true). But that doesn’t explain why the average potty training age has gone up significantly every decade as the disposable nappies have become better.

I wouldn’t count 2 years 3 months as early training either really, but it’s probably a good age to start.

My 1st was a nightmare and he wasn’t trained until age 3.5 - 4. I stated him around 2.8 years because he never showed any signs of readiness...and actually never did. I was so worried he’d end up going to school wearing nappies.

I’m going to try a different method this time with my youngest and listen to the new advice of staring younger/introducing it slowly. I’ve made sure to introduce the language and she now says when she’s done a poo and I’ve done the whole “mummy’s having a wee on the toilet” to introduce the concept. The HV said to keep pants on while training so she feels the wet against her skin. In fairness, I’ve had much more specific advice this time around (had nothing with my 1st despite struggling). She’s 16 months and the aim is to start properly around 18 months.

Good luck op. I’m scarred from my 1st so I’m hoping this will go better for us.

I recall laughter in the bank at the antics of my then toddler as she wriggled free of her terry nappy and rubber pants with a huge grin on her face. I must admit it was very funny. I must remember to tell her about it. She is considerably older now and will appreciate how funny it was.

I don't think it works because they have to know they need to go and to have some recognition and control of it. My DS was very nearly three when it twigged for him.

He was at kindergarten and he would trot into the bathroom with the others each time but it wasn't training really as he still wore a nappy. But when it finally clicked for him that he needed the loo and the sensation of wetting his nappy that he didn't like that was it. He was dry and clean day and night.

I trained my DC fairly young and I agree it probably takes longer at a younger age (depending on the child). However, you do have the benefit of fewer months of changing nappies. I hate changing nappies! So for me that was worth the extra days of potty training.

A week of constant accidents and big clean-ups sounds exhausting, especially after your older ones clicked in just a few days. I would not take a slow start at two years three months as proof the new approach is wrong, just that this child is on a different timeline.

With our three-year-old, what has helped most in other tricky phases is keeping the pressure low: the same potty in the same spot, a quick sit after meals and before bath, lots of praise for trying, and a very matter-of-fact change when there is an accident. If every day is turning into a battle, I think your instinct to give it a few more days and then pause for a few months if there is still no progress is a kind one, not giving up. A short break can let them come back to it with a bit more awareness and less frustration for everyone.

We tried our older children at a similar age but when it was exactly the same with them we just waited a few more months and then it seemed to start to click on the first day and we were done within about 3. The only thing that’s made me persevere this time is all the things I have read from professionals advocating early potty training but think we’ve decided now we’re going to just go back to the tried and tested way we did it for our older children and just try again in 3-4 months but like you did still have the potty there and encourage use before bath or if DD mentions it etc

Try early and if doesn’t click then stop and try again a little later. Keep doing that and you will get there. You have to introduce them to the concept of the potty or toilet or they wont have a clue so the younger the better but don’t expect them to get it straightaway. However they might in which case that’s great.

I was thinking about this. We trained our twins at 2 and 6 months. DD took forever to be really aware of needing the toilet and having control, daily had one or more accidents until she was 5 or so (definitely a bit into Reception). Poor school nursery. I used to put her on the toilet when we arrived and pick her up at 11.45 but she would still manage an accident in that time nearly every day!

It depends on the child surely? My son seemed ready and was dry in the day within a few days and at night within a week or so. He was definitely under three. My DD I thought was ready younger but she started witholding so put it off for a bit but she was dry too at about two and a half. Of course a few accidents as when they need to go they need to go RIGHT NOW but I don’t remember it being a long drawn out thing at all.
I have heard having a man show a boy what to do is helpful.

TBH I think when you've had a successful experience before, I would repeat the same thing again. So in this instance I would give it a reasonable go for 3-4 days then if no luck, stop and try again in a few months.

I had 13 years between eldest and youngest DC so a fair few bits of advice changed in that time period. I took some of the newer advice but some things I just did the same as I had with the older DC, because it worked fine then, and advice is only ever really about population-based results, it is unlikely to result in different outcomes for any one specific child.

I found it relatively easy at 20 months (girl) and 27 months (boy). I think that the key was having a soft launch beforehand where you do a lot of narration when you go to the toilet, speak to them when they are clearly doing a wee or poo in their nappy and put them on the potty when you go to the loo from time to time. Mine were around other potty trained kids and were happy to learn. Then the first bit of potty training has to be done intensively where you watch them and give them lots of individual attention and you’re not just cleaning up. In my view