Buckle up, it’s going to be a long one
I know there are a couple of threads going about Christmas/families and this is another.
I’m also aware that this could be outing, but I’m so hurt, I’m beyond caring.
I’ll start by saying I have an older sister, quite a bit older (same parents, I was the accident child!), and she’s always had some mental health issues on and off. Some suicide attempts but a very long time ago and had generally been fine for over.a decade, but I think because of these issues my parents have always treaded softly with her, cooked her meals, visit her home often. I’m the more dependable one, so rarely get the above! I can also drive, my sister can’t, so I’m expected to be the taxi whenever anyone needs to go anywhere. Literally my mother will ring me, no “how are you”, just “I need you to take your father out”, or “I need you to come over and do something for me”. Somehow I’ve fallen into the role of the one who does everything!
So, Christmas. I would prefer just me, husband and kids, I love that type of Christmas. My family have pressured me to host them all in the past (sister has children, one of them has children) but I simply don’t have room in our home now, and I’m not adding tables to my lounge so everyone can eat, which is what they expect. My mother approached my sister about going out, sister had a strop, didn’t any to go out for Christmas dinner (ideally someone would cook for her, she could sit and sleep all afternoon then), but my parents in their 80s, they’ve done their hosting!
So, I asked my parents for Christmas dinner, thinking they shouldn’t host in their 80s. I hoped they would say no, but my mother accepted. Not ideal as she moans about my father, or moans in general, but I’ll drink through it, it’s for a few hours!
So, I had a feeling once my sister knew I’d asked my parents over, she’d have a strop as for some reason we “all should be together” (she wouldn’t ever volunteer to host though, even though she has room), and I was naughty I admit, and read my mothers and sisters messages to each other because I just knew that my sister was being quiet with me about it. Again, I know it’s bad.
Basically my sister said she’s staying home with one of her daughters, and my mother said “oh we’ve accepted to go over xxxx now, but don’t know if I’ll bother. You know what she’s like”. Followed by “she’ll probably moan when I go out for a cigarette”. “They’ve said they’re looking forward to it, so I can’t back out now”. Honestly, like I’ve begged them to come. It’s like she has to suck up to my sister and call me rotten to make out she’s on my sisters side or something. It’s so toxic and horrible. Literally anything that needs doing it’s “can you do this for us” “can you come over”. She never ever ever asks how I am, what I’m doing, and now she’s making out she’s coming for Christmas because she has to!! I’d rather them stay away.
Im angry and upset. How do I deal with this?
How do I deal with, and just suck up the next time I get “I need you to come over an do something for me” without shouting F*CK OFF, which is what I want to do now.
Thanks if you read it all