My sister doesn't seem to want to maintain a relationship with me, or build one with my children and I'm feeling very sad about it.
For context, she is 4 years younger than me and I'm married with three kids and she is single. We both work full time (I have just returned full time after maternity leave). In the year I've been off with baby, she's maybe seen the baby four times which feels very sad given that we live in the same city and two of those times I have taken the baby over to her.
I invite her round to our house for lunch/dinner frequently and she'll say yes sometimes but back out at the last minute saying she's got to tidy her flat/is coming down with a cold/is tired. She seems to rotate the excuses every week.
I offer to visit her but the last time I went over she was really stressed and abrupt with the kids so we left early.
On her most recent visit to our house, she only came over because mum was over and she spent her whole time on her phone.
Whenever I try and text or call her to engage in conversation I usually just get one or two word texts back, or just no real effort to talk or connect. I appreciate she might be stressed but when I ask her how she is or if everything is ok she just replies with "I'm good" and doesn't invite further conversation.
I know she tells my mum stuff she doesn't tell me, which is fine, and I've spoken to mum about this but my mum reassures me and she says she loves me and the kids and that this is a phase but she's been like this for the last 10 years at least. I have softly suggested to my mum she might be depressed but my mum knocks this back.
We have very different personalities- I'm very outgoing and she is more reserved. She is also very religious whereas I am not.
As a consequence of our personalities, I probably take more initiative to suggest and arrange meet ups and try to make conversation but it's been very disheartening not having my efforts accepted or reciprocated.
I've taken a step back over summer and my sister would text me occasionally to ask how I am but that was it. Just how are you with no real follow up.
The confusing thing is that she says she loves the kids and wants a relationship with them buys them presents etc but other than that makes zero effort to engage/talk to them have fun with them. It's like she likes the idea of being an aunt but can't be bothered in real life.
I never ask her to babysit so it's not like I'm imposing, I'm just asking to spend time with her and spend time with the kids with us all together. I'm happy to host so she doesn't have to lift a finger.
I've even asked her to go out just us no kids and I pay for meals out but I've stopped now as she makes excuses or the one time we went out she's never reciprocated back. I've offered to take her on holiday with us when we go with our parents and pay for her place and she's said no because a family holiday is too boring for her. That hurt a bit because she never really goes out or uses her annual to go on any other trips.
I think she's like this with most of her other relationships unless it's a potential love interest - she often tells me she flakes out of events and doesn't have a real friendship group outside of family so I wonder if this is just the way she is. She will cancel any and all plans if she's got a date or plans with a bf and I don't begrudge this as I know she wants to find a partner but it still hurts.
I'm just so upset as I would love to have a relationship with her where we can have fun together but it's just so tiring and upsetting when it's not reciprocated.
She's an extremely sensitive person so I can't say any of this to her as if I did I think she'd never speak to me again and I don't want that. I'm just sad and don't know how to fix it.