Considering a GP appointment after lifelong struggles with friendships and overwhelm

[HulkHogansHair]

So ever since I remember I've been 'odd' I have booked a Gp appointment. These are my symptoms ...
As a child talked to myself, lived in a fantasy land. I was popular in primary but struggled with being highly strung and I used to tell lies and create situations. I couldn't let anything go either.
As I got older I struggled to keep friends. They'd be intense for a year or so then avoid me basically. I was friends with some girls and I was the joke basically. Ive struggled in jobs feeling overwhelmed then cried at times. How embarrassing. I didnt function well in relationships. Id choose people with issues that I thought id fix and they'd be so grateful to me. Bloody odd
Any ideas ?

Hi OP

Please dont take to heart the above advice.

I went to my gp about issues like the ones listed and was placed on a referral for an autism diagnosis.

Yes I got it at 40 and despite the above poster saying "why bother, you won't get anything from it" I got a lot from it in the sense thag it helped me make sense of my life. I live independently I dont get any support for being autisitc but the knowledge has added some extra stones into a very wobbly foundation.

I also work with a therapist.

But the knowledge that there was a reason both with them saying it and then with reading my diagnsotic report was a primary reason in me being who I am now and not the burnt out struggling adult who thought she was jusy a failure.

Two sessions of therapy won’t be helpful in the slightest. It’s something that needs a bit of commitment. You can self refer via NHS probably CBT but a good starting point.

from there you can see where you are at. Doesn’t sound particularly ND to me (any flavour) but who knows. Any ND condition is complex neurodevelopment thing. Not every social issue = autism.

even if it does it’s not a silver bullet.

therapy is where you need to go to increase your self awareness.

I didnt have 2 sessions i had 2 blocks of 6 weeks

I exercise 4 times a week and walk 8000 steps a day

No one here is going to give you a diagnosis that you are looking for.

even 2 blocks of six weeks will do very little for longer more entrenched issues.

Thanks. Im not looking for a diagnosis on the Internet.

Go for it OP. A diagnosis can bring validation and a sense that you didn’t do anything wrong. It can also show you techniques in how to cope.
Firstly though, you need to read more about different ND conditions to see if you match any.

I’m autistic, and you may be as well. You may get a sense of reassurance from knowing, but it can’t be fixed or cured so nothing is going to change as a result of having a diagnosis. I was diagnosed as an adult, and for me having the diagnosis confirmed was helpful because my DS has SEND and I thought one day he might find it comforting to know that mummy is the same as him, but it hasn’t made me any less autistic for having the diagnosis.

But you know who you are. I can give you a piece of paper that says you have hobgoblin disorder and you can say that explains everything! But you will still be you. I don’t think it’ll change anything. And anyway you sound pretty normal to me. I only have 1 or 2 friends and I still live in a fantasy world.

Yes go to your GP and ask for support with a diagnosis

I would echoe what has been said before, you need longterm therapy. Try psychoanalysis (google psychoanalytic training schools to get low fee analysis) or at least psychodynamic psychotherapy.

Why is it that you struggle to maintain friendships? What do you do that puts people off?

People are so rude giving you advice about getting out in the fresh air. It’s so patronising and they have no idea what your life is already like.

Yes, of course you can see the GP for a referral if you want to be assessed for autism - it won’t change who you are but it can be really helpful to understand yourself better and there are also specialist therapists that work with people who are autistic and they can tell their therapy accordingly.

It's strange that on threads about children, the possibility of being ND gets mentioned frequently for every (even minor) behavioural challenge. But for some reason, because you're an adult, most people here are dismissing it. I think it's not a bad idea to talk to a doctor and say you are concerned that your ongoing, lifelong social and relationship challenges may be due to an undiagnosed kind of neurodiversity. A good friend of mine (40s) has just received a diagnosis and relevant treatment that has changed her life after decades of social and mental health struggles, although I know this isn't necessarily true for everyone. It can't hurt to ask. Good luck OP!

I am not in anyway trying to be inflammatory, I was interested, after reading this post, to read your earlier posts. Did you suffer emotional trauma from your mother as a child causing you difficulty in maintaining relationships? Is it possible you have borderline personality disorder as a result of this? Making an appointment with your GP is a start in seeking support in understanding your behaviours.

I don't see how not being able to maintain friendships is a symptom of anything tbh. We're all different and yes, in an ideal world, we'd all have loads of great friends but life's not like that for many people. Perhaps you actually want an ND diagnosis for some reason? Perhaps you just want long-term therapy on the NHS to get to talk about why you think you're 'different'? You're not on your own so you must be doing something right.

Women often get to midlife and the wheels fall off if they have undiagnosed/unsuspected autism, as with if you thought you had some hearing loss you would speak to a GP, these other posters just seem to be saying have you not tried harder to hear, maybe you should learn to listen better, maybe it's your childhood/fault.

If it has got to a point you want to speak to a medical professional about a possible neurodevelopmental disorder which effects your life day to day, enough that you are seeking help. Then call and speak to them.

Hearing isn’t the same thing, and OPs question was ‘any ideas?’ So people are giving opinions and suggestions because OP asked for them.

Hi OP, I’m sorry that you are struggling. If in doubt, just try the GP first, if it’s not one for them, they can signpost you. I was advised that the GP was the first step for me when I started looking into an ND diagnosis. That may not be what you have of course, but there’s no harm in checking it out.
Hugs and take care xx

I agree that simply having few friends, or struggling to maintain friendships, isn't in itself a symptom of autism. That would be far too simplistic, and it's not how autism is diagnosed.
For me, as someone diagnosed later in life, the important distinction is that the diagnostic criteria aren't about the number of friends you have. They're about a persistent pattern of differences in social communication and social interaction across contexts — including things like social-emotional reciprocity, interpreting and using non-verbal communication, and developing, maintaining and understanding relationships.
So the relationship part isn't simply “you don't have many friends.” It can include things like finding it difficult to know how to adjust your behaviour across different social situations, understanding the unwritten rules of relationships, making or maintaining friendships, or knowing how to navigate the back-and-forth of relationships.
And that's only one part of the assessment. For an autism diagnosis, there also have to be persistent restricted or repetitive patterns of behaviour, interests or activities, with at least two of the specified characteristics, alongside evidence that these differences were present in the developmental period and have a clinically significant impact.
That's particularly important for people like me who were diagnosed later, because I spent years assuming that the difficulties I had with people, relationships, sensory experiences, change, communication and so on were just personal failings, personality, anxiety or me being “too emotional”. Looking back, the assessment wasn't about finding one thing I couldn't do, like maintain friendships. It was about recognising a much broader pattern that had been there throughout my life.
So yes, I'd agree that saying “not being able to maintain friendships is a symptom of autism” on its own is an oversimplification. But difficulties with developing, maintaining and understanding relationships can be relevant evidence within an autism assessment. The important thing is the wider, persistent pattern and the context around it.

As a child did you get much love and attention? I had similar issues to you and worked through them over years with a therapist. There's no quick fix with things like this.
Lies as children are often for attention. What were the fantasies? I'd spend hours of each day daydreaming about being unwell. Sounds weird but being unwell was when my parents gave me attention and i felt loved and cared about.

Childhood plays such a big part in how we are as adults. Well worth exploring and doing the work. Expensive though as NHS therapy wont cover the amount of time it needs.

As you’re already on anti-depressants and have been for so long, you could see GP about reviewing/adjusting the dose and raise the ND diagnosis pathway from that. It sounds like the human lot for the most part and not necessarily something to pathologise, and I’d echo the others saying better to explore things like this yourself with private therapy/diagnosis if it’s just about understanding yourself better rather than medical need. £50 a sesh isn’t bad to get someone to engage on this kind of thing and it’s an ongoing investment not usually a fix as it’s who you are and may always need some navigating. But if you’re ok to sit on a waiting list a long time you could try GP and see.

I was waiting for my GP appt last week and the screen in the waiting room had a message about social anxiety, encouraging sufferers to see their HCP for support. So I’d say yes, do consult someone. Might not be a GP though.

I think you might as well do it as you have nothing to lose but I think many people seem to think you’re ND or NT and that’s it.

They don’t consider that it could be trauma, CPTSD, brain injury, attachment issues, MH etc

There are also many co-occurring issues and so you may never get an official diagnosis of anything.

Thank goodness for this post. OP yes of course you can have a conversation with your GP who can hopefully either refer or signpost to appropriate options. That your difficulties have existed since childhood means that assessment for autism or ADHD may be a consideration, but a equally a GP would want to also look at things like anxiety, depression and trauma to help decide the right route with you.