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Original poster

Would you find this a red flag in a new partner?

55 replies

Cryinglightning45 · 31/08/2026 06:39

Agreed to a day trip to see some of his friends who live a couple of hours away, then he was supposed to stay at mine that night.
Very early start, the plan for the day sounded vague but I said it'd be nice to meet his friends.
I just mentioned to him "You don't think we'll be back super late in the evening do you? Just as I've got work early the next morning (start at 06:30) and might just need to get a couple of bits ready.

He looked a bit annoyed when I said that, and said 'stop worrying, I don't think we will but I don't know what the plan is' and sort of rolled his eyes.
I replied 'no worries, I'm just asking'.
I'm not trying to be a killjoy or say we must leave incredibly early, but I don't think it's a big deal for an adult to want to have a vague idea of timings especially working the next day. I didn't appreciate his response.

OP posts:
Darker · 31/08/2026 07:37

Are you relying on him for transport home?

The right response from him would have been to ask when you want to be back and commit to making that happen.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 31/08/2026 07:37

If he’s a type B personality and you’re a type A cut him loose now because he will drive you insane. If this is like a one off thing then I’d let it slide but trust me I’ve tried to date someone who’s a type B and it drove me a mad and brought out a side to me that is genuinely not nice to be around.

Lotsofsnacks · 31/08/2026 07:38

That’s very rude of him OP; it was a disrespectful response even if you’d been in a long term
relationship, never mind a new one, when a partner is usually on their best behaviour, trying to create a good impression! I’m sorry but if he rolled his eyes at me, when I’d asked a perfectly acceptable question, that’d be it.

A full day of meeting his friends seems quite full on this early too, especially as they aren’t local, and you have to travel quite a way to get there!

Also when he said stop worrying, but don’t know what the plan is; what was stopping him contacting the friends, explaining you need to be back, and checking timings for the day?

JLou08 · 31/08/2026 07:46

It's not a red flag.
Just say what time you want to be home instead. Asking we're not going to be late are we puts it on him to figure out what time is too late and manage the day to meet your unclear expectations. It could also be interpreted as you not really wanting to go.

PurplebudsWhitebuds · 31/08/2026 07:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Just because that happens in your relationship doesn't mean to say that is what happened in this situation and it certainly doesn't justify you basically calling OP a liar.

dairydebris · 31/08/2026 07:56

Its going to be an all day into night bender.

Make sure you can get yourself home.

He sounds like a twat.

PollyBell · 31/08/2026 08:15

I would have just left them to it was reversed I wouldn't have wanted to feel rushed so in your postilion i wouldn't have gone

Greenseacat · 31/08/2026 08:16

He sounds like another man child who can't organise anything and gets offended when asked a simple question.

Your time is precious, don't waste anymore of it with him.

thetinsoldier · 31/08/2026 08:21

Why are you meeting his mates so early? Intrigued.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 31/08/2026 08:27

I think your question wasn’t worded brilliantly - I would have just said “I need to be home before X as I’ve got work at half six tomorrow” - if he couldn’t commit to that then I wouldn’t go.

Ace56 · 31/08/2026 08:37

All sounds a bit odd. Why are you leaving at 6.30am to meet them? I’d have said no at that point - no way am I getting up that early on a bank holiday for no reason. What are you going to do at 8.30am, meet them for breakfast? Sit at one of their houses? Strange time for a group of adults to meet up. I’d have just suggested to your boyfriend that you meet them for lunch somewhere halfway. If he wants to hang out with them the rest of the day, he can, and you go home!

borntobequiet · 31/08/2026 08:40

He rolled his eyes at you?

Bin.

Parcelpass · 31/08/2026 08:44

calbum · 31/08/2026 07:10

If I was working early I would have just said to him I would give it a miss this time tbh

Yeah I think this is the main issue. Sounds like an awful long day.

MsPrufrockk · 31/08/2026 10:30

Is there a reason you didn't reply to his 'I don't think we will' with well I NEED to be back by X because of work the next day?

Ilmiocompleanno · 31/08/2026 10:46

I think the fact that your partner is getting impatient with you over minor stuff very early on in the relationship doesn't bode well.

Lurkingandlearning · 31/08/2026 11:22

I agree with PPs. I think you might be surprised how much smoother your life will go if you can get into the habit of politely stating your needs / wants. As the first poster suggested, saying you needed to be back by x time would have avoided your uncertainty and his flakiness. And say these sort of things at the outset. 'I'd love to go and meet your friends but I need to be home by x on Sunday." I've never known anyone to be irritated by that sort of thing because it's sensible and fair. If they did get irritated it would suggest that they expected me to completely fit in around them regardless of any inconvenience to me. That is a red flag, arrogant and rude.

Loulou4022 · 31/08/2026 11:28

Everything is supposed to be roses and unicorn farts in a new relationship if you’re asking questions like this about his behaviour already it’s not going to get any better!!

Branleuse · 31/08/2026 11:38

I wouldn't go.
It's not so much that it's a big red flag, but I'd def say amber warning.
I think it's an opportunity to establish your own boundaries and what you expect communication wise.
You asked a normal question, and he got irritated.
I think you're right that his plans are vague. Does he not have to get up for work too?

I think I would tell him that on reflection, that if he's not even sure whether you'd be back late or not then it sounds like a potentially long day and you've got an early start. That you sensed irritation when you just asked about timings, and you aren't really that thrilled about feeling like an annoyance before you've even got there.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 31/08/2026 12:10

He sounds like one of those guys that finds perfectly normal consideration for his partner something that restricts and annoys him. You have work in the morning - you need a firm idea of when you’ll be back. That’s being responsible and an adult.

He’s potentially that sort of infuriating partner that goes out ‘for a few drinks’ and disappears until the early hours without explanation, then gets angry with others that he can’t be spontaneous like a single man with no commitments. They usually act like this even if children are in the equation.

JudithsCheeses · 31/08/2026 12:14

Tbh if you need to be up early ad he's staying over... it sounds like you're veing used as a more convenient sleepover point for his preferred plan to just see his mates.

JudithsCheeses · 31/08/2026 12:16

If you want to keep seeing him, I'd suggest saying you need to be up early and don't want the worry of being a buzz killer so he should just see them and you'll see him another time. Don't be used as a convenient crash pad.

calbum · 31/08/2026 12:21

MsPrufrockk · 31/08/2026 10:30

Is there a reason you didn't reply to his 'I don't think we will' with well I NEED to be back by X because of work the next day?

OP needs to be back, he doesn’t. He doesn’t need to change his plans here, OP does or she goes with him another time. As I said above, if I had work early the next day I would have declined the invite. It’s not vital for OP to go.

mindutopia · 31/08/2026 12:26

You simply need to be more direct. “I need to be home by 8pm tonight to get sorted for work tomorrow. We’ll need to leave by 6. Is that okay?” If he says no, then you just say you’re happy to sit this one out and will meet his friends another time.

It sounds to me like he’s intending to stay late, possibly have some drinks, expect you be the one to drive, and throw a fuss if you want to leave on time, but once you’re there you’re kinda trapped.

Justchillinhere · 31/08/2026 12:35

You don't want a vague idea, you want a definite one, as it's so early on in the relationship do you think it's worth the angst, I'd be off! you shouldn't put up with being uncomfortable or worried to phrase things correctly to avoid rolling eyes or moodiness

BillieWiper · 31/08/2026 12:38

You should've responded rolling your own eyes and saying 'you do realise I've got work at 6.30am, right?' As he's the weird one for not knowing the plan and thinking you'd be fine with staying out late the night before work.